CHAPTER NINE
BY THE TIME Anna swung by the grocery store in the afternoon, she was feeling very mature, and very proud of herself. She was having a no-strings sexual relationship with her friend. And she was going to buy milk, cheese and condoms. Because she was mature and adult and completely fine with the whole situation. Also, mature.
She grabbed a cart and began to slowly walk up and down the aisles. She was not making sure that no one she knew was around. Because, of course, she wasn’t at all embarrassed to be in the store looking for milk, cheese and—incidentally—prophylactics. She was thirty. She was entitled to a little bit of sexual release. Anyway, no one was actually watching her.
She swallowed hard, trying to remember exactly which aisle the condoms were in. She had never bought any. Ever. In her entire life.
She had been extremely tempted to make a dash to the store last night when Chase had discovered he didn’t have any more protection, but she had imagined that was just a little bit too desperate. She was going to be nondesperate about this. Very chill. And not like a woman who was a near virgin. Or like someone who was so desperate to jump her best friend’s bones it might seem like there were deeper emotions at play. There were not.
The strong feelings she had were just...in her pants. Pants feelings. That’s it.
Last night’s breakdown had been purely because she was unaccustomed to sex. Just a little post-orgasmic release. That’s all it was. The whole thing was a release. Post-orgasmic tears weren’t really all that strange.
She felt bolstered by that thought.
She turned down the aisle labeled Family Planning and made her way toward the condoms. Lubricated. Extra-thin. Ribbed. There were options. She had to stand there and seriously ponder ribbed. She should have asked Chase what he had used last night. Because whatever that had been had been perfect.
“Anna.” The masculine voice coming from her left startled her.
She turned and—to her utter horror—saw her brother Mark standing there.
“Hi,” she said, taking two steps away from the condom shelf, as though that would make it less obvious why she was in the aisle. Whatever. They were adults. Neither of them were virgins and they were both aware of that.
Still, she needed some distance between herself and anything that said “ribbed for her pleasure” when she was standing there talking to her brother.
“Haven’t seen you in a couple days.”
“Well, you pissed me off last time I saw you.”
He lifted a shoulder. “Sorry.”
He probably was, too.
“Hey, whatever. I win your bet.”
His brows shot up. “I heard a rumor about you and Chase McCormack kissing at Beaches, but I was pretty sure that...” His eyes drifted toward the condoms. “Really?”
Dying of embarrassment was a serious risk at the moment, but she was caught. Completely and totally caught. And as long as she was drowning in a sea of horror...well, she might as well ride the tide.
If he needed proof her date with Chase was real, she imagined proof of sex was about the best there was.
She took a fortifying breath. “Really,” she said, crossing her arms beneath her breasts. “It’s happening. I have a date. I have more than a date. I have a whole future full of dates because I have a relationship. With Chase. You lose.”
“I’m supposed to believe that you and McCormack are suddenly—” his eyes drifted back to the condoms again “—that.”
“You don’t have to believe it. It’s true. He’s also going to be my date to the charity gala that I’m invited to. I will take my payment in small or large bills. Thank you.”
“I’m not convinced.”
“You’re not convinced?” She moved closer to the shelf and grabbed a box of condoms. “I am caught in the act.”
“Convenient,” he said, grabbing his own box.
She made a face. “It’s not convenient. It happened.”
“You’re in love with him?”
The question felt like a punch to the stomach. She did not like it. She didn’t like it at all. More than that, she had no idea what to say. No seemed...wrong. Yes seemed worse. And she wasn’t really sure either answer was true.
You can’t love Chase.
She couldn’t not love him, either. He was her friend, after all. Of course she wasn’t in love with him.
Her stomach twisted tight. No. She did not love him. She didn’t do love. At all. Especially not with him. Because he would never...
“You look like you just got slapped with a fish,” Mark said, and, to his credit, he looked somewhat concerned.
“I... Of course I love him,” she said. That was a safe answer. It was also true. She did love him. As a friend. And...she loved his body. And everything about him as a human being. Except for the fact that he was a man slut who would never settle down with any woman, much less her.
Why not you?
No. She was not thinking about this. She wasn’t thinking about any of this.
“Tell you what. If you’re still together at the gala, you get your money.”
“That isn’t fair. That isn’t what we agreed on.”
He lifted a shoulder. “I know. But I also didn’t expect you to grab your best friend and have him be your date. That still seems suspicious to me, regardless of...purchases.”
“You didn’t put any specifications on the bet, Mark. You can’t change the rules now.”
“We didn’t put any specifications on it saying I couldn’t.”
“Why do you care?”
He snorted. “Why do you care?”
“I have pride, jackass.”
“And I don’t trust Chase McCormack. If you’re still together at the gala, you get your money. And if he hurts you in any way, I will break his neck. After I pull his balls off and feed them to the sharks.”
