Chapter Fifteen
Josie was amazed at how quickly the next day flew by until it was time for her and Lincoln to look at wedding locations. Last night at the theater, and then again at her house, she’d come so close to telling him that the feelings she had for him branched out beyond friendship. She’d managed to fight back the urge, but just barely.
Even though she was tired of sitting on the bench and playing it safe, she knew Lincoln wouldn’t leap for joy if he thought his fake fiancée wanted more than what they’d agreed on.
Fear of rejection had tied her tongue last night and looking back, it was probably a good thing that it had. There would be no turning their pretend love story into a real one. The only thing that Lincoln would allow to happen between them was goodbye.
Heeding the temperature, she’d dressed warmly in casual clothes. She’d changed her long-sleeved shirt three times before settling on a paisley print one with a shark bite hem. She inspected her appearance in the oval mirror in the foyer. The nervousness was easy to read in her eyes, but she would get that under control and be her usual everything’s-great self when she saw him.
By the time she heard Lincoln pull up, she’d calmed most of her runaway thoughts. It was better that she let go of a man who didn’t want her sooner rather than later. Only a few more days to go and then they’d part ways. She was ready for that. Eager for it. Lie forty-one that she’d told herself since last night.
Her stomach churned at the thought that everything was going to end soon. But it was better this way. Better than living with all the faking and the up-and-down rollercoaster emotions that sprang to life every time Lincoln was in the same room with her.
The evening of Casey’s wedding, she would give Lincoln back the ring, but she planned to do it quietly and privately. She didn’t want him to be the object of scrutiny the way he’d been after Savannah had ended their relationship. If everyone, including her mom, thought that she was the problem, Josie didn’t care. She wished she’d thought all this through from the start, but how could she have known there’d be a fake proposal in her future when she’d first told the lie to her mother?
The doorbell rang and she made herself walk slowly and calmly to answer it like she hadn’t wanted to run. Her gaze locked with his. She could seriously drown in those dark depths.
He smiled. “I have something to show you.”
She grabbed a jacket, then stepped out and locked the door. When she turned around, she gaped at the driveway. The car that Lincoln and his brothers had bought her for her high school graduation was parked there, looking ten times worse for wear. “What? Where on earth did you find it?”
“Mr. Mahon had it in his garage. I found it a couple of weeks ago when Grayson and I went over to do some house repairs for him. He gave it to us in return. I thought it might be fun to fix it up, give it new life. Strangely enough, Grayson wasn’t interested in it.”
“He wasn’t?” Josie laughed and went over to touch the rusted front bumper. “I can’t imagine why.”
“I put a new battery in and it started right up.” Lincoln tugged on the passenger door handle but the door wouldn’t open. “One second.” He kicked the bottom of the door and it swung out. He gave a half bow. “Nothing but the best for you, sweetheart.”
Josie got in and wrinkled her nose at the musty smell. “What is that?”
Lincoln tapped the handful of air fresheners hanging on the rearview mirror. “You don’t want to know.”
She pried the lap belt from between the seats and fastened it around herself. “My first car. This thing brings back so many memories.” She’d driven it as proudly as if it was brand new. Lincoln and his brothers had done more than simply give her a vehicle. They’d given her freedom.
He scowled as he ground the gears trying to find reverse. “It sticks. Might be a problem with the transmission. I’ll have to look at that.” He wrestled with it for a second, then the gear engaged and he backed from the driveway with a triumphant grin.
As he drove them away from the town, Josie asked, “Where are we going first?”
He took a list from his pocket and handed it to her. “Moon Acres. What’s the look for?”
“It’s in bad shape if I remember correctly. Casey’s not going to want her wedding held there.” That was an understatement. The place had a Bates Motel feel to it and Josie had always hated it.
“I promised her I’d check all the sites.” The drive only took a few minutes and as soon as Lincoln pulled up outside the house that looked as if a rough wind would make it collapse, he said, “I think you’re right, but we’ll take a quick look and see what shape the barn is in.”
They walked around the barn and exchanged a look at the obvious signs of decay on the building.
“The grass here is almost as high as my waist.” Josie opened the barn door and immediately backed away from the smell. “That’s foul.”
Lincoln waved his hand in front of his face. “Let’s go. I’m done.”
They got back into the car and drove to the second place on the list. Another farmhouse, but this one was blue with a wide wraparound porch. A hound dog lifted his head and looked at them but didn’t bother to get up.
