Rocco
Standing on the outside looking in, I take in the opulence of Codi’s apartment building. Of course it’s overtly showy. She is a Rein after all, and her father does nothing by halves.
Once upon a time standing out here like a fool would have pissed me off. Fueled the fire of my temper having to wait, for a Rein no less. In reality, my entire life has been me on the outside of the Rein empire, staring in. Waiting, watching. It was all in vain. Not that I had any way of knowing that. Still, a pointless endeavor that caused me nothing but a deeper pain.
Attempting to get into the building would’ve been futile so I’ve been forced to loiter, hoping like fuck Codi will eventually appear.
“Rocco.” Camryn Rein pushes through the glass, stopping only a few feet from where I stand. “What are you doing here?”
Her face forces memories I’m struggling to suppress to flash into my mind’s forefront.
Blood. Lots of it. Coating her hands. Her forehead creased in concentration as she worked to clean the oozing red liquid from Mira’s face.
She did it though, without hesitation, without knowing fuck all about us. Aside from the tiny, insignificant fact that Parker and I had plans to off her sister of course.
I clear my throat, standing to full height as I bury my hands into the pockets of my jeans. Her eyes skate over me in bored indifference. Her gaze moving over my body, across my chest and to my face without a single emotion.
I offer her the same dress down. Her body is hidden under ill-fitting light blue scrubs that cover her from chest to toes. She wears a hoodie on top, combating the cooler weather and further hindering my ability to see what her body actually looks like.
Her brown hair is tied haphazardly on top of her head, no care taken to make it neat and her face is free of makeup. The freckles across the bridge of her nose are a shade darker than her complexion and her eyes a denim blue.
“Was lookin’ for Codi.” I step forward, and she shuffles backward, an eyebrow rising in an obvious warning to back the fuck off.
“Forgive me if I’m not overly forthcoming on my sister’s whereabouts, you know, considering you had plans to take her life.”
I work to quash the amused grin threatening to spill onto my lips. “Deserve that. Ain’t here for me though. Want to talk to her about Parker.”
He teeth worry at her bottom lip, indecision plaguing her. “What about Parker?”
“About the fact that he’s in love with your sister and they belong together, and I’d really appreciate if they sorted that shit, like fucking yesterday, so I can stop watching him wallow.”
A small bark of laughter shoots from her lips and it transforms her face. She’s hot. Just doesn’t want anyone to know it. Hides herself under her baggy clothes and resting bitch face.
“Thank fuck. Codi refuses to leave the apartment most days. Something’s gotta give,” she sighs heavily, checking her watch as she moves a few more steps away from me. “She went out to grab… groceries, maybe half an hour ago, she’ll be back any minute.”
I nod my thanks and she twists on her heel walking down the sidewalk without a backward glance. She pauses about ten steps down, taking a breath before spinning. “He hurts her again, I’ll hunt him down myself and kill him.”
I feel an eyebrow rise on my face and this time I don’t attempt to hide my smirk. “We should hang out sometime.”
“HA,” she yells, louder than necessary. “In your dreams, Romeo. I like a little less psycho with my sex.”
“Didn’t say anything about fucking, dreamer.”
Her confidence wavers, but she schools it quickly enough, exaggerating an eye roll. “Try not to kill anyone while you’re waiting for Codi. Let’s not do this again.”
My quiet laughter follows her retreat and I watch her until she disappears from sight.
I despised the Rein girls for most of my life, I hated what I thought they stood for, what I thought their family cost mine. Situation the way it stands, they should loathe me, likely fear me and the fucked up thoughts that cloud my mind. Yet Camryn Rein didn’t look at me with contempt or alarm. They’re good people, they were raised right and Parker and I aren’t deserving of the good in their hearts. Doesn’t mean I’m not gonna fight to convince Codi otherwise.
Parker’s hurting. It’s not just losing Mira that’s spiraling him into a self-destructive depression. He fell in love and he believes he lost it. My brother is nursing a broken fucking heart and it’s the one thing I have no experience in helping him heal.
He’s thrown himself into work, I can’t get him to leave that fucking club. He’s there all hours of the night, most of the day, locked away in his office, doing God knows what. He comes home to shower, catch an hour of sleep if he feels so inclined then he’s back out the door.
I’m not allowed to mention the bitch, he loses his fucking head, especially when I refer to her as a bitch. Don’t mean it the way he takes it. Not my fault he has his man period.
Moping. Sulking. Refuses to even try and make it right between him and his girl. Won’t talk to me about it, just closes it off as not up for discussion.
“Lotta nerve coming to my house.”
