Chapter Twelve
“It’s time to check in with Mike and Shannon, a couple we met last week, who were having some issues,” Noelle said. “Tate and I devised a strategy—”
Tate snorted. “Come on, Doc. Let’s call it what it is—a competition.”
He chuckled when she playfully rolled her eyes.
“Fine,” she said. “Competition. I came up with two activities that showcase the best part of being a couple, and Tate organized two activities that demonstrate the best part of being single.”
“They’ve completed my outings—going to a club and speed dating and one of Noelle’s, which was a couples’ game night,” he said. “Before they go out on their last date, we’d like to hear from Shannon and Mike, who join us on the phone. Hey, guys. How are you doing?”
“All right,” Shannon said.
“Good,” Mike said.
“Happy to hear it,” Noelle said.
“How did speed dating go, Mike?” Tate asked.
“It was an interesting experience, no doubt. Trying to decide if you’d like to date ten different women after only talking to them for five minutes each. Like I said, interesting.”
“What about you, Shannon?”
“It was eye-opening. I’m glad I went.”
“Were you matched with anyone?” Tate met Noelle’s eyes. A slight smile curled her pretty lips. He caught himself right before he leaned over and reacquainted himself with the taste of them. Last night had been incredible, and he couldn’t wait to repeat the experience. If he was bothered by her decision to keep their thing a secret, he needed to get over himself. But he wasn’t used to being someone’s dirty little secret. Usually, women couldn’t wait to show him off.
“Umm…” Shannon hesitated.
“Go ahead and speak freely,” Tate said, bringing his focus back to the conversation at hand. “You both agreed, remember?”
“Yes. Well, I was matched with two guys. Mike and I agreed beforehand not to mark each other down and go in with an open mind.”
“What about you, Mike?”
“I made a match,” Mike said.
“So, do either of you plan to pursue your matches?”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Mike said. “I need to get this thing figured out with Shannon first before I start thinking about dating other women.”
“I can buy that. What about you, Shannon?”
“I agree with Mike. He and I have spent more time together in the past week than we have in the past month. It’s been good. I was originally skeptical about this whole thing, but I’m getting a lot out of it. More than I thought I would.”
Tate met Noelle’s eyes. He could relate.
…
Noelle started at the pounding on her front door. What was going on? She rose from the couch, padded to the door, and peeked through the peephole. A scowling Tate waited on the other side.
He knocked again. “Open up, Doc. I know you’re there.”
She covered her mouth with her hand to stop a giggle from slipping out. Was this Groundhog Day? Kind of, except the groundhog was a lot grouchier today than yesterday.
Noelle unlocked and opened the door. Tate waltzed in like he owned the place. She shut the door and faced her guest. “Can I help you?”
“Why did you leave?” he bit out.
“Hello to you, too.”
His menacing expression didn’t falter. Alrighty then. She crossed her arms. “I left because our show was over. Do you have a problem with that?”
“Yes.”
Her eyebrows shot up.
Uncertainty flashed across his face. “No. I just thought…”
“You thought I was one of your groupies waiting for you to show her the least bit of attention.” Yes, the sex had been the best she’d ever had, but his reputation definitely preceded him. He wanted her now, but what about in the future when the glow of lust faded? She refused to be the stupid girl who gave her heart to the guy who’d only drop it in his rush to chase after the next woman. Like her ex-fiancé had done.
After spending two hours in the studio with Tate, with everything they’d done the night before and that morning humming between them, she’d needed some alone time. To think. To allow her head, which had been spinning for close to twenty-four hours straight, to slow down. To make matters worse, she’d noticed the date on the calendar, and her need for space had only increased.
Tate blinked, obviously unused to anyone challenging him, the brackets on the sides of his mouth deepening.
“I didn’t want to assume that you didn’t have other plans for the evening,” she said.
He moved closer. “I didn’t have other plans.”
“Oh.” Noelle rubbed her arms with her hands.
He reached out and clasped her hands, threading their fingers. “Remember how I said I wasn’t interested in another woman?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she whispered to his chest.
“I meant it.”
Her eyes flew to his. “Oh.”
“I enjoyed being with you last night…and this morning.”
His voice, already sexy beyond belief, had dropped another octave. His eyes darkened, letting her know he remembered the pleasures they’d shared. Noelle swallowed, her throat drying as the riveting memories flashed through her mind.
