The train on the way back is quiet. No one heads back to London on a Sunday lunchtime, people are the other side of the tracks heading for a day at the autumnal seaside. I’m not envious of them though. I don’t know when I’ll next go back there. Too many bad memories, too many horrific ties tethering me with red hot threads to a past that won’t let me go.

My statement with the police took two hours. It wasn’t easy. I’m going to get a call in a couple of days with a liaison officer who will be my contact through everything. They are going to be talking to my dad, Dan, Abi. Everyone who was around. And they’ll be talking to Aiden. As I left, they were getting ready to arrest him for historical child abuse.

He will go down. I know that now. But I won’t let myself go down with him.

Not anymore.

Picking my phone out of the depths of the bag Abi leant me, I ring Tabitha and ask her to find out where Eli is. I know he won’t answer me.

She’s restrained and distant and I hate the fact I’ve hurt her, too. And Peter who gave up his day to help me prepare and then I just threw it all back in his face.

Tabitha texts me back just as I’m getting into London Bridge and I stare at the screen in confusion.

He’s at the Tate Modern.

What the hell is he doing there? Instead of jumping on the Tube and heading back to his house and falling on his doorstep and begging for forgiveness, I come out of London Bridge and cut through a busy Borough Market heading to Bankside. There are families strolling with prams and toddlers on reins. Friends and families gather at the cafes near the river, laughing and talking over hot drinks and pastries. All the things I’ve never had. All the normal I never allowed myself to have.

I’ve got to tell Elijah. I have to make him see that I know I’m better with him. When I’m not with him I lose my mind. It’s only him who gives me the strength.

I jog at a gentle pace, eternally grateful for the jeans, hoodie, and trainers Abi leant me. There isn’t much to be done for the giant black eye, and I’m getting some indiscreet stares, but I don’t care. Eli must look worse and that’s all on me.

This is all on me. I know that now.

I look for Stephen when I run under the bridge, but I can’t see him anywhere, and it’s not because I’m running so fast I can’t focus. I’m limping by this point.

Outside the Tate Modern, I catch my breath. I’m sweating despite the cool air. It’s a huge building and he could be anywhere. So I do what any sane woman not on the brink of a breakdown would do. I take one floor at a time seeking out that tall man with the broad shoulders and the dazzling eyes.

I find him eventually stood with his back to the door and I stop, my feet suddenly losing their purpose. I gasp and the sound echoes into the room, shuddering round us. A fresh sting of tears line my eyes, but I blink them away. I’m not here to cry—not yet anyway.

I clear my throat, but he doesn’t turn. “What are you doing here, Faith?”

“Finding you.”

I want him to turn around, but I’m scared of what his face looks like, what story his eyes will tell. I step closer, but my legs are like jelly and I’ve got nothing to hold onto. Just him. The island I need to battle through the storm to reach.

“Why are you finding me, Faith?” He turns slowly, and I catch the first glimpse of his face. I can’t hold in my gasp; my fingers lift to my mouth as it opens in shock. He’s black and blue, and all the shades in between. Wearing just a casual grey T-shirt and dark jeans with a dark grey jacket unbuttoned, he looks like he should be in a hospital, not standing in a museum.

“You shouldn’t be here, Eli, you’re hurt.” I reach for his face, but he pulls away.

“Faith. No.”

His words slam into my chest and I force myself to breathe around them. Hold it together, Faith. You can do this.

I don’t know if I can. My legs wobble and an incontrollable shake wracks through my whole body. The blues from under bruised and puffy lids sweep over me, but he doesn’t step forward to help me with the supporting hand I’ve become accustomed to.

“I went to the police, Elijah. I told them everything.”

There’s a flicker with the depth of blues but he doesn’t move and nor does he say anything.

I drag in a staggering breath. My throat is tight and sore, and I swallow around the obstruction.

I pull on the hem of the hoodie and lift it off my torso, pulling it over my head.

“Faith, for goodness’ sake, there are people everywhere.”

“Are you embarrassed about my tattoos, Elijah?”

His gaze burns on my face. “Never.”

I point to the sensitive space above my heart. “This is the last ink I’m ever going to put on my skin.”

His eyes fall to the ink I sat up and did myself in the night. The shard of glass Dan put there the fateful day of Al’s funeral has been replaced by a full glass heart. “Faith,” he utters my name and it resonates in my soul.

I can’t even look at his broken beautiful face, but I force myself.

