Codi
I stare out the window blankly as Camryn drives. I feel her stare, the quick, worried glances hitting my profile every few seconds. I should turn to her, reassure her with a smile or carefully chosen words. But I can’t bring myself to even pretend.
What I want more than anything is to tell Camryn to turn the car around. To stop. That I don’t want, or need to see our dad. I want her to drive me to Parker’s, I want him to explain, to finally divulge the monsters in his mind. I want a reason, a solid reason as to why our relationship seemed doomed from the beginning. I gave my heart to him and whether he wanted to admit it to me or not, he gave me his back. So how does that work? How do two people who love one another, lose out so bad. I want answers. I want a justified reason as to why I have to feel as heartbroken as I do right now.
“You okay?” Camryn’s voice finally hits me, the skittish glances no longer satisfying her need for reassurance.
“No,” I drop my head against the window, closing my eyes.
“Babe,” she prompts and I turn my head, opening my eyes to bring her into focus. “You’ll have answers. Dad knows Parker’s family, he made that clear before he left this morning. We’ll make Dad tell us.”
She turns back to the road, weaving through traffic and I watch her. “What if I don’t want to know? His dad was a criminal and he’s right, so is ours. Do I really want to know?”
She shrugs, not looking back to me. “You can’t go on like this for the rest of your life, having zero understanding as to why the person you loved and who clearly loved you right back, couldn’t make it work.”
She’s quiet for a moment before she speaks again, this time glancing to me as she pulls into our parent’s driveway. “Maybe there’ll be a resolution. Someway to take back what you and Parker had.”
“He doesn’t seem to think so.”
“He’s a boy, Codi. They’re stubborn, set in their own stupid heads. He’ll fight reason just because he’s decided something else in his head. You’ll just need to make him see. If that’s what you want after we speak to Dad.”
I take a deep breath, nodding softly. “Thanks for coming with me. I feel weird, you know? Like, he told me I was in danger and he one hundred percent believed that, so I should feel afraid, I guess. I’m more confused though,” I shrug.
“Babe. Fuck. Parker was pretty hectic just now. Something big is going on, I need to make sure you’re safe. That’s our priority here, okay?”
She waits for my nod of approval, which I offer her on a sad smile. She reaches for my arm the same time I reach for my door handle and I pause, turning toward her.
“You’re allowed to be confused. You’re allowed to feel shaken by this. Shit, I feel this way and I’m not in love with the guy.”
Throwing my door open, I wait for her to move around the car before walking to the front door. It’s early, so we enter without knocking, our demon mother will no doubt still be sleeping off a hangover, so at least we’ll be saved from her insults.
“Do you want coffee?” Camryn asks and I nod, following her lead into the kitchen.
Coffee in hand, we move toward my dad’s office and I feel my heart moving up in my throat, choking me. I don’t feel as though I’m in danger. But Parker assured me I was. That I needed to be protected. I just wished he had explained the who, and the why. What have I ever done in life to make someone want to cause me harm? Exist? That’s about it.
“Hi, Daddy,” Ryn greets softly, her knuckle tapping quietly on his office door.
“Girls,” he glances to his watch, then back to us. “It’s early. You come for breakfast?”
He’s dressed for his day, even this early in the day. A navy button up shirt, rolled up at the sleeves is tucked into his dark dress pants, black polished shoes dressing his feet. He’s impeccable, not a single hair out of place. A complete contrast to the dishevelled mess of me and Ryn. I’m surprised we took time to change out of our pyjamas. We each threw a pair of jeans and a shirt on, stuffing our feet into our chucks before racing out the door minutes after Parker had left. Not a single word was spoken as the thick echo of our front door sounded through our apartment, Parker’s absence in the space stifling, we couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
Moving to Camryn, then to me, our dad kisses our cheeks, embracing us softly. I hold on for a second longer than expected, squeezing his colossal frame against mine. His clean, masculine scent soothes my nerves and I step back from his embrace a little calmer.
“Need to talk to you, Daddy.”
His face morphs into one of cautious consideration, nodding solemnly as he gestures to the couch in his office. He waits for us both to take a seat, me next to Camryn, before he sits along the arm of the chair across from us, his hands moving to adjust the legs of his pants before meeting our eyes. Dropping my coffee onto the small table in front of me, a sick feeling crawls its way under my skin.
“The guy I’ve been seeing, Parker,” I start and he nods, the kindness in his face dropping away immediately at the grave sound of my voice. It’s scary, seeing this side of him, being given a glimpse into the man Parker so easily labelled a criminal. His lips move into a thin line, his nostrils flaring, the steel shade of his eyes swirling in paternal disquiet.
