Thirteen
Even though her head felt like it was ready to split in two, Kayla couldn’t help but sprawl out and enjoy having an entire bed to herself.
Weird how the little things really make a difference.
Waking up in Harper’s guest room – because she had drawn the tall straw! – Kayla marveled at how much her life had changed in the last several weeks.
She was doing a lot of local photography assignments for Adam’s magazine. She’d been talking to a gallery owner in downtown Raleigh about a potential show of her work and she’d moved in with Adam.
That was a lot for a girl who didn’t like to commit to anything.
The move was the biggest adjustment for her. For all the times she and Adam stayed at each other’s places overnight, it was completely different when you knew the other person wasn’t leaving. They were working together, living together, sleeping together…it was a lot of together time and it had her feeling mildly twitchy. Not enough to where she was ready to pack her bags and leave, but enough that she was aware of it.
They were going to need to talk about it before it became a serious thing.
“Look at me being all mature and not relationship-challenged,” she murmured, feeling proud of herself.
It was almost eleven and she wondered if anyone else was up.
Probably.
They were all early morning people.
Truthfully, when she was on assignment, Kayla was too. But when you go out drinking until three in the morning after starting your day with Zumba and then dancing all night, you were entitled to sleeping in, weren’t you?
Wanting to get up and actually getting up were two very different things, she realized. Her mind was willing, but her body was not. Every inch of her ached – her arms, her legs, her hair…all of it.
This is what I get for ordering tropical drinks, she thought. They’re so sweet and fruity and delicious that I don’t realize how much alcohol I’m consuming.
Lesson. Learned.
Maybe.
Slowly, she slid one leg over the side of the bed and then rested. A minute later she rolled a little closer to the edge. She had to rest for about three minutes after that move. And finally, with a deep breath, she forced herself to a sitting position.
And almost threw up.
Not good…not good…not good!
For several minutes, all she could do was concentrate on inhaling and exhaling – and even that made her head pound. Eventually she was able to stand, then she shuffled to the bedroom door and pulled it open.
She immediately started to laugh but had to stop because it was so painful.
Holding her head in both hands, she looked out into the living room and saw Julianne sprawled out on the floor with her shoes in her hands and Natalie hanging off the couch wearing her jeans and her bra and nothing else.
“Oh, God,” she muttered. “It’s a miracle we survived.”
“Good morning!” Harper called out cheerily. “Want some coffee?”
What Kayla wanted at that moment was the strength to lift something heavy that she could throw at Harper.
Slowly, she shuffled into the kitchen where Harper was sitting at the table and smiling. Without a word, she poured herself a cup of coffee from the pot and then dragged herself to the table to sit down.
“You know,” Harper began as she scanned the Sunday paper, “last night I was so bummed that I couldn’t drink, but after coming out here and seeing the three of you? I am so glad I didn’t.”
“Sure, rub it in…”
They sat in companionable silence for several minutes before a groan from the other room caught their attention. Harper looked over at Kayla with an evil grin. “Is it wrong that I want to go in there and bang pots and pans?”
“Evil and wrong,” Kayla replied as she sipped her coffee. “So basically, you’re living the dream in every category now.”
“Um…what?”
“You love life? Great. Dealing with you mom – or should I say not dealing with your mom? Great. And on top of that, you look wide-awake, perky and clearly you aren’t wishing you were dead. It’s like the trifecta of living the dream. If I could lift my arm, I’d punch you in the throat.”
Harper laughed as she stood. “I really think I should wake them up. I don’t know what time Natalie’s meeting with Jayce, but I’m thinking she’s going to need some time to get her shit together before she goes.”
Kayla nodded, but only briefly because it hurt too much to move her head.
When Harper walked away, all Kayla could do was sit and inhale the scent of her coffee. She doubted that Harper was going to do anything loud or obnoxious to wake Jules and Natalie up, so she felt good about staying right where she was and trying to figure out how she was ever going to move again.
Like a ninja, Harper walked by and dropped a couple of ibuprofen tablets on the table and gave Kayla a glass of water.
God bless her.
With a sigh, Kayla contemplated the day ahead of her. The plan was to leave Harper’s after lunch – if she were still alive – and go back to her place to pack up some more stuff to move over to Adam’s. No matter how much she thought about it, it was still a little unbelievable that she was doing this – like really doing this. A month ago, he had ended things with her. Granted, that whole thing lasted less than a week, but…it was strange to think how they went from that point to where they were now.
Living together.
And not just like roommates.
The thing was…it wasn’t as bad as she was making it seem to everyone. She always loved Adam’s house and she was totally enjoying the extra space. He changed over the guest room to office space for her and it allowed her far more room than she had allotted herself at her apartment.
