“BUGGER. BUGGER. BUGGER!”
My hands tremble as I watch the pee creep over the white box. First, one pink line shows up, then a second.
“I thought these were supposed to take a minute,” I murmur to myself as two pink lines glare back at me.
I shakily replace the cap over the pee stick and double-check the instructions. Two lines mean “pregnant,” so this means it’s positive?
I put the stick down on the counter and stand to pull up my knickers. I smooth down my black sequined party dress and pause as panic takes over me.
I’m pregnant.
We just got engaged!
Tonight’s our engagement party.
This was not part of the plan.
As I wash my hands, I glance at the stick again to be sure my mind isn’t playing tricks on me. There are still two taunting pink lines in the little box. Two glaringly obvious streaks having a laugh at the irony of this situation.
I stare at myself in the mirror. My blonde curls are perfectly loose. My makeup light and flawless. My blue eyes bright and vibrant. But for some reason, I look different now. I no longer look like the responsible one. I can barely see the twenty-six-year-old daughter whom my father still leans on for support, or the girl who sets an example for her man-whorish brothers. Even though they are all grown men, they still need someone to guide them. To be their rock. Their one constant.
The person looking back at me with a baby inside of her isn’t the Vi Harris I’ve strived so hard to be.
And what about Hayden? I couldn’t even believe he proposed to me two weeks ago. Sure, we’d been living together for a year, but Hayden is…Hayden. It took everything he had just to tell me he loves me. We had a rocky go of it and he spooks so easily. This could mess everything up.
Twirling on my Louboutin heel, I march over to the large floor-to-ceiling window in my bathroom and stare out over East London. I shiver as I recall the day that Hayden drew me a bath and dangled sex in front of me like a cupcake. Why didn’t we practice abstinence? Why did I have to be so horny around him all the time?
A knock on the bathroom door makes my heart leap into my throat. I grab the pregnancy test, swivelling my head around frantically for a place to stash it. I decide my cleavage is safest, so I shove it down the front of my dress and reply with a forcibly cool voice, “Who is it?”
“It’s Booker.”
I exhale with relief that it’s not Hayden or worse, one of my other overbearing, loudmouth, pushy brothers whom I can’t seem to get shot of. Booker will take it easy on me. It’s Booker.
I open the door.
Booker’s brow is furrowed. “Hayden sent me in to see what’s taking you so long. He’s running Bruce downstairs to the neighbour’s flat and said the guests will be here any minute.”
“Come in. Quickly.” I yank him inside, pressing my back against the closed door. “I really mucked it up this time, Book.”
He pulls a face. “You? Vi, you’re perfect. You’re the only perfect one in our mess of a family.”
I smile at his naivety. Then I want to cry as shame casts over me. I’ve prided myself on setting a good example for all four of my brothers. It wasn’t a choice I made. It was a reflex. I’ve always been their moral compass and their voice of reason. Now that their careers are taking off, it’s my job to ensure they don’t turn into self-important arseholes. That is my job in life. They need me to be the stable one!
Now I’ve screwed everything up and got it all horribly out of order. I’m a hypocrite. An irresponsible imposter.
Booker’s face falls when my chin begins to wobble. “Vi, what is it? What have you done?”
Just when I begin to pull the pregnancy test out from my cleavage, I’m shoved forward by the door and topple over into Booker’s arms.
“Oi, you bloody twats! You nearly knocked Vi over.” Booker helps right me, and I turn to see our eldest brother, Gareth, towering over us with his dark, intimidating glower. Shoving each other playfully behind him are Camden and Tanner.
“What’s wrong?” Gareth’s deep voice demands as he takes in my face that’s probably starting to turn red and blotchy by now.
“Nothing!” I reply quickly and force a smile.
Camden shoves past Gareth and marches right up to me. “It’s not nothing, Vi. What’s happened? Did Hayden call off the engagement?”