It wasn’t very often that Mark’s protective side was on display. Usually, he was too busy tormenting her. Their childhood had been rough. Their father didn’t have any idea how to show affection to them, and as a result none of them were very good at it, either. Still, she never doubted that—even when he was a jerk—Mark cared about her.
“That’s not necessary. Chase is my best friend. And now...he’s more. He isn’t going to hurt me.”
“Sounds to me like he has the potential to hurt you worse than just about anybody.”
His words settled heavily in the pit of her stomach. She should be able to brush them off. Because she and Chase were in a relationship. She and Chase were friends with benefits. And nothing about that would hurt at all.
“I’ll be fine.”
“If you need anything, just let me know.”
“I will.”
He lifted the condom box. “We’ll pretend this didn’t happen.” Then he turned and started to walk away.
“Pretend what didn’t happen?” She pulled her own box of condoms up against her chest and held it tightly. “See? I’ve already forgotten. Mostly because I can’t afford therapy. At least not until you pay me the big bucks at the gala.”
“We’ll see,” he said, walking out of sight.
She turned, chucking the box into her cart and making her way quickly down to the milk aisle. Chase wasn’t going to hurt her, because Mark was wrong. They were only friends, and she quashed the traitorous flame in her stomach that tried to grow, tried to convince her otherwise.
She wasn’t going to get hurt. She was just going to have a few orgasms and then move on.
That was her story, and she was sticking to it.
* * *
“I’M TAKING YOU dancing tonight,” Chase said as soon as Anna picked up the phone.
“Did you bump your head on an anvil today?”
He supposed he shouldn’t be that surprised to hear Anna’s sarcasm. After last night—vulnerability, tears—he’d had a feeling that she wasn’t going to be overly friendly today. In fact, he’d guessed that she would have transformed into one of the little porcupines that were on her pajamas. He had been right.
“No,” he said. “I’m just following the lesson plan. I said I was taking you out, and so I am.”
“You know,” she said, her voice getting husky, “I’m curious about whether or not making me scream was anywhere on the lesson plan.”
His body jolted, heat rushing through his veins. He looked over his shoulder at Sam, who was working steadily on something in the back of the shop. It was Anna’s day off, so she wasn’t on the property. But he and Sam were in the middle of a big custom job. A gate with a lot of intricate detail, with matching work for the deck and interior staircase of the home. Which meant they didn’t get real time off right now.
“No,” he returned, satisfied his brother wasn’t paying attention, “that wasn’t on the lesson plan. But I’m a big believer in improvisation.”
“That was improvisation? In that case, it seems to be your strength.”
The sarcasm he had expected. This innuendo, he had not. They’d both pulled away hard last night, no denying it. It would have been simple to go out and get more protection and neither of them had.
But damn, this new dynamic between them was a lot to get used to. Still, for all that it was kind of crazy, he knew what he wanted. “I’d like to show you more of my strengths tonight.”
“You’re welcome to improvise your way on over to my bed anytime.” There was a pause. “Was that flirting? Was that good flirting?”
He laughed, tension exiting his body in a big gust. He should have known. He wasn’t sure how he felt about this being part of the lesson. Not when he had been on the verge of initiating phone sex in the middle of a workday with his brother looming in the background. But keeping it part of the lesson was for the best. He didn’t need to lose his head. This was Anna, after all. He was walking a very fine line here.
On the one hand, he knew keeping a clear line drawn in the sand was the right thing to do. They weren’t just going to be able to slide right back into their normal relationship. Not after what had happened. On the other hand, Anna was...Anna. She was essential to him. And she wasn’t jaded when it came to sexual relationships. Wasn’t experienced. That meant he needed to handle her with care. And it would benefit him to remember that he couldn’t play with her the way he did women with a little more experience. Women who understood that this was sex and nothing more.
It could never be meaningless sex with Anna. He couldn’t have a meaningless conversation with her. That meant that whatever happened between them physically would change things, build things, tear things down. That was a fact. A scary one. Taking control, trying to harness it, label it, was the only solution he had. Otherwise, things would keep happening when they weren’t prepared. That would be worse.
Maybe.
He cleared his throat. “Very good flirting. You got me all excited.”
“Excellent,” she said, sounding cheerful. “Also, I bought condoms.”
He choked. “Did you?”
“They aren’t ribbed. I wasn’t sure if the one you used last night was.”
“No,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck and casting a side eye at his brother. “It wasn’t.”
“Good. I was looking for a repeat performance. I didn’t want to get the wrong thing. Though maybe sometime we should try ribbed.”
Sometime. Because there would be more than once. More than last night. More than tonight. “We can try it if you want.”
