Chapter 60

~~ MICHAEL ~~

On the way to the hotel, I prayed for the first time in a long time, that Lily would accept my apology and explanation.  I was the world’s biggest idiot for acting the way I had.  Yes, I’d been burned in the past, but I knew Lily and I knew she wouldn’t do anything like I’d first imagined.

When she’d blurted out that she was pregnant, it had been such a shock, I couldn’t even think straight.  I’d reacted thinking the worst possible thing and then it took Lucien asking questions last night for my head to get screwed on right.

I had the engagement ring in my pocket and was prepared to beg if I had to.  All I knew was that losing her wasn’t an option.

Lucien kept looking at me through the corner of his eye. It started to give me a complex.  I knew I didn’t look my best.  Unable to sleep last night, I’d sat in the ‘cave’ with the television on, watching what, I couldn’t tell you, and thought about Lily.  I’d thought back over the past twenty-five days and how fulfilled my life had been.

“Michael, I think you should have shaved before leaving this morning,” Lucien stated.

“All I want to do is be with Lily.  If I’d shaved it would have taken even longer to leave…. I need to see her.  Hold her.  Tell her what a bloody idiot I am and hope to god she forgives me, because I really don’t know what I’ll do if she refuses.  Shit, you don’t think she’ll refuse to listen to me, accept my apology, do you?”

Lucien parked the car then turned to look at me.  “I don’t think she’ll give up on you, but if she plays tough after what you said to her, then all I can say is that you deserve it.  Come on, let’s go.”

We both climbed out of the car and made our way into the hotel.  We got a few stares in the lobby, but I didn’t care.  Lucien shoved me into the elevator and that’s when I caught sight of myself.

“Fuck.”  I ran my hands through my hair and tried to straighten it a bit.  There was no hope for my shirt, which was very badly wrinkled.  The jeans weren’t too bad.  You could always rely on denim.

Outside the room I was terrified.  Whatever I said inside that room would make or break my relationship with Lily, if I hadn’t already done so.

I raised my hand to knock, when Lucien used his key card to open the door.  “I told mom I’d let myself in when I got back.  She might be in the bedroom with Lily.”

He pushed the door open, but there was no Lily in the room.  Lucien pointed to a door to the left of the room.  “The bedroom’s through there.”  I stood there, not able to move.  Lucien sighed.  “Michael, mom probably knows I’m back.  Get in there and talk to Lily.”

With a shove from my brother, I walked to the bedroom door and knocked before I could turn tail.

The door opened slightly and my mom stepped out.

“She cried herself to sleep.  What’s really going on, Michael?”  She took my face between her hands and kissed my cheek before hugging me really tight.  Then she let me go and just stared at me.  “I don’t believe there’s been anyone else since she met you.  She’s too heartbroken.”

I wiped a stray tear away.  “There hasn’t been.  I know that and I should have known that when she told me about the baby.  I just heard the word pregnant and didn’t think.  I love her mom, so damn much.”  Christ, I was so close to breaking down.  Could I be anymore pathetic?

Mom opened the bedroom door for me and in I walked, stopping to watch Lily sleep on the bed.  She was beautiful, but I could see the dark circles under her eyes that I’d caused.  All I wanted to do was climb onto the bed with her and hold her so I could tell her how much I loved her, how sorry I was.

“Michael?”

“Yeah,” I croaked, “it’s me, love.”  She sat up on the bed and looked sexy as hell.  I sat on the side of the bed near her.

She moved closer to me.

“God, Lily.  I don’t know where to start.”  I caressed her face as she melted into my palm.  She turned her face and kissed my palm.  That kiss filled my heart with hope.  Perhaps all wasn’t lost.  I sure as hell hoped it wasn’t.  “Will you just listen to what I have to say before you ask anything?”

She sat back on the bed and nodded.

“Oh, boy.”  I moved closer to her and took her hands into mine, then she met my eyes.  “Before I do, I need you to know that I love you with all my heart.”  Her tears started to leak out from her eyes. I couldn’t hold mine back anymore.  “To hell with this.”

I stood up, climbed onto the bed and wrapped her in my arms.  We melted against each other while she sobbed her heart out.  I lay down on the bed and pulled her back into my arms.

“I’m so sorry, Lily.  You have no idea how sorry I am.  I was a bastard to you.  I spoke first instead of using my brain.  I need to tell you why,” I said.  She looked up to me and probably noticed my face was covered with tears.

“I know why,” she whispered.

“You do?”

“I worked it out and I can’t believe you presumed that I’d been with someone else while I’ve been with you.  That’s what I can’t get over.  Please make me understand.”

I tucked her head beneath my chin and held her tight, fighting back my own tears.

“Viv wanted to have a baby.  We tried for a while and nothing happened, so she arranged to have these tests done.   A few days later I discovered she’d been having an affair.  Not just one, but a few.  I didn’t sleep with her from then on.  When we got the results, she told me that I was the problem.  I was an idiot and believed her.  So all this time, I thought I would never be able to have a….”

I couldn’t finish.  She held me tight and lifted her face to me then kissed my tears away.

“Lily, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, but please forgive me for how I reacted before.  When you first said you were pregnant, all I could think about was that it wasn’t mine.  I was hurt, so I lashed out at you.  It took Lucien talking to me, for me to realize just how much of a bastard I was and to open my eyes to what Viv did.”

She kissed my eyes.  She kissed my nose.  She kissed my lips.  “You hurt me Michael.  I thought my heart was breaking, but I love you and knowing what you thought, explains why you reacted the way you did.  You where upset, I can understand that, but how could you think I would be with someone else, when I have you?  You’re all that I want and need.”

“Yeah, I thought that.  I guess my hang up goes deep.  My appointment yesterday wasn’t a meeting, it was at a jewelers.  I planned on asking you to marry me last night, until I screwed everything up.”

“You were?”  She was stunned.  “Do you still want to ask me?”  She smiled at me then my grin started to spread.

I climbed off the bed then knelt on one knee.  She moved to sit in front of me.  “Lily, I’m the biggest idiot going, but no one will ever love you as much as I do.  I promise to never be such a jerk again and to never stop loving you and our children.  You and our family will always come first.  Will you marry me?”

She cried. “I love you, Michael, so much.  Yes, I’ll marry you.”  She threw her arms around my neck and the momentum sent us both tumbling to the floor.