“We don’t have to go. We could stay here and spoon instead?” Eli’s arms tighten around my middle, tucking me tight into his body. My skin tingles as the cool air of the bedroom settles against my heated body.

Wriggling my foot back and threading it between his naked legs, I try to tie us together like a pretzel. “Have you enjoyed your birthday so far?” I turn my face a little, so I can see him as he rests his chin on my shoulder. His hands skim along my stomach, tracing lazy patterns that keep my body alive and filled with anticipation.

“Mm, it’s been perfect.”

“Perfect? We haven’t done anything.” I chuckle, and it rocks us closer, warmth spreads between us, every inch of our naked skin that touches is hot and buzzing.

“We’ve done a lot really.”

“We’ve had sex a lot.” Turning in his arms, I press us together, my lips brushing over his, my breasts pressed against his chest. My knee slips between his, pressing his thigh in between my legs. I want him again, already. It’s never going to end; this constant craving and desire is going to eat me alive.

“I’m sorry I didn’t buy you a proper present.” I kiss his mouth again, teasing my tongue along the edge of his lips.

He wanted my painting for his present. Insisted on it. This morning when we ventured into clothes, he took it from the studio and we went to Whitlocks where Damien framed it for him and then Eli nailed a hook into the wall above the fireplace in his Kensington house and hung it pride of place.

That’s it. All I’ve given him, the man who has given me everything, is some random splashes of gold and orange on a canvas.

I fail on every level of being a girlfriend.

“I could stay here forever.” I snuggle up closer and between my legs a warmth grows and tingles until I’m growing slick just from being so close to him.

“That’s the idea.” He murmurs, his fingers running up and down the sensitive skin of my back.

“Do you know what you do to me?” I lift my face and meet his gaze.

“What do you mean?” A dark eyebrow raises.

“You. I want you all the time, more than anything. Nothing else matters so long as we are like this together. I’ve never felt that before. Never felt safe with anyone.”

“Not even Dan? He’s the guy who always found you.” A small furrow buries between his eyebrows before he quickly smooths it away. I saw it though.

“Should I regret telling you that?”

“No.”

“You know when I first Googled you, I saw all these pictures of you at different society events, always a different blonde on your arm and I thought I had you pegged.”

“Ah, so you were stalking. And you were so appalled when I said I’d been looking you up on Facebook.”

“That, my love, is because you put far too much emphasis on social media statuses.”

“Sue me.” Taking me by surprise, he kisses me, his tongue sweeping into my mouth, stopping my conversation. “I like it when you call me your love.”

I chuckle and peck a kiss on his cheek. “Anyway, don’t try to change the subject. The women were beautiful, polished, and sophisticated. Can you imagine when you’re photographed with me? What will I make you look like? I’m a nightmare compared to all those beauties.”

He rolls me over, pressing me into the mattress. “I’ve imagined it. Dreamed about it since the moment we first met, and I acted like a total tool. I’ll be proud to have you on my arm, whether we are being photographed, or buying our fruit and veg at Tesco’s.”

“I can’t be like you. I can’t be two different people contained under the same surface.”

His lips seek out mine, hard and deep. I gasp and fight for breath as his tongue dances in my mouth fast and intense. When he pulls away, his gaze burns bright. “I never want you to be anything other than what you are. I want you, all of you, to be mine forever.”

On the tip of my tongue is one word. ‘Yes’. I want to say it. I want to dive into him and promise myself. I never want to face a life without him completing me with the grounded elements he’s brought along to my crazy.

I don’t say it. But I hold it inside, a deep secret I’ll keep for now

That’s it. I know what I will give him for his birthday. I’ll survive the dinner and then I will do the one thing I never expected, never even thought I’d even have to do. I’ll say yes.

“We’d better get ready,” I murmur against his mouth.

“Not yet.” His arousal pushes against my thigh. “We’ve got time.”

I chuckle and lift my neck to his lips. We’ve always got time to lose ourselves together.

