Chapter 34
“Don’t worry about it. Not everyone wants a math nerd.” But Cara’s words did nothing to comfort her. “And you kill it in all your other subjects.”
She huffed out a disappointed breath, the full weight of her exam results bearing down on her. 60% wasn’t enough to secure an internship with one of the bigger companies, which was exactly what she’d hoped to secure for the long summer break. Math wasn’t her strong suit, but damn it, she was trying. She just couldn’t afford to get extra tuition like most of her other friends did.
Cara put her arm around her shoulders and squeezed hard. “It’s only a small exam. You’re allowed to have a few bad grades. It’s not the end of the world.”
“It’s not a small exam,” she muttered, looking around at the happy faces of students as they walked past her. Why were people looking so happy? “It matters. For the internships, it matters.”
“Not as much as you think it does.”
She knew Cara was trying to cheer her up, but nothing was going to do it. Nothing.
“Come on. Let’s go to the cafeteria and get some cheesecake. Everything looks better after cheesecake.”
But she didn’t feel up to it. Nobody else felt this pressure, but she did. She knew too well what failure looked like, knew what it had done to her father, and she was determined never to be in that situation. Ever.
Getting 60% in math might not be a failure in Cara’s eyes, but it was in hers.
“You go. I’d rather go home.” She didn’t want to hang around the campus any longer.
“And do what? Eat a whole tub of ice-cream all by yourself?”
“We don’t have a full—”
“I know. I was joking. I was trying to make you laugh. Remember laughter? It’s that thing you do, you last did it when you came back from the fairground.”
She smiled. It had been a good day.
“Please let me go home.” She wasn’t in the mood to be around happy people. Please let me be.
“Ok.” Cara gave her another bear hug. “But if you change your mind.”
I won’t.
But as she started to walk down the steps to the subway, she decided to make good on the thing that had been bugging her for days.
It wasn’t the reason she had done so badly in her test, but seriously, something was wrong with her to have her wondering what Xavier was up to. As soon as her last exam had finished, she had caught up with the work he’d given her and had emailed it to him, but she hadn’t heard back.
Since when had she started to count the days since she’d last heard from him?
She walked back up the subway steps, turning away from the traffic with the thought of calling him, but then she stopped, her finger pausing over his name.
Would he think it was silly—her calling him about work when she normally emailed him? What did it matter? It was work related, and she was calling him because it had been a few days since her exams had finished, and she needed to let him know she was ready for more work.
So, she called him, her gut slowly traveling to the ground, her heart beating, as she waited.
“Hi,” she breathed, as soon as he picked up.
“Laronde?” He sounded cheerful, she could tell, by the way he said her name.
“I was—” she cleared her throat. “I was wondering if you uh,” What the hell was wrong with her? Pull yourself together. “If the figures I sent over were OK? I didn’t hear from you so I was wondering. That’s all.”
“I’m sure they are, you never get anything wrong, but I haven’t had a chance to look through them yet. I was busy looking over Hennessy’s contract.”
“You’re still going ahead with that?”
“No reason why not.”
He sounded testy. Things were probably still tense between him and Tobias. She tried to find something to say, something neutral. “I was wondering, because you hadn’t replied, and you usually do.”
Needy.
That sounded needy.
Did that sound needy?
How needy?
“I did reply. I asked if you needed more work, but you didn’t reply.”
She’d missed one of his emails? “I must have missed it. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I know you’ve had lots going on.”
“You sound busy, too.” All of a sudden she wished she hadn’t called him. The conversation had hardly been as riveting as she had hoped. “I’ll…uh…I’ll let you go.”
“I’m not busy now. It’s been a lousy week.”
“Lousy week?”
“A clusterfuck of a week.”
She laughed, finding kinship in his misery. “Same here.”
“Why, what happened with you?”
“Nothing major. Just math exam results.”
“Not the end of the world stuff, then,” he said, sounding a little lighter.
“No.”
“I was wondering how your exams went.”
He was?
“Pretty good, except for the math results.”
“You should be celebrating the small victories. Exams being over counts as one of them.”
“I suppose so.” But everything mattered. Every exam, every result. It all mattered. Not that Xavier would ever understand. His life seemed so cushy from where she was standing. What did he know?
“What are you up to now?”
“Me?” Going home and buying a tub of ice-cream along the way. Why was he asking? “Nothing much,” she replied, trying not to get excited. A shiver of goosebumps broke out along her back.
“Would you have time to show me how you did those charts? You know, those 3D bar charts?”
“Sure.”
“I can come over to your place later?” he suggested.
Later? “No,” she said quickly. “I was going home anyway. I’m heading for the subway. I could come to your place, if it’s okay with you.”
“We can commiserate together.”
“Misery plus misery.”
“Fun times.”
She smiled, and it was the stupidest smile that stayed on her face the entire time she was on the subway.
She was there before she knew it, smoothing down her hair as she got the elevator to his apartment. She was still messing around with her hair by the time she walked to his door.