“No, wait.” I hold my hand up and take a deep breath. Without bothering to pull my jumper back on, I drop to my knees. “I know I’ve wronged you, Elijah. And I know I have a really bad habit of running. But I want you to help me stop. I can put the past to bed if I know you are the future I’m waking up to every day. But I need you,” my words tangle in my tight throat and I have to stop. 

He doesn’t move. Doesn’t say a word.

“So I’m asking if you’ll marry me and heal my heart once and for all. I’ll play your family games. I’ll take it all, because I love you enough to be brave enough to fight.”

He steps to the side, just a few inches, just enough so I can see what his broad shoulders were blocking.

“What the hell?” I can’t rip my eyes away from the glass red heart, shimmering under a spotlight. It’s my heart. The one that broke at the Bowsley ball.

“I told you it was a nightmare picking it up.”

“Who did that?”

He shrugs but then winces. “I had a few helpers.”

“But?”

He smiles, but only as much as his split lips will allow. “You see, Faith, I know I can fix your heart, and I know you can heal mine, too.”

A tear rolls down my face. “I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.”

“Come on, get up, you can’t stay on the floor semi-naked.”

I shake my head firmly. “Not until you give me your answer. Will you marry me?”

“And you promise not to run, again?”

I nod. I’m past words.

He kneels down in front of me and from his pocket he pulls out the gold and silver ring with diamonds. He still has it in his pocket.

“I’m so sorry. So sorry,” I repeat. I need him to acknowledge my apology.

His hands slide around my face, his gaze falling on my painful black eye. “So am I. But I never want to have to share you. It’s you and me; no one else. No matter what happens, you have to promise me that.”

A hitched sob forces its way out of my throat. “I promise. If you can accept a do over, I promise to never let you down again.”

“Then I’d be honoured to be your husband.” He lifts my left hand and slides the band down my ring finger. “I’d kiss you, but honestly I don’t want to bleed over you.”

I lean forward and gently place my lips against his, as soft as I possibly can. Tears roll along my cheeks and he gently brushes them away. “No more crying, Faith.”

“I know. I was silly letting my past shape me for so long. If I hadn’t met you, I don’t think I would have survived it.”

“Of course you would. You’re a survivor.” He gets up from the floor wincing a little under his breath.

“Okay, husband of mine, you need to get some rest. We can come look at this again when you’re better.” I glance again at the red glass heart. It’s been well done, seamless almost. Next to it is a plaque with my name and picture giving a brief biography and stating the piece was designed for Bowsley Hall.

I can’t believe I have work in the Tate.

It’s all him. He fixes everything just being who he is, with his big heart and his endless patience.

With our hands tightly clasped we head back out into the brisk Bankside air. “I’m thinking a small wedding. Maybe next weekend? You, me, and a chapel in Vegas?” His lips twitch again.

“Yeah, right, like your mother would let that happen. I’m thinking House of Glass Flowers and that bean stew we loved so much.”

I can’t believe I’m thinking of any wedding at all. I just know that I have to tie myself to him. I have to be one with him forever. Like when I melt sand and turn it to glass, that’s what we are. Two grains of sand from two different places, fused together for all eternity.

“Faith, we don’t have to do anything my family say. After that stunt at dinner last night I’m over it. We can be free of them from now on.”

I give him a smile and just hold his hand. Together I know we can be anything we want.

We get out of the taxi and I help him through the front door and onto the sofa. “You need to get to bed.”

“I don’t want to. I couldn’t sleep in there last night without you. Well, this morning, whenever I got back.”

“I need to say something before we go on. I just want to clear everything once and for all.”

“Yes?” His gaze searches my face and I meet it unflinching.

“Sex is something since Aiden I’ve always wanted to control. If I could choose when with someone, or how, it meant I have the power. What happened with Dan—”

He tries to stop me, but I won’t let him.

“It was like I was fighting myself. The me you’ve created and the woman I was before. I thought maybe I could find her again and she’d protect me with her rules like she always had. But she couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, it broke me. What had always felt wrong before I met you, felt even worse. There was no power there. No sanctuary to hide within.

“You’ve taken down all the walls, made me love and care and feel. I’m not proud of what I’ve done, Eli, but I didn’t do it to hurt you, I did it to protect myself.”

“I know, Faith. I laid here all night thinking about it. I know.” He pats the sofa. “Come and lie down with me. Obviously, I want to have rampant sex with you and shout from the rooftops you’re going to be my wife, but I think I might need some painkillers first.

“Let me go and organise some and then we can get some sleep. We’ve got forever to celebrate. I just want to be with you.” I place a gentle kiss on his forehead and get up from the sofa. “Oh, I found out something last night, too.”

