Jake
I was speeding to therapy. It had been two weeks since I’d last seen Dr. Wells, and I knew we would have to discuss Aly. Part of me didn’t want to. I liked having her all to myself.
We were going on three weeks seeing each other and had slipped into an easy routine. I knew she wanted more but was letting it go my way, allowing me to call the shots, taking my temperature at every turn. It was all too easy.
I think that was what scared the fuck out of me, and precisely why I needed to chat with Dr. Wells. An easy routine never lasted for me; something always happened to screw it up. Shirley babysitting us had been an easy routine that went bad. Camper working for me and ending up in my bed had been another easy solution gone bad. The carnage was all on my hands. I’d been a fool in both circumstances.
I should let Aly alone, but I couldn’t. Like baseball in college. I couldn’t let it be and ended up injured, unable to play.
But Aly and me together felt too good. Every few nights, we’d meet up for dinner and then stay at either her place or mine. She was busy with that fucking ridiculous case—why she was protecting that fuck-face I didn’t know—and she was a little more secretive than I would have preferred. She didn’t say much at all. The dude had been on the lam, and now he was stuck in his apartment with an ankle bracelet. Why the fuck wasn’t he back in jail? Apparently, he held some trump card and Aly—Aly!—had made some deal on his behalf.
I tried not to let it bother me because she continued to put up with my shit. Whenever we stayed together, she accepted being disturbed by an early-as-fuck alarm and waking later to an empty bed. She didn’t try to make me stay or get all silly sad over my early-morning routine. It didn’t go unnoticed.
I was trying to respect her boundaries, the way she respected mine.
This past Sunday, I took her to see my new site. You would have thought I’d taken her to the top of the Empire State Building or the Great Wall of China. She was so thrilled to see the gym floor being laid, and oohed and aahed over the locker rooms. Her genuine interest and excitement made me feel like Jay Z or Tony Soprano or some tough guy like that. I felt like a real somebody when I was with Aly.
“This is so spectacular! I need to join a gym,” she’d said, teasing me, and I’d kissed the shit out of her right in front of the guys working overtime.
After we’d toured the whole place, we went for a ride with Maverick out to one of the state parks. We took a long walk in the woods, her hand in mine, the dog bouncing all over the place at the end of his leash. A few times, we stopped to kiss, touching our lips together gently at first, and then always ending up in a mad frenzy. About a mile and a half into the trail, silence fell around us except for the occasional bird chirping or small animal scurrying up a tree, and I pushed Aly up against a tree.
She’d been wearing these tight-as-hell dark blue yoga pants that fit to each and every curve, caressing her ass and quads. The weather was pretty chilly that day, so she’d had one of those big chunky sweaters on over a skimpy tank top, and I couldn’t help it. I reached over and pushed it off her shoulder, revealing her cleavage and round tits. I kissed her hard, exploring her mouth ruthlessly before I leaned over and kissed a trail down her neck, over her collarbone until I settled on the top of her mounds. My tongue ran laps over the luscious skin, making its way to her even more delicious breasts. I took my thumb and rubbed it over her hardening nipple, and her moan filled the air.
The dog had lost interest in us and fallen asleep at our feet, so I dropped his leash and slipped my hand into her pants, thrilled to discover she wasn’t wearing any underwear. My finger delved right into her already wet folds, slipping out and skimming the lips before diving back inside. One finger, then two, with my thumb on her clit. She liked that, I knew.
We’d been fooling around a lot these last few weeks. Not all the time, though; it wasn’t just about sex. We’d talk, laugh, tickle, and end up fucking each other’s brains out.
I had a lot to talk about with Wells regarding Aly, and wasn’t sure if I should be looking forward to this appointment or dreading it.
After parking the truck, I hurried into the shrink’s office. When she ushered me in, I tossed my leather jacket over the back of the uncomfortable couch, then sat down gingerly on the dainty piece of shit and kicked my feet out in front of me.
Doc looked over her glasses at me. “Good to see you, Jake. You missed an appointment.”
“I know. Got caught up with work and life.”
“Care to tell me about it?” She leaned forward, setting her notepad down on the table in front of us.
“Gyms are coming along. The new one is back on schedule and going to open on time. Lane’s happy about that. Bess is happy, of course. She needs to see me happy.”
“That’s a lot of happiness.” She raised an eyebrow. “Are you happy?”
“Part of me can’t believe the success I’m having in business. I was always such a fuckup, and still am.”
Tapping her pen on her pad, she frowned at me. “You can’t think that entirely.”
I shrugged my shoulders. Who knew? Once a fuckup; always a fuckup.
“I don’t know. I know I don’t deserve to have all this happy, especially with a woman,” I said, using air quotes on the word of the day.
“Why not?”
Enraged, I stood and paced. “Because! Because of what I did, but here I am . . . happy . . . and falling for a girl.”
“Maybe you’re forgiving yourself?” Doc asked, not asking me to sit like she normally would.
I was so filled with tension, my muscles flexed and strained to the point I thought I’d rip my jeans. Back and forth I paced, my heavy black running shoes looking out of place on the pink carpet.
“I’m not doing that,” I spat out. “This was about me helping someone, doing good, but I’m sucking out all of her greatness, all her shine. I don’t deserve it.”
“Jake, sit.”
She used her no-bullshit voice, the one she rarely brought out, so of course, I listened.
“You need to think long and hard,” she said, pinning me with a caring but firm glare. “You are good. Better than that. You don’t need another person to give you goodness. Maybe you two are sharing all that’s wonderful about each other? This woman and you.”
I shook my head, but considered what she was saying. Aly had been through something similar, and she survived. Look how she was conquering the world and not allowing a stupid statute of limitations to ruin her life. Could I do the same?
No. I couldn’t.
“I can’t be happy until Shirley pays somehow. And now Camper is back; she’s like a fucking fixture in my life. She had this weird attack outside her apartment and came running to me. Now she checks in every day. I don’t know what she wants, but I can’t keep it for much longer from Aly.”
“Why don’t you say anything? And why didn’t you in the first place?”
Dr. Wells crossed and uncrossed her legs, and for a moment I was distracted at the thought of Aly’s long limbs—wrapped around me, laid out in bed waiting for me, walking a step or two ahead of me with Maverick.
“Camper thinks I’ll do something,” I said with a snort. “Come to her rescue or some white-knight shit like that, but I made her call the police this time. I can’t get involved, risk getting into a fight anymore. What would Aly do if I landed in jail again?”
Frustrated, I smacked my hand onto the table in front of me, sending the doo-dads scattered over it rattling all over the hard surface.
“What the fuck? Why didn’t you even flinch?” I yelled at her.
“Jake, I’ve seen you get pretty violent and punch a hole in my wall. In the year or more that I’ve known you, you’ve never been violent with another human unless there was good reason. I’m not condoning violence, but I’m not afraid of you.”
“You should be,” I said savagely. “I kill people. That’s what Camper wants from me. My evil is all I’m good for. And Aly thinks I’m good, but I’m not. I definitely don’t deserve the peace she brings me.”
“You need to think about what you’re saying, Jake,” Dr. Wells said in a soothing voice. “That’s not you. I know you’re tough, but you don’t like to see others suffering.”
When I said nothing but just shrugged, she continued. “Look what happened when Bess was hurt and Lane asked you to run to see her. You told me you ran. Look who made Lane come to terms with his pain? You.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Done with this, I stood again and snagged my jacket from the back of the couch. As I headed out, more weight than I’d ever bench-pressed rode on my shoulders out the door.