Chapter 50
She buzzed up, and when he asked who it was, she paused before answering. It had been nearly a month since she had seen or heard from him, and now she wondered if it was still too soon.
The palpitations in her chest rocketed sky-high.
“It’s me. Izzy.”
She imagined the look of surprise on his face. “Izzy? Uh—sure. Uh—did you want to come up?” Oh, yes. He was definitely surprised.
“I only came by to return your MacBook.”
“Oh, that,” he said slowly, as if he was still trying to get to grips with the fact that she was here.
“Can you come down?”
“Sure.”
She smoothed down her hair, and waited outside, her heart still beating wildly. A few moments later, the door opened and he strode out, wearing not his lounge pants, but a pair of jeans, and a shirt. It made her wonder if he was busy. Maybe he was entertaining, even though it was late afternoon on a Thursday.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”
“You haven’t. You didn’t. It’s just me in my office, working away.” That told her how well he knew her, and how well he had anticipated her thinking.
“Here,” she said, pulling his MacBook out of her knapsack. “I’ve been meaning to return this for a long time.” She handed it to him. “I’m sorry it’s taken so long, but the time never seemed right.”
“You could have kept it. I didn’t really need for you to return it.”
“It’s not mine. It belongs to your business.”
“I wouldn’t have minded.”
“I would have.”
“Okay.” He held onto it with both hands, an uneasy silence prickling the air between them. “How have you been?” he asked, finally.
“Great.” She nodded her head, as if to convince herself. Great.
“You look great.” He gave her an appreciative nod.
She looked at him and remembered the man she had started to fall for; the one who had turned her contempt for him into mind-blowing orgasms. She tried not to think about those times, but recently, there had been times when she’d found it harder to push it away to the edges of her mind.
Their conversation was stilted, the silences freighted with something. It was strange because she had expected that he might make more of an effort to talk, and he hadn’t. Now that she had been babysitting Jacob almost every weekend, she had noted that Xavier had never been there during any of these times, and she wondered if he was purposely avoiding being there because of her.
“Jacob says ‘hi’. I told him I was going to see you one day this week,” she said.
“Tell him I said hi back.”
She had braced herself to be strong, and to not give in or fall for his smooth words—but his lack of any words came as a shock.
“You look good, Izzy,” he said, finally, giving her a subdued smile.
“You don’t look so bad yourself.” He didn’t look as if he’d been pining away for her, despite his words at the burger bar, and his pleas for her to hear him out. She wondered if he had moved on, if he had trawled The Oasis and hooked up with someone else already.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come in?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Cara’s dragging me out to another house party.”
“Dragging you out?” A questioning expression spread across his face.
“Yes,” she huffed out, thinking of how much she wanted her own time and space, how much she wanted to retreat into her room and stay there, and how much Cara wouldn’t let her.
“Doesn’t sound to me as if you want to go.”
“House-parties are better than the double-dates she keeps forcing me into.”
His eyes snapped in her direction. “You’re double dating now?”
She winced, just thinking about it. The last two dates had been nothing short of slow torture. She’d been in no mood for a date, let alone going out, but Cara refused to let her mope around in the apartment.
“You?” she asked, because she couldn’t help it. He was probably back on the circuit, probably hanging out at The Oasis every evening, probably getting laid frequently.
But he didn’t look too happy. That spark in his eyes was gone; the mischievous, cocky smile that often hovered around his lips was gone, too. Here stood a man who seemed to be a shell of the effervescent and flirty guy she’d once known.
“No. I’m still single.”
She felt lightness in her chest, the kind that made her feel warm and mushy inside. She forced her mind back to darker places, reminding herself not to forget.
$10K. Don’t forget the $10K.
“What did you do with the money?” she asked, curious to know.
“What?”
“The $10K?”
He lifted his chin and stared at her, his eyes level and unflinching. “We didn’t go through with it. I told you before, I forgot about it soon after I met you.”
Don’t fall for his lies.
“If I could turn back time, Izzy, if I could go back to the wedding, and that stupid moment, I would.”
“Placing a ten thousand dollar bet to get a girl into bed isn’t something that normal guys do. I’ve met a lot of dickheads, but I’ve never met one as big as you.” She hadn’t intended to go there. Hadn’t intended to reminisce, and jab, and get emotional, and bitter. She had intended to return the MacBook and leave.
But she couldn’t help herself.
His mouth turned hard, and it was a giveaway, how the muscles flexed on either side of his jaw. She could see she’d hurt him, that what she’d said had sliced deep, and for a second, maybe two, she regretted it.
It had been like this between them for the longest time. Moments of warm softness, interspersed with searing heat passion. It had been love and hate and all the emotions in between. A shiver rolled through her skin.