“At least it looks better,” Josie said once they got out.
“Yeah, but there’s not much room for parking and no easy turnaround area. Plus the driveway is so full of potholes, someone is bound to get a car stuck.” He surveyed the land. “There’s a nice view but I don’t think this one is right, either.”
“I agree.” Feeling a little stressed and worried that they might not find what Casey was looking for, Josie got back in the car. As Lincoln carefully navigated the car back and forth, trying not to hit any of the holes, she asked, “What’s the next place on the list?”
“There’s a farm a few miles past the water tower. It has a huge barn that was in pretty good shape the last time I saw it.”
“The Duncan farm.”
“We went stargazing there once,” Lincoln said as he drove them back through the center of town toward the opposite side of Morganville.
“I remember.” She’d hoped that night would last forever. The more time she spent with him, the more she realized she was too far in over her head. The urge to tell him how she felt seemed to be never-ending.
Several minutes after leaving the business district, Lincoln drove down a winding dirt and gravel driveway leading up to a white farmhouse.
“This one looks a little more promising,” she said, looking out the window.
After he parked and they got out, Lincoln said, “I’m already starting to get hungry. What about you?”
“A little.”
“Mom insisted that I bring supper, so we’ll eat after we finish looking around here. I called the owners earlier and they said it was okay for us to have a picnic anywhere.”
Josie was certain she wouldn’t be able to eat with the thoughts she was wrestling with—telling Lincoln how she felt versus not, because she’d only end up disappointed.
Lincoln patted his shirt pocket. “I have a list of things Casey wanted us to check for in the barn.” He handed it to her.
Josie took it but before she read it, the land on the right side of the barn caught her attention. Just beyond the wooden fence was the field where she and Lincoln had watched the stars. Back before Savannah and his allergy to relationships.
Lincoln pulled open one of the barn’s double doors and took a second to examine the floor. “Nice oak. Looks smooth. Whoever built this was a professional.”
Josie thought it was beautiful and imagined her and Lincoln dancing here at Casey’s wedding. She glanced at him and found that he was looking at her. I should tell him how I feel right now.
He took the list from her and Josie lost her nerve.
Lincoln scanned the paper. “Casey wants thin branches wired with white Christmas lights in the entry to form an arch. She wants to know if the distance between the walls is close enough to make that happen.” He looked up.
Josie quit thinking about what she should have said and took a second to visually measure. “I think…yes.”
Lincoln nodded. “She wants to know if there’s room at the end of the barn to put a platform for her, Kent, and the minister.”
Josie walked across the floor and examined it. “There is.” In her mind’s eye, she could clearly see the look Casey was going for. “It’s going to be a beautiful wedding.”
Lincoln knocked on one of the wooden supports. “Everything looks pretty solid.” He turned his attention to the rafters. “She wants lights hung.” He blew out a breath. “Not a lot of time left to get this all done.”
He was right, but Josie didn’t doubt that everything would work out for her friend. “She has enough family and friends that we’ll make it happen.” Compared to the other places they’d looked, this one filled Josie with possibility. “The chairs will go there.” She pointed to either side of the barn. “We can have the food set up on the far side of the barn along with the wedding cake.”
They walked around, and Lincoln made some notes. Half an hour later when they finished, he asked, “Ready to eat now?”
Not really, but it would give her hands something to do and her brain something to think about besides Lincoln. “Yes, I am. I’ll help you get the food.”
“I’ll do it.”
He walked outside, and Josie turned her back to the doors. When he returned he shook out a blanket and spread it over the floor, then set the picnic basket in the middle of it. “How’s the video business going?”
The sudden question puzzled her. “It’s slowly taking off. I’m filming another wedding proposal at sunrise tomorrow morning. I’m just glad it’s not at the lake.”
“That swim didn’t make your list of top ten favorite experiences?”
Josie laughed. “No.”
“I’ve been thinking.” Lincoln poured coffee from the thermos into two mugs he’d taken from the basket and passed one of them to her. “I’m going to let the dogs stay with a guy I work with. Grayson and I will move in with our parents until the house is fixed.”
“You’re welcome to keep staying with me.” Josie hid her disappointment by unpacking the thick ham sandwiches on homemade bread.
“I can’t. I could hardly sleep, thinking any second you were going to burst into the bedroom and tackle me.”
Josie arched her eyebrows. “Because?”
He smirked at her. “I’m just too sexy.”