“On the night of your fucking engagement party? I’ll kill him!” Tanner shouts and turns to storm out of the doorway only to be fish-hooked under the arm by Gareth.
“Let’s give Vi a chance to tell us what’s going on before we go thump her fiancé.” Gareth turns and, as if on cue, my brothers file in, close the door behind them, and line up next to each other. I could laugh when they all cross their arms over their chests, awaiting my response, but I’m too busy trying not to cry.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” I rasp, clutching my belly and turning away from the Harris Brother Death Stare. “I don’t want to tell you guys yet.”
“Just tell us, Vi,” Booker adds gently, giving me a soft look that he probably means to be calming, but it only sets me off further.
“We’re not leaving until you do,” Camden adds with a firm tone.
“Why can’t I have a moment of peace?” I exclaim completely irrationally. “Why can’t I have one tiny thought to myself? A secret even! I’m a grown-up. Hayden and I are living together. Why do you four think you can bulldoze your way in here and bark orders?” I place my hands on my hips and stamp my foot in a familiar, scolding fashion that I’ve used so frequently throughout our lives.
“You’re our sister, Vi,” Tanner replies, scratching his blonde beard like he’s completely confused that I’d even question this situation. “We want you to be happy. It’s more important than pretty much anything.”
I blink and tears slide down my face.
“That looks like the opposite of happy,” Tanner adds flatly.
I burst out with a garbled laugh and swipe at my cheeks.
“What is it?” Booker asks again.
“Out with it,” Gareth adds.
I exhale and decide to stare at the floor while I say it. “I’m pregnant.”
I’m met with silence, so I look up to see their reactions.
Camden’s face looks contorted. “With whose baby?”
“Hayden’s!” I bellow. “Who else’s would it be?”
His shoulders drop as he runs a hand through his hair. “Well, fuck! I don’t know. You’re crying, so I thought maybe you were up the duff with another bloke’s kid and that’s what has you all emotional.”
“No,” I groan.
“Then why are you crying?” Booker asks.
I drop down onto the edge of the tub with my head in my hands, unable to look at them. “I’m supposed to be setting a good example for you four. You’d all be the biggest sluts in football if I didn’t thump you from time to time. Now I’m being a hypocrite and getting things horribly out of order. This isn’t the way things are supposed to be.”
“Vi,” they all reply in unison.
I look up when Gareth approaches me. He’s got his big brother face on again. The one that almost always makes me cry. His dark-rimmed hazel eyes pierce through me with so much emotion, I feel my knees begin to tremble.
He sits down beside me. “We weren’t supposed to lose our mum before you guys started primary school either, but we did.”
The entire room freezes with Gareth’s change of subject.
Gareth doesn’t talk about Mum.
He did with me after Hayden and I broke up, but never again.
He wraps his arm around my shoulders and adds, “Life is full of things that aren’t supposed to be, Vi. We weren’t supposed to watch Dad spiral into a deep depression for years after Mum passed, but we did. I wasn’t supposed to sign with Dad’s old team, but I did. If things happened the way they were supposed to, life would be pretty boring. Doesn’t mean it can’t turn out great in the end.”
“Just look at how great the two of us are,” Tanner adds, throwing his arm around Camden that ripple effects into Cam shoving Tanner into Booker.
An amused glint in all of their eyes as they playfully shove each other brings a genuine smile to my face, and even to Mr. Serious, Gareth.
“Yeah, you guys aren’t all bad I guess,” I reply and Gareth nudges me with his shoulder.
“I know you’re going to make a wonderful mum,” he says softly.
My happy smile falters. “How do you know?”
“Because you were wonderful to all of us.”
“I’m going to puke,” Tanner bellows, smashing the moment to smithereens. “This is way too much emotion. I survived for about two minutes, but I’ve reached my quota. Can I leave? There’s a guest out there with my name on her.” I roll my eyes and he adds, “No, literally, she has the name Tanner tattooed on her wrist. It has to be destiny.”
