Chapter Eleven

Declan’s start time was 10:00 a.m., which meant we had to leave at five in the morning. Even the baby protested by kicking when my alarm went off at 4:00 a.m. I was right there with him. We needed a few more hours of sleep on a Saturday. My body was exhausted from growing a human, starting a new job, trying to figure out my life, shooting down the rumors about Declan and me, house hunting, and last but certainly not least, keeping Declan at arm’s length. That last one was maybe the toughest of them all. He was doing his best to make his intentions known, all while not pushing it. I’m telling you, he was a good salesman.

I rubbed my little guy when I crawled out of bed. I was officially twenty-nine weeks today. Dr. Winters said everything looked good and his office called yesterday to say I didn’t have gestational diabetes. Thank goodness. That one test had me rethinking having more than one child. And I was never ever going near orange soda again.

My appointments were now every two weeks until I hit thirty-six weeks and then they would be weekly until this little man made his appearance. I was still grappling with his name. I didn’t want anything trendy or dated, but I wanted it to be strong, to give him something to live up to.

Today the weather was supposed to be warm, but with a chance of rain. I had a built-in heater, so after I showered I threw on some white shorts, I would say cute, but we are talking maternity clothes. The off-the-shoulder trumpet sleeved blouse added some style. Momma had bought it for me when she was out and about a few days ago. She had excellent taste and I loved that she was so thoughtful. Or maybe she was telling me I needed to look nice for Declan. Either way, I hoped I was as good of a momma as her.

I looked in the mirror. The blush blouse looked good against my creamy skin. I looked more pregnant than I had the day before. I let my curls fall naturally. Straightening them in the humidity was pointless. I slipped into some leather wedges and grabbed my bag that I packed the night before with essentials like sunscreen and lip gloss.

Declan said he was handling all the food. He was so excited I was coming. I had almost forgotten what it was like to have a man desire my company.

Declan rapped lightly on the front door. I’m sure my parents appreciated not being woken up.

I opened the door with my bag slung around my shoulder ready to go. I stood still to take him in. He looked like he had gone rogue, and it suited him. He hadn’t shaved in a couple of days and his athletic clothing showed every line and muscle he had. If he was trying to sell me on the package, I was ready to sign on the dotted line. I let out a deep breath. “Wow.”

He flexed his biceps. “Impressive, huh?”

“I don’t remember you being so full of yourself.”

“You need to remember harder. You ready to go?”

I nodded and followed him out, locking the door behind me.

He held my hand on the way to his truck.

I looked down at our joined hands and then back up to meet his hungry eyes.

“I’m done being subtle.” His grip firmed up.

I was afraid of that. “Declan . . .”

“I know, Mel.”

“Do you?”

“I know you’re scared and I understand, but all I’m asking for is a chance.”

“What if I’m not ready to make that decision?”

He pulled my hand up and his warm lips fell upon it. “I’ll wait for as long as it takes.”

“I’m pregnant.” That was such a dumb thing to say.

His smile said he agreed. “And you’ve never looked more beautiful. I know this is a package deal.”

I bit my lip.

He brushed his thumb across my lips. “I love when you do that. I’m not asking you to make a decision today, or even tomorrow, or the next day. I’m just letting you know where I’m at.”

I swallowed hard. “Okay.”

He pulled me along. “Let’s go have some fun.” He certainly knew how to start the day off with a bang.

My heart was beating like I had run a race. It didn’t settle down until we were outside Indigo Bay’s city limits. I kept my focus outside the truck. He had vaulted us into new territory.

“You aren’t going to be shy around me now, are you?”

I turned from the window and faced him. “When have I ever been?”

He placed a hand on my bare knee. “Never.” He was quick to remove it. “You’re going to make me lose my racing edge.”

“Hey, you invited me.”

“I can’t wait to cross the finish line and have you there.”

I hesitated to ask, but I had been curious since he mentioned it. “Did you ever take your fiancée to these Spartan thingies?”

He chuckled. “First of all, these aren’t thingies, this is serious stuff. And I met Maren at one; she raced too.”