“I know you did, too.”
“We’re keeping it casual, remember?” She had to, at least.
“Casual doesn’t mean no fun. And I want to make a lot of…fun with you, Doc.”
Her skin prickled. He was getting to her. Who was she kidding? He’d gotten to her from the moment she’d seen him waiting outside her door. Her panties were already wet. He tugged her closer. On instinct, she backed away.
“Why are you resisting?”
She stopped, pressing her feet into the carpet. “I’m not.” But she was. Keeping him at an emotional distance was paramount to her well-being even as her body longed for him.
“Good.” He drew her closer, wrapping her in his arms. She went willingly, her resistance crumbling at the first contact with his body.
She was sinking under, and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.
…
Tate observed Noelle from the doorway. She sat in a chair in her ruthlessly neat home office staring at her computer. A white silk robe reached her toes. He hoped that was all she had on. But the fun they’d shared earlier appeared to be the last thing on her mind. Her eyes were trained on the screen as she typed furiously.
“What are you doing?” he called out.
Noelle twisted to the left to face him. “Hey, what are you doing up?”
“Wondering why you’re not in bed.”
She faced the computer again. “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d get some work done.” Her voice was cheerful, but he was getting to know the doctor.
Something was bothering her.
He pushed away from the wall and ambled into the room. “Want to talk about it?”
She offered up a quick, rueful smile over her shoulder, but turned back to the computer. “No, I’m fine. Go get some sleep.”
He knew he shouldn’t have been bothered by the brush-off, but he was. He was the King of Casual. Keep it light. Never talk about anything serious. Enjoy each other and make a careful, non-hurtful exit. But with Noelle, he didn’t feel like following his normal MO. He’d shared more with her than he had with any woman ever. And it had felt good. Better than he could have ever imagined.
He wanted her to feel as good as he did. He didn’t want her upset.
He wanted Noelle. Period. She filled his thoughts, even while he did the most mundane task. He wanted her. Wanted to be with her.
That’s all he could think about earlier during his show. He loved his job. And yet he’d never been so impatient for six o’clock to come as he’d been today. The thought of being with her as soon as possible had consumed him. He knew he wasn’t the only one who felt the undercurrent of desire flowing during their two hours together. Their sparring had an extra layer of heat to it. He thought they’d done a great job maintaining their professionalism. But the eyes didn’t lie. She still wanted him as much as she did yesterday. He’d fully intended to give her what she wanted, what he needed, as soon as he located her.
He’d stopped by her office immediately after he signed off the air, but she wasn’t there. Or anywhere else in the building for that matter. Maybe it was presumptuous of him, but he’d assumed she’d be waiting for him. He’d jumped in his car before he could give himself time to think.
When he’d woken up and not found her in his arms a few minutes ago, he’d panicked. Then he’d spied her clothes on the floor where they’d fallen after he’d tugged them off earlier, and he’d collapsed in relief.
So, no, he wasn’t in the mood to go back to bed.
When he reached her side, he palmed her shoulder. She reached up and placed her hand over his. He gripped her hand, probably harder than was necessary, but he couldn’t help it. She tossed another halfhearted smile over her shoulder. Although he noted the melancholy light in her eyes, he returned her smile and tugged on her hand till she stood, bringing her soft, fragrant body into contact with his. She might not want to tell him what was going on, but there was nothing that said he couldn’t make her feel better in his own way. He tilted her chin up and lowered his mouth. He smiled when she murmured at the erection pressing into her stomach through his boxers.
“You do that to me without trying. Love the robe, but it’s got to go.”
Tate did love the robe. It molded to her curves, from her mouthwatering breasts down to her hips. He slid his hands down the slippery material and cupped the ass he saw in his most memorable dreams. His desire rising, he found the sash holding the robe closed. His fingers worked fast.
Until her hands covered his.
“Watch your hands there, mister,” she said.
“Why?” He bent his head and nibbled on the soft skin beneath her right ear.
“Ahh,” she moaned, tilting her head to the left, giving him better access. He took immediate advantage, licking and kissing the spot he’d discovered drove her insane. Which, in turn, drove him insane. His hands returned to the robe belt and this time he managed to untie it before she stopped him.
“We can’t,” she said, pressing a hand to his bare chest, curling her fingers into the hair covering it for a second before withdrawing her hand.