Camden shoves Tanner out the door, and Booker comes over to give me a gentle hug. He whispers, “Congratulations,” before following in the twins’ wake.
“Can I give you one piece of advice?” Gareth asks from the doorway while I stand by the sink touching up my makeup. “Tell Hayden tonight. I have a feeling it’ll only make this evening all the more special for him.”
He shoots me a wink and departs, leaving me alone with nerves swirling in my belly. I have the perfect time in mind.
I feel a moment of guilt when I stride out of my bedroom to see that the party is in full swing already. I say my hellos to some friends from work and accept their hugs of congratulations, but I can feel Hayden’s eyes on me the entire time. It’s like a warm heat blowing against my skin. I look over my shoulder and we connect eyes. He tries to have a silent conversation with me from across the room, but my father is doing his best to keep Hayden’s attention focused on him. Our eye contact breaks when the lift dings and I look over to see Frank, Theo, Leslie, and a newly-walking Baby Marisa stride in.
“Vi!” Leslie shouts from across the room and releases Marisa’s hand to run over to me. Her auburn hair accents her yellow jumpsuit perfectly—a look only an artist like Leslie can pull off.
Dating brothers has really brought us closer, and I’m chuffed at the idea of calling her my sister.
“You look gorgeous! You’re practically glowing!”
“Thanks, you too!” My eyes drop to Theo and Marisa slowly walking toward us. I instantly crouch down as Marisa clumsily runs into my arms. I hug her, wondering if Hayden and I will be welcoming a baby before our wedding, too.
She begins babbling something in my ear, so I pull back to look into her gorgeous green eyes.
“You want to see Uncle Hay?” I ask and her smile grows.
“Right behind you, Squirt.” I look up from my crouched position with her to see Hayden smiling down at us. The crinkles around his eyes are utter perfection as he scoops Marisa up off the floor and begins buzzing her cheeks with his lips to her gleeful delight.
He looks every bit the image of hot daddy perfection. Smart, grey suit, perfectly styled blonde locks, and grey eyes that exude complete love and adoration.
Watching him hold Marissa, my hands develop a mind of their own.I find myself clutching my small belly. There’s not even physical evidence of the pregnancy yet, but I feel it. I feel our baby inside of me. And I feel it when I watch him. It’s an amazing sensation to have something bigger than myself happening right here.
Hayden’s smile falls as he looks at me. “Bunny, what is it? What’s the matter?”
It’s then that I realise tears are falling down my face. “Nothing. I’m fine. I’m just…I’m just…”
Hayden passes Marisa over to Theo and cups my face in his hands. “What’s going on? And don’t tell me it’s nothing. All four of your brothers are looking at me like they want to hug me or kill me, which isn’t that unusual. But on a night like tonight, it seems off-putting.”
I feel everyone’s eyes on me when I look at Hayden with a wobbly smile. “I have something to tell you.”
“What is it?” He strokes his fingers down my cheeks and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
I glance over at the clock. “Not yet. It’s too early. I’ll tell you soon, though. I promise.”
“Bunny,” he mock scolds.
I lick my lips and grab his lapels, yanking him down to my mouth and kissing him with all the goodness I feel inside of me as an act of reassurance. He responds in earnest, his hands letting go of my face as he wraps his arms around me and crushes me against his body.
“If this is what you have to tell me, perhaps we should go to the roof,” he murmurs against my lips. “I’d be all yours up there.”
“Meet me up there at eleven,” I rasp, my voice betraying my level of control. “No matter who you’re talking to, break away and meet me up there.”
He smiles. “Anything for you, Bunny.”
The rest of the night is a blur of engagement congratulations, happy hugs, bubbling cocktails, and one hilarious ginger entertaining us all.
“All right you footie boys, listen up.” I have to cover my mouth as Frank stands in front of my four brothers and addresses them with all the flourishes that make Frank, Frank.