“Oh. Was she really into it the way you are?”

He nodded.

“Does this make you uncomfortable?”

A smile played on his lips. “No. I just wasn’t expecting to talk about her with you.”

“How long ago did you breakup?”

“You want the whole story?”

“How about a brief overview?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear about the woman he almost married.

“We met three years ago, but didn’t really start dating until a year after that. A year later we were engaged and we broke up right before the wedding six months later.”

“It wasn’t really that long ago then.”

“Not long enough.”

“Why did you break up?”

“Besides her being more jealous than I cared for, I can’t really put my finger on it. But I knew it wasn’t right. I think she knew too. After we broke up I started applying for positions out of state. I knew I needed to make a change. When this job came open here I jumped on it. And when I found out you were back I felt like life was giving me a second chance to undo the biggest mistake of my life.”

“Declan, I don’t know if you can make the biggest mistake of your life when you’re eighteen.”

“Being with you after all this time proves to me it was. I’ve never met your equal. I’ve never felt for another woman the way I feel for you.”

“I thought you were giving me time.”

“I am. I just want you to know this isn’t some adolescent crush.”

I was trying to take in everything he was saying, but I needed more time to think. “We should probably change the subject.”

He gave me a pressed smile before flipping on the radio. “All right, baby, let’s jam.”

Big fat smiles erupted. He always knew how to ease a situation. I hadn’t had this much fun in forever. And I loved that I could be me. We rocked out in the car all the way to Charlotte—in between bathroom breaks and eating, my two favorite pastimes as of late. Declan had made some super yummy protein and healthy carb-packed breakfast sandwiches. He also still sang out of tune, but I didn’t mind. Laughter and music filled the car as we sang over one another and forgot the lyrics.

It was perfect until we made it to our destination and I realized I should have asked Declan more about what I agreed to, or maybe he could have given me a better heads up. First of all, it was massive. The line of cars to the event took forever to get through. It was on a military installation out in the middle of nowhere. We had to park in a large field, which was fine, but it had started to rain.

“Um.” I looked out of the truck, worried. “If it keeps raining, we’re going to get stuck.”

“I have four-wheel drive, and my weather app is saying the rain is moving off to the east.”

I looked down at my shoes and outfit. “I think I overdressed.”

“I think you look perfect.”

I looked out at all the participants and spectators getting out of their vehicles and heading toward the event. They were all dressed in athletic clothes and wearing proper shoes for walking in fields and on muddy roads. “How can you say that? I look like one of those fussy Southern women who is afraid of getting dirty. You should have told me what I was signing up for. I thought there would be stands for spectators. Are there even bathrooms here?”

He slid across the bench seat with a sheepish grin. “How do you feel about porta-potties?”

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

His grin widened.

I scowled at him.

“I haven’t seen that look in a long time.”

“Expect that and more depending on how many times I have to use a porta-potty. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Honestly, I didn’t think about it.”

I sighed. “I’m going to look ridiculous.”

“Impossible.”

“You’re just saying that.”

He leaned in as if he was going to kiss me.

I held my breath, not sure how I felt about it. Of course I wanted him to, but I wasn’t sure I was ready. I think he sensed my hesitation. He lingered inches away. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you’re here. I promise you, after this I’m going to take you to a nice fussy place for lunch with the cleanest bathrooms you’ve ever seen.”

My lips betrayed me and smiled.

He moved back to his side of the truck. “You’re definitely not helping my edge when you smile at me like that.”

“Just promise me you’ll run fast or do whatever it is you do.”

“Deal.” He opened his door and grabbed his bag.

I hesitated. I wasn’t a prissy woman, but I wasn’t looking forward to muddy feet or porta-potties. But for Declan I would deal with it.

He met me on my side and helped me out of the truck. The ground covered in massive weeds wasn’t too muddy yet. But I wobbled on the uneven ground in my wedges. Declan took my hand and steadied me.

I kept shaking my head wishing I would have worn tennis shoes. I had an umbrella, but no one else was using one and I didn’t want to look more out of place. “You so owe me.”

