Chapter 4
That afternoon, Julia inspected the front salon and found it perfectly situated for the tea she would host. She plumped the red silk pillows that adorned the deep green sofas, then counted the plates, cups and saucers in the McCalpin china. Pleased with the festive look of the room, she walked to the side table where another massive arrangement of red roses accompanied by boughs of holly stood guard in a silver vase. She inhaled the sweet fragrance and instantly, all thoughts turned to Cam.
Her heart skipped a beat or two. Cam had made his intentions clear—he was once again her suitor. Secretly, she was thrilled that he was pursuing her so vigorously. If she’d only had to be concerned with herself, then her decision would be easy. But she’d not allow Bennett to feel discarded or ignored. Her brother was too precious to her.
But so was Cam. Though she’d been angry at him when she first saw him, once he’d explained his reasons for being vague in his letters because of his sister’s disappearance, she’d been able to forgive him. Life was too short to hold such anger.
When he’d held her arms and kissed her, it’d been heaven. She realized her decision to let go of her anger was the right one. Their morning kiss had set a fire inside of her, and all she wanted for Christmas was more. Once their lips had touched, it had kindled the familiar yearning she had always carried for him. Any doubts she had about loving him evaporated like snow on a May day. She loved him with everything she possessed. Her heart, her happiness, her sorrow, and all her desires for life were his.
“Hello lass, I’m back.” The deep reverberation of Cameron’s voice pulled her from her musings, and she turned to greet him.
Resplendent in an iron gray dress coat and a green velvet waistcoat that magnified the color of his eyes and his chestnut hair, Cam was her very own Christmas present come calling.
She rushed to his side with her arms held out in greeting. “Cam, welcome.” The breathlessness in her own voice couldn’t be helped as she was delighted that he was here once again. Heat bludgeoned her cheeks from the intensity of his devouring gaze.
“Julia, you’re more beautiful than the last time I saw you.” He took her in his embrace, then gently kissed her cheek in welcome. When his cool cheek pressed against hers, it did little to bank the fire that had roared to life when she saw him.
“It’s only been hours since we last saw each other.” She took his hand and led him to the sitting area. “Come. Are you hungry?”
“Only for you,” he whispered as he followed her.
Another blistering heat rolled through her. “Stop that or I’ll not be able to serve you a proper tea.”
A charming self-satisfied smile tugged at one corner of his mouth. “Hmm, I like the sound of ‘not proper.’”
After they sat, Julia poured the tea and served Cam several pastries including a delicate mille-feuille filled with raspberry jam and several almond cakes sprinkled with crushed nuts. He accepted the plate without a word, then gently tugged her hand where a spot of jam stained her forefinger. Holding her gaze to his, he took her finger into his mouth and gently sucked.
She inhaled sharply as a bolt of electricity shot through her. The warmth of his mouth surrounding her skin melted her insides. But when his tongue moved against the sensitive skin, her gaze latched on his perfect lips and the slight indentation of his cheeks.
If she thought she’d experienced heat from his teasing, the sensations he summoned forth now could only be described as an inferno. Her heart pounded while her breath grew shallow. The force of their desire for one another caused a deep throbbing low in her middle. She closed her eyes so that all her concentration was focused on his mouth sucking her finger. Instantly, wicked thoughts of his mouth all over body threatened to consume her.
“Cam…I…we…”
He slowly withdrew her finger from his mouth but pressed it against his lips. “Hmm, I like that last bit, ‘we.’ Such a clever lass. I don’t think I’ll let you go.”
The vibrations of his words against her wet skin caused her to shiver, but then his words registered. “What do you mean you won’t let me go?”
“I want you all the days of my life and beyond, Miss Julia Lawson.” He clasped her hand in his, then covered it with his other. “There is a solution to my dilemma, sweetheart.”
The rumble of the endearment from his lips beguiled her, and she leaned forward. The smell of peppermint and male rose to greet her, and she breathed deeply.
“Marry me.” He brought her hand to his lips. “Tell me you will, and I’ll wait all day and all night outside McCalpin House so I won’t miss your sister and brother-in-law’s arrival. I’ll fall to my knees in the snow and beg their permission.” He pressed another kiss to the top of her hand. “I should have asked them before I spoke with you.” He raked his free hand through his chestnut locks, the act causing a riot of curls to revolt by falling askew about his face. “But I love you, Julia. I don’t want to lose you again.”
