CHAPTER 18
His words aren’t about how much fun we had, how he wants to see me later, or even this weekend, they’re about something much less exciting. So when he says them, I slump into a dejected shell.
“Your shower will be fixed today.”
“Thanks.” I lace the word with disappointment.
He steps aside. Being careful not to touch him as I pass, I cross the threshold. I’m a one-night stand. I achieved my goal. Congratulations, I won. So why am I so empty?
I made him want me, but now I regret it ever happened. I never should have traveled this road. Evan was right from the beginning. I’m not this kind of girl, one who’s cut out for walking away. The game was fun, but the aftermath may break me. My stomach sinks, caving in a little.
I remind myself that once Aggie’s rules of the romance universe kick in, I’ll be over Evan in the ten steps it takes me to walk outside. Our night is a blip on my timeline. The question is, do Aggie’s rules apply to every guy? Maybe some guys are different. Maybe Evan is different?
I swivel to face him. He’s leaning on the doorframe, sweater stretched tight across his chest. His hangs dig deep into his pockets. His body language suggests he’s done with me, but his expression betrays him. He’s inspecting my every move, like he has been all morning.
“It doesn’t have to be like this.” I take the first swing again, hoping to shatter a new wall.
“It does. I can’t.” He crosses his arms. His lips draw a tight line. Another signal. He’s saying, I told you. You should have listened.
I could whine. I could throw myself at his feet and beg. After the last few weeks, I’m discovering I have a flair for the dramatic. But what kind of girl would I be if I did? I have pride. I’m not in love with him. This thought is crystal clear in my mind. He’s a crush, one that’s proven himself worthy of more than a withering glance. After last night, perhaps I’m in lust with him, but it’s nothing more. I must convince myself it’s my body that wants him, not my erratically beating heart. If I released it from my cage, would it leap into his arms? Yes. It would. That’s normal. I’m normal. After last night, any woman with a damn pulse would want more.
Nothing’s changed. You’re still alone. My whispers return.
“Fine.” I shift to the defensive. I lift frame as high as possible. If I make myself larger than life, maybe I won’t feel so tiny inside.
I told you this would happen.
I clench my bag. I’m fine by myself. What we did means nothing to him, so it can mean nothing to me. Clearly, I’ll survive.
“Fine,” he says, reflecting my tone.
“Fine,” a third party says. I whirl to the familiar voice. “Lou.” My voice squeaks high and pitched. Caught in my Evan bubble, I forgot Lou returned from his trip. We were supposed to meet to walk to work this morning. But this is the lesser of the two problems. The bigger issue is that Evan believes Lou is my ex.
“What are you doing here?” My voice remains pinched at the thought of being caught in a lie.
“I’ve been calling and texting. Did you forget about me again?” Lou waves his cell.
“Um, no.” I warned Lou about our fake romance, but I left out the details. I glance to Evan, but he’s not even watching me. He appears to be mentally drilling a hole into Lou’s head. With his tightening jaw, Evan radiates jealousy.
My brows rise at this development.
“But I don’t want to interrupt you.” Lou grimaces, attention swinging between Evan and me. The air in the hallways cracks with tension, and it’s a beacon flowing from Evan’s direction.
“You’re not. Uh, I came down to tell Evan my shower isn’t working.” The half-lie slips out on the edge of my nervous laughter.
Evan’s door slams closed, rattling the foyer walls, causing me to jolt. Shoulders cramp to my ears before my head snaps to the sound. The wall between Evan and me returns. My heart contracts.
“What’s he so mad about?” Lou scowls.
“You know landlords.” I grip Lou’s hand in mine, making my getaway from the building. Outside, I bustle toward work while rambling to myself. I’m disappointed for dragging Lou into this. I should have set Evan straight the moment he labeled him as my boyfriend.
“What the hello is going on, lady?” Lou jumps in front of me, a lanky barrier I could sidestep, but I halt anyway. I have to explain myself. He needs to know what I did.
“I’ll just say I’m sorry now.” I wince.
“Bloody hell.” He mimics a British accent.
“Evan’s the one who thinks you’re my ex.” I nibble my lip.
“No. Just no.” Lou lifts his hands in protest.
“You don’t even need to do anything. He concluded you were my boyfriend. I just didn’t correct him. But I told him we broke up. All I need you to do is play along if ever comes up, but it won’t. We’ll be what we are now. Friends. So nothing’s changed. Got it?”
Lou appears pained and strides on without me. I rush to his side. “I’ll bring you donuts every day for as long as we work together.”
He bobbles his head, uncommitted to an answer.
“Whatever you want. Please?” I fold my hands in prayer.
His expression’s annoyed. “You realize no one would ever put us together. I’m too young and sexy for you.”
“Take pity on me?” I give him a pathetic tug, and he pauses.
“I’ve never seen you like this.” He gives me the once-over. “You like this guy, huh?”
“No. I don’t. I mean... it’s complicated. It was a little white lie that started as a joke, and I didn’t think it would matter, but it suddenly does. He’s jealous of you and that makes me happy. Am I a bad person now?” I frown.
“Yes. You are. It’s called manipulation.”