He laughed and kissed my wet head.

Once we hit the gravel road that led to registration and the entrance it was better, but it didn’t help how different I looked compared to everyone else.

There were throngs of people coming and going. Races started every half hour, so there were men and women that had finished and were already leaving. Some of them looked beyond exhausted, but many looked elated. Pride beamed out of their eyes. I guessed it was quite the accomplishment. They were all wearing the same shirt that read “Finisher” on the back.

I stayed behind and did some more people watching while Declan got his registration packet. Loud music played and there were several vendor booths selling all sorts of athletic gear and food. There were even little children. It looked like they held a mini event for kids. I wondered if my little guy would ever want to. I imagined he would if Declan was in our lives. That was a weird thought. Not at all unpleasant, but dangerous. I couldn’t bear another broken heart, and now it wasn’t only my heart on the line. I placed my hand on my moving belly. My son was my first thought and consideration.

Declan walked back to me all smiles with his Spartan headband on. Every racer wore them along with a plastic tracking bracelet. He also had some company with him. Leave it to Declan to make friends at the registration table. A woman and a teenage boy. The boy must be racing as he was also wearing a headband, but the woman looked wary. I’m guessing she was his mother.

“Mel, this is Jill and Kyle.”

I held out my hand to shake Jill’s and then Kyle’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Declan patted Kyle on the back. “This is his first time.”

Jill gave a weak smile. She looked too young to have a teenage son. “My husband was supposed to run with him, but he was deployed last month.”

“That must be terribly difficult.”

“It never gets easier. Kyle wanted to race anyway to honor his dad.”

I had so much respect for military families. “I’m sure he loves that.”

Gangly thin and tall, Kyle shrugged like it was no big deal.

“I’m not really sure about him running and I just signed a waiver that warned of the possibility of him dying.”

I met Declan’s eyes. “Is that true?”

Declan gave me and Jill his best salesman smile. “No one is going to die. Their lawyers make them put that in there.”

I don’t think that made Jill feel better. I know I didn’t.

Declan faced Jill. “I’ll keep Kyle under my wing the whole time. We’ll jump over the fiery finish line together.”

My eyebrows hit my bangs. “You have to jump over fire?”

Declan wagged his eyebrows. “That’s the fun part.”

Kyle’s brown eyes lit up while his mom’s brow furrowed.

Jill pulled her son to her for a long hug. Kyle looked embarrassed but he was smart enough not to pull away.

Declan took me in his arms. “You used to kiss me for luck before a race,” he whispered in my ear.

We locked eyes and was I ever tempted, but my lips landed on his unshaven cheek. “That’s for the porta-potty.”

He laughed but pulled me closer. “I’m giving you fair warning. I’m going to own your lips when I cross that finish line.”

I shivered in the drizzly rain. “You’re not playing fair.”

“I’m not playing.” He kissed my cheek before releasing me. He handed me his bag to keep while he raced. It held the clothes he would change into afterward.

I had to catch my breath. I watched him and Kyle walk off together with lots of emotions coursing through me. Everything from worry to anticipation. I didn’t expect him back in my life, and now I wasn’t sure what to do.

Jill joined my side. “We can watch them take off. And I have a map of the course, so we can catch some of the obstacles.”

I nodded still trying to gather my thoughts.

“Your husband is so sweet—

“Um . . . Declan’s not my husband.”

Her cheeks tinted red. “I’m so sorry, I just assumed.” She looked at my belly. “Never mind.”

I smiled at her. “I’m pregnant.”

She let out a sigh of relief. “I should know better to assume such things.”

“Really, it’s okay. It’s complicated. I’m divorced and Declan is . . . I’m not sure.”

She smiled. “I’ve been in your shoes.” She looked down at my ridiculous out-of-place leather wedges. That were probably ruined. “Well, maybe not your exact shoes.”

“Ugh. Declan didn’t give me any warning about what I was in for today.”

She laughed. “Well, at least Tanner, my husband, was good enough to do that.”

“That’s a good man.”