“Hey,” he said, standing with the door wide open and wearing a five o’clock shadow as if it was made for him.
“Hey. You look a little rough,” she remarked carefully. Sexy rough.
“It hasn’t been the best of weeks,” he replied, closing the door behind her.
“What’s going on?” she asked. “You know about my math drama, but what’s going on with you?”
“It’s nothing.”
The hell it was nothing. “Tobias?” she asked, hazarding a guess. He shook his head as if not wanting to talk about it. Why would he want to talk to her about matters close to his heart?
She placed her knapsack on the floor and, following his lead, walked over to the couch, sitting at one end, while he sat at the other.
“He’s still pissed with me for taking that contract with Hennessy.”
He was willing to talk about it. She leaned forward, eager to hear. “Because of that guy who used to be his friend?”
“Yes.” Xavier ran his hand across his jaw, over the dusting of dark hairs, as if he wasn’t used to it. “Something’s up with him. Taking your advice, I went to his office and tried to have it out with him.”
As pleased as she was that he’d listened to her, she could sense that the outcome hadn’t been good. “Tried to?” she asked, then looked away when he caught her staring at his stubble, and at the beaded bracelet he wore around his wrist.
“We ended up having more words. I actually managed to say what I needed to.”
“Oh,” she gasped, lightly. “I was hoping you two might get to clear the air.”
“No.”
“Were you two ever close?”
“Honestly?” He shook his head. “I don’t know. Probably not. I liked to think so, but he’s got Savannah and Jacob now, and—”
“And, you think he’s not bothered about you?”
“Tobias is … complicated, and competitive, and he likes to win.”
“Don’t you? Like to win, I mean?” she asked, aware that she was pushing at the edges of an intangible boundary. Probing deeper, and each time she pushed forward, he opened up. He seemed to want someone to talk to, and she wanted to help.
“Not as badly as he does.”
He scratched above his eyebrow and gave her a look that filled her with curiosity. A feeling of empathy flowed into her, making her see, as if the curtain had been lifted, and a spotlight had exposed Xavier's deepest wound.
“At least you tried.”
“Tobias can do what he likes. People always side with him. He’s used to it. Nobody is ever going to correct him, because he is so wealthy and successful. The real rules and laws don’t seem to apply to him.”
She understood exactly. But she didn’t feel that Tobias was in the same camp as those types of people, like Shoemoney, or the businessman who’d trampled on her father’s dreams.
“Tobias doesn’t strike me as someone who is inherently bad. I’ve met those types of people, and your brother isn’t one of them.”
He leaned forward, looking at her as if he still had unanswered questions, but didn’t dare to ask them. “No, he’s not a bad person. Not like that.” His voice, and the way he looked at her reminded her of that night at the fairground, of his arms around her, and his body close to hers. A myriad of scenes, from that night, and others from her subsequent thoughts about that night, flooded her senses, temporarily disarming her.
“Why’s your one test result bothering you?” he asked, completely changing the topic and making her think that he wasn’t interested in whose side she was on. The realization made her scratch her wrist, gave her time to process this disappointment, and to think. Why would she think that being here with Xavier Stone meant anything? The guy could have any woman he liked, and he probably did. Why would he have any interest in a college girl like her?
So she explained why. Focusing on facts and talking about test results and internships; taking the emotion out of the equation was easier.
“Internships aren’t a big deal. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself about it.”
“Easy for you to say.” A guy like him had probably been making contacts since kindergarten. “Do you want me to show you how to do those charts?”
“Good idea,” he said, standing up quicker than she would have liked. Maybe he was busy, and she was in the way. “I could ask my other VAs to do it,” he explained, walking towards his office area and giving her no choice but to follow, “but by the time I’ve explained everything to them, I might as well have done it myself.”
She noted that he had changed his screensaver. Now it was the Ferrari. No woman.
“You click a row, then hold the Command key down, and then you can select non-adjacent cells,” she said, feeling unsure as she tried to explain something she did automatically. Now that she had to think about it, she found herself second-guessing her actions.
“Okay.”
“And then you drag it like this,” she highlighted the row of figures.
“I can never get that to drag down and keep all those selected.”
“And you’re supposed to be the poster boy for Apple products!”
“I’m not as smart at you.”
“It’s not about being smart, it’s just tricky. But once you get the hang of if you won’t even have to think about it.” She looked at him, then at his lips, then brought her gaze to his eyes again and hoped he hadn’t noticed. “Try it,” she suggested, and tried to move out of the way, but she was sitting down, pinned in her seat, as he gripped the mouse and tried to follow her instructions.
“Like this?” He tried to highlight the cells, but as he got to the bottom, he lost the selection.
“Like this,” she said, their hands brushing as she took control of the mouse.
She could feel her heart pounding and ground down on her teeth, attempting control. She was already aware of his own familiar smell of cologne, the mix of cool and sweet that was so undeniably him. But he had a heat about him, and she could feel it, could feel something which set her on edge. It didn’t make sense, this high state of alertness where she could hear every breath, see every eye blink, see the dark hairs along his jaw, and inhale his scent.