I cradle my face in my palms. Lou’s right. From the start, I understood I could leverage Evan’s emotions. Like a demented child, I used his jealous nature to my advantage.
“Lucky for you, I’m the master of manipulation, and because I love you, I will take you under my wing as my protégé.” Lou places a hand on my shoulder.
At Lou’s offer, I take a deep breath and attempt to quell the competitive spirit tickling me from inside. All the hope I had last night wakes. It’s rising to the surface, because a tiny bit believes with Lou’s help, I might turn this in my favor. Enough to see if a fake relationship would prompt Evan’s interest in me. That’s all I want. A chance.
A battle wages in my mind. I bite my fingernail. I already got what I wanted. We had a one-night stand. In a way I won, but I don’t want to win another chance with Evan by manipulation. If anything were to happen, I’d want it to be real.
“I appreciate the offer, but no.” My resolve is firm.
“Are you sure? I’m not so sure you’re sure.”
“Walk me to work like any other day. Okay? If anyone ever asks if we dated, you can blow them off. I won’t mention it again.”
Lou’s gaze intensifies. “Fine.”
He gives me a kiss on the cheek and drapes an arm around my shoulder as if all is forgiven. We stroll south, toward work.
“Tell me about him. I’ve never seen you this rattled.”
“It’s complicated. That wasn’t a lie.”
“So what’s his name? He was hot-ta-ta.” Lou hisses the words in a sizzling sound.
I sigh. He’ll find out from Aggie, anyway. “Evan Wade.”
“As in Bossman’s younger brother?” He gasps.
I nod.
“Aye, Mommy, you know how to pick them.”
My heart sinks, and I’m not even sure if I want to hear what Lou knows. Being the office receptionist leaves him in a position to acquire secrets. He’s Grand Central Station for office gossip. And like a true pro, he’s airing Evan’s dirty laundry before I even ask for details.
He continues, “I heard he worked at the office years ago. Very brilliant. He and Linden were set to run the business when Mama Wade stepped down, but Evan fell off the face of the earth over some girl. Bad breakup or something. He was such a mess that he went on an Eat, Pray, Love world tour to heal his broken heart. It’s sad.”
“Please tell me you’re joking.”
“Yeah, no. Sorry, chica. Good luck breaking down those walls. Boyfriend’s damaged.”
My mind reels with the new info as Lou and I crisscross traffic-jammed intersections and dodge oncoming pedestrians. Evan told me the truth. There was someone special in his life. Not that this should be a revelation, but for it to be one someone is.
A guy like Evan should have had fifty girlfriends by now, if not married. Whoever this woman was, she was important, and after all this time he isn’t over her. My chin dips.
In confirming Evan’s past with Lou, any remaining optimism slips out of my grasp, drains through my body and onto the ground, seeping into the shadows. My steps slow.
Lou babbles, “It was before my time. I admit I don’t know all the details, but I could find out if you want.”
“No,” I grumble.
“Whoa, okay. I’ll leave it alone.” He tugs open the door to our building, allowing me to enter first. Inside our office, I remind him to forget our discussion. He agrees too quick, which I note is very un-Lou like.
Worried, I retreat to my office. I don’t want to know more, and I definitely don’t want Lou to know more. He can’t keep anything to himself. On any other day this trait might be nice—as long as I’m not the subject of discussion.
I step into my office and close the door. Slouching against the wall, I bang my head a few times, wanting to knock every image of Evan out.
“What the hell are you doing?”
I wrench my body to the voice and stumble, dropping my bag at the sight of a man sitting on my office sofa. With the tone of his voice, I thought it was Evan. But it’s not; it’s Linden. Until now, I hadn’t realized how similar they sounded. I hold a hand over my racing heart. I’m relieved until Linden gives me a worried look.
“What’s going on with you this week?” He tightens his gaze. Is he trying not to smile?
I clamor for an explanation but before I open my mouth to speak...
“No.” He dismisses my forthcoming answer. “I don’t want to know. I only wanted an update on the Lakeman deal.”
“Oh, right.” I collect my bag and scurry to my desk chair. I’m calling forth my work persona, the one that has her shit together, not this pitiful blob of emotion. I shake her off the best I can.
“James rescheduled his appointment.”
“Why the stall?”
“He’s on a last-minute business trip. But it works well with the new property coming available.”
“And?” His brows rise.
“I’m closing the deal. End of story.”
“That’s what I like to hear.” He rises and hastens for the door. Before he leaves he halts, hand wrapped around the doorframe. “Did you see Evan this morning?”
I school my face. “Is he ignoring you again?”
“Left him a million messages.”
“Not to worry. He’s alive.” I give a weak laugh while flipping my thumb over the pages of a Post-it notebook.
He removes his buzzing cell from a pocket.
“Speak of the devil.” He shakes his phone. He answers as he leaves. I sink into my chair, knees weak. What would Linden say if he found out? Would he be pissed? I cover my face with my hands and moan.
But then my ear tunes into a new sound. Outside my door, Lou’s voice booms over office chatter, ringing phones, and whining copier machines. He’s asking someone, “Were you here when Evan Wade worked in the office?”