The next few days went by in a blur of giddy happiness. We played another show in country Victoria, then in South Australia, and one in the capital, Adelaide.

Today, we had an eight-hour drive back home to Melbourne where we had two sold-out shows to close the tour. Even though it had all been such a roller coaster of highs and lows, I was sad to see it end. I knew there would be others, but nothing could compare to touring with The Stabs, not when it ended with Will Strickland in my bed and in my heart.

With the promise of another long day on the bus, I stood in the car park, enjoying the sun on my shoulders and the coffee in my hand. It didn’t escape me what today was, but I attempted to forget as per usual. The last few had been miserable.

“Happy birthday, hot legs,” Dee whispered into my ear.

“God,” I complained, almost jumping out of my skin. “Say it a little louder why don’t you.”

“I get why you didn’t want to celebrate before, but this year? Damn, Zo. You’ve got a hot best friend, a hot band, and a hotter boyfriend. I’d be asking for presents. Big ones.”

“Since when are you hot?” I joked.

“Since always and forever. I have a butt that doesn’t quit.” He laughed, puffing out his chest and wiggled his ass. “Seriously, have you told Will it’s your…”

I slapped a hand over his mouth before he could say the dreaded word, birthday. “No. I don’t do well being the center of attention.”

“Bloody hell, then what have you been doing the last few months?”

“That’s stage Zoe, Dee. She’s a different beast.” I remembered what Will had told me about being different on stage than I was off. Somewhere between then and now, they’d become the same person.

“Whichever way you put it, you’re still a beast.”

Laughing, I turned to climb onto the bus, but I suddenly realized we were alone. Simone and Dean were nowhere in sight, and by this time, they’d already be loading up the car. Even Bob was mysteriously absent from his spot in front of the bus where he was usually smoking a cigarette and downing a coffee. Nine people were mysteriously not where they should be.

“Dee?”

“Yes?” he asked, a smug look on his stupid face.

“You didn’t.” I suddenly realized he’d been up to his usual meddling. He’d used our familiar arguing as a distraction.

“I didn’t what?” He shrugged, a lopsided grin on his face.

“I hate you so much right now.”

“If I didn’t annoy you at least once a day, then my work wouldn’t be done.”

I felt my face turn red, and I slapped a palm against my flaming cheeks as if it was going to cool me down.

“C’mon,” Dee said, grabbing my hand. “Rip it off like a Band-Aid. It’ll make them happy.”

As he pulled me up the stairs and onto the bus, everyone cheered. Then they let out wolf whistles and started singing ‘Happy Birthday,’ the dirty version, as I hid my flaming face in my hands.

My past few birthdays had been pretty lonely affairs, passing without much of a blip on the radar, but this was too much. I suddenly felt embarrassed that all these people who I’d come to call friends and extended family were all looking at me, wanting to make this day special. It was totally surreal and unexpected.

Frank pulled me into his trademark bear hug. “Happy birthday, Zo Zo.”

Chris and Pete both hugged me and planted kisses on my cheek. Even Bob gave me a kiss on the cheek before running out to have his awful, stinky cigarette. Dean clapped me on the shoulder, and Simone pulled me into a long hug. Louie and Sticks got in on the action before my gaze collided with Will. He was holding a black guitar hard case, a wicked grin on his face.

“No way.” I gasped, making everyone laugh.

“Way,” Frank said, pushing me forward down the aisle.

Will watched me approach with a satisfied smirk on his face. Laying the case along the seat, he flipped it open, and there was the blue sunburst Fender I’d slobbered all over days ago.

“Guys.” I gasped. “This is too much.”

“Shut up, hot legs,” Dee said, looking over my shoulder. “If you don’t want it, I’ll have it.”

I elbowed him in the gut. “Hands off.”

Will watched me closely as I trailed my fingers along the strings. “Yeah?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I whispered, closing the case so I could thank him in style. Everyone seemed pleased with my reaction and cheered one more time before getting the hint and falling into their seats.

Will trailed a finger along my jaw, pushing my chin up.

“You weren’t talking about leads, were you?” I whispered against his lips.

“Nope.” I saw the sparkle in his eyes and the curve in his lips.

“Will.”

“I sent Dean back to get it while I distracted you.”

“You spent all that money on me?”

“Not all of it,” he admitted. “Everyone pitched in what they could, so it’s not just from me.”

“Well, I love it all the same.”

“Good,” he said. “I like seeing you smile.”

Despite myself, I was beginning to like this birthday business.

“You know how hard it’s been trying to hide it from you?”

“I don’t think it would have been that hard,” I replied, sitting in a seat.

“What makes you say that?”

“I’ve been otherwise engaged.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him as he slid into the seat next to mine.

I leaned my back against the window, and he pulled my legs over his lap, running his hand along my inner thigh, sending sparks into all the right places.