And…honestly, Adam was pretty low-maintenance to live with. Hell, he was low-maintenance all along in everything! She was the one that was an issue.
And boy did it suck when she came to that realization.
So why was she complaining to the girls? Why couldn’t she just admit that this was a good thing? A positive step in the right direction?
Harper breezed back into the room with an easy smile and poured them each a fresh cup of coffee before sitting down.
That! That right there was the reason – Kayla always had issues with the girls who just seemed to…glow. Or the ones who always had their shit together. They irritated the crap out of her. She knew Harper had her own issues, but for the most part, she presented herself in a way that made other people envious and in Kayla’s experience, the people who looked that way, very rarely were what they seemed. So she’d developed her own persona where it was blatantly out there that she didn’t have it all together and it kind of made her a badass and she liked it.
Having a great relationship with an amazing guy and living in his fabulous house? Um, yeah. She’d hate the woman who bragged about that.
With a groan, she lowered her head to the table with a soft thud.
And now she totally was that woman.
Ugh…
****
“Okay, note to self…when you want to look like you’re doing great and that your world hasn’t fallen apart, don’t go out drinking until three in the morning and look like a hag because you have the world’s worst hangover.”
That was what Natalie told her reflection later that afternoon.
She was back at Kayla’s apartment and had showered and put on about ten pounds of concealer to hide the dark circles under her eyes.
It didn’t help.
“That’s what you’re wearing?” Kayla asked. She was packing up a few more things to take with her to Adam’s but Natalie was glad she was there. Right now she really needed the moral support.
Looking at her reflection again, she looked at the peach sheath dress she had on. It was classic, elegant and totally something she’d wear.
Well, she’d normally wear it when she wasn’t feeling like a wrecking ball was trying to break through her skull.
“Um…yes. Why?”
Kayla shrugged. “It’s a little formal. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it looks great on you and it shows off your legs and I love the shoes…”
“But…?”
She shrugged again. “You’re meeting your husband for coffee. It seems like a little…overkill.”
Which was kind of why she’d chosen it. She wanted to walk in looking fabulous and make Jayce eat his heart out for letting her go. It was important for her to be able to look cool and confident, even if she didn’t feel it.
Turning away from the mirror, she looked at Kayla. “Okay. What would you suggest?”
A slow smile played across Kayla’s face as she reached for her hand and dragged her to the bedroom.
Thirty minutes later, Natalie stood just outside the coffee shop feeling completely unsure of herself. Why did she let Kayla convince her to change? She had on a pair of shabby chic faded jeans with a big cuff, a red sleeveless cowl-neck sweater, red leather ankle boots and a black swing sweater. Red wasn’t a color she normally wore but Kayla swore it looked good and although Natalie initially agreed when she saw herself in the mirror, now that she was out and people were looking at her, she wasn’t so sure.
She looked down at the boots and had to admit that they were cute. They were Kayla’s – as was the entire outfit – but she might have to consider getting herself a pair.
“Natalie.” She looked up and saw Jayce and her heart kicked hard in her chest. His hair was a little unkempt; he hadn’t shaved and he looked tired.
Maybe he really does miss me, she thought to herself. Then she remembered why she was looking and feeling a little unkempt and she wanted to curse.
“Hello, Jayce,” she said somberly.
His smile was a bit lopsided and not at all the one of the confident man she’d always known. “Thanks for being willing to meet with me,” he said and he even…sounded different. Meeker. Unsure. He pulled the door open for her and she walked in and immediately went to the counter to order. Jayce followed and they didn’t speak until after they had their drinks and were sitting down.
“How are you?” he asked just as soon as she was settled. “You look fantastic.”
She couldn’t help the blush. “Thank you,” she replied quietly. “I’m doing well. Good, actually. And you?”
He nodded and let out a shaky breath. “I’m okay. I…I miss you, Nat. I really, really miss you.”
Relief washed over her – more than it should have – that he was the one to say it first. The problem was, she didn’t know how to respond to it. She did miss him – there was no point lying to herself about it – but missing him wasn’t the same as wanting to get back with him. So rather than speak and say something trite, she opted to take a sip of her coffee.
Jayce did the same and the silence began to grow awkward. She was about to speak up when he did.
“I didn’t realize you were so unhappy,” he said, staring down at the coffee cup he had clasped in his hands. “I thought we were good and…I don’t know…that we had a good marriage.”
She sighed. “We did. At least we did for a time,” she amended. “It wasn’t all bad, Jayce. But there are things I can’t live with and you weren’t willing to even try to meet me in the middle.”
He nodded. “I know. I get it. But…I don’t think any of it is so bad that we should just walk away from each other,” he said earnestly. “I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do. I was doing all the things I saw my father do and my grandfather do! I…it’s not an excuse and I swore I wasn’t going to come here and make excuses to you. I was a lousy husband. I was lazy and I was willing to let everyone else do the work for me. I put a lot of pressure on you and that wasn’t fair.”
