The room is cloaked in a dim light when I wake. Elijah’s breath fans across my shoulders and I turn to look at him as he sleeps.

He looks tired; dark circles shadow under his eyes, and a creeping web of fine lines I don’t remember being there before stretch from the corners of his eyes.

In the three weeks I lived without him, I was so angry that I never thought for one minute what he might have been going through.

Running is second nature to me.

It’s what I do.

Someone hurts me, and I run. I never challenge the hurt. I never fight my corner and demand respect.

Jennifer Fairclough stood on that stage and told her loving audience her son was getting married. I saw him and her go up there and wave... I didn’t wait... I didn’t march up there and challenge what was happening.

I ran.

I can’t help but think of Dan and I on his sofa and how different that was. There was no passion. My body didn’t ignite.

My fingers trail along Elijah’s jaw.

There is no one like him. No one does what he can do. How can I teach myself not to run? Because if Elijah can’t make me stay and fight, then what the hell will?

“Why are you awake?” A slow smile curves his lips and then those blues shine on my face.

“Thinking.”

“Dangerous.”

I giggle but then lapse into silence. “Is this happening? I still can’t believe it.”

His lips straighten and that frown I want to erase with the pad of my thumb, etches between his brows. “It’s happening for me. And you agreed to my rules, so you’re doomed.”

“Doomed? How long for?” I stretch a smile into the darkness.

“Forever.”

My lips find his, warm and delectable. I tease my tongue along the length of his lower lip and he sighs gently, his hands finding me in the dark and pulling me in tight until we are nose to nose. “Are you ready to talk?”

I tense, my faulty fight-or-flight kicking into action until his hand cups my cheek, his thumb brushing my skin. I exhale a shuddering breath. “We can talk.”

He rolls back, linking his hands behind his head as he stares at the ceiling. “I know I messed up, Faith.”

“I think we both did. I shouldn’t have run like I did.”

Even in the dark of the room his gaze is heavy and intense. “That’s true.”

“Why didn’t you tell me what was happening? If you’d warned me about your mum and what she was going to do, I would have been prepared and I would have told you how I felt. I would have said I didn’t give a fuck about my career, or about meeting contacts, or about anything apart from you. You know in my adult life I’ve never told anyone I love them? Well excluding Dan, Abi, and Al. That’s it. It’s a small group I’ve let you into.”

His fingers grasp mine, but his face is still focused on the ceiling. “I know. It was a fuck-up of royal proportions.” He turns a little to face me. “But do you think it would have made any difference? You’re a very passionate woman. If I’d have told you that mum was going to try to reschedule the wedding, you would have run, you would never have made it to the ball and made the contacts you have.”

“You mean Angela?”

“Yes. She doesn’t want you on that show because of me or Bowsley. It was you who impressed her with your ‘Lady Balls’ as she called it. And also, I wanted Mum to announce the Fairclough Foundation.”

I squint my face up at him in confusion and he smiles and kisses the tip of my nose. “What are you talking about?”

“I knew you wouldn’t remember.”

“Remember what?”

“Come and find out.”

“Where on earth are we going, and why are we naked?”

Elijah holds my hand, leading me naked through his house. Butt naked. I’m not going to lie, my eyes are not on where my feet are walking. Fuck he’s gorgeous. His shoulders and back are beautifully carved with muscle, his neck strong, the short smattering of his hair covering the tanned skin. And his arse... well I don’t have words.

“You don’t have issues with nakedness, do you?” He turns and raises an eyebrow as he looks at me.

“Well, no. But it’s weird. You aren’t some secretive naturist, are you? That could change things.”

He drops my hand and sighs. “Okay, stay here.”

He dashes back into the bedroom and I stand in the hallway of his house waiting for his return. When he does, he’s wearing low slung football shorts. I’m only partially disappointed—like he’s still totally hot. He thrusts a pair of cotton boxers and a T-shirt at me. “For your modesty, Madame.”

I giggle as I slide his clothes over my skin. They smell of him, and I give a little shiver as they slip over my body. “I thought you liked being naked?”