“Speak for yourself,” he said, deliberately crossing his arms across his chest. He repressed a smile at her indrawn breath. The woman liked his arms. And he wasn’t above using everything in his disposal to get his way. To give them what they both wanted.
She gulped, tracing his limbs with hot, covetous eyes. She was a sight to behold, her hair tousled, the sheen of desire exposed on her face. Then she frowned and stepped back.
He took a step forward before he could stop himself and captured her lips beneath his. He sank into her, not wanting the moment to end. A simple kiss with her was never simple. She had an energy that invigorated him and made him want more of her. His desire for her had only increased instead of decreasing like it had with other women. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer.
She held out a hand, forestalling his progress. “We can’t. I can’t,” she hastily amended when he opened his mouth.
“Why not?” Surely, she hadn’t gotten tired of their time spent together. Of him. Something inside him howled at the thought.
Noelle nodded at the computer. “I’m working.”
“Now?”
Noelle’s lips quirked. “Don’t pout.”
His spine stiffened. “I don’t pout.” He wasn’t used to women choosing work over him, that was all.
She breached the small space between them. “Really? Then what’s this?” she asked, tapping his bottom lip.
“My mouth.”
“A very sexy mouth it is, too, but this lip is definitely sticking out.” She kissed it, but stepped away before he could return the gesture. “I’ve been spending so much time with you lately that I’ve let other things fall to the wayside. You were supposed to be asleep.”
“Sorry to ruin your plans, but I’m awake now.”
“Sorry to ruin your plans, but I’ve got to work.” The snooty tone and disapproving frown had reappeared. They didn’t amuse him this time.
He sighed. “Okay, but I’m not going anywhere.”
He dropped into the chair and pulled her onto his lap. Her surprised shout of laughter brought a grin to his lips. That was more like it. “You can work like this.”
She wiggled, clearly seeking a more comfortable position, and pressed against his erection, which still hadn’t given up hope that she’d change her mind. She stilled. “Sorry.”
“I’ll be all right,” he said, hearing the grouchiness in his tone.
“Yes, you will,” she said, turning to the computer. “And no funny business.” She slapped his hand away, which had obviously been working under its own power and found its way inside the robe’s loosened lapel.
“I’ll behave.” For now. “What are you working on?” Was her work to blame for her disquiet?
“Answering some emails from listeners.”
“I guess that’s better than them calling you.” He’d nearly lost it when she admitted she sometimes gave out her personal cell phone number to virtual strangers.
Noelle hunched her shoulders. “We’ve been through this. I only do it for certain listeners.”
“You tell them to call you off air.”
“Yes.”
“Don’t you worry about your safety and privacy? How do you keep up with all those people anyway?”
“Good memory. Besides, my listeners are great. I enjoy helping them. Sometimes their problems can’t be solved in a two-minute conversation.”
“So you provide free psychological care?”
“If you want to look at it that way. All I know is that I’m helping them.” She pointed to the screen. “Like him. Remember Ford, the guy we met at the sports bar when we did the show there? His girlfriend broke up with him and he was having a hard time getting over it.”
Tate grunted. Hell, yeah he remembered.
“We’ve exchanged a few emails and talked on the phone once. I think he’s making progress.”
“He wants to get in your pants.” Of that he had no doubt.
Noelle twisted around, her eyes wide. “What? No, he doesn’t.”
“Despite being as smart as you are, you can also be naive. And being a guy who’s…”
She raised her eyebrows. “Who’s what?”
“Who’s been around a whole bunch of blocks, I recognize game from a mile away.”
“You’re out of your mind.”
“If you say so. Just remember I don’t share.”
Her back went poker straight. “I’m not your favorite toy you hide from your brother.”
“I don’t have a brother.”
Her lips pursed. “You know what I mean.”
“He wants to get in your pants.”
“He does not.”
“I don’t share.” Despite himself, Tate was getting a little annoyed.
“And I don’t take orders from anyone other than the person who signs my paycheck.”
His arm tightened around her. “So you want to go out with him?”
Noelle threw her hands up. “Tate, you’re being ridiculous! No, I don’t want to go out with him. Even if I did, what’s it to you? Aren’t you the one who said you didn’t believe in limiting yourself to just one woman?”
Tate stilled at the reminder of the statement he’d made in what seemed like another lifetime. “When I’m seeing a woman, I see her only, not her and ten other women. What about you?”