“He hurt you, baby?”
“No,” I placate, meeting his eyes to let him see the truth in my words. “He says he knows you, that you’d know him. He told me to come to you, to tell you his name, and his father’s and to tell you I’m in danger.”
Our dad glances to Camryn then back to me, leaning forward the concern etched along his handsome face only moments ago being replaced by a thick fury.
“He was talking in riddles about you being able to keep me safe. He tried to get Ryn and I to leave town. To run away. When we refused, he told us to come to you.”
“Name,” he cuts out the quick spoken demand and I swallow heavily.
“Shay. Parker Shay. His father was—”
“Kane Shay,” he speaks over me and I nod.
He stands quickly, his arm coming up to rub the back of his neck. “Fuck.”
A quick intake of air pulls my attention, our mother standing at the threshold of the door, eavesdropping. Her face is contorted in a way I’ve never seen; fear etched along every feature.
“Leave,” my dad grits out and she scurries away without even throwing a single insult.
“If Parker Shay says you’re in danger. He’d be right,” he closes the door, moving back toward the couch Camryn and I are sharing.
“But,” I take a breath to speak, but he holds up a single hand, silencing me.
“He would know, because he and his brother are the only two people on this planet that would want to cause you harm.”
“No.” I shake my head. “No.”
“If there is a threat on you, Codi. It’s from him. Directly,” he combats the panicked sound of my voice with a quiet sternness.
I stand, pacing around his office. “Doesn’t make any sense,” I turn back, looking between him and Camryn. “He loves me. He’s trying to protect me. He wouldn’t want to hurt me.”
“It’s a lie.”
“Dad, it’s not,” Camryn finally speaks, shifting forward in her seat. “I’ve seen the guy, met him multiple times. I saw the desperation in him this morning trying to get Codi out of harm’s way. He loves her.”
He massages his temples, sighing loudly. “Sit down, Codi.”
I do as he asks without argument, crossing my arms over my chest, hugging my arms. A shield. Against the words my father is about to give me.
“Parker tell you that his mother died when he was young?”
I nod, working to keep my brain from recalling the gruesome details of the way he lost his mother.
My father takes a breath to speak, stops, rubs his jaw, taking his seat along the arm of the chair once again.
“His family thinks our family killed her. You don’t need specifics but let’s just say we were competitors in certain markets. He was gaining traction, he—”
“Oh my God,” I cry, my hand covering my mouth, the stuttered breath shaking across my open palm. “You did it. You murdered his mom.”
“No.”
“Not you, but one of your minions. Oh my God,” I sob, folding down onto myself.
It all makes sense. Why he hates my family, why he refused to meet my dad, why he fights so heavily against the monsters in his mind. Holy crap. I can’t even blame him for seeking revenge. It still makes no sense why I’ve been dragged into it all. His hate his aimed at my dad, not me.
“I assure you, Codi,” my dad touches my arm, and I flinch at this touch, not having noticed him actually moving. “Our family had nothing to do with Lila Shay’s death,” he kneels in front of me, imploring to believe him. “I know Kane thought differently, but I had no reason to take that woman’s life.”
“You just said,” I stand again, moving away from him. “You just admitted that his business was crushing yours, that—”
“CODI,” he yells, calming his voice before speaking again. “Look at me. In the eyes,” he demands and I do as he says, needing to find truth in his declaration. “I. Did Not. Kill. Lila. Shay. Trust me. I had nothing, absolutely, fucking nothing to do with the murder of Parker’s mother.”
My eyes search his desperately, tears tracking down my cheeks, wetting my shirt. “Why blame you then?”
He shrugs. “I was the obvious answer. Clichéd as it is, rival crime families kill one another off to gain turf. Sounds so fucking juvenile. The police investigated me, my business, my associates, for months. Months, Codi. There was not one single shred of evidence to pin her murder on me, because I had absolutely nothing to do with it.”
I look to Camryn, my face pleading with her to tell me what to believe. Her eyes are fixated on our father, and I wait for her to turn to me. When she does, I know without her speaking a single word that she believes him.
“I don’t know what to believe,” I whisper. “It still doesn’t make any sense. Parker loves me, he would never hurt me. I’m confused.”
“His brother?” Dad questions and an uneasy feeling crawls painfully up the line of my spine.
“Rocco’s intense. I definitely got the vibe that he didn’t like me, didn’t ever sense he was having murderous thoughts though.”