The drive is tense and the closer we get to Bowsley, the tighter Eli becomes and the less of the man I live with and love remains with me in the car. As we turn in through the gates and start to head down the long driveway towards his palatial family home, I put my hand on his arm. “Stop the car.”

He does, turning to face me.

“Eli?” My fingers skim around his face, my eyes searching his.

“This family brings out my bad side, Faith.” The empty echo in his voice hurts down deep in the pit of my stomach.

“But I’m with you. And I’m all about your good side.” I flash him a cheeky smile. “I love you. We go in together, we survive together and then we leave, together.” I stare at him hard, for once wanting him to read the emotions on my face. “We can do this.”

He lifts a hand, cupping around my cheek, his thumb brushing its familiar path. “Whatever happens, we are united.”

“Always. And we’ve got Peter. He won’t let us down.”

Eli huffs a breath, but I smile.

“Come, let’s do this. There’s something I want to talk to you about later.”

“What?” The blues settle on my face.

“Never you mind. Let’s face The Munsters first.”

Say yes, say yes, say yes. Shut up, Faith.

He lets go of my face and takes his foot off the brake and I swallow hard. I can do this. I’ve faced them before, I can do it again, and this time I have him by my side. He’s mine.

The door opens before we are even out of the car and Jennings springs lightly down the sweeping front steps. “Miss Hitchin.” He bows as he opens my door and I glare at him before pulling him in for a tight hug.

I’ve missed Jennings and Elaine and the sanctuary of their kitchen here at Bowsley. Okay, it’s the only bit of Bowsley I’ve missed, but it’s better than nothing.

Eli steps up to my side and shakes Jennings’ hand. “Everything okay, I assume?”

Jennings smiles, but it looks a little forced. “As well as can be expected. Happy birthday, Elijah, I hope you’ve had an enjoyable day.”

Eli and I glance at one another and I flush while he chuckles. “Best birthday ever.”

“Miss Richards is already here and waiting for you in the library.”

“Miss Richards?” I ask, but before I’ve even muttered her name, I know who it is. Silly me for not remembering her surname.

Eli groans. “Bloody Mother.”

Jennings shakes his head. “I believe your grandmother has organised your birthday dinner, Sir.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Eli mutters low under his breath and our eyes meet. “Together, Faith. Remember?”

I nod although my mouth is dry and there’s a marching band taking up residence in my chest. “Together.” I smile. “Now, let’s go find Sienna and have a drink before we have to face the rest of the family.”

With our arms linked tightly together we walk up the stairs. On the top step he pauses, the blues scanning over the black Max Mara dress Peter helped me choose that falls to my feet. “You look beautiful.”

“You already told me that at home.”

“I’ll tell you again, and then again.”

“Tell me tomorrow when my makeup is all over my face and I’ve got morning breath.”

He laughs loudly, pulling me in to his side.

We glide together, along the beautiful hallways until we find the library. Sienna is in a high winged armchair sipping a tall glass of bubbly. “I didn’t think you guys were ever going to arrive.” In a sinuous movement I could never perfect, she lifts from the chair, coming over to greet us. “I’ve been sitting here getting slowly drunk by myself like a sad fuck.”

I snort, and she gives me a tight hug. She smells heavenly and expensive. “Are you ready for this? There is no evening more awkward than a birthday dinner at the Faircloughs.” She smiles at Elijah. “Especially when my parents are here as well. It’s like a night of the living dead. Happy birthday, Elijah.” She pecks him on the cheek and smirks as he sighs and shakes his head, taking her glass and chugging down half of her champagne.

“Well, this is delightful. Now we have your nutcase family as well as my own. Just excellent.”

The door opens, and we all jump a little but Tabitha slips in, quickly closing it behind her. “Here you all are. You can’t hide in here all night.”

She hugs Elijah. “Happy birthday, big bro.”

“Big bro?” He laughs, and it sounds delightful. “How terribly street of you. Don’t speak like that in front of Gran otherwise she’ll have you locked up in the attic.” He laughs, but I’d put nothing past Connie Fairclough.