“Are you asking if I sleep around? Because if you are, I fail to see how it’s any of your business.”
“It is my business. I don’t share.” Especially her.
“So you’re saying you want to be exclusive?”
Hell yes! his less than reasonable side screamed. He didn’t know why this time was different, only that it was. And that’s all he needed to know. “As long as this lasts. Is that a problem?” His hand spread across her stomach, pulling her closer as he held his breath waiting for her response.
“No.” She sighed. “Why are we arguing? You know good and well I’m not seeing anybody else.” She grinned. “Putting up with you is bad enough.”
He cupped the nape of her neck and drew her in for a hard kiss. “Good. I’m glad we’re in agreement. Oh, and one more thing. That guy wants to get in your pants.”
She whacked him on the shoulder. “He does not.”
“Let’s make a bet. I say he makes a move and asks you out sooner rather than later.”
“You’re on.” The competitive spirit that lit her eyes was infinitely preferable to the shadows that had been there earlier.
…
Caitlin snapped the office door shut and leaned against it. “You’re sleeping with him.”
Though it was phrased as a statement rather than a question, Noelle went with her first instinct. She scrunched up her face in confusion. “Who? What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the fact that you’re having sex with Tate Grayson. Don’t try to deny it again, especially as pitiful as that last attempt was.”
Okay, then. Playing dumb hadn’t gotten her anywhere. Her shoulders slumped. “How did you figure it out?”
“Damn, Noelle. So you really are sleeping with him?” Caitlin moved farther into the room and collapsed in the chair in front of Noelle’s desk.
Noelle stared at her best friend, puzzled. “I thought you knew.”
“I did, but I was holding on to the slimmest hope that I was wrong.”
Noelle sighed. “Well, you weren’t. It only started over the weekend, but yes, it happened.”
Caitlin’s eyes widened. “Wow. Okay. But to answer your earlier question, I’ve noticed a change in how y’all interact. You still bicker, but it’s been more playful lately. Plus, based on the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is looking—well I’m assuming the sex is scorching hot.”
Noelle bit her lip and took particular notice of the office supplies on her desk. Oops. Looked like she was running low on paper clips.
“Okay, must be if you won’t cough up any details.” Caitlin leaned forward. “But are you sure you should be doing this? You know what his reputation is like. Hell, he tells you his views on relationships every day on the show.”
Although Caitlin voiced the same concerns she’d had herself, Noelle shook them off. “I’m fine. I knew the score going in. He’s not going to change, and I don’t expect him to. This is the first time in a long time I’ve allowed myself to be selfish and have some fun that only benefits me and no one else.” She gave herself a mental pat on the back for how strong and sure her voice sounded.
But Caitlin shook her head. “This isn’t like you. I thought you wanted to fall in love and get married.”
“I do, but it hasn’t happened yet. Why not take a break from focusing on that and have some fun? It’s only temporary.”
Although she smiled, the concern was heavy in Caitlin’s gaze. “Are you doing this because you think you don’t deserve better? Because you do.”
Noelle jerked back in her chair. “You think I’m acting out?”
“I don’t know. I hope not. I know this time of the year is hard for you.” Caitlin searched her eyes. “Are you acting out?”
“No. I don’t know.” Noelle ran a hand through her hair. “It’s hard to explain. It’s good between us. I’m enjoying not worrying about the future and what it may or may not include. Right now that’s all I care about.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing. Be careful.”
“Don’t worry. I’m fine. I know what I’m doing.”
…
The slight crunching of grass alerted Noelle to the fact that she was no longer alone. “What are you doing here?”
Tate tucked an arm around her waist and drew her into his side. She didn’t have the energy or the desire really to push him away. He kissed the top of her head. “Caitlin told me where you were.”
What he left unsaid was that she’d slipped out that morning without saying good-bye and turned off her phone. “She shouldn’t have.”
She’d been dealing with the pain and hurt by herself for years.
“You don’t need to be alone.”
Yet she was so used to it. From behind sunglasses that blocked out most of the sunlight, she studied the matching gray tombstones of her parents. Remembering how in love they’d been. How loved they’d made her feel every day of her life. How much she’d loved them.
She’d gotten used to not sharing her pain with friends. People didn’t want to hear it. They didn’t know how to react. It forced them to acknowledge their mortality. Yes, it got easier to deal with the hurt as the years passed, but one day a year, fresh, devastating pain hit her as though the losses had happened yesterday.