“I feel like we might as well try everything. I have a lot of catching up to do.”
“Dancing,” he said, trying to wage a battle with the heat that was threatening to take over his skull. “Do you want to go dancing tonight?”
“Not really. But I can see the benefit. Seeing as there will be dancing at the fund-raiser. And I bet I’m terrible at dancing.”
“Great. I’m going to pick you up at seven. We’re going to Ace’s.”
“Then I’ll be ready.”
He hung up the phone and suddenly realized he was at the center of Sam’s keen focus. That bastard had been listening in the entire time. “Hot date tonight?” he asked.
“Dancing. With Anna,” he said meaningfully. The meaning being with Anna and not with you.
“Well, then, you wouldn’t mind if I tagged along.” Jerkface was ignoring his meaning.
“I would mind.”
“I thought this was just about some bet.”
“It is,” he lied.
“Uh-huh.”
“You don’t want to go out. You want to stay home and eat a TV dinner. You’re just harassing me.”
Sam shrugged. “I have to get my kicks somewhere.”
“Get your own. Get laid.”
“Nope.”
“You’re a weirdo.”
“I’m selective.”
Maybe Sam was, maybe he wasn’t. Chase could honestly say that his brother’s sex life was a mystery to him. Which was fine. Really, more than fine. Chase had a reputation, Sam...did not. Well, unless that reputation centered around being grumpy and antisocial.
“Right. Well, you enjoy that. I’m going to go out.”
“Chase,” Sam said, his tone taking on a note of steel. “Don’t hurt her.”
Those words poked him right in the temper. “Really?”
“She’s the best thing you have,” Sam said, his voice serious. “You find a woman like that, you keep her. In whatever capacity you can.”
“She’s my best friend. I’m not going to hurt her.”
“Not on purpose.”
“I don’t think you’re in any position to stand there and lecture me on interpersonal relationships, since you pretty much don’t have any.”
“I have you,” Sam said.
“Right. I’m not sure that counts.”
“I have Anna. But if you messed things up with her, I won’t have her, either.”
Chase frowned. “You don’t have feelings for her, do you?” He would really hate to have to punch his brother in the face. But he would.
“No. Not like you mean. But I know her, and I care about her. And I know you.”
“What does that mean?”
Sam pondered that for a second. “You’re not her speed.”
“I’m not trying to be.” He was getting ready to punch his brother in the face anyway.
“I’m just saying.”
“You’re just saying,” he muttered. “Go just say somewhere else. A guy whose only friends are his younger brother and that brother’s friend maybe shouldn’t stand there and make commentary on relationships.”
“I’m quiet. I’m perceptive. As you mentioned, I am an artist.”
“You can’t pull that out when it suits you and put it away when it doesn’t.”
“Sure I can. Artists are temperamental.”
“Stop beating around the bush. Say what you want to say.”
Sam sighed. “If she offers you more than friendship, take it, dumbass.”
“Why would you think that she would ever offer that? Why would you think that I want it?”
He felt defensive. And more than a little bit annoyed. “She will. I’m not blind. Actually, being antisocial has its benefits. It means that I get to sit back and watch other people interact. She likes you. She always has. And she’s the kind of good... Chase, we don’t get good like that. We don’t deserve it.”
“Gee. Thanks, Sam.”
“I’m not trying to insult you. I’m just saying that she’s better than either of us. Figure out how to make it work if she wants to.”
Everything in Chase recoiled. “She doesn’t want to. And neither do I.” He turned away from Sam, heading toward the door.
“Are you sleeping with her yet?”
Chase froze. “That isn’t any of your business.”
“Right. You are.”
“Still not your business.”
“Chase, we both have a lot of crap to wade through. Which is pretty obvious. But if she’s standing there willing to pull you out, I’m just saying you need to take her up on her offer.”
“She has enough crap of her own that she’s hip deep in, Sam. I don’t need her taking on mine.”
Sam rubbed his hand over his forehead. “Yeah, that’s always the thing.”
“Anyway, she doesn’t want me. Not like that. I mean, not forever. This is just a...physical thing.” Which was way more information than his brother deserved.
“Keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night.”
“I sleep like a baby, Sam.” He continued out the door, heading toward his truck. He had to get back to the house and get showered and dressed so that he could pick up Anna. And he was not going to think about anything his brother had said.
Anna didn’t want forever with him.
That thought immobilized him, forced him to imagine a future with Anna, stretching on and on into the distance. Holding her, kissing her. Sleeping beside her every night and waking up with her every morning.
Seeing her grow round with his child.
He shut it down immediately. That was a fantasy. One he didn’t want. One he couldn’t have.
He would have Anna as a friend forever, but the “benefits” portion of their relationship was finite.
So, he would just enjoy this while it lasted.