Who was this man? She wondered, and why was he just showing up now?
“But I promise you, Natalie, if you come home with me, it’s going to be different. I’m going to be different. I swear, just…give me another chance.” He was so vehement and sad at the same time as he spoke. He took one of her hands in his and gently squeezed it. “Please. I…I don’t want to go home without you.”
She loved the feel of his hand on hers and his words were all the things she’d longed to hear, but right now, they were just words. She knew if their roles were reversed, she’d say anything to win him back. So how much of this was sincere and how much was it him trying to get his way?
Her heart raced and she felt herself start to sweat, and as much as she’d like to blame it on the hangover, she knew it was from nerves. Slowly, she pulled her hand from his. “I’m not ready to go home with you, Jayce,” she said, her voice trembling. “I’ve spent a lot of time alone in the last few weeks and I’m learning things about myself. I also realized how much time I was spending alone in our marriage – even when you were there.”
He shook his head and wouldn’t look at her. “I know. I know that now…”
“There isn’t a quick fix to this and honestly…I don’t know if I want to fix it at all.”
Jayce’s head snapped up, his expression shocked. “What…what are you saying?”
Swallowing hard, she looked him in the eye and knew that one of them had to be honest. “I don’t know if I want to be married to you anymore.”
He immediately took her hand back in his and leaned in closer. “Natalie, I love you!” he said fiercely. “And I know you still love me. I know you do! I know you’re upset and you’re angry with me but…tell me…just tell me what it is I can do! What can I do to prove to you that what we have shouldn’t be thrown away?”
She let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know anymore. At first I thought I wanted you to fight for me…but you didn’t. You sent me angry texts and you harassed my friends.”
For a moment she thought he was going to argue with her and get angry, but he didn’t. He didn’t let go of her hand, but she felt him tense up and then relax. “I was in shock, Natalie. You left our bed – our house – in the middle of the night with nothing more than a note and what did you expect me to feel?”
Good question.
“You turned your phone off, too. I had no idea where you were or if you were okay or safe or anything and I started freaking out,” he admitted. “I went to Julianne’s because I thought that’s where you would go first. And when I got there and Gavin said you weren’t there, I thought he was lying, that he was simply protecting you. And yes, it pissed me off and I got a little angry and loud. But other than that, I have not bothered any of your friends.”
He had a point.
“I don’t think there’s a guidebook on how to react when your wife leaves you,” he said quietly, then looked at her. “And I don’t think it’s fair to be judged because I didn’t react the way you thought I should.”
“Jayce…”
“Because…to me…you should have talked to me before packing your bags and leaving.” When she made to argue, he held up a hand to stop her. “I know I probably wouldn’t have listened much, but if you had even once said that you were going to leave me, I would have taken it seriously, Nat. I would have done everything I could to stop you and try to make things right. I never wanted you to go.”
“That’s because I make your life so much easier,” she said wearily. “Between me and your assistant, you barely have to think for yourself.”
And that’s when she expected him to fight back – to defend himself and say it wasn’t true.
But he didn’t.
“You’re right,” he said with a sigh. “You’re absolutely right. I was perfectly content to let you do all the stuff around the house and I was more than happy to let Suzanne do everything around the office. In my defense, that’s what she’s paid for.”
“Be careful how you finish that thought,” she warned.
He let out another sigh. “You seemed to love doing all those things around the house, Nat. You were always saying how you loved cooking or how you loved going out shopping and decorating…so I let you. I thought…if it made you happy, then it was worth it. I had no idea you’d eventually come to resent me for it.”
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t resent you because I have to cook dinner, Jayce. I resent you because you don’t help! You don’t contribute any effort to our lives! I can’t do the work of two people – I can’t be both husband and wife in our marriage. I refuse to.”
That seemed to stump him for a minute and Natalie took advantage of the silence to drink more of her coffee. Part of her wanted to just jump up and leave. This wasn’t getting them anywhere and really, being here with Jayce and talking to him – simply looking at him – left her feeling more and more confused.
“Jayce, listen…”
“I’m not giving up on us,” he quickly interrupted. Natalie’s eyes went wide at his words. “I know that tone, Natalie. You were going to tell me you wanted to leave, that we had nothing else to say and I’m telling you, you’re wrong. We’ve been together too long and I love you too much to just let you walk away.”
Tears burned her eyes and she looked down in hopes that he didn’t notice.
But he did.
Tucking a finger under her chin, he gently forced her to look at him. “I hate to see you cry,” he said softly. “I’ve always hated to see you cry.”
It would be so easy to reach out and touch him – to hold his hand to hers and just…feel.
But she couldn’t. Not right now. It was…it was all too much.