She pointed at Declan and Kyle at the starting line with a hundred or so other crazy people. Declan looked like he was giving Kyle a pep talk. “Looks like you have a good man too.”

“He is.” I watched him animatedly talk to Kyle while stretching and jumping up and down trying to keep his muscles loose. His fantastic muscles that felt perfect around me.

“You don’t sound sure.”

“I’m not sure about us.”

She went to respond, but the announcer got on his bull horn. It was time for the race to start. Declan caught my eye one last time. I mouthed good luck. He gave me a wink.

Poor Jill looked beside herself. “I can’t believe I’m letting my fifteen-year-old do this.”

“Declan won’t let anything happen to him.” I tried to give her some reassurance, but yeah, I didn’t think I would be too keen on letting my son run a race where there was a risk of death and/or dismemberment.

Energy buzzed in the air right before they took off. All the participants shouted, “I am Spartan.” And the gates opened. The participants spilled over the starting line. There were teams dressed all the same, pairs, and individuals of all ages and from all walks of life. It was an inspiring sight. It didn’t make me want to do one, but the vibe was intoxicating.

Jill was good enough to show me where the porta-potties were before we headed to the first obstacles we could watch, the ropes and the rings. I was cursing Declan as I trudged through the mud in the most inappropriate shoes, to pee in what was the most disgusting place ever. It didn’t help that I was seven months pregnant.

I was determined to wait if I had to use the restroom again until we had lunch. But how was I going to go anywhere with filthy shoes and feet and looking like a drowned rat? Maybe we could stop for some wipes. But I had bigger things to worry about, like Declan kissing me. Allowing him to kiss me was like an unofficial commitment. Or was it a commitment? He already stated his intention that he was looking for a relationship. Sure, he said he would be patient and I believed him, but kissing was serious business. It said something, at least for me.

Jill was giving me a sympathetic smile as I walked toward her. The rain had picked up. I finally saw some spectators with umbrellas. I was already wet, but still pulled mine out.

“You look too pretty to be here.” She stared at my white shorts.

“He owes me big time.”

“I have a feeling he won’t mind paying up.”

I had the same feeling. It thrilled and frightened me.

At least some of the paths were paved. They wound around old barracks and what looked like abandoned buildings. My guess was they played war games out here. That was a chilling thought.

We had some time to kill before any participants made it to these particular obstacles. According to the map, they had to face some challenging ones before even getting this far. There was some huge wall to climb that dropped off into muddy water. The barbed wire crawl also had to be completed. Declan said he could do this course in an hour or less. I was holding him to it. The rain wasn’t letting up and I knew my bladder wouldn’t wait forever.

“Where is your husband?” I asked Jill.

“Afghanistan. It’s only a six-month deployment, but it was unexpected.”

“I can’t even imagine how tough that is.”

“It’s hardest on the kids.”

“Kyle has siblings?”

She pulled out her phone under the protection of my umbrella and showed me her beautiful family. She had three kids, two boys and a girl.

“Kyle looks like your husband.”

She laughed. “You think so?”

I tilted my head, not sure why she found humor in that.

“Tanner isn’t his biological dad.”

“Oh. I would have never guessed.”

“No one does. Tanner is his father in all the ways that count. We married when Kyle was only two. Tanner is all Kyle has ever known.”

“You’re lucky.” I kept a watch out for Declan and Kyle.

“You’re worried about how Declan will feel about your baby?” She had great intuition.

“Yes. Among other things.”

“Like I said, I’ve been there. I worried that Tanner didn’t know what he was really getting into. And what was going to happen when we had children together? Would he love Kyle less?”

I leaned in more, anxious to hear her response.

She smiled at my eagerness. “If anything, I think he loved him more. Biology has very little to do with love. And DNA certainly doesn’t make a father.”

“That I know.” I rested my hand on my abdomen. “But it’s a little more complicated. This isn’t Declan’s and my first go around.”

She raised her eyebrow. “If he’s the right one then it doesn’t matter how many laps you have to take to get there.”

That was something to think about.