CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Tank
“I think she’s grown like three feet and nine pounds since the last time we saw her a week ago,” I observe Stella sleeping in her carrier.
There was a time when I hated coming to my sister’s. I wasn’t ever sure what kind of a mood she and Stephen would be in, and I didn’t like holding my tongue when it came to her ex-husband. If it had been up to me, the night I showed him how I really felt about him, I’d have killed him and buried his body in the damn woods.
“She’s growing like a weed,” Whitney confirms as she hands me a drink and has a seat next to Renegade on the loveseat they’re sharing.
She lies down, putting her feet in his lap. Not missing a beat, he grabs her legs and lazily starts stroking them up and down. I have to say back when they first told me about their relationship I acted like an ass, and that’s totally my fault. I couldn’t see how they would be able to love each other after the past the two of them shared. I’m happy and proud to say I was dead wrong. They love each other with an intensity I hope Blaze and I share.
“How’s work?” I ask Renegade. Not being able to patrol alongside my brothers in blue is starting to get to me, but I hope to be back on the schedule in the next few weeks.
“Not bad,” he yawns. They’re pulling more overtime with me off than they have in a while. “The Strather’s are ramping up again. Speaking of, have you heard anything about Brooks and the charges they’re bringing against him?”
“I got a call from the state prosecutor early this week. They’re going for the maximum penalty on him. I heard through the grapevine that even though he’s out on bail, they caught him over in Oldham County speeding the other day. I hope they lock the kid up and throw away the key. He didn’t succeed in killing me, but he’s not going to stop until he kills someone – probably himself. It’s scary he has no regard for human life.”
Blaze snuggles next to me. “Yeah but look at the family he was raised with. None of them consider anyone important besides themselves. Trust me. When you’re raised with family like that, it’s hard to care about others,” she shrugs. “I’m not making excuses for him, but I do kind of understand where he gets his apathy. He’s in for a rude awakening though, because the rest of the world wasn’t raised like that.”
We’re quiet as we settle back in to watch a movie Renegade’s rented for us. I think we’re watching it just because he wants to sleep, and this is the easiest way for him to get away with a quiet weekend afternoon. Either way, we’re all kind of lethargic, and I’m positive we’re all about five minutes from going to sleep when Stella’s loud cries scare us all to death.
“Holy shit, she about gave me a heart attack,” I jump up, dislodging Blaze from where she was nearly asleep against my shoulder.
“She’s really good at doing that,” Whitney yawns and blearily reaches down to grab the bottle they already have prepared. “It’s like she’s on a timer and knows when we’re about to doze off. But she’s also been so congested lately,” she lifts Stella up, putting her in her arms so she can feed her.
“This weather has all kinds of kids sick,” Blaze confirms. “RSV is at the highest level they’ve seen it in a few years in this area. We’ve had more than a few runs the past couple of days where kids are in distress.”
“I was worried about that the other night,” Ryan sits up straighter, rubbing his eyes. “She’s too little to really get the congestion out of her.”
“Yeah,” Blaze nods. “That’s the biggest problem. Do you have a suction bulb? That’s the easiest way to do it.”
He reaches into the diaper bag on the floor and fishes one out. “Before I leave, I’ll show you guys what you need to do.”
We’re all quiet again as we settle back into the movie. I’m not even sure where it left off, all I know is I’m enjoying this quiet day with my family. It’s amazing how different our are lives now than they were back right before Thanksgiving. If this was before the wreck, I might have decided to go do something else, but now I understand how important family time is.
Blaze is running her hand along my leg and she’s laughing as I situate myself deeper in the couch. “Don’t get too comfortable,” she teases.
It happens in the blink of an eye. Whitney drops the bottle and we hear Stella coughing violently, gasping and wheezing, trying to take in a breath. “Oh my God, Stella,” the fear in her voice is nothing like I’ve ever heard before.
The rest of us look to be on the edge of a freak out, when calm as she ever is, Blaze gets up from her position on the couch, walks over, picks Stella up and walks back over to the couch we were sitting on. Stella is trying to breathe, we can all hear it, the gasp for breath is the scariest sound I’ve ever heard in my life. Her little throat muscles are working hard as her chest pumps up and down in small little pants, trying desperately to take in air.
