BECKHAM

In a moment of weakness, I did what I had to do. It was selfish to charge into Odessa’s room and take her without so much as a single word, but words complicate things.

It was better to take her in silence than to offer her thinly veiled reassurances attached to something we both knew was purely carnal.

I needed a release, a moment of emancipation. She was the only one who could give it to me.

And like a fucking coward, I crept back to my room the second she drifted off.

I shower off as soon as Elizabeth comes for Sadie. A half hour from now I’ll be face to face with Odessa, and if she’s in a mood, she’s going to demand an answer.

Unfortunately for her, I’m in a mood too, and I have no intentions of giving her any answers.

Thirty minutes pass, and I stand before the dresser mirror tying a tie the color of anger. When I emerge from my suite, Odessa stands in the hall, leaning on the wall with her arms folded.

Here we go.

I roll my eyes, shutting my door. “We’re not discussing it. Not here.”

Watery green eyes blink twice, her full lip trembles. “Beckham…”

“It didn’t mean anything, Odessa. You know that.” The words are delivered with as much conviction as I can muster.

“No,” she says. “Your uncle. He passed away this morning. Mathilde just told me. I thought I should be the one to tell you.”

I slump back against the door, fighting every threat of emotion. Life may have bent me, but I refuse to break.

“I’d like to offer to handle the funeral arrangements if you don’t mind,” she says. “You and Dane can tell me if there’s anything special you’d like, and I’ll work with the funeral home. You should be with family, not worrying about floral arrangements and casket colors.”

Her niceness infuriates me, and I’m well aware that I’m the world’s biggest fucking asshole right now.

“What? Are you some fairy fucking godmother all of a sudden?” My neck strains, and I see nothing but red. “Stop, Odessa. Stop trying to be…”

So fucking perfect for me.

“What?” Her eyes stop watering as her face pinches.

“It’s like you’re making me your sole responsibility. Like I need a fucking keeper. Like I can’t handle anything on my own,” I say. “Do you realize how goddamn insulting that is?”

“Beckham.” Her voice is as calm as it is low. “You’re under a lot of stress. You don’t mean any of this.”

I charge toward her, sneering down my nose. The realest part of me knows she doesn’t deserve this. She’s an easy target. She dared to show me kindness, and I’m not exactly myself right now.

Besides, every person who’s ever shown me kindness outside of my brother and Uncle Leo had an agenda.

“I mean it all.” A brilliant heat sears across my rising chest. Breathing in her delicate scent normally brings me down to earth but not today.

She’s on my clothes.

In my lungs.

On my skin.

She says nothing. Her eyes drop to the floor. A second later, she nods and walks away.

I don’t wear weakness well. And I don’t tend to fall apart.

I self-implode.

* * *

Elizabeth rocks Sadie in a chair downstairs. I check on her one more time before heading out the door. Most of the time I stand back, watching her. I’ve never known affection in my life. My instincts aren’t to kiss the top of her head or let her grip my finger before dashing out the door. But watching her gives me a fullness like I’ve never felt.

If this is love, it’s nothing like I expected. It’s gentle and warm and unassuming.

Dr. Brentwood texted me yesterday during my meeting with Dane and Odessa. He said Eva was doing better. Making progress. Not knowing how long I’ll have Sadie burns through me and saturates my disposition with a blanket of rage.

“Where’s Odessa?” I ask Mathilde as I head to the car.

Her lips purse as her fingers knit nervously. “She left, monsieur.”

“What do you mean, she left? I saw her upstairs ten minutes ago.”

“She asked Bronson to take her to the airport.”

I spin toward the porte-cochere. The Town Car that normally waits there is gone.

“She cleared it with Monsieur Townsend,” Mathilde adds.

Mathilde silently excuses herself, and I stand in the foyer staring at a vase of flawless white roses on a pretentious marble table.

“What’d you do to upset her?” Dane lingers in the doorway to his study. He’s not dressed in a suit today, which serves to remind me that we’re not going to work. We’re planning a funeral.

My jaw sets. I don’t need to explain anything to him. It’s not worth my breath, and I don’t need to piss off the last person on the face of the earth who gives two shits about me.

“Told you not to sleep with her.” Dane widens his stance, staring me down.

I don’t need his disapproving glare to make me feel like a piece of shit. I’m already there.

“Let’s plan this thing,” I say. “Uncle Leo wouldn’t want us standing around. He’d stick a mop in our hands and tell us to get the fuck on with our lives.”

Dane’s chin tucks and his hands go to his hips. “Yeah. You’re right. Thought we could do a private memorial. We’re the only family he has left, and it’s what he always said he wanted.”

“Fine with me.”

* * *

I return from the funeral home with Dane after lunchtime. Only then does it hit me that Odessa’s gone. She fled.

I succeeded in pushing her away.

Swaddling Sadie in my arms, I sink down in a chair and check my phone. Several delivery confirmations pop up in my email. All the nursery items Odessa ordered earlier in the week have been delivered to my building.

Holding Sadie washes me with unexpected peace.

Thumbing through my contacts until I get to Odessa, I press her number and lift the phone to my ear.

I owe her an apology.

She doesn’t answer.

I listen to her greeting until the end, soaking in the sound of her voice, and then I hang up.

Like every woman who’s ever come before her, she’s better off without me.