He catches my hand and pulls me towards him, his bare chest brushing against my T-shirt covered breasts. They stand to attention at the lightest touch. His lips cover mine and he kisses me for one long breathless moment until my head spins and my body rushes with heat. “I want you to pay attention to what comes next.” With that he turns us for the patio doors through the end of the spacious open plan living room. This house is gorgeous. Where my own apartment is small and compact, hinting at a splendour from a previous age with its high ceilings, his mews house is quaint and sweet on the outside, but inside is sleek, comfortable and luxurious. The whole of the downstairs is open plan, the kitchen giving way to the sofa I so desperately had him on earlier. Along the back wall are bifold windows I haven’t ventured through. He grabs a remote and presses a button and the doors silently fold inwards. A rush of cool early morning air floods over us. I haven’t checked the time, but as I stare at the sky behind the glass, I can spot a slight lightening to the dark. “Where are we going?” I ask. “And thank God we aren’t naked.”

He smiles, his eyes dancing. “We need to talk about your issues with nakedness.” I shiver as his gaze runs over the shape of me under his loose-fitting clothes. “Come see.”

He beckons me forward and tangles my fingers with his as he leads us down an immaculate pathway. The garden is small and set to lawn, but under the brightening sky I can see carefully laid and immaculately neat plant beds. “This is beautiful.”

“Come on.” He leads me on, not letting me explore the trickle of water that’s filling the quiet space.

“What’s this?” We stop outside a wooden structure. It’s got that new wood smell, pine and varnish. He pushes in the door and steps inside, flicking on some lights with a switch on the wall.

“This is for you.”

I can’t speak. I stop and stare at the space in front of me. It’s a studio, fully kitted out. Some of my pieces from Bowsley that didn’t make it to Whitlocks last night are there, set on shelves. “Why did you do this when I ran away?” My chest is tight, the words hurt as I try to speak around the tension cinching my throat.

“Because I was always going to run after you.”

“Shit.” A heaving tide of tears threatens to sweep me away. I need to stop fucking crying, it’s getting pathetic.

He steps up to a drawing table, tilted and ready for me to sit at. “This is also yours.” He hands me a plain white envelope which I take with shaking fingers. “Faith.” He tilts my chin. “Why are you shaking?”

“It’s all too much. I don’t know what’s going on anymore.”

He shrugs, it’s disarming and cute. “Me neither, but we’re going to work it out. Okay?” His eyes bore into mine, intense and searching.

“Okay.”

“Now open the envelope.” He steps back a little, but I wish he wouldn’t.

I tear it open and peek inside. “What the fuck?” I tug at the slip of paper inside and pull out a cheque for twenty-five thousand pounds.

His eyes are firmly on my face. His fingers squeeze mine; maybe he’s trying to stop them shaking. “This is why I stood on that stage and lied. This was yours and I wanted you to have it.”

“What is it?”

His smile is slow, and it makes my stomach tie into knots. “Remember the announcement my mother made? The Fairclough Trust for Art and Design. She announced you were the first recipient. This is yours. There was no way I was giving her any reason not to give it to you.”

His words make the very fabric of the universe dissolve beneath my feet. “You did that for me?”

His face is serious, worried. “I would never let her cheat you, so I played it out and then I did what I wanted all along.”

“Which was what?” It’s nothing more than a whisper.

“I came to find you.”

I shake my head. “You know you can’t go around trying to fix things for me all the time?” I watch him carefully, my fingers grasping the envelope and cheque. “Did you sleep with Sienna?” The questions blasts out of nowhere.

His face drops, confusion flashing across his features. “No, why would you even ask that?” A flash of anger flickers across his face and I step back. I’ve never seen him even close to cross before. But I want to know. 

“So you didn’t?” What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I ruining this?

“No. I wasn’t engaged to her, it was a ploy, a ruse, so I could get you everything you deserved. And so, now you are accusing me of cheating on you?”

His demand causes my eyes to fly wide open.

“It’s not cheating if two people aren’t actually together.” My heart races in my chest.

He tilts his head to the side. “It’s cheating if two people are in love. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know. It’s just when I was in Brighton, it’s all I could think about. You with her. I hated you so much.”

“I can get that.” He nods. “I should have made Dan tell you I was there. It was stupid to go all the way there and then leave at the first hurdle. I should have fought harder.” He pauses. “You know, he really doesn’t like me. And you? While you were back there?”

Elijah may not have known me very long, but he knows me well. After all, he’s seen me when I’m angry and desperate to disconnect.

“No.”

I want to tell him about Dan. About that foolish night when I hurt and cried and wanted to forget.