My head tips up, watching Codi shift nervously in front of me, her words fierce, body language painting a different story.
I glance to the pint of ice cream clutched tightly in her hands.
Groceries.
Fucking women.
Plastic spoon in her hand tells me she started drowning her sorrows in sugar as soon as she left the shop.
Reaching forward I grab the ice cream, holding out my hand for the spoon. She frowns but hands it over, moving to sit beside me.
“Is this my last supper? Sharing a meal before you stab me with my own spoon?”
I bark out a laugh. “What is this?”
“Cookie dough with chocolate fudge sauce.”
Nice. I talk a large mouthful, watching her as I swallow it down.
“Nah,” I speak again when my mouth is empty, shoveling another heap onto the spoon. “That threat died when your dad killed…. your dad.”
She rolls her eyes, snatching the spoon from my hand and stealing my mouthful. “Hilarious. Regular comedian you are,” she speaks around the fullness of her mouth, her words slurring together as a drop of ice cream flies from her mouth. She throws her hand over her mouth, having the decency to look embarrassed.
She hands me back the spoon and we sit in silence, passing the ice cream back and forth.
“I’m sorry he killed your aunt,” she finally whispers and my breath falters.
Fuck. She feels guilty. Who is this girl?
“Babe. Mira’s death is on Marcus. Maybe on me as well. But no one else.”
“I can’t believe he was my dad,” she admits and the pain in the words make it obvious enough I’m the first person she’s trusted with that statement.
Odd that she would confide that in me, but maybe she sees the messed-up maze of my brain and is looking for someone to help solve her own.
“He wasn’t,” I retort. “Trust me, Codi. Marcus Dempsey cared for no one but himself. He was an evil motherfucker. He knew you were his your whole life and he never attempted to reach out. Laying that out there was his way of inflicting maximum pain before he died. Don’t let him win.”
She’s silent for a moment, contemplating my words. “But my dad, Dominic,” she corrects, “he lied to me. My whole life.”
“Ever make you feel like he resented your existence? That you weren’t his reason for breathing?”
“No,” she concedes quietly.
“Because in his mind, whether biologically you were his or not, you were his.”
I scrape the last of the ice cream from the tub,
smiling at the irritated glare that crosses her face.
“You got good inside you, Codi Rein. That comes from Dominic, him loving you right. The way a parent should. The way my mom loved me and Parker, the way Mira loved us.”
“Truthfully, would you have ever wanted to know, really?” I push. “That Marcus was biologically your real dad? Or would you’ve preferred to be kept in the dark. Given the choice?”
“In the dark,” she speaks without hesitation.
I shrug. “Then you know it’s because your dad is your dad, not some asshole that fucked your mom.”
She goes quiet again, nodding at my words, hands trapped between her knees, staring out at the stars.
“Mom gave us a good life. We were happy, punks, sure, but we didn’t hate the world like we do now. After she died, our dad morphed into someone else entirely. His soul died along with her.”
Her focus has moved from the stars to me, listening intently to my words.
“He beat on us. That’s when he remembered we actually existed,” I smile regretfully. “Most psychological childhood issues you could imagine, we experienced.”
“Abandonment, death, abuse; physical, verbal, emotional and mental, you name it, it was rained upon us on a daily basis. If it wasn’t coming from Kane, Marcus was happy enough to step up and take the reins.”
“That’s horrible,” she whispers, but when I look at her, she’s caught in her own head, completely oblivious to the fact that she had spoken, my words no doubt playing on loop in her mind, imagining the lives we lived.
“Physically I took most of it on.” I wait for her to look at me again. “Parker thinks I’m some kind of hero because I’d let their fists touch me more than him. But after a while, the physical blows you can numb out. Pretend it’s someone else beatin’ on your ass and not your own father. Or uncle.”
A tear rolls down her cheek and I pause for a brief second, letting it slide all the way down, off her skin, falling onto her sweater in a silent splash.
“Parker, as much as he’d like to pretend otherwise, he’s sensitive. I fight to take control, but he lets himself get lost in here,” I tap my temple.
“I did this, Codi. This stupid plan we had to find vengeance for our mother. It was all me. I forced it inside of him and every time I’d see him waver off the path, which was all the fuckin’ time, I’d play on his emotions. I’d bring up mom, what we lost, what we were forced to live with. I’d fuel his heartbreak. I prolonged it, nurtured it and when he’d push against my need for revenge, I’d play on his guilt.”
She watches me quietly, letting me speak.
“Why me?” She finally breaks her quiet. “Why not my dad, my mom, my…” She stops herself before her sister’s name escapes her lips. “Why me? Why now?” She questions quietly.
