Sixteen
“I’m sorry.”
For a minute, Adam stood and stared at her as if she’d spoken to him in Greek. Without a word, he turned away and sat at the breakfast bar. Kayla waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. He just kept watching her.
“I turned them down,” she said quickly.
“But you considered it,” he said for clarification.
“I did.” Nodding, she went on. “My immediate response was yes. I thought it would be something fun and exciting and a great experience.”
“And now you don’t?”
She shook her head. “And now I don’t.” Letting out a slow breath, she willed herself to calm down. This was all still so new to her – talking about her feelings so openly, so honestly. “I could have kept it from you and not said anything, but I don’t want that for us anymore. I know now that we need to – well, I need to – be more open about this sort of thing. And when I stopped and thought about it, I knew I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to be away for nine months.”
“I thought you said it was only eight?” he asked, frowning.
“There was a training time,” she said, feeling stupid for leaving that part out. “And it’s not just because it’s a long time to be away…”
“You’d miss Julianne’s wedding.”
“I know. But that’s not why, Adam. I would have hated to miss her wedding, but if it were the only thing holding me back, I still would have gone.”
“Would you?”
She nodded and she wasn’t proud of that admission.
“Julianne’s your best friend,” he pointed out.
“I know. And I think you know me well enough by now to know that my work normally comes first. And Julianne would have been disappointed – probably more than a little pissed off – but she would have forgiven me eventually.”
“True.”
“But you?” she began and had to fight the urge to walk around the counter and touch him. “I don’t want to be away from you for that long. The thought of not seeing you or being here with you was more than I could bear.”
His expression remained neutral.
It hit her why he wasn’t saying much – he was waiting her out. Making her talk about this and share her feelings with him – something he’d been wanting from her for a long time. So she’d do it. She’d talk. Hell, she’d keep talking as long as he wanted her to because this was that important.
“Being with you? That always felt right, Adam. I may not have looked at it in a traditional way – a romantic way – but I always knew that what we had worked. We fit.”
Other than a small nod, he was quiet.
“Moving in with you? It terrified me. Like panic-attack-inducing kind of fear. And yet…here we are. It was a little awkward and it took some getting used to, but that’s how it is for any couple, right?” She didn’t wait for him to respond. “And I like who we are and I like where this is going and…I know if I let my fear rule me and ruin this, I’d be throwing away the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.”
That was it.
She’d said it all.
Although…she had no idea what the point of it was. She didn’t take the job so she wasn’t going anywhere and nothing was changing. So why was she doing this again?
Adam slowly came to his feet and walked around the counter to her. Afraid to move, she waited him out. Toe to toe, he wrapped his arms around her waist and looked down at her and she could see so much in his eyes. Gone was the neutral expression and in its place were a million words and feelings.
“Kayla Shaw, you never cease to amaze me,” he said softly.
That really could be taken two ways, she thought.
“I never wanted to be the guy you sacrificed for. That’s not who I am,” he began. “All I want is to know that I’m important to you and a part of your life.” He reached up and caressed her cheek. “For so long now, I felt like I was doing everything but putting up a neon sign to let you know how I felt and you never seemed to notice.”
“I know,” she said quietly. “And I’m so sorry.”
He shook his head. “Don’t apologize, Kayla. It’s just who you are – and I don’t mean that in a bad way. The person you are is the person who is very attractive to me. You were someone I wanted to know more. And then…you were someone I wanted to spend time with.”
Her heart was going to beat right out of her chest. “And now?” she whispered. His smile – so soft and sweet and patient – gave her hope.
“And now, you’re someone I love.”
She couldn’t breathe.
Like seriously…everything stopped.
Only…it didn’t. The room began to tilt and spin and her stomach was ready to rebel at it all.
“Kayla? Are you all right?” Adam asked when she swayed and tried to take a step away. Quickly, he led her over to the sofa and sat her down before going to grab a glass of water. He was back in a flash and on his knees in front of her. “C’mon, drink.”
She did and it took a minute, but she started to feel better – less dizzy. Less nauseous. Swallowing hard, she took a deep breath and then let it out. “Say it again,” she said.
“Drink?”
She shook her head. “Before that.”
“Are you all right?”
Now she gave him a bland look and had to fight the urge to smile when his lips began to twitch. “I love you,” he said, softly. Wonderfully. “I love you, Kayla Shaw.”