She was turning into one of those girls she detested.
“Try again.” She moved her hand away, letting him take the mouse, and she watched as he tried again.
She kept her gaze on the screen, even though a strange feeling in her stomach heated up, making her not pay much attention to his attempts to highlight the correct cells.
“What keys is it again?”
“It’s …” She didn’t know how to explain it, like driving, or riding a bike, she only knew how to do it, but found it almost impossible to explain to someone else.
“Watch me again.” She repeated her actions.
He sighed loudly. “You must think I’m thick.”
She turned her head sharply towards him, their faces so close now she could taste his breath. “No. I don’t.”
He moved away first, raising to standing, his hands in his pockets. “This is why I don’t have any of those pretty charts. I couldn’t be asked to put them in. I don’t have time to make things pretty in my reports. I just give people the facts.”
She turned around in the swivel chair, now able to because he had taken a step back, out of her personal space. “I don’t think you’re thick. Tobias probably delegates a lot of his stuff to other people.”
Why was she making this be about Tobias?
“I’ll leave you to do those reports, Laronde. Be extra work for you—unless you have a problem?”
Extra work? No, she didn’t have a problem. “That would be great.”
“There might be a further delay on the extra work with the new business in China.” He looked down and shifted from one foot to the other. “I wish I hadn’t raised your hopes.”
“You didn’t.” She didn’t want him to feel bad about it. “I’d already dialed the hours down.”
“You didn’t think I’d deliver?”
Shit. It was exactly why, but she couldn’t gloss over it. She wasn’t one to lie easily, even though right now she would have given anything to lie like a pro. “You sounded unsure, and I didn’t want to factor in the extra money. I have to budget really tightly, and I’m really conservative.”
He didn’t say anything, and she wasn’t sure if he bought it.
“Are you going home?”
“Yes.” As opposed to going where?
“I’ll call you an Uber.”
“What for?” she scoffed. “It’s still early.”
“It getting dark out there.” He didn’t seem to wait for her permission, and made the call.
She walked towards the couch, grabbing her knapsack, and putting on her coat.
“You’re behaving like my dad.”
“I have no fatherly intentions, believe me.”
She looked up at him.
“That didn’t come out right,” he said, backtracking quickly.
She put her hat on, then pulled it down, then smiled. “Thanks.”
“Thanks for coming over,” he said.
“You’re welcome.”
“Sorry to waste your time.”
She frowned. “You didn’t waste my time.” She touched the sleeve of his sweatshirt lightly. “That wasn’t a comparison, when I said Tobias delegates stuff. I wasn’t comparing you both.”
“Many people do.”
“I wasn’t,” she insisted, needing him to know. She tugged at his sweatshirt. “But people can only grow their businesses when they focus on the things they’re good at, not the little tasks you can give other people to do.”
“You’re right, and you’re the smartest VA I’ve ever had.” He lifted his hand to her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb, making her heartbeat rocket.
“The smartest VA?” She smiled, liking the feel of his thumb on her cheek, the pressure light, the feel electric.
“For sure.”
Her throat turned to sandpaper, and she swallowed, and wished, for once, that he would resort to his playboy ways. But the touch of his hand was light, so slight, she felt a pull straight through her stomach.
But he stared at her for the longest time, doing nothing, his finger resting on her chin, the look in his eyes doing more to dampen her panties than any physical move ever could.
She licked her lips, her mouth parting, because her breathing had sped up.
A vertical line ran from her head to the tips of her toes, sparks igniting and tingling all along it. Maybe it was because she hadn’t had a boyfriend for going on a year, or maybe it was because Xavier Stone had the sexiest eyes and the most beautiful lips. And maybe she had thought about those lips more times than she cared to admit.
She couldn’t work out if he was teasing her, or if this was a ploy, but the way her breasts tingled, the way her knees felt wobbly, she didn’t care.
He moved an inch closer, as did she, and then she licked her lower lip, anticipating, waiting, wishing. And when the ringtone of his phone cut in, she let out a sharp breath.
His hand fell to his side and he answered the call.
“Your Uber’s waiting.”
She blinked, it was like a fall, tripping back to reality. Hard reality. Her eyes squeezed shut for a moment longer than a normal blink.
She swallowed. “I’d better go.”
“See you around, Izzy.”
The whole ride home she thought about his lips, his eyes, his fingers on her skin. By the time she got home she was fully aroused, and left wanting. And what she wanted was Xavier Stone.
One look at her face in the mirror, flushed and red, told her this was real.
She felt unsatisfied, and craved his touch, his kisses, his body. She had made a complete turnaround when it came to Xavier Stone, and her dampness between her legs confirmed it. The throbbing between her breasts double confirmed it.
But Xavier? How could she? He was everything she hated in a guy. Rich, moneyed, a privileged jerk.
Only he was that and so much more.