I think about the years that passed up until this moment. I guess I owe her this. An explanation of sorts, no matter how empty it might sound to her.
“We were young when our dad died. Far too young to act on his vengeance, effectively anyway. Through those first few years, I was so busy trying to survive the nightmare that our life had become, working to keep Mira and Parker safe, avenging my mother had to take a back seat,” I admit regretfully.
She watches me intently, searching for answers I’m not really sure she wants to hear.
“When Park and I finally got free from living right under Dempsey’s thumb, he worked so hard to keep us close, tryin’ in vain to keep the Shay empire alive.”
My palm comes up to scratch along my beard, hating having to reminisce about my younger years. “We had no interest in being a part of the world our father was. It took the most important person from our lives, we wanted nothing to do with what our father built. We would’ve been happy if everything he had burnt to the ground in flames.”
She nods in understanding, a sad, sympathetic smile crawling onto her face.
“Marcus eventually gave up trying to pull us into that world. The flames we craved didn’t happen but the Shay empire slowly but surely starting cracking, falling away until it no longer existed. Through that, I made sure Parker finished school, and then he came to me with his plans for Ruin. When he was settled, when he had everything he needed it gave me the time I needed to focus on the agony inside my heart.”
Leaning forward to brace my elbows on my knees, I glance back over my shoulder at her. She’s staring right at me, waiting patiently for me to continue.
“I thought about killing your dad,” I admit to the concrete stairs, my face trained downward. “Thought about ending it there and being done with it, but I wanted him to hurt. I wanted him to suffer the way I did, the way Parker did. I wanted him to feel as lost and as aimless as I have for my entire life. Killing him wouldn’t have achieved that.”
I sigh loudly, pushing myself back, elbows resting on the step behind me. “I watched Sarah for the briefest time, didn’t take too much to realize her death wouldn’t cause him anything but relief. That left you and your sister.”
She shifts on her spot, twisting her body toward mine, her knees pulling up to her chest. She likely hasn’t even noticed the defensive ball she’s rolled herself into.
“Your sister caught my attention but not in the way I wanted. There’s blackness in her soul. Like mine,” I confess. “She’s closed off to the world and lives dangerously inside her own head.”
I swallow deeply. “That left you. You were so fucking happy and I hated you on sight. You reminded me of my mom,” I let her hear the vulnerability in my admission, a truth I’ve never vocalized until this very moment. “You were happy, carefree, you were good. I couldn’t stomach it so I forced Parker’s involvement.”
She moves to touch me, her hand lifting to grab my arm in reassurance, but she second guesses, her hand balling into a fist and dropping back to her lap.
“You’re the sunshine of the Rein family, Codi. I knew if I took you away from them, they’d drown in darkness. Just like I did.”
Silence falls heavily between us and she watches me closely as she swallows my words. Finally she pulls in a large breath. Stretching from her defensive ball, she turns to face the street once again.
“I appreciate you telling me all this, really I do. But he deceived me, Rocco. I get what you’re saying and I understand your want for revenge, I don’t actually hate either of you for that. But, I fell in love with your brother when I was nothing more than a pawn in a twisted plan to him. Maybe his feelings morphed into something more, but everything we shared was based on something that wasn’t real, on hate.”
“The plan was never for him to know you, he was charged with learning your routine, watching you,” I confess and her eyebrows shoot up in interest. “He was drawn to you before he even spoke to you. He chose to continue to spend time with you because he wanted to, not out of loyalty to me.”
“He liked the way I looked,” she argues.
A grunt of laughter passes my lips. “That too. But that only goes so far. Trust me, Parker fell in love with you all on his honest lonesome.”
I stand, jogging down the few steps before turning back to her. “He hates himself right now. I tried to have this conversation with him first, but he doesn’t think he deserves you,” her eyes close over in pain and I shrug. “Maybe he’s right, but I’m hoping you think otherwise.”
I look down the street, breathing heavily. “Codi, you guys fell in love in a pretty fuckin’ hopeless situation, but still, you fell in love, even with all that clouding you. Surely that’s enough to prove that whatever you guys have goin’ on is worth fighting for.”
I crack my knuckles in nervous anticipation, waiting for her to give me something, anything to indicate I’ve gotten through.
“You seem very insightful for an angry person.”
“I prefer broody or dark and mysterious,” I smile and she rolls her eyes. “Codi, look at everything I’ve lost. I’ve spent my entire life lost in hate and maybe I’ll never escape the destruction of that place, doesn’t mean you and Parker can’t.”