“My name is Frank McElroy. Not Frankenstein, not Carrot Top, not Cock-Block, and most definitely not Frank and Beans.” Frank pauses to shoot Leslie and Finley a menacing glower. “You boys are beautiful and so are Finny and Lezzie, so it’s not your fault you listened to them. You were likely thinking with the wrong heads.” He points down at their groins, and they all shift uncomfortably. “So I’ll let it pass this time. But if you fuck with me again, I’ll have to show you how a real man scores a goal.”
My brothers burst out laughing, and Tanner throws his arm around Frank’s narrow shoulders. “You’re bloody fantastic, Frank. You have to go clubbing with us sometime.”
Frank’s brow arches. “Would you consider a gay club?”
Tanner strokes his beard and nods. “If it means more laughs with you, I’d give it a go.”
Frank’s eyes alight as he exclaims, “This is the best night of my life!”
My laughs are interrupted by two hands that snake around my waist from behind. Hayden’s voice whispers in my ear, “It’s not quite eleven yet, but I can’t go another second without touching you, Bunny. Let’s go up to the garden. Please. They won’t even know we’re gone.”
“From our own engagement party?”
He nips at my ear. “Our party. Our rules.”
He twines his fingers with mine and pulls me through the flat and out onto the large balcony. A couple of our friends are standing out here with cocktails, but they must read between the lines because they smile politely and head inside.
“Coast is clear. Let’s go.” Hayden nods toward the ladder that leads up to the roof. After my ascent up the ladder, I stretch out on the lounger, kicking my shoes off and wiggling my scrunched toes. Hayden finishes his climb and looks at me with a dark heat in his eyes as he slips off his suit coat.
“Did I tell you, you look absolutely beautiful tonight?” he asks, slowly walking toward me. He deposits his jacket on a nearby chair and begins unbuttoning the snaps around his wrists.
“I don’t think you got around to it.”
He shakes his head, standing at my feet now. “A moment lost. Allow me to make up for it.” He shoots me a dirty smirk, making his sentiments known.
Instead of replying, I squint at the watch on his wrist.
“Why are you so concerned about the time, Vi?” Hayden asks. His sleeves are rolled up on his forearms and he’s popped a couple of buttons on his chest already. “Did you hire a plane to fly by with an ‘I want to shag Hayden Clarke’ banner? Because I don’t need a sign to grant you that wish.”
I giggle and shake my head, leaning back and propping myself on my elbows. “You are a cheeky sod, you know that?”
He smiles and nods proudly while slowly uncrossing my feet and spreading my legs. I gasp as he begins crawling up the length of my body, my dress hitching up the closer he gets. We’ve had sexy time on this sun lounger more times than I can remember. My reactions are a reflex at this point.
Hayden kisses me sweetly on my shoulder. “I’m your cheeky sod. We’re just moments away from making it official.” He begins nibbling my neck and sending goosebumps all over my body.
“It’s going to take more than a few moments to plan a wedding, Hayden,” I reply breathlessly as I squeeze my legs around his hips.
“You know what I mean.” He pauses to look me in the eyes. “This is it, Vi. We’re engaged. This is our life. Together. Just the two of us and nothing else.” His gaze falls to my lips before he closes the space between us and kisses me, pressing his tongue into my mouth so deeply that I forget all common sense for a moment.
He moves his hand from my waist and reaches between us, slowly stroking up my inner thigh. When he slides past the band on my knickers and pushes one finger inside of me, I swear I could come within seconds from the combination of his words and his touch.
He breaks our kiss and presses his forehead to mine. “And when times get tough—when I feel myself slipping—we come up here. A place no one can touch us. No one can bother us. No one can tell us that we aren’t enough for each other.”
His breath is heavy, and he kisses me with a sudden sense of desperation, mimicking the motion with his fingers between my legs. I reach for his belt buckle, brushing over his hard bulge and frantically tearing away at his clothes, aching to feel his words inside of me. He grabs the centre of my knickers and pulls until they split open. Within seconds, he’s thrust so deep inside of me, I don’t know where Hayden ends and I begin.