“Information I’ve gathered over the years; Rocco Shay is unhinged. Dangerous. Fights for fun. Let’s his opponents get the upper hand to begin with, I assume because he enjoys the pain,” a distasteful grimace crosses his face. “Then he beats them within an inch of their life, smiling the entire time. Kane also had a few very dangerous men working alongside him, his second in particular, Marcus Dempsey.”
He moves toward his desk, his stride purposeful. “You’ve met Rocco?” he glances up waiting for my nod, before hitting keys along his laptop. “Did you meet Marcus? Anyone else in the family?”
I shake my head, but he doesn’t look up at me, his head focused on his screen. “No. Except his Aunt. Umm… Mira’s her name.”
He pauses his attack on the keyboard, his eyes meeting mine under the dark line of his lashes. “Mira is married to Marcus. I can’t imagine she was involved in this plan, whatever the fuck it is. She was Lila’s sister.”
Flicking his laptop around, I glance to the mugshot lighting his screen.
“This is Marcus Dempsey. Have you seen him before?”
I move closer, pulling the computer closer to me, shaking my head. I stare into deep blue eyes, so dark their color is almost indistinguishable, yet I see no soul. No feeling. Just nothing. His strong, angular cut jaw is dusted with a light shade of facial hair, his blond hair just close to his head, a dark beauty spot kissing an inch above his top lip.
He’s scary. He’s attractive. He’s empty.
“You’re gonna go upstairs to your old room. You will not leave this house until I have this sorted. Do you understand me?”
I stare into Marcus’ dead eyes, not listening to a word my dad spills. His smooth voice tickles my ears, but I can’t move past the soulless man staring into my eyes, like evil itself is being gifted a ticket to my inner psyche.
Slamming the screen shut, I push the laptop away, considering that he was charged with Rocco and Parker’s care after their dad died. They lived with the devil. I’m certain of it.
I stand abruptly, looking to dad and Camryn without meeting their eyes. “I need… I’m..”
“Codi, did you hear me?”
I nod. “Hmm. Yeah. Stay here. Don’t leave.”
“Baby,” he speaks again, standing to move toward me. “I won’t let anyone harm a single hair on your beautiful head. Do you understand me?”
I nod into his embrace, letting him offer me the reassurance he’s craving to. “You are safest here. I can protect you here. This’ll all be over before you know it.”
Over before you know it.
I hate to even think about what that means. Who gets hurt in the process? Marcus? Mira? Rocco? Parker?
I feel sick, bile rushing up my throat. I push back from my dad, running toward the small bathroom in his office, emptying the contents of my stomach.
Camryn rubs my back, whispering words of reassurance in my ear. I hate myself for wanting to tell her to go. To leave me.
“I’m fine,” I brush her off, standing and moving to the basin. I splash my face with water, palming my eyes sockets. I rinse the taste of vomit from my mouth, my father’s voice from his phone call echoing through the room, too soft to hear his words, but still causing anxiety to prickle at my skin.
I push past Camryn, past my dad. “Going to my room.”
I close the door behind me, listening as dads quietly soften, “give her some space,” filters through the wood.
I stand there, plastered against his office door for a minute or two, regulating my breathing. My eyes flick around the space, turning to find calm, but I can’t focus on it. Pulling my cell from my jeans I dial Parker’s number, before I remember it’s currently sitting in about a million pieces in my lounge room at present.
I look to the front door, my feet starting their movement before I can stop them. Mom’s car keys tease me from their discarded position on the entry table and I glance back to my dad’s office door before picking the keys up as quietly as possible. Holding them in my hand, I pause, waiting to be caught, for my dad to barge from his office and yell at me to stay put, instead I’m met with silence, the sound stifling in such a large space.
I open the door as quietly as possible, closing it back over before legging it to my mother’s Audi. I’m pulling out of the driveway before I’ve let myself second guess what I’m doing.
My father would tell me I’m being careless. That I’m putting myself in danger.
Camryn would tell me I’m being impulsive. That I need to give myself time to think, to consider everything I’ve just been told.
My mother would tell me I’m stupid. That if I get hurt, it’d be my own fault.
Maybe she’s the only one with any sense. I know I’m being careless, impulsive. I know this could be the stupidest decision I’ve ever made. I’m already hurt, what’s a little more pain if it offers me closure.
Parker Shay was the first thing in life I’ve ever wanted. I need to know if it was all a lie. I need to know if his love was, is real. And even if it was all a game. A carefully crafted plan for revenge, I need to make sure he’s safe. Because whether he feels it back or not, I love him.