Xavier Stone had made her feel. None of the guys Cara tried to pair her up with had even come close.
In the bleakest of moments, sitting in her room, she sometimes went over what he’d told her, about him wanting to confess, and how he couldn’t. How he had tried to tell her and had wanted to own up before they went to The Hamptons.
And in those bleakest of moments, she had started to wonder, what if he was telling the truth?
“I’m not stupid, Izzy. I’m just a guy who’s done a lot of stupid things. I’ve learned my lesson the hard way, and I hate that it cost me you.”
Go. Leave now before you start to fall for his words.
“I’ve learned my lesson, too,” she replied, “I should have trusted my gut, and my gut told me to stay away from you the first moment I laid eyes on you at the island.”
“I have no regrets about meeting you. Most of the girls I meet are easy, but you weren’t, and you were worth the chase. You’re smart, and sexy, and gutsy, and I love your soul. I love everything about you.”
A small rush of adrenaline spiked inside her—not enough to bring back the happiness she had experienced once-upon-a-time, but enough to lift her mood.
“That’s the thing about time. You can’t go back. You have to learn to live with your mistakes.” It was all she could think to say, to protect herself, to push herself away, rather than lean in and risk falling for his charm all over again.
“You should go, then,” he said. “You don’t want to be late for your double-date.”
He didn’t smile, and neither did she.
She gripped the shoulder strap of her knapsack tightly. “It was cool, what you did, taking the blame for Jacob like that.”
“Why did you tell Savannah?”
“It wasn’t right, you taking the blame like that.”
“It wasn’t a big deal. Tobias gets into a rage over his privacy, and he hates the media. I couldn’t have Jacob take the heat.”
“Tobias wouldn’t have said anything to Jacob.”
“In case you hadn’t noticed, he doesn’t have to say anything to scare the hell out of anyone.” He shrugged. “It was no biggie.”
“I told Savannah because I wanted her to explain to Jacob, because he’s got to be even more careful now. He’s not in a normal family… being so rich, being in the limelight. He’s going to have to watch what he says, more than most young kids ever will.”
“You did the right thing.” He smiled at her. “You always do the right thing, Izzy. That’s why you were so good for me.”
Don’t. Don’t. Don’t listen.
“One more thing,” he said, lifting his head, fixing her with his gaze. “I want you to know that I never intended for Savannah to take away your hours, that time after they came back from the honeymoon. I only told her what you had told me, about Jacob feeling left out, because I saw with my own eyes how much Tobias loves that kid. But I also know, because I’ve experienced it first hand, what my brother can be like. He’s had to harden, to deal with the stuff that happened to him before, but his hardness is the thing that makes others think he doesn’t care. I don’t want Jacob to experience that. And, I really did think you had already told Savannah. I never intended on being the one to break that news to her.”
“But it worked out so well, didn’t it? Her laying me off, and you conveniently stepping in to offer me work?”
“I use a lot of virtual assistants, I told you. I didn’t lie about any of that.”
What did it matter. It was too late now. “I heard you threw a glass of wine at Shoemoney.”
He nodded but said nothing.
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me for standing up for you. I met a girl once who told me that it’s worth standing up for something you believe in. She told me that it was worth speaking out when something is wrong.”
She was touched that he had remembered. It might have been the way his eyes turned shiny, or the way his mouth twisted before he said, “I can’t get it out of my head, what he did to you.”
It made her heart stop. She hadn’t realized until now how much it had eaten into him. “It’s done. It’s over.” It doesn’t affect you.
“I swear I wanted to kill him.”
“Please don’t. I’d hate to feel responsible for his death.”
They were jesting; playing with words, but neither one of them was smiling.
“It was probably childish of me to throw the wine at him. I would have gladly used my fist, but they might have thrown me out, and I didn’t want to cause too big a scene, not with all my family sitting there. The press would have a field day.”
She swallowed.
The more she stared into his eyes, the more she was near him, the more it made her want to believe he had changed. But she couldn’t trust him again. She couldn’t.
“I should go,” she told him.
“Rushing for your double date?”
She looked up to find his dark blue irises pinned on her. “Something like that. ’Bye, Stone.” She forced herself to forget, as she walked away. There was no need to remember what had once passed between them.
~ ~ ~
When a girl like that walked away, and it was his heart that twitched and not his dick, he knew he had let a good thing go. This had to be a monumental fuck up compared to all the other fuck ups he’d ever made in his life.
A girl like Izzy was rare.
He wouldn’t have found her in a place like The Oasis.
And even though he didn’t want to go looking all over again, he had to accept that she was gone.