Wow, she thought. Those were the greatest words she’d ever heard.
“And I want you to know, I’m not saying that for any reason other than the fact that it’s the truth. I like who we are, too. And I really like where we are,” he went on. “But I know how much your work means to you and if this trip – this dig – is something you want to do, then I want you to go.”
“Adam…”
He shook his head. “I will be here when you get back. I’ll always be here for you, Kayla. Don’t you know that?”
She gave him a small smirk. “That wasn’t what you said not so long ago.”
Laughing softly, he placed a kiss on the tip of her nose. “A moment of weakness and frustration, but it worked. It opened both of our eyes and got us to where we are right now.”
And she knew he was right. If he had never pushed, she’d still be alone.
Julianne’s words from earlier came back to her – sometimes that means saying things that are uncomfortable and…insensitive. She’d have to call her and tell her she was right.
Later.
****
“I’m sorry.”
Harper stood next to the boxing ring and looked up at Brady who was pretty much giving her the cold shoulder. He looked down at her and he was in full gear – head, mouth and body – and it shouldn’t have looked sexy, but it did.
Dammit.
“I’m kind of busy here, Harper,” he said firmly, and she wasn’t sure if it was because he was truly busy or he just didn’t want to deal with her. “I’ll call you later.” Then the bell rang and he went back to sparring with his opponent.
She stood there in mild shock at being dismissed. Looking around she saw people working out and going about their business and was kind of relieved that no one else realized what had just happened.
He didn’t want to talk to her right now? Fine.
Without a second glance, she walked away and went down the stairs to where Julianne was just coming out of the studio after a class.
“Hey! How did it go? Did you talk to him?”
“He won’t talk to me. He’s in the ring. Personally, I think he’s just messing around and doesn’t really need to be doing it – like he’s purposely staying busy to avoid talking to me – but that’s just my opinion.”
“Well damn,” Julianne said, frowning. “So now what?”
So many thoughts raced through Harper’s mind. She could just wait and talk to him tonight, but she didn’t really have the patience for that. Going back up the stairs and making a scene while she demanded that he talk to her was another option, but really unappealing.
And then she knew what she had to do.
“Jules, I need you to do me a favor.”
“Anything. What is it?”
Fifteen minutes later, Harper walked back up the stairs and saw Brady standing in the ring with his back to her. He was talking to one of the other trainers and for a minute, her steps faltered. Was she really going to do this?
Julianne gave her a small shove and whispered, “You got this.”
Slowly, Harper made her way across the room and positioned herself in a spot where Brady couldn’t possibly ignore her.
“Brady!” Someone called out. “Your next client’s here!”
“Next…? I don’t have…” He froze when he turned and saw Harper standing in the ring. “What the hell are you doing?”
Banging her gloves together, she did her best to look tough. “You said you were busy,” she said boldly. “And I didn’t want to wait until later to talk.”
He huffed as his shoulders slumped. “We’re not doing this. Any of this. Just…go. I swear I’ll call you later.”
Remembering some of the foot work he had taught her, Harper began to move around him – moving this way and that – taking small jabs at him but never making contact. “No. I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.”
He didn’t spar, per se, but he began to move around the ring with her. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you for two weeks and you’ve managed to avoid me. Why should I make the time for you now?”
She pulled a jab and a cross punch and lightly caught him in the gut. “Because otherwise you know I’ll kick your ass here in front of your clients.”
His laugh was low and thick and sexy as hell. They were moving around the ring, dancing around each other and Harper was relieved when he started catching on and going with her.
“You’re going to kick my ass?”
“You know it. Then what will you do? Your income will dry up because your clients are going to know that you got beat by a girl and it will just be embarrassing.” Another jab but she skipped back out of his reach when he tried to tag her. “Next thing you know, you’ll be out of work and sad and then what?”
“You’re insane; you know that, right?” he teased but at least he was smiling now.
“Ooh…trash talk. I can totally do that.” With more enthusiasm than skill, she jumped and bobbed and wove her way all around him in the ring. “C’mon, big guy. Show me what you’ve got.”
For such a large man, he moved pretty damn fast and before she knew it, Harper was pinned in a corner. “I’ve already showed you what I’ve got,” he said menacingly, but he was smiling. “I’ve laid it all out there for you, Harper. Maybe it’s time you showed me what you’ve got.”