Tabitha doesn’t smile. Her eyes land on my face heavy and serious. “Faith, I—” She’s cut off by the door opening. Jennings stands there, his face expectant. “You’ve been called to the dining room.”

Elijah smiles at us all and it’s beautiful, but behind it I can sense his nerves. He is worried his family are going to push me away. Well they aren’t. I wind my fingers through his and squeeze them tight.

With my shoulders back and my spine straight we walk into the dining room equal partners. I feel like a queen with Sienna, Tabs, and Jennings trailing behind us.

Then I stop, my steps faltering, my knees caving with such intensity that Eli holds my weight from his arm linked though mine.

“Faithy, so good to see you.”

My eyes meet Eli’s, but his are just as wide, just as shocked.

“Dad.” I can barely bark out his name. My chest is going to cave with the enormous weight of pressure pressing on it.

What is he doing here? Why is he here?

“Keep calm.” Eli brushes a kiss across my cheek, whispering his words into my ear low enough for only me to hear. “Don’t let them rattle you.”

I can’t. My palm slips with sweat and he grips mine tight, squeezing my fingers and leading me forward. With his calm professional exterior firmly in place, the one he’s been taught to maintain since a child, he steps up to my dad. “Elijah Fairclough, I don’t believe we’ve had the chance to meet officially yet.”

Dad’s eye dazzle as bright as giant baubles on a Christmas tree. “Chris Hitchin, it’s a pleasure to meet the man who has captured this wild thing’s heart.”

I freeze. Is he for real? Apparently, he is. He leans in to give me a kiss, but I move back.

Connie steps up. And this is how shocked I am, I haven’t even noticed the evil bitch. “How delightful, a family reunion on Elijah’s birthday. What a wonderful present for you, Elijah.” She beams from ear to ear. I turn and find Jennifer, who is silent, her face a serene mask. “It was wonderful when Mr Hitchin reached out and wanted to meet us. What better time to get us all acquainted than on your birthday?”

The air whooshes out of my body, gone, in one wild exhalation.

“Call me Chris, please, Connie. We are nearly family now.”

I can’t bear this. Dad looks so out of place, his hair slicked back and not quite clean. His shirt has only been waved at an iron, whether the iron was on or not is debatable. His ink is everywhere.

Then it hits me. This is how I look to them. Like something that will never ever fit, no matter what I do. The dress is of no importance, no matter how much fun I had buying it with Peter. I will never fit.

My legs tremble and Eli flicks his eyes across my face. What must I look like? A deer caught in headlights about to meet the bonnet of a car with the full force of impact.

Peter stands close by my other side. “Come, Faith, you’ve had a long drive, let’s get you a whisky,” he says loud enough for everyone to hear, but then he leans in and whispers so only I can hear. “Keep it together. This is a test and you must rise above it.”

His hand squeezes my elbow, comforting and secure. I can’t move though; my legs are jelly and lead all at once. I turn my gaze, desperate to look anywhere apart from at my dad. Instead, I find a reflection of myself on the giant gilt mirror above the fireplace and all I can see is the monstrous mess I’ve allowed myself to be, flanked by two handsome men in immaculate suits.  I’m a poisoned demon covered in ink, the thorn between two prize-winning roses.

“Come, come.” Jennifer snaps into action. “Let’s do presents.”

“I told you not to bother.” Elijah sounds stiff, but that’s okay because I’m walking like a mechanical doll at his side.

“Don’t be silly, darling. You deserve to be celebrated, you’ve had a successful year.” There’s a dry cough from behind. The wicked witch must have something stuck in her throat. Jennifer hands over a small box and Eli makes quick work of unwrapping the green Harrods ribbon and lifting the lid. I gasp when I look inside. I know exactly what they are because I saw the exact same pair of Tom Ford onyx cufflinks only yesterday in Harvey Nics. And I know how much they cost.