“We won’t always be on tour together,” I said, letting my legs fall open slightly so he could move higher.

“No, but we knew that before this started.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean I like it.”

His fingers crept underneath the hem of my shorts. “Let’s just enjoy these last few days before we have to go back to reality.”

“Fine with me,” I whispered as he pressed higher. “But it’s still a G-rated bus.”

Without warning, he slipped a finger inside me, and I had to stifle a gasp. “Happy birthday, Zoe.”

* * *

When I was a kid, my parents would always take me on long drives across the countryside, to the beach, and to random little towns on all these adventures.

I’d loved to look out the window and see everything we passed. The forests of gum trees and ferns, rolling hills and paddocks full of cattle, and that first glimpse of the ocean as we rolled over the hill. For most of our trips on the bus between tour stops, I’d done the same. It gave me a sense of where we were and where we were going. I didn’t like the feeling of being lost on the highway, so my eyes were always on the road.

But today, my eyes were on Will as he lounged on the seats across the aisle from mine, his back against the window and his eyes closed. He looked peaceful even though the way he slept seemed awkward, and it gave me a chance to study him without him knowing it.

My back was against the window, hoodie over my head, sunglasses on, and knees up and against the back of the seat. If he opened his eyes now, it would look as if I were sleeping, too. My thoughts wandered to the most obvious place.

Every night, we had consuming sex. It was impossible not to sleep together without it resulting in wandering hands, and just thinking about it made me wet. Feeling him inside me, his touch all over, the wicked things he said… He had such a dirty mouth on him, and I was surprised at how turned on it made me feel. The way he spoke about the things he wanted to do awoke a beast I never thought I’d had inside me. And that Zoe was insatiable.

I found myself thinking about Melbourne. When we got back, I couldn’t wait to show him where I lived. I wanted to see his place, as well. I wanted to see what CDs he had in his collection and if he had any books. I wanted to see the pictures he hung on the wall. I wanted to know everything.

Abruptly, he jerked awake, pulling me out of my daydream. He looked disoriented for a moment, and I realized his phone must have vibrated in his pocket. Leaning my head against the back of the seat, I watched him as he pulled it out and stared at the screen.

He looked surprised and then annoyed. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that, and I instantly wondered who it was that had texted him. Something I never thought I’d be was a snoopy girlfriend, jealous of everything and everyone, but the emotion that spiked through me at that moment felt eerily similar.

Will closed his eyes and sighed before typing a reply. It was impossible to read his expression. I had no idea what he was thinking, and I wanted to ask, but I also didn’t want to be that girl. I had to learn to trust again.

His phone seemed to vibrate again, and he looked at the screen, seemingly conflicted. Who was texting him?

When he looked over to me, I was glad I was wearing my sunnies, and he couldn’t tell if I was looking at him or not. I didn’t give myself away, watching his reaction. He frowned, hunching his shoulders forward and looked back at his phone before typing in something.

I’d never before been one to be so jealous. Not like this. Except for the other night when he’d brushed off that girl, I hadn’t worried that there might be someone else. An ex-girlfriend. Someone he might have been seeing before the tour. I’d been so wrapped up in my own issues the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind.

What if he was getting texts from another woman?

Worry settled in my stomach, making me feel sick, and the awkward Zoe was back just like magic. Will had shown me time and time again that I had nothing to worry about, but in reality, things might be different.

An hour or so later, when we got out to stretch our legs at a roadhouse, Will seemed distant. Distracted. He’d been so open with me until now it was unnerving.

“You okay?” I asked, standing by him.

He ran a hand over his face, scratching the stubble on his chin. “Yeah. It’s just… These long bus trips get to me.”

It sounded like a cover-up, but I let it slide. Today was my birthday, and for the first time in a long time, I intended to enjoy it, bus or no bus.

With a frown, I slid an arm around his waist, but he shrugged and began to walk away, my arm dropping back to my side. And just like that, I’d been brushed aside.

Frozen to the spot, I watched him walk back toward the bus, his lack of affection leaving me empty. It was such a turnaround from that morning it seemed to confirm the thoughts that plagued me.

Being on tour was another world. We all had a reality to go back to, and what if Will’s was to another woman? He’d been strung out the first few weeks, and then he’d suddenly become withdrawn after getting those texts. What if it was his reality calling? If all that was true, then what did that make me?

A sucker for falling for it for one, but it also made me the other woman. The things I felt for Will were real, I had no doubt about it, and that was what made the uncertainty hurt more than anything. Maybe I was just hurting myself by jumping to conclusions? After all, he went to all that trouble getting me that guitar.

But the little voice at the back of my mind wouldn’t quit. What if it had all been a lie? What if I was the bit on the side?

And this was why I didn’t like birthdays.