Blaze sits down next to me, turns our niece over on her forearm before she begins tapping her between the shoulder blades with the heel of her hand. As she works, she says in another calm voice. “Trevor, do me a favor and call nine-one-one and put them on speaker phone.”
My hands shake as I do as she’s asked. I glance over seeing Renegade and Whitney both white with shock. I count the loud thuds Blaze makes as she slaps Stella on the back. When nine-one-one picks up, I hear Blaze talking but I have no idea what she’s saying. If someone asked me later on what was said, I would never be able to repeat one word from the conversation.
“Hang up the phone, Trev, they’re on their way.”
She’s still thumping her back, and I’m praying with everything I have to hear her cry – if she cries that means she can breathe. After what feels like an eternity, Stella violently expels a mouthful of formula all over Blaze.
The entire group collectively makes a noise as we hear Stella make a noise.
“She’s okay, she’s okay,” Blaze turns her over, checking her out. “Her color’s good, and I don’t hear any laboring.”
Right then we hear the wail of the ambulance, and I jump up to let them in. It’s a whirlwind as they check Stella, making sure everything is okay. I watch as they put a little oxygen mask on her as a precaution; they won’t be taking her to the hospital. Blaze excuses herself to go clean up in the bathroom while mom and dad dote over their baby.
I follow Blaze, I need to be close to her after what’s happened. But I’m too slow, she’s shut the door to the bathroom. “Blaze, let me in,” I try the knob, and it turns easily.
When I open the door and she looks up from where she’s sitting on the ledge of the bathtub, my heart breaks for her. She’s got tears streaming down her face and her hands are shaking. “I just need to get washed up,” she stands and walks over to the sink, soaping up her hands, and using a washcloth to clean her clothing.
I shut the door softly behind me. “It’s okay if you were affected by that, I think we all were.”
She stops what she’s doing and braces her hands against the counter, letting her head fall between her shoulders. “It’s so damn hard to see a baby fight for breath like that,” she cries, her shoulders shaking. “And I was scared to death, what if I couldn’t get the airway unobstructed? How would I be able to look at myself again? How would you be able to ever look at me again.”
Walking over, I take her in my arms, putting my chin on top of her head. “I never doubted you, babe, because I know you’re damn good at your job. We were all fucking scared out there. You were the one though who handled it like a champ. You grabbed her up, did your thing, and made sure she was breathing. That takes skill and guts.”
“That’s the hardest part of my job, knowing what to do, but not being in control of everything. We can sometimes do all the right things and the patient still doesn’t make it. I worried about that with her, especially after the first few times she didn’t respond.”
I turn her around, folding her in my arms. Like they have their own honing beacon, my lips find hers and I kiss her hard. There’s no passion, which is so unlike us. Instead it’s a relief that we both feel. “Thank you for being there when our family needed you,” he breathes heavily. “Thank you for being the person who stood up, kept a level head and did the most badass thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t think I could have done it, I know I couldn’t have done it. Thank you for being with me.”
She giggles, disrupting the flow of the tears down her cheeks. “I’ll gladly stand next to my Batman.”
“Fuck that, your Batman will gladly stand next to you.”
Blaze
I’m shaken when we get home, terrified of what I just did and who I saved. It feels like it did the afternoon I saved Trevor. My teeth are chattering as he pulls us into his drive.
“Are you okay?”
I nod. “I think it’s delayed shock to be honest with you. It’s been a long time since I’ve been that scared. To see someone you love going through something and you aren’t sure whether you can do anything about it. It affects you.”
His blue eyes flash with annoyance, and it takes me by surprise. “You’re really gonna go there, Blaze?”
I watch as he opens the door to the truck and stalks into what’s now our house. “What did you mean am I going to go there?” I burst through the back door, following him. He’s already at the fridge with a beer out, taking a large drink of it.
“Let’s talk about the elephant in the room, sweetheart. Let’s talk about how I was affected by what I saw you go through.”
I’m speechless because I know at the end of listening to him tell me his story, I’m going to have to tell him mine.