“Dan doesn’t like many people. Don’t sweat it. So, what happens now? Like today? Is this it now, are we together? What about your mother and grandmother? This is going to go badly, isn’t it?” I ask.

He raises an eyebrow. “Do you have a passport?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Good. I’ll drop you home and you can pack. We are going away.”

“What? We can’t. There is too much going on.”

“It’s the weekend, Faith.”

“What about Tabitha?”

“She will be fine.” He reopens the door that leads back to his garden.

“This is crazy.”

He grins, and it makes my heart swell to the point of bursting.

“Seriously, Elijah, this is important. What will your mother say?”

He turns and grabs me, pulling me against his body. “Honestly, Faith. I just don’t give a fuck.”

And with that all my worries about what happens today, tomorrow, next week... next year... they all fade away and I slide myself into his arms, the only place I want to be.

A couple of hours later, I walk up the stairs to my flat. Each tread on the stairs and I’m asking myself what I’m doing.

What am I doing?

He broke me. Not just a little bit. He smashed me: made me love, and then destroyed it like a mirror falling from up high.

But then there’s him, and the way he feels; the way with him every touch, every single shred of a moment, seems right.

I’m a woman torn. I want to believe that Elijah and I will walk that rainbow. I just don’t know if I’m the kind of woman who gets rainbows and unicorns.

The TV is blaring loud as I walk through the front door and my eyes fall on Dan sprawled on the couch, beer in hand. “Hey.” I step up and take the beer and he turns his bleary face in my direction. It’s slightly worrying he hadn’t heard me until I was looming over him.

“You’re back.” He barks, a gruff rumble scrunching out of his throat.

“Yep. You okay? Where’s Abi and Adam?” I look about, but it’s not hard to tell they aren’t there, I can see into every room from my spot in the lounge.

He shifts a little, his eyes dark and hollow, and pats the sofa. I hesitate for a split second and then scoot down next to him. He pulls me in, snuggling me into his side. “They had to go; their babysitter could only do until ten.”

“That’s a shame. I would have like to thank them for coming. I’ll call them later, I guess.”

I stare at the ceiling. This is awkward, and I hate it. Dan is my oldest friend, my protector, my brother. “So, you stayed at His Lordship’s manor last night?”

“Dan,” I warn.

He turns slightly and stares at me, smelling of sleep and beer. “Don’t ‘Dan’ me. He broke you, Faith. Smashed you with his empty promises. And then, what, he puts on a tuxedo and plays some cheesy music and the next thing you’re dropping your panties for him?”

I roll off the sofa and glare at Dan. “How dare you speak to me like that.”

“It’s the truth.” I kick at him with my foot, but he grabs it and holds it tight. “Come on, Faith. This isn’t like you. Why are you letting him back in?”

“Because I love him.” I snap the words and Dan’s brown eyes widen.

“Fucking shit.” He shakes his head and shifts upright on the sofa, dropping my foot with such abandon I almost fall over. “Shit, Faith. Total shit.”

“What? You want me to say I love you because we had sex once?”

He unfolds himself and stretches up until he’s towering over me. “No, Faith, I want you to protect yourself from aristocratic scumbags who don’t know the first thing about you.”

“Dan.” I’m at a loss for what to say. “I know you’re hurting and grieving, but don’t lash out at me. Why didn’t you tell me Elijah came to Brighton straightaway? You could have saved me weeks of agony.”

“This has got nothing to do with grief, Faith. I’ve spent all our lives protecting you, wanting to give you everything. I sent him away because I was still doing it, still protecting you.”

“It’s not like that between us.” My chest is so tight, I don’t know how my ribs are still allowing an intake of breath. The brown eyes that have spent a lifetime smiling at me harden and I sit on the sofa, falling almost.

“I know.” He sighs a little, his huge arms wrapping across his middle and folding across his chest. “I guess I thought maybe once you were free of what Aiden did to you, you’d realise I was the guy who’d always been there.”

I stare at him in shock. “You have always been the guy who’s been there. You’re my best friend.”

He drops his gaze to the ground as he stalks for his jacket thrown over the armchair. He’s at the door, the veins in his arms pulsing as he clenches his hands so tight. “See you around, Faith.”

I try to stop him. I go to reach my arm out to grab him back, but my body won’t move, my tongue won’t speak.

The door closes and my oldest friend walks away.

What would Al say to me now?

I dash away an angry tear. I don’t think I’d want to hear it.