Seriously? Hadn’t they gone over that ugly mess several times over?
In a very un-boxing-like move, she shoved him and did a quick step to the side to get out of the corner. “I believe you have it mixed up, Bennett. We know all about me.”
He did some fancy footwork as he reversed their positions. “Are you sure about that? Because it seems to me that all you’ve shown me in the last couple of weeks is how you’re good at hiding and avoiding conversations.” One of his gloves made contact with her shoulder and it just spurred her on.
“Is that right? Because what I’ve seen is that you only show what you want to show and that you judged me based on the actions of others.” The punch she landed on his arm was harder than she though and she winced. “You held part of yourself back from me after seeing me at my worst. So if you ask me, you’re the one who needs to step up his game.”
They had an audience around the ring and Harper refused to get distracted by them. Her sister was there along with a dozen other people.
“What is it that you want from me, Harper?” Brady asked, side-stepping her attempt at landing another punch. “What is it that you want for us?”
“I want there to be an us, you big idiot!” she cried and this time her punch hit him square in the chest – mainly because he’d stopped moving.
Brady reached out and steadied her, his gloved hands on her shoulders. “You sure about that?” he asked.
Slightly breathless, feeling extremely vulnerable and on display, she nodded. “I am. I really am, Brady.”
“Because you know everything now, Harper. No more secrets. You know who I am.”
She nodded again. “And I believe we already covered how you know all of my secrets, Brady. There’s still a very real possibility of me being a hot mess from time to time because my family isn’t going anywhere.”
“Hey!” Julianne called out, but Harper merely waved her off without taking her eyes off of Brady.
Harper continued, “But I know I can handle them because of you. I know I can handle just about anything because of you. And I want to see where this can go – you and me.”
His smile grew. “I want that too, Harper. You know that I do. I feel like I’ve been waiting a long time to finally be myself with you and…I’d like to see how that feels.”
Now it was her turn to smile. “I’d like to see how that feels too.” She really wished that they weren’t in the middle of a boxing ring with all kinds of gear on because there were several things she wanted to be doing right now.
“C’mon,” he said, “let’s get out of here.” He helped her down and Julianne rushed over and helped her get her gloves off and then gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before waving to Brady.
Their audience dispersed and as soon as he had his gloves off, he took Harper by the hand and led her back to one of the offices on that level. Behind closed doors, he kissed her. It was so deep and wet and full of promise that she couldn’t wait to see what he had in store for her when they were back at his place and truly alone.
****
“I’m sorry.”
Natalie took a step back and then moved to the other side of the room. “I…I don’t even know what to say.”
Jayce was seated on the living room sofa – their living room sofa – as he watched her warily. “I thought a lot about what you said and…I think you’re right. I don’t know if I want to be married to you anymore.”
Her heart squeezed so painfully in her chest that she thought she was going to die. Slowly, she turned her back on him so that he wouldn’t see the devastation on her face. A shuddery breath came out as she tried to think of something to say.
All of her things were out in the car – she was completely prepared to move back in with him tonight. Right now. If she had to be thankful for anything, it was that she had left it all out there. Jayce would never know that she had come prepared to fight.
Wait…she was prepared to fight so…why wasn’t she?
Turning back around, she looked at him. “When did you decide this?”
“Um…I’ve been thinking and, like you, this is the first time I’ve really lived on my own and…”
Natalie looked around the house. It was clean, but barely. When she’d peeked into the kitchen when she arrived she saw a mountain of takeout containers in the trash, which was overflowing. There was a…a smell that was never there before and his clothes were wrinkled.
“And you’re enjoying living like this?” she asked. “Like a frat boy?”
He came to his feet. “I wouldn’t exactly say I’m living like a frat boy…”
“Do you even know how to do laundry?”
“No, but…”
“I spoke to your mother and she’s not coming back to help you with that anymore,” she threw at him before he tried to pretend like he was making do. She knew he wasn’t. It was obvious.
He huffed with frustration and began to pace. “Yeah, I know that, Natalie. But don’t you see? This is why we shouldn’t be married anymore. I have no idea how to do anything for myself! I’m a thirty-year-old man who had to call his mother to come and wash his clothes! Do you know how degrading that was?”