Josie wadded up a napkin and tossed it at him. “If anyone was in danger of getting pounced on, it’s me. You know you want me.”
“What guy wouldn’t want you?”
Josie took a bite of the sandwich and her heart skipped a beat as his words sank in. She swallowed. “Does that include you?” Shouldn’t have asked that. Shouldn’t have—
“I’m probably at the top of the list.” He let out a rueful laugh.
Lincoln had just admitted that he wanted her. She’d hoped he was attracted to her, but now that he’d admitted it, she wasn’t sure what to do with the information. The urge to share her heart was there, but her sixth sense warned her to keep quiet. “But?”
“But nothing. We’re friends and that’s where the story ends.”
“I think I want an alternative ending,” Josie grumbled.
“If I knew without a shadow of a doubt that everything would work out, that I’d never fail you, then I’d say hell yeah, let’s go for it.”
Josie was so astonished that she dropped her sandwich back onto the paper plate. “You’re talking about a perfect man and there’s no such guy.” She reached across the space between them to take his hand. “A perfect man would be insanely boring and probably drive me up a wall. I need a guy who’s as upside down as I am. One who’ll walk with me through the mistakes we’re both certain to make.”
He squeezed her hand. “Did Mom pack any of her pickles?”
At the brush off, Josie let go of his hand and opened the lid on the basket. “Right here.” She passed them over and then gave him a soft smile. “You did say that if you ever made the mistake of getting married that I was your girl.”
Lincoln groaned. “That was definitely not my finest moment.”
Josie laughed despite the heaviness in her heart. Something was going on with Lincoln that she didn’t understand. Though she tried to get him to open up and explain why he was so concerned about failing her, he kept dodging the topic. Finally she gave up, and for the rest of the meal they talked about Casey’s upcoming wedding.
When they finished eating, Josie said, “You want to stargaze for old time’s sake?”
“Sure, but I’ll bet you still can’t name the constellations.”
“No, but I can so do something that you can’t,” she said smugly. “I can name the actors who played Mr. Darcy in every Pride and Prejudice movie ever made.”
“Can’t believe I missed learning that life-altering information. That’s important stuff.”
“If not the most important.” Josie handed him the picnic basket to put in the car and she carried the blanket out. She walked over to the fence and waited for him to catch up. When he did, she hefted herself up and over the fence, landing softly on the other side.
He did the same. “The ground’s a little rough. Need help?”
She put her hand in his and they started across the field. It took a lot longer to walk the distance than she remembered. Once they reached their spot near a towering oak tree, Josie spread out the blanket. She settled down on it and lay back, resting her hands behind her head so she could stare up at the clear night sky. “The memories are so vivid here.” She laughed. “I can still recall you sneaking onto the farm to pick apples for us when we were bike riding the summer before I left for college. I thought for sure that bull would get you.”
Lincoln stretched out beside her. “I never ran so fast in my life.”
“I still can’t believe you’d do something like that.”
“Do something for you? Of course I would.”
She couldn’t stop herself from asking, “Then why are you so reluctant to be with—”
He put a finger against her lips. “Because you’re my reckless point.”
“I don’t understand.”
He moved his finger. “A reckless point is a line that I won’t cross. Out of all the dangerous things I’ve ever done and will ever do, you are the biggest risk. One I can’t take because the consequences of failure are too great.”
…
Lincoln hoped she understood where he was coming from as he stared at her, watching the different emotions play across her face.
“There are no guarantees in a relationship, so you won’t take a chance.”
“That’s about it.”
“You do know how messed up that is, right?” She turned her head to look at him and he wished she wasn’t so beautiful. Wished she didn’t have those big blue eyes and that breakable heart. Though she looked troubled, she looked back at the sky. “Look how bright that star is.”
“It’s a plane.”
“Oh.” Her breath tickled his ear as she laughed. She reached for his hand and tangled her fingers with his.
He let her because he wanted to store up a little of what he knew he’d never have permanently. Lincoln couldn’t concentrate on the night sky. He was too aware of Josie. He drew in a ragged breath. The smartest thing he could do right now would be to take her home. The reckless point seemed closer than ever. He’d be careful, but he wanted a few more minutes.
She snuggled closer and put her head on his shoulder. A few more minutes weren’t all that he wanted. He raised his hand to brush back the hair curling around her face, but he lowered it before he did. If he touched her hair, then he’d touch her face. Then he’d hold her and kiss her and that would catapult him over the line. Not taking a chance was the hardest thing he’d ever done. But for both of their sakes, he’d keep his hands and his heart away from her.
