“What a strange world we live in . . .”
―Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Alice
I had said goodbye to Dare early Tuesday morning.
I told him I wasn’t going to come back until Friday.
But he was right. I missed him almost immediately.
Damn it. Why do I always catch feelings so fast?
Tuesday night, I laid in my twin-sized bed, trying to drown out the sound of my sister and some new guy. She may appear all prim and prude on the surface, but Caroline was a bona fide man-eater.
The only thing worse than growing up hearing your mother having sex in the next room is being all grown up and hearing your sister having sex in the next room. Now I know why she gifted me a pair of noise-cancelling headphones.
I almost caved by the next morning, especially when I got this text:
Dare: My sheets still smell of you, btw. I may never leave this bed.
Me: I like the way you smell, too. And I don’t mean your cologne.
Dare: Whatever it takes. I’m not above using my olfactory arsenal to get you where I want.
I told him about our homework from my professor, about sharing sexual histories and fantasies. He told me he couldn’t wait to hear all of mine.
That’s when I panicked. Because I didn’t have any—not really.
“I think I’m in the wrong field,” I said to Lulu. We were out for drinks, just the two of us, at this bar called The Milky Way, which—who knew?—was the geek squad watering hole in Midtown. Lulu hardly ever drank, but it didn’t seem to matter. From the second we walked in, it was evident she was their Queen and the nerd herd were her happy little drones.
“Why do you say that?” she asked, oblivious to all the men using their beer mugs as drool cups over her.
“Because my professor wants me to explore my ‘hidden’ fantasies and share them with Dare, and I’ve got nothing.”
“Oh c’mon, that can’t be true,” she said, taking out her Coca Cola lip balm and rolling some onto her perfect, bee-stung lips. The guy next to her at the bar started choking on an olive just watching her.
“I know I have a dark side, but nothing specific appeals to me,” I said, sloshing the ice around my glass.
“How about being tied up? Or spanked? Those are standard.”
I shook my head. “I have too many control issues—and I did that with Chad back in the day and hated it.”
I could see the wheels turning.
“Threesomes?”
“I don’t share well,” I said.
“Being the focus of a gang bang?”
“Seriously?” I asked.
She shrugged. “It’s not my thing, but it’s a fantasy for some.”
“Next,” I said.
“Okay . . . what about role playing?”
I looked around the bar. “Feels like a different thing when you say that in here, more like me in a golden bikini with a bunch of these Lesters pretending to be Jabba the Hut. No thanks.”
She chuckled. “A fair point, but don’t rule that out. It can be very hot.”
The bartender came over with two more of our drinks.
“Hi ladies, these are compliments from the men at the end of the bar,” he said, directing our gaze to the other end.
I was about to say ‘thanks,’ but Lulu interceded.
“Tell them it’s appreciated, but we’re here together,” she said, her finger going back and forth between us. “I don’t want to lead them on.”
I could tell by the look on his face the bartender wasn’t fully buying what Lulu was selling, but he said the right thing and went to deliver the bad news to the cast of The Big Bang Theory anyway.
“I wasn’t interested in Howard or Raj either, but what was that about?” I asked.
She took the hair band off her wrist and threaded it through to make a ponytail. “If we had accepted, that would’ve given them the opening they wanted. And trust me, those two wouldn’t be picking up on your ‘don’t enter my dance space’ social cues.”
“Whatever you say.” I sipped my Jack.
“Okay, so not into dressing up or impact play,” she said, strumming her fingers on the bar top. “No threesomes or group stuff either. Of course, there’s breath play, age play, edge play, wax play . . .”
I downed the rest of my drink.
She stared. “Maybe you are in the wrong field.”
I signaled for another. “Are you into any of those?”
She shrugged. “I’ve tried almost all of it, except for anything with bodily fluids. That’s a hard limit.”
“What are your go-to’s, the ones you really like?”
Lulu swirled the straw in her virgin tropical drink. “I go through phases, just like anything else. It also depends upon the partner. Different people bring out different kinds of energies.”
I nodded. “Before Dare, I’ve had three lovers my whole life.”
Her eyes rounded. “You’re kidding.”
“Nope,” I said before taking a healthy swig. “Two in high school, neither of those yahoos worth the ink used in my diary. And then, Chad.”
“And now, Mr. Grangeworth,” she smiled. “I like you and him together.”
“I like him a lot. Too much,” I said while tearing the bar napkin into strips.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because even though I’m out with you, I’m really sitting here thinking about him on a constant loop,”
She looked confused. “So?”
“That doesn’t bother you? You don’t feel insulted?”
Lulu shrugged. “That would be hypocritical. While you’re thinking about Dare, I’m sitting here thinking about Beck. I can’t even begin to express how disruptive it’s become. I’m even having trouble focusing at work.”
I smiled. “That’s one of the many things I love about you, Lulu. You don’t get bent out of shape over the little things.”
I took a chance and placed my hand over hers. She usually wasn’t comfortable with being touched, but she didn’t flinch. “Thanks for hearing me out and being such an awesome friend. It means a lot, my Lulu Lemon.”
She leaned in and gave me a hug.
Very un-Lulu-like.
“Oh wow. So, this is happening.” I hugged her back. “What was that for?”
“Because this is the first time any of you have come to me for advice, It’s usually the other way around,” she said, blinking a lot, something she does when she’s either really happy or nervous. “Thank you for trusting me, Alice.”
“Excuse me, ladies?”
It was the bartender again. He had another round in his hands.
“Again?” I asked, exasperated.
“Yeah, but now that whole side of the bar wants to comp your drinks in exchange for getting the two of you kissing and permission to film it.”