The next morning I woke up on Lisa’s couch. Luckily, this time I remembered the whole night. I hadn’t actually had that much to drink, only three martinis, but I was a hell of a lightweight. Her apartment was within walking distance of the bar, and we figured better to be safe than sorry, so I’d just crashed at her place rather than drive back to mine.
The smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the air, so I got up, tried to get some of the wrinkles out of my shirt and jeans, and made my way to the kitchen.
“Yum, coffee,” I mumbled in greeting.
“Shhh, not so loud please!” Lisa begged, clutching her head.
“Sorry,” I whispered.
We sipped the coffee, took some Advil, ate some toast and after a couple of hours were finally both functional enough for a conversation.
“I vote we go out for lunch and get something greasy in us,” I told her, and she agreed.
The fresh air was nice, and by the time we got to the little café down the street I was pretty much hangover-free. We sat down at a tiny little table at the back, I ordered a couple of freshly squeezed juices to start with, and then I let Lisa know what I was thinking.
After all, what are best friends for?
“Lise, I’m a bit worried about what everyone was saying last night about pregnancy.”
Lisa perked up immediately.
“You think you might actually be pregnant?”
I nodded.
“I do. I can’t be. It’s not possible. And at the same time, I know that everything I’m telling myself, that it was just one time, that I’m too young to be a mom, they’re not scientifically true. But I was on the pill.”
Lisa gave me a hard look.
“It’s unlikely, but it’s also not impossible. Have you missed a period?”
I shook my head. “No, but I’m not due until tomorrow. So I guess I don’t really know.”
“Ok, well, it’s not college if you don’t go through at least one pregnancy scare was what my sister told me before I came here. So you’re not alone, if that helps. After we have lunch we’re going to stop by the pharmacy and get a pregnancy test. You, my dear, are going to pee on a stick.”
* * *
I barely tasted my poached eggs and avocado on a sourdough bagel. Instead, for the whole meal I ran through the timeline in my head.
Jaret and I had had sex almost exactly three weeks ago. I was one week through a pack of pills then.
No.
Shit.
I thought about it some more. I was just coming up to the sugar pills. That meant it couldn’t have been three weeks. I was already back and settled at my place when I started my last pack. I remembered having to try and hunt it down; I needed to get a new prescription soon.
“Mikki? Are you ok? You look really pale all of a sudden,” Lisa asked, putting down her fork.
“I didn’t have sex four weeks ago,” I whispered. “I had sex six weeks ago. I did miss a period.”
Jesus. With all the stuff going on in my life – my mom’s death, my final exams coming up – I must have completely forgotten about my period.
Completely and totally.
“Well, maybe it was a stress thing,” Lisa tried to cheer me up. “It still doesn’t mean you’re pregnant.”
But this time I could tell even she didn’t believe the words she was saying.
Lisa scarfed down the rest of her food, for which I was thankful.
“Ok, let’s go,” she said. We left the café and went to the pharmacy.
“What if I am pregnant?” I asked. “What am I going to do?”
“I’ll tell you what you’re going to do. You’re going to not worry about it until you’re sure. You got me?”
I nodded. Of course Lisa was right.
“We’re going to be home in ten minutes, and then you’ll have your answer. Now come on, we’re buying a box.”
I picked the First Response test, the one that I’d seen all the ads for telling me that it would get a positive response earlier than all the others. It wasn’t cheap, but whatever. I was more concerned about accuracy, and speed.
Putting the test down on the counter, I avoided the eye of the cashier, tossed some bills down onto the counter and practically ran out of the store with Lisa close behind.
“Ok, we’re doing this,” I said, stuffing the test into my purse.
“We are. Absolutely.” Two minutes later we were in Lisa’s apartment.
“Ok. I don’t think I can do this.”
“Yes, you can. Go in there and pee. I’ll be out here, waiting.”
I went into Lisa’s bathroom. Suddenly my brain felt like it was on overload. This couldn’t be happening. This was too much.
I couldn’t be pregnant. What was I doing? Why did I have this test?
No. It wasn’t possible. Absolutely not possible.
Nope, nope, nope.
I felt like I was going to puke, and it had nothing to do with the nausea I’d been feeling for the last few days.
God, I couldn’t be pregnant.
Please don’t let me be pregnant I begged.
When the little strip on the end gave me a + sign, however, I knew the truth.
I dropped the stick on the floor.
“Lisa?” I called out. In an instant she was in the bathroom with me. She grabbed the stick off the ground, looked at the result, and gasped.
“Oh my God,” she whispered. Then she put the stick down on the counter, picked me up, and hugged me.
“You’re going to get through this, you know?” she told me. “You’re going to get through this. We’re going to get through this. I’ll be with you, no matter what. You got that?”
I nodded through the tears that had started spilling out of my eyes and onto her shirt.
It was finally starting to sink in.
I was pregnant.
With my stepbrother’s baby.
Oh, God.
“How am I going to do this?” I asked Lisa, pitifully.
“You’re going to manage. I promise you. You’re the smartest, most amazing person I know Mikki. You’re going to get through this.”
“How can I possibly be smart when I got pregnant at 22 years old? I just turned 22. I can’t have a child yet.”
“Don’t worry. You’re going to figure it out. You have options. Now come on. Let’s go sit on the couch.”
Helping me up, Lisa practically carried me over to the couch. I plopped down onto it and started to cry again.
I just couldn’t help myself.
How was I ever going to get through this?
I had to hand it to Lisa. She was the absolute best friend anyone could hope for.
“Do you want me to call anyone and tell them?” she asked after I’d had a bit of a cry.
I shook my head.
“No. Not yet. Kathy and Lee later.”
“What about the baby’s father?”
“I don’t even know his number.” That part was true. But I knew I could find it pretty quickly.
“Oh, shit. Well, don’t worry. If you decide you want to find him, I promise you, we’ll find him.”
“Thanks, Lise.”
“And remember, you always have options. You can always have the child and adopt it out, and abortions are still a thing you’re allowed to do as well, if you want to go that route.”
I nodded in thanks.
“Thanks, Lise. I don’t want to think about it right now. I have no idea what I want to do.”
“Of course, sweetie. No problem.”
I did know that the thought of having an abortion turned me off. I was definitely pro-choice, and I thought it was something every woman should have the right to choose, but I just didn’t think I would be able to go through it, myself.
“God, Lise. What am I going to do?”
“You’re going to be strong. Like you always are.”
“You’re the best friend anyone could ever ask for, you know that?” I asked her, giving her an appreciative smile.
“I do. I really do.”
And for the first time that morning, I laughed.