Crossing her arms across her chest, she shook her head. “Probably as degrading as being used for angry sex to avoid an argument.”
“What?” he cried, his eyes going wide. “Where the hell did that come from?”
“Please,” she said with disgust. “That’s what our relationship became in those last few weeks. We were arguing all the time and instead of actually working on our issues, we ended up naked and fucking!”
“Natalie! What in the world…?”
Dropping her arms, she advanced on him. “What? What’s the matter? You didn’t seem to mind listening to me talk like that while we were having angry sex! Why can’t I talk like that now?”
And she realized they were doing it again! They were going around and around in circles and all it was doing was turning her on! If he touched her right now, she’d be more than willing to fling her panties on top of the heaping pile of trash and have a throw-down on the living room floor! What was wrong with her?
She never saw him move, but suddenly he was in front of her and gripping her shoulders. With a slight shake, he growled, “Stop it! Just…just stop it!”
And for some reason, she instantly stilled.
“You listen to me, Natalie Michaels, the woman I love – the woman I fell in love with – used to be offended by talk like that! I don’t know who you are anymore!” He released her and took several steps away. “My therapist told me that I have to…”
“Wait, wait, wait…,” she interrupted. “Your…therapist?”
“Shit,” he muttered. When he looked at her again, he looked completely defeated. “When you left me, I felt like I was the wronged party. That was my immediate reaction. I thought, ‘How could she do this to me?’ The more I talked to people, friends and family, I realized that I was the one who had wronged you. I didn’t get any sympathy and basically the consensus was that everyone was surprised you hadn’t left me sooner.”
“Jayce…”
“It’s true.” He let out a weary sigh and sat back down on the couch. “Everyone said I was wrong, you wouldn’t take my calls, and it didn’t take long for me to realize that they were all right. So I found a counselor – a marriage counselor – and started going immediately. I kind of lucked out that they even had any openings, but I go on my lunch hour and…”
“But…you always hated when you had to work through lunch. You said…”
He looked up at her sadly. “I said a lot of things, Natalie, and most of them were just wrong. I’m so sorry.” He paused. “And that’s why I don’t think we should be married anymore. You deserve so much more than what I’ve been giving you. You deserve someone who isn’t lazy and can handle washing their own clothes and doesn’t look for excuses to get out of family get-togethers…and mostly, you deserve someone who won’t take you for granted.”
The lump in her throat was so big she could barely breathe. Lowering herself to the love seat opposite her husband, Natalie sat and let his words sink in. Was she supposed to keep fighting? Was she just supposed to accept her fate – their fate – and say goodbye?
“I want to go with you,” she said finally.
Jayce looked surprised. “Really? You…you would be okay with going for therapy?”
She nodded. “I would. I think we both need it. Because, let’s be honest, Jayce, you weren’t the only one at fault here. I was so stuck in trying to make sure that every day was like a damn scene from a romance novel that I had no idea how to just live like a normal couple.”
Relief washed over him and she saw him visibly relax. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” he said gruffly. “You make everything right, Natalie. Without you, my world is just miserable.”
“You’re just saying that because I make your life easier,” she said, but not with condemnation, but with light honesty.
She didn’t want to fight anymore.
They’d done enough of that.
“I don’t know what we’re supposed to do now,” Jayce admitted. “I mean, I think we’ve agreed to go to counseling together but…what about the rest? I don’t expect you to want to come back here and live with me again until I get my shit together – or at the very least, hire a cleaning crew to come in and scrub this place down. But…”
Natalie smiled as all her tension began to ease. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to move back in right away. After all, it might be better for them to get a couple of sessions with the therapist under their belt before they took that step.
When she suggested it to him a minute later, he agreed. But not before she saw the sadness on his face. “I know you’re right,” he said quietly. “I was just hoping that…I really just wanted…”
Tears stung her eyes. “I know,” she whispered. “Me too.”
“Can I…I mean…would it be all right if we just…sat together and I held you?” he asked.
No request had ever sounded sweeter. Rather than try to speak, Natalie stood, walked over to the sofa and sat beside him. Jayce’s arm came around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.
And they stayed like that for a very long time.
****
“I’m sorry.”
“No. Absolutely not. No way.”