“Beyond the reckless points, there can be a life that’s far more than anyone ever imagines,” her quiet voice dissipated his thoughts. Pressing a hand to the side of his face, she added, “Past that point, there could be an us.”
There was hope in her eyes and he felt like the world’s biggest jerk, but he kept silent. He knew what she didn’t. Caring for someone didn’t always mean there was a future there. Us was the easiest equation in the world to divide and equal one.
After a second of looking at him, Josie gave him a sad smile and put her head back down onto his shoulder. Feeling like he’d just saved her but robbed himself, he took a deep breath of the clear air and closed his eyes, intending to rest them for just a second.
Josie was kissing him. Her breath was hot on his face and her warm tongue touched his chin, rasped across his lips, and covered part of his face at the same time. What the hell? Lincoln sat up and was nose to nose with a gentle-eyed cow. He groaned and wiped his face with the bottom of his shirt. He was on a blanket in the middle of a field. Josie was asleep beside him, and it was morning.
He shook her shoulder. “Josie.” He jumped up, surprised that he’d slept so hard. Since Kent’s accident and Aiden’s death, he hadn’t slept as well as he once did.
She yawned and smiled, then jerked upright. “Oh my God, Lincoln. I was supposed to meet that client.” She patted the blanket around her. “Where’s my phone?”
Lincoln searched his pocket. “I don’t have mine, either. We must have left them in the car.” Once Josie stood, he rolled the blanket up.
Josie pushed her hair away from her eyes. “This is an awful start to the day. I can’t believe I screwed up a client meeting.”
“I got kissed by a cow.” He shuddered.
Josie looked at the animal standing nearby and grinned. “Okay, you win.”
Together they ran across the field and reached the fence. He helped her over, then followed and they ran to the car. Lincoln threw the blanket into the back seat and picked up his phone. “Five missed calls. I was supposed to go out to breakfast with the crew.”
Josie found hers. “Beat you. Seven missed calls.” She played her voicemail and cringed at the explosive message and the name calling left by the would-be client.
The tone and the words directed toward Josie made him want to reach through the phone and grab the other guy. “I recognize that nasal voice. Is that Arnie?”
Josie nodded and deleted the message.
“What a jerk. I’m going to introduce him to my cow.”
Josie laughed as he’d intended her to. He could see the worry on her face as he drove away from the farm. Arnie was the type of guy who gave himself a hell of a lot more importance than he warranted. “Don’t worry. You’ll find a client to replace him.”
Josie massaged the back of her neck and winced when Lincoln accidentally hit a bump in the road. She stared through the passenger window. “Sometimes I worry that I acted foolishly by giving up the counseling practice.”
“Were you happy?”
“I was miserable.”
“Then there’s your answer.” He pulled up in front of her house. “I hate to drop you off and run, but I have to take care of something before I head to the fire station.”
Josie waved her hand. “It’s not a big deal. I’ll see you when I see you.”
Lincoln drove straight to the diner where he knew Arnie ate breakfast every morning without fail. The guy had probably arranged the proposal at sunrise so it wouldn’t interfere with his schedule.
He parked and walked in, then spotted the other man at the counter loudly complaining to one of the waitresses about the portion size of his grits. Lincoln sat on the stool beside him and leaned close to Arnie. “Let’s take a walk outside.”
Arnie’s eyes widened, and he dropped his fork. “W-what’d I’d do to you?”
“You don’t speak to any woman the way you did on that voicemail, but especially not to Josie.” Lincoln jerked his head toward the door. “Out back. Now.”
“Wait…wait…” Arnie swallowed and held up his hands. “I’ll never be rude to her again and I’ll apologize.”
Lincoln assessed the other man’s sincerity. “All right.” He rose. “If you don’t follow through, I’ll find you.”
Arnie nodded vigorously. “I understand.”
“I hope so.” Lincoln walked away and back out to the car. Once Casey gave the all clear, everyone would get together to decorate the barn in preparation for the big day. He couldn’t believe his sister and his best friend were getting married.
Despite wanting to be more than just friends with Josie, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’d never be in the same position. He’d come to terms with his life and the fact that he needed to end up alone. He thought of Josie and their upcoming breakup as he drove off, wishing he could stop thinking of her at all. Every time he did, it only made his future seem dim and unappealing.