“They died on the same day? On this date?”
“Yes.” She broke his hold to place the roses she always brought on the two gravestones. She crouched there for a few seconds, her limbs weighed down by agonizing grief, before gathering her strength, rising, and facing Tate for the first time since he’d arrived.
How tall, strong, and handsome he was. His lips were drawn into a concerned, grim line, his perpetual smile was nowhere in sight. He thumbed away the tears she hadn’t realized were slipping down her cheeks. “Want to talk about it?”
Surprisingly, she did. Her heart was threatening to splinter into a million pieces, but she wanted to share, lean on someone else for a change. No, not someone else. Tate. She nodded.
He returned his hand to her waist. She snuggled into his side, finding strength in his nearness. “Let’s walk.”
What a funny contradiction cemeteries made. Death and sadness surrounded by flowers and trees blooming with life. They meandered through the grass for a while she gathered her thoughts and gained control over the tears clogging her throat. “My parents were my world. We were a team. Neither had siblings or large families. They struggled to get pregnant for years before I came along.”
“You were their miracle baby.”
She glanced up at him. “Yes, but you know what was really cool about them? It’s something I’ve learned to appreciate more as an adult. While I always felt loved and cherished, they never forgot about each other. They were so in love with each other it was crazy. I learned what love was from them.”
They came to a bench. He sat and settled her next to him, curling his arm around her shoulders. “What happened?”
Noelle pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head and took a fortifying breath. She told the story matter-of-factly, the only way to ensure she’d get the words out. Sinking into the old hurt wasn’t an option. “I went to a party. I drank because I was a stupid teenager trying to be cool. I had no clue about limits. I got drunk. I called my parents to pick me up. I know that sounds dumb, but they always told me that I could call them if I was in trouble no matter what, and I didn’t know what else to do. The party was starting to get wild, and my friends weren’t any better off than I was. They said they’d be right there. On the way, a drunk driver going the wrong way on the freeway hit them straight on. They died instantly.”
“Doc, I am so sorry. How old were you?” He covered her hand with his left and interlaced their fingers. She didn’t pull away, letting his warmth seep into her.
“Eighteen.”
“What…?”
Noelle looked up at him. “What did I do? It was the summer after I graduated from high school. I went to college because that’s what I was supposed to do, right? To move on?” She shook her head at the ridiculous notion. “But I was the girl no one wanted to be around. I was sad, crying at the drop of my hat. I couldn’t develop deep bonds with anyone, and my high school friends were scattered everywhere. Going to class was something I did, but didn’t take part in. Thank goodness for one of my professors, who basically forced me to come see her after class one day. Dr. Barry was my lifesaver. She heard about what happened and said I needed therapy and marched me down to the grief-counseling center. It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I wasn’t a freak. The crying, the anger, the numbness—it was all normal.”
“She’s why you became a psychologist.”
“Yes.”
Her parents were why she believed in love. Since their deaths, she’d been unsure she deserved it. If it wasn’t for her stupidity, her irresponsibility they would still be alive. But maybe it was time to forgive herself. To fully embrace life.
…
Tate pressed a kiss to Noelle’s forehead. He didn’t know what he’d expected to happen at the cemetery. He’d acted on instinct, knowing he needed to be with her, that she didn’t need to be alone. He thought he’d understood her, but he’d had no idea. Now that he did, he had no clue what to do. Giving her up filled him with trepidation and dark anger, but what else could he do? The love and admiration she held for her parents came through loud and clear. Now he knew. There was no denying it. She truly believed in love. It wasn’t radio shtick.
She wanted a marriage like her parents’. She wanted love. She deserved it all. He couldn’t give that to her. Had no idea how to.
His gut twisted. He didn’t want to give her up. She brought a lightness and freshness to his life he hadn’t been aware was missing. Her uncompromising opinions, her dedication to her career and her listeners and patients, her belief in the human spirit, her disapproving frowns, the little sigh she made after every kiss. He enjoyed it all.
No, he didn’t want to give her up. Not yet. In any case, it wasn’t like he had to do it now. Matter of fact, it was probably better if he didn’t break things off. They still had another three days to go with their show. No need to make things awkward.
After their show was over…his heart clutched. Yeah, he’d think about it later.