Brushing his hand away, Natalie scrambled to her feet. “I…I can’t do this, Jayce. I need to go. I…I’m sorry.”
He called her name but he didn’t follow her and as she made her way out the door and down the street, she wasn’t sure if she was happy about that or disappointed.
****
“So I was thinking of someplace tropical for our honeymoon,” Gavin said later that afternoon. “Not a cruise or anything like that, but something like…”
“Hawaii,” Julianne murmured from her spot on the couch. She was lying down with a cold cloth on her forehead, her feet propped up and cursing her own stupidity. This was why they stopped going out and doing stupid things, she reminded herself. Because they weren’t as young as they used to be and too much alcohol and too much dancing meant too much pain the day after.
“Hawaii? Huh,” Gavin said as he continued to scroll on his laptop. “That could be interesting.” He typed a bit and then let out a little hum. “I was thinking Mexico. You know, if we went to Belize we could see the Mayan ruins. I think that could be amazing too. A little sightseeing, a little history, a little…no, wait. Was I thinking Cancun? We can totally still do Cancun and see the ruins. How cool would that be, Jules?”
It occurred to her how they kept putting off deciding where they were going on their honeymoon. And as much as she knew they needed to make this decision, right now it seemed to make her brain hurt even more. Was he seriously looking up facts about Cancun right now? She cleared her throat a little. “Um…what are you looking at?”
“While you were out last night, I was watching the Travel Channel and saw a show on Fiji and it got me thinking.” He shrugged. “We keep casually mentioning destinations, but we really haven’t narrowed anything down. So what do you think? Tropical?”
“I can totally do tropical,” she said quietly as she forced herself to sit up a little.
“Okay,” he said with a grin and she knew him – knew he was typing up a chart of some sort to list their must-haves. He was a total dork like that but she had to admit, they always ended up with exactly what they wanted because of those crazy lists. “Domestic or international?”
“Domestic,” she said. “We’re on borrowed time now and booking somewhere too far away might put some pressure on our budget.”
“Good point.” He typed some more. “And you were thinking…Hawaii?”
And suddenly an image of them getting married on the beach at sunset flashed in her mind. No one telling her what to do, no dresses to fuss about, no catering menus to fuss over, no arguing over guest lists…she sighed.
Gavin stopped typing and looked at her. “You okay? You need more ibuprofen?”
“What? Oh…um, no. I’m good, just…no, I’m good.”
With a patient smile, Gavin put his laptop aside and came to sit beside her on the sofa. He caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers – something Julianne loved – and waited her out. He was good like that.
“Fine…when you mentioned Hawaii, I envisioned us getting married there,” she said quietly, solemnly. Hell, she couldn’t even look directly at him because she was ashamed that she was even thinking such things!
“You mean like a destination wedding? We invite everyone to come to Hawaii and watch us get married there?”
Then she did look at him and grimaced. “Not…exactly…”
His dark brown eyes studied her for a minute as if merely looking at her was going to give him the answers. She finally took pity on him.
“Like…eloping,” she said flatly.
The shocked look he gave her just proved that sometimes they weren’t on the same page. No doubt the thought of eloping never crossed his mind.
“I’m not saying that I’ve been thinking about it or anything, but…”
“Would you?” he asked.
“Would I what?”
His hand stilled and he cupped her cheek. “Would you want to elope?”
“Gavin, we can’t do that. My dress is ordered, the venue is booked…”
Leaning in, he placed a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose before resting his forehead against hers. “Let me rephrase that – pretend that none of those other things existed…would you consider eloping?”
Maybe she was crazy or still a little drunk, but she kind of got the feeling that he was asking for a reason – like maybe he was interested in eloping!
“Jules,” he said, “there are no wrong answers here. It’s just me.”
And she sighed. “Okay…if we didn’t have to deal with all the other stuff, I’d elope in a heartbeat.”
Gavin pulled back and smiled before standing up. Julianne was just about to ask him what he thought of her admission, but he walked out of the room.
What the hell?
Gingerly, she got to her feet and went after him. In the kitchen, she found him texting. “Uh…Gavin?”
Looking over his shoulder at her, he smiled. “Give me a minute.”
Fine. In the meantime, she grabbed herself another bottle of water and downed half of it in one shot. The thought of feeling like this for class in the morning was not appealing, so she needed to hydrate as much as she possibly could. Her stomach growled and she took it as a good sign since for the first time all day, the thought of food didn’t make her want to hurl.
“Any chance you can get someone to cover your Tuesday night class?” Gavin asked.
She looked at him quizzically. “I suppose. Why?”
“Our parents are coming for dinner,” he said with a grin.
“Our parents? As in both sets?”
He nodded.
“Why?”
“Because we’re calling off the wedding.”