Julianne’s eyes went wide as Gavin seemed to firmly put his foot down. “What do you mean no? I just explained to you what I came to realize and…”
“Don’t you see?” he asked with exasperation. “I can’t keep up on this see-saw with you, Jules! You want the wedding right now because everyone’s behaving. Next week something will happen to throw you off and you’re going to want to elope. Now I’ll admit that all I want in this world is for you to be happy, but you’re making me crazy!”
Julianne stomped her foot and let out a cry of frustration. “You think you’re going crazy? You should try living in my head for a while!”
“I already do, Sweetheart,” he said soothingly, walking over and pulling her into his embrace. “What’s going on? Why are we going there again?”
Resting her head on his chest, she sighed. “My whole life, I wanted a big wedding. I wanted the dress and the flowers and the veil…I wanted to be a princess for a day.”
He pulled back and looked at her with a grin. “You sure about that? Because that’s not the vibe I’ve been getting since we started planning the wedding.”
“I know, I know…and I’m sorry. I never thought about the reality of it all. I wanted the fairytale. You never saw Cinderella bitching about bridesmaids’ dresses.”
Chuckling softly, Gavin kissed the top of her head. “I know what you’re saying. But…when does it end, Jules? At what point am I supposed to stand back and watch you go crazy? You’re already kickboxing to relieve stress. What’s next? A shooting range? I just…Sweetheart, I’m sorry but I don’t think this is the right decision for us.”
Stepping out of his arms, Julianne crossed to the other side of the room and looked out the large picture window to their backyard. Hugging her middle, she thought about her conversation with the girls. Everyone was willing to face their fears and take a risk and she was the reason why. How could she ask that of her friends if she wasn’t willing to do the same?
“Gavin, you and I never do anything without talking about it first and normally, we come to an agreement. I think one of the greatest things about us is how we listen to each other and really take each other’s feelings into consideration.”
He came and stood beside her. “I agree.”
“We both wanted this wedding. I know we did,” she went on. “And I know I got crazy and I’m sure I’m going to get crazy again, but…it’s only for another six months and then it will be over.” She turned to face him. “And I don’t think that’s a whole lot of time considering we’re planning the rest of our lives.”
Gavin didn’t look convinced. “What about your mom?”
“For now, she’s promised to behave and now that my dad has come to see how she’s gotten out of hand, I think we’ll have some help there.”
“What about the girls fighting?”
“They’re all getting along much better.”
“The caterer?”
“I already handled the menu.”
“Your mother’s dress?”
“I told her she can’t wear it and she’ll have to go with the one Hailey ordered for her.”
Nodding, he studied her for a moment.
“So you never canceled anything after we talked about this two weeks ago.” It wasn’t a question.
“I did not,” she admitted proudly.
“Jules…” he whined, stepping away, and she knew he was hoping to trip her up in some way and prove that they should stick to the plan of canceling the wedding. “You’re killing me!” He said it, but with laughter.
Walking over to him, Julianne wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “What do I have to do to prove to you that I’m serious? Because I totally am and I think if you just try to see it my way, you’ll agree. Plus…you’ll be so happy when we have this beautiful wedding and all of the pictures afterwards. It’s going to be great. I swear.”
Gavin bent slightly, picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder as he strode from the room.
“Gavin!” she squealed. “We’re talking! Come on!” But he didn’t stop until they were in their bedroom. Throwing her down on the bed, Julianne bounced a couple of times and was laughing the whole time. “Be serious!”
By now, he was laughing with her. Pulling his shirt up and over his head, he looked down at her. “I’m sorry, but I’m not changing my mind,” he said and his tone was light but firm.
Dammit.
Sprawled out on the bed, she let out a long sigh. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?”
He nodded. “I’m thinking of your own well-being here. I think you should still get your dress and all that, but the party that we’ll have will be scaled way back and we’ll both be happier for it.”
“I can’t get the dress for that,” she said with a pout. “And you don’t even know what you’re missing. It was spectacular.”
His smile was patient. “I’m sure it was and I know you would have looked beautiful in it.”
Another sigh. “Fine. We’ll do it your way, but…”
“But…”
“You’re coming with me to Enchanted Bridal to talk to Hailey tomorrow so that I don’t cave. Deal?”
He nodded and then leaned down and kissed her. “Deal.”