Because we are one.
We are each other’s landing point and catching ground, moving together in a perfect synchronisation that feels as if we were truly made for each other. As he rocks inside of me and kisses me savagely, I squeeze his face with all my might and kiss him so hard, I swear I’ll be leaving a permanent love bite behind.
“Hayden.” I cry out his name as my climax comes much too soon. I don’t want this to be over. I want to stay lost in this world with him inside of me. Where there are no problems around us, no sudden changes coming. I don’t want to think about the time on his watch or what I need to tell him. I just want to stay us. “I love you.”
He pulls his face back so he can look at me. His grey eyes are wide and wonderful. “I love you, too, Bunny. You are all I’ll ever need in this life. As long as I have you, I’ll always have a reason to live. I can’t wait to make you my wife.”
His words are brutal and beautiful. They hold so much meaning because of his past. Because of what he’s been through. Because of what he almost gave up. My Hayden.
Tears well in my eyes and I pull him close, kissing him with everything I have left inside of me, riding out the aftershocks of my orgasm until he comes himself.
When we’re finished, he pulls out and drops onto his side, rolling me over to face him. I press my forehead to his and stare at his mouth because I’m sure if I look at his eyes, he’ll see. He’ll see it all.
I grab his hand and pull it up between us, glancing at the time. As if the universe is having a laugh right now, the time ticks over to 11:11. I say with a sigh, “I’m pregnant.”
Hayden goes still. His breathing stops. His arms grow tense. I swear, even the world stops spinning.
This is what I feared. This kind of change would spook him. And after all the beautiful words he said about just the two of us up here, an ominous feeling creeps over me.
The time 11:11 became something wonderful we’ve shared over the past year. We’d catch 11:11 on a clock and make a wish about our life together. Of course we still remember the loved ones we lost. But instead of wishing for the past to change like he used to, we wish for them to continue inspiring our future.
“Hayden,” I say, looking up into his expressionless eyes. “Say something.”
His face continues to remain frozen.
“Was that a wish or a fact?” he asks, finally breaking the silence.
I bite my lip and sit up, pulling away from his stiffness. “What do you want it to be?”
He sits up, too, his pants pulled backed up but his buckle still undone. His hand reaches toward my chest, and he pulls the white plastic stick out from between my cleavage. It must have worked its way up. I’d completely forgotten it was there.
He holds it in his hand, examining the test window carefully. The corner of his mouth creeps up into something resembling a smile.
“You know how we always make a wish together at 11:11?” he asks.
“Yes,” I whisper, terrified of what might come next.
“This was one of my wishes.”
“It was?” I gasp and he nods. “But you never said. Everything we’ve talked about up here has always been about us alone. Travelling, seeing the world, maybe opening up our own business, buying a house. We’ve never talked about kids, Hayden.”
He swallows. “I didn’t want to spook you.”
“Spook me?” I bark. “I thought this would spook you!”
“Look, Vi.” He shifts closer to me and holds my hand in his, pulling it up to his mouth to kiss it softly. “I have a fucked-up past. That’s very well known. But I don’t want you to be afraid of what kind of dad I’ll be. I’ll always be here for you and our baby. You were all the reason I needed to live before. Now, that fact has been doubled. Maybe tripled. Twins are hereditary, right?”
He glances up and his grey eyes look so wide and innocent, I can’t wrap my head around what he’s saying.
“Bunny, say something.”
I shake my head.
“You don’t have to be scared.”
I start laughing. “I’m not scared, Hayden. I’m bloody thrilled.” I throw myself into his arms, and he falls backwards on the lounger, holding me to him as I drop thousands of kisses all over his cheeks and lips. I giggle. “This is the best engagement party ever.”
“This right here really is a perfect moment.” He chuckles softly against my lips right before kissing me fiercely.
I inwardly sigh as I realise that all of my wishes are actually coming true.