Slam!

The small rubber ball hit the wall and spun, and Logan just missed it with the tip of his racket. The echoes of the impact gradually faded as they bounced around the tiny, enclosed court.

“Nice serve,” Logan said. “It’s not fair that you only play squash when you come back to New York, and yet you somehow stay so good.”

I snorted. “And do you ever play with anyone other than me?”

“I guess not.”

After another few serves, I broached the subject I’d been sitting on since we’d started the match. “You might have a regular playing partner from now on. I decided. I’m staying in New York long-term.”

Logan fell out of his receiving pose, turning toward me and ripping his goggles off. “You’re taking the contract? That’s amazing! I know mom and dad will be happy that you’re sticking around.”

“Yeah, it’s been long enough. The longer I stay, the more right it feels. I should be close to family.”

The smirk on Logan’s face let me know he wasn’t buying it. “Are you sure this isn’t because of a special someone?”

He had always been a pain in the ass and way too observant. Kind of like Madison, but without her considerable charms.

“I shouldn’t have ever told you about her.”

“Oh, come on. I’m just happy that you’re seeing someone. It’s been five years, and you deserve this. I’m just surprised that you didn’t talk yourself out of it.”

I pulled my goggles off since Logan wouldn’t let me escape the conversation. “It has an expiration date, Logan. We went out the other night, and it was fantastic, but we only see each other one more time and then it’s over.”

After plenty of existential soul-searching over the past few days while staring at my phone waiting for the next text from Madison to come in, I’d come to terms with the situation. At least, I had accepted it at the moment. My attitude shifted from denial to acceptance, oscillating between the two depending on the time of day and my mood.

The crux of the problem was that I hadn’t just enjoyed the dates and texting with Madison. This was the closest thing to a fairytale romance I’d ever experienced. And considering my past, that made me feel like a terrible person for admitting the truth.

“You haven’t told me about the second date yet, and I had to take care of Rex for you. The least you can do is tell me how it went.”

I rolled my eyes. “I thought you had your own blooming social life to occupy you.”

He grinned. “I do. But that doesn’t mean I can’t hear about yours, too.”

“Fine. But only if you put your goggles back on so we can play a few points as we talk.”

I recounted my evening with Madison as we played through the match. It sounded so superficial when telling Logan. A walk through the park, taking a rowboat out on the lake, dinner by the water—the simple recounting couldn’t divulge how deeply Madison and I connected. I didn’t want to give Logan any more reason to question the state of things. I did that plenty without his help.

When I got to the part of the date after dinner, when Madison pulled me off the path, I hesitated. Logan and I weren’t shy about sharing personal details, but it didn’t feel fair to Madison to tell tales without discussing with her first.

“And the date just ended there?” Logan asked. “I could have sworn this was going to end up with you two hooking up. There’s got to be something you aren’t telling me.”

“Um, not really,” I said. “After the park, we hopped in two different cabs.”

Logan stared at me with the look that meant he didn’t believe me.

“Okay, fine. We fooled around in the park a little. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Damn. She sounds like a keeper. I’ve never had a girl willing to risk getting caught before.”

Madison wasn’t a woman who needed to be coaxed. She took charge of her needs, and that confidence was exhilarating to experience. “She’s pretty great,” I admitted. “I only have one more date with her, so I have to make it good. I already have an idea of what I want to do.”

Logan served to start the next point, and we had a spirited, competitive rally before he backed me into a corner and then hit a perfect shot I couldn’t reach.

Following his pinning me down on the court, Logan took the opportunity as we changed sides to do the same thing conversationally.

“Are you really happy that this fling will end soon?”

It was more direct than I wanted to answer. I gritted my teeth while my back was to him but replaced it with a smile as I turned around.

“I am, Logan. It’s the first time I’ve dated anyone in five years. I need to see what’s out there before falling into a serious relationship. As cool as she is, I owe it to myself to ease back into things. Besides, it doesn’t matter what I think about it. Madison is serious about her rules. I wouldn’t be able to persuade her to keep dating me if I tried.”

Logan didn’t believe me. If his expression wasn’t clear enough, his words made no mistake. “That’s bullshit, Carter. The whole point of dating around is to find someone perfect for you. I’m not saying that Madison is that girl, but you need more time to know for sure. Considering how you talk about her, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d be happy with her. I don’t think I’ve ever heard your voice sound like that when talking about any girl, even Mia.”

The name was like a physical blow, and I took a step back as though Logan had struck me.

He reached out a hand. “Shit, I’m sorry, Carter. I didn’t mean to compare them. It slipped out. You seemed like you were over it, so I didn’t watch myself like I should have.”

I waved him back. “No, it’s fine. It’s not your fault. After this long, it shouldn’t affect me so much.”

The benefit of the slip was that Logan let the issue drop. Continuing the conversation was making me uncomfortable because Logan’s arguments sounded all too similar to the ones my own mind had come up with. I’d been able to shove those thoughts away and persuade myself that everything was fine, but Logan was harder to convince.

My brother wouldn’t accept my justifications for why the situation with Madison wasn’t steaming full-speed into a messy failure, and he forced me to acknowledge the truth.

Dating Madison was a thrill ride I couldn’t stop even though I knew the tracks were knocked out ahead.