Chapter Eight: Ronan
Ronan's whipped towards the sound.
The scream was of pure terror. He hadn't searched the ship thoroughly enough, he hadn't checked and rechecked to make sure it was clear. And now Erica was in danger. He scrambled back into the pirate's ship, leaving behind the store of perijan he had been gathering.
When Erica's scream abruptly stopped, so did his heart. Images of her hurt or dead flashed through his mind and he pushed himself harder. He was in the medical bay in seconds, guns ready. His gaze swept over the room, but there was nobody there. Nobody but Erica, curled into the fetal position on an examination table. Sobs wracked her body.
In two steps Ronan was by her side. She flinched when he rested his hand on her shoulder. He kept one gun up, ready in case of attack.
"What is it? Where is he?"
Erica shook her head, curling up tighter.
He stroked his human's hair from her face, his hand trembling with worry. What was wrong with her? If she had been attacked, where was her attacker? There couldn't have been time for someone to leave before he got there. And she didn't look like she had been injured. So what could make her cry like this?
"What is it? Erica, please."
Slowly one arm broke free of the ball she had made herself. It pointed to a holoscreen projected beside a scanner. Ronan glanced at in confusion. He froze as he read the results. And then he read them again, just to make sure his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. The results didn't change. Plain as day, he could see exactly what had Erica sobbing like this.
Pregnant. She was pregnant. Two standard months. Ronan sank onto the examination table next to Erica, staring in disbelief.
The possibility of Erica getting pregnant had never occurred to him. He had been out among the stars for so long that he didn't even have anything that they could have used to take precautions. Judging from Erica's reaction, she hadn't thought about picking up condoms or birth control, either. It was too late now. His child was already growing inside of her.
He rested his hand on the small of Erica's back. A strange feeling bubbled up in his chest. A feeling like when he was a boy, and he won a tournament against an opponent that he didn't think he could beat. Or when he fell asleep tucked in the safety between his mother and father. When he played with his two best friends, Tang and Tom, or when they completed little missions together. A warmth that spread from his heart to fill his whole being.
Happiness like he had not felt since his father had died.
Without warning, he began to laugh. Erica's sobs quieted and she raised her head to stare at him, but he couldn’t stop laughing. It was ridiculous. After all this time and all these years in which he hardened himself, sworn off love and the pain that always came with it–now he found happiness in knowing that he was going to be a father. He had never wanted children until that moment. Wasn't even sure he liked kids all that much.
But knowing that Erica carried his child filled him with such joy. Such love. When had that happened? When had he fallen in love with her, rather than just seeing her as a challenge? Or had he always loved her, from the moment he first laid eyes on her?
Erica pushed herself up into a sitting position, still looking at him like he had lost his mind.
"I thought someone had attacked you," he said, not knowing how to explain his reaction or his epiphany. "I thought you had been hurt. But you're not hurt. You're pregnant. A little T'shav warrior is growing inside of you."
He placed his hand on her belly, unable to stop himself from beaming. He knew it was the wrong way to react. Erica was sobbing about this, there was no way she thought it was happy news. And yet his happiness was still there.
"Don’t." She pushed his hand away. "Ronan, no."
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I can't stop smiling." He tried to straighten his face, but the only result was that the thrilled laughter came back. He gathered Erica into his arms. "I know that this must be frightening for you. But it doesn't have to be. I won't ever leave you, Erica. We'll raise this baby together. You're not on your own."
Erica put her hands on his chest, pushing him away. She shook her head, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. "There isn't any room in my life for a baby."
The smile slipped off Ronan's face.
He heard what she didn't say. There wasn't any room in her life for him. The disappointment hit him hard. He tried not to let himself feel hurt. She was merely saying what the truth had been all along, after all. She hadn't wanted him. He had bought her, against her will no less. She owed him nothing. Not her body, not her love. Not even this baby.
Ronan stood, pacing away. "You don't have to change your life for it. I will keep it. I'll raise the baby."
"How? In your ship? Going from place to place, killing people? You'll raise a child surrounded by the violence that is a regular part of your life? It will be better for the baby if I returned to Zon's sanctuary, and let it be raised by T'shav parents there. I heard that Zon's son has a human, and they have a little boy. Maybe they'll take another half-human, half-T'shav baby."
Tom had a mate? And a child? Ronan's mind reeled–it had been so long since he had broken ties with his childhood home. After his father died, he had left Zon's fleet, determined never to return. But the news that the man he once considered his best friend had a child—
No. That was irrelevant. "I will take the child."
"And I ask you again, how can you raise a child when you're a… a mercenary?"
Ronan bowed his head. Erica was right–his life was no life to raise a child. Or have a mate.
"I'll decide what I'm going to do after we get Bethy." Erica mopped her face with her sleeve. "Until then, forget that I'm pregnant."
"Right." Because it would be so easy to just forget about something like this. Ronan let out a pent-up breath. Whatever Erica's choice, he had nothing to gain from letting possible futures destroy his present. "I'll bring over the rest of the supplies from my ship and set our course."
"And then come back here." Erica slid off the examination bed. Emotion drained from her face. "You're all banged up and I want to make sure you haven't hurt yourself too badly. Internal bleeding is a killer."
Ronan nodded. As he left he thought he heard another choked-back sob, but he didn't turn around.
***
He delayed himself as much as he could before returning to the medical bay. Fortunately, by that time Erica had dried her eyes and though she looked a little shell-shocked, she was back to her normal self. She scanned him and began using a tissue regenerator on his various bruises and cuts.
"Bethy and I were both attending medical school on Earth," Erica said after half an hour of silence. "We had all these big plans for our futures. We were going to join doctors without borders and set up free clinics in poor places. We were going to help the people who needed it most. We shared an apartment, a car. Basically everything. She was always my best friend. Our fathers are brothers, and growing up we lived only a block away from each other."
Ronan's shoulders sagged. First, the baby and now Erica's story were bringing up memories that he had long wanted to be rid of. His childhood had been a happy one. It was that happiness that hurt so much now. He closed his eyes as she worked on the scarring tissue on his back.
"And then we were abducted from Earth. Bethy remembers more about it than I do. I remember this flash of light, and then Zon freeing me from the stasis chamber. His wife explained to me that I had been in there for hundreds of thousands of years, and everything I knew was dead. But Bethy was there. We were able to cry together, to find a way to start again in Zon's sanctuary."
"Why did you leave?"
"Bethy and I were never ones to sit around. I wanted adventure. She still wanted to help people. Joining the United Species Corps paramedics was the natural replacement to our Earth-bound dreams. Who knew that by joining that we'd end up abducted once again and sold off as brides." Her voice trembled, but she shook her head. "No matter. I think I'm adventured out. From here on, it's the straight life for me. Sitting at home knitting, watching TV."
Ronan tried not to think about how much his heart sank after that. What else was he expecting? It was the natural progression of things.
"What about you?" Erica asked.
"What about me what?"
Erica put the regenerator away and sat on the table next to him. Her brown eyes locked on his. "What made you come out here and become a mercenary?"
Ronan stared back at her. He knew he shouldn't tell her. It would just further cement the bond between them that was doomed to be broken. But he wanted to tell her.
And so he did.