“Yeah, what’s that?” There is a teasing lilt to his voice and I could jump with joy at hearing it.

“I can’t sleep without you, either.”

I grab a bottle of whisky, two glasses, and some ibuprofen. “Here.” I pour two glasses and crack him some tablets into the palm of my hand. “Here’s to matrimony.” I hold my glass out to clink his.

“Here’s to loving you forever.”

We take our shots and then I gently lay myself next to him. I want to wrap my arms about his waist, but I don’t. I know it will hurt him. He picks up my hands and places them exactly where I want them to be.

“I love you,” I whisper. Gently, because his fingers are bruised, I slide the ring I gave him off his right hand and put it on the left so it matches mine. Then I tangle our fingers together, our rings catching and fitting within one another. 

“And I love you.”

I close my eyes, exhaustion washing through me and I listen to his heartbeat beneath my ear as I fall asleep.

I fought for him. Scared and broken I fought for him. I won. Him, me, us. Together we will be tied by the glass we’ve become and the rings on our fingers.

The room is dark when I wake. Eli is still breathing gently in and out. The rise and fall of his chest lifts my head with every breath he takes. We must have been asleep for ages. The doorbell rings. That must have been what woke me up. “Eli.” I kiss his lips tenderly, careful of the cuts. “It’s the bell.”

“It’s probably Tabitha wondering where we are.” He murmurs, not even opening his eyes.

“Shall I go and see?”

“Hm.”

I’m thinking maybe the painkillers washed down with whisky wasn’t a great idea. Slipping off the couch, I pad across the floor to the door and open it a crack.

“Jennings?” I blurt, opening the door wider and taking in the dark suit the Bowsley butler has on.

“May I come in, Miss Hitchin?”

“Sure. Um, Elijah is asleep.”

He’s not though, he’s sitting up, quicker than he should because he cusses soundly and winces with every movement.

“Elijah, what happened to you?” Jennings steps closer and appraises Eli’s face, tilting it in his hands and analysing the bruising.

“There was three of them. The first one went down easy.” Elijah smiles but winces again. “What are you doing here?”

Jennings clears his throat and I know the look he has on his face. It’s the look I saw repeatedly at Al’s funeral. I sit at Elijah’s side and clasp his hand tightly.

“I’m sorry, Sir. It’s Peter. He was killed in a car crash early this afternoon. The police have been at Bowsley informing your mother and grandmother. I said I would come to tell you.”

Eli stares at him unblinking. “What do you mean Peter was killed? Of course he wasn’t. I saw him last night, he was being his usual arse self.”

“The car lost control on a back road close to the Hall. There was nothing the emergency services on the scene could do.”

“But...” Eli leans back on the sofa, his gaze vacant.

I lean next to him, pressing my lips into his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Eli.” I blink back tears. I hardly knew Peter, and I’m sorry that I only found out just recently how different he was to the man I’d pegged him for. I wipe at my tears of sorrow for the man cut down in his prime.

Eli’s confused blues stare at me unseeing. “But.”

“Sir, you’ve been called back to Bowsley. They need you there. You are the heir now.”

It takes a moment for Eli to kick into action. I watch him, my stomach pinching as his eyes blink into awareness. “Yes. Uh.” He’s lost. I take his hand and squeeze his fingers. I don’t know what to say. “Of course, there will be things to do.” He stands, his hand running through his hair. “I just, uh, I just need to get some things together.”

I stand alongside him. “I’ll help you pack.” He doesn’t look like he even knows where the bedroom is, let alone what to put in a suitcase.

Peter is dead. I shake my head. I can’t make sense of what’s going on. My thumb absently runs around the back of my engagement ring.

“Come, Faith.” His hand holds mine loosely, like he’s waiting for me to lead the way. “We need to get some clothes, you don’t have anything at Bowsley.”

“I’ll stay here, Eli. I don’t want to intrude.”

In a flash his expression clears, sharpens, and hardens. “You’re going to be my wife. I’ll go nowhere without you.”

Jennings mouth pops open. “Congratulations, Sir.”

“Eli,” I say. “Maybe we should wait. This isn’t the right time to make such an announcement.”

“Bollocks.” Eli’s outburst makes me jump. He turns to me, and I want to erase every worry line on his face. “No. We are together. We go together or not at all. This is official now. It’s you and me forever.”

Peter is dead. Eli is heir.

I stare at him, unblinking and then I grasp his hand. “Forever.”

The End.

To be Continued in Tears of Gold March 2019