“I thought they would match Faith’s ring.” Jennifer smiles, her eyes meeting mine, and Eli lifts one out of the box and tilts it in the light. It’s utterly beautiful, all two grand’s worth of it.

“Faith, darling, what did you give Elijah?” Connie steps forward, her cream mid-calf dress rustling with her movement.

“Uh.” I can hardly tell them he got a day of unlimited blow jobs and a crappy picture I painted like a schoolchild with my fingers.

“Oh here, I’ll show you.” Eli slips his phone out of his pocket and scrolls through some pictures until he finds one of the painting hanging on our lounge wall. Our. “She painted it for Pop’s house in Carcassonne. It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

Connie doesn’t look at the painting. She’s staring at Eli’s hand. “Looks like you wear more jewellery these days than just cufflinks. If only we’d known.” She makes a job of inspecting the ring I made.

“A gift.” Eli gives a small smile.

“Here,” Sienna cuts through the awkwardness. “I tried very hard this year.” She thrusts a packet at him and he tears at the cheap garish wrapping paper and pulls out a terrible tie. He laughs loudly.

“This is fantastic, so much worse than last years.”

It truly is terrible. Garish purple flowers and green foliage. Who would make that, and more importantly why? The price tag is still hanging from the label at the back. I assume it has been left there for a reason. Five hundred pounds for that hideous scrap of material?

The evening spins around me. A surreal twist of reality I can’t make sense of.

My dad is still looking at Eli’s ring. “You know, Faithy. It reminds me of the ring you made for Daniel all those years ago.”

I blush a scorching red and Eli lifts an eyebrow.

“No—” I stop myself from saying Dad. “I made that out of two twisted paperclips. This is different.”

“How quaint you made him a ring. Do you give them to all your boyfriends?” Connie’s shrill voice echoes around the room.

And then I know what’s going to happen. I can sense it. I watch it unravel as I stare at myself in the mirror. Stupid and ridiculous with my ink swirling on display. All my regrets, some the man once called my father even put there.

“Oh, Faith, doesn’t have boyfriends. She’s more of a love them and leave them kind,” he says.

I’m watching Connie’s face. She knows this. She’s an actress hell bent on an Oscar as she assumes innocence. “Oh really? How frightfully laissez-faire, have you left many in your wake, Faith?”

“Laissez-faire?” Dad snorts. “That’s one way of putting it. I’d say she’s more of a troubled youth with an overactive imagination.”

And that does it. I step up and shove him hard in the chest. “Don’t you dare laugh about what happened.”

He stares at me openly confused. He really doesn’t understand. He really doesn’t believe me. “Faith, just let it go. Look at where you are now, you don’t want that muck following you around. Just forget about it and we can all move on.”

I stare at him and then at Eli.

I can’t forget it. Same as I’ll never be able to say yes to Eli. Because everything that happened to me defines me down to my very core. From the inside out, I will never be free of it. Like Melanie Duncan, I will always have it in my heart. And then everyone will find out, and Eli will be known as the man who chose damaged goods. Or worse, believed the compulsive liar.

For a long moment, I meet his gaze and breathe the same air as him until my heart is aching and I want to crumple and never rise again.

He knows.

He knows what I’m going to do before I do it myself.

It’s there in the depths of his blues. His head shakes and he reaches out his hand. “Don’t.”

I back away from his touch. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Faith.”

“No.” I hold my hand out. “I’m leaving.” I turn to my father. “The shop is Dan’s, and nothing you will do or say will change that. But I never want to see you again. Not in this lifetime and not in the next.”

The room is silent, but I don’t care. With my spine still ramrod straight, and my shoulders still back and regal, I walk from the room.

“Faith!” Eli calls but I can’t make myself stop.

Running is the only thing I know and this time I won’t be running back.

This was a dream. A wild moment of make-believe, but it doesn’t exist for women like me.

I slip into the darkness only to find Jennings by the MG. “I thought you might want these.” He holds out the keys which Elijah only gave him half an hour before, back when I promised I would make this work.

I take them and nod and then I’m gone.