The sincerity in his eyes caused her heart to pound against her ribs in a desperate act to reach him. “I love you,” she said gently as tears flooded her eyes. “I always have and always will.”
With the utmost care, he wiped one renegade tear that slid down her cheek, then pressed his lips against hers. With a sigh, she opened to him and he deepened the kiss. His sweet taste and gentle lips told her how much he cared. In return, she kissed him with the same tender affection.
When he pulled away, he released an anguished breath, then pressed his forehead to hers. “I take that as a ‘yes?’”
She could only nod.
He pulled her to him, and she pressed her ear against the middle of his chest. His heartbeat pounded like a coach and four barreling through the English countryside.
“Julia, let’s not wait. I’ll secure a special license. We can marry tomorrow morning, then head to Scotland directly after. If the fates and weather are kind, we can be nestled in bed together at Dunmore Castle within five days.” He pulled away and cupped his cheeks in her hands. “We can be home. We’ll spend our first Christmas and then every single one thereafter that the good Lord gives us in Edinburgh.”
“Wait! No.” She shook her head gently. “I can’t leave Bennett.”
His brow creased into neat lines.
She swallowed taking the moment to find the right words. “Bennett will feel abandoned, and I can’t do that to him. You see, after we lost our parents and March and Faith married, he and I have become very close. He’d feel as if I’ve broken my vow to him. I just promised him this morning that I’d never leave him.”
A beautiful smile lit his face. “There is no cause for concern. He’ll come with us. Does he have a tutor or a governess? They’ll come with us. If not, then we’ll find the best tutor that Edinburgh has to offer. My nephews will need one, too. They can all study together.”
The beguiling gleam in his startling gray eyes took her breath. Her beating heart pounded against her chest to reach his. She wanted to agree, but for all her worth, she simply couldn’t. “Cameron, no. I can’t take him from my sisters. The three of us are his security. He’s learning how to be a man. Our brother-in-law, McCalpin, has personally taken him under his wing. He’s teaching him what it means to be a peer and what those responsibilities entail.”
Cam’s eyebrow shot up, and his voice deepened. “I could teach him those skills, my love.”
“Of course, you can. But it’s more than that.” If she navigated successfully through their conversation, perhaps they’d find a solution that would be satisfactory for them all. “Cam, you’re an honorable and caring man. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you otherwise. It’s just”—she twisted her fingers together—“that he’s lost so much in his short life. I can’t take him from his family.”
He let out a soulful sigh. “Jules, if I was only responsible for myself, I’d say yes to staying in London. But I have my sister and my nephews to consider. I’m the only man in their lives now. I finally have Lara settled where she’s able to grieve without the need to flee. I brought her and the boys with me so I could keep an eye on them. I can’t ask her to stay in London. She might become distraught or fall ill again. If that happens, I’m not certain I can put the pieces together.” He took her hands in his and gazed deeply into her eyes. “I can’t jeopardize my family’s safety and happiness. Perhaps in a year or so, we could spend more time in London. Until then, Bennett is always welcome in our home.”
She blinked twice to defeat the sting of hot tears that threatened to escape. She had no conception that love could be so painful. Though she desperately wanted a life with him, her promise and duty were to her little brother. Just as Cam’s duty required he care for his sister and nephews. Burrowed within her chest, her heart revolted by skipping a beat, but there remained only one right decision.
“I’m sorry, Cameron, but I can’t marry you unless we stay in London and Bennett lives with us.” She released his hands. The movement made her feel adrift in a sea of doubt as her heart and her mind battled against one another until there was only one clear victor who would take all the spoils of war, or perhaps more appropriately, the spoils of her heart. “Perhaps too much has transpired between the two of us in the six months that we’ve been separated.”
He picked up the sprig of mistletoe that had fallen to the floor, then stood slowly. He studied the small posy as if it held answers to all their dilemmas. Finally, his sigh broke the silence between them. “I’m sorry too, Julia. I thought we’d be able to see our way through my mistakes…but perhaps I was foolish to hope for a Christmas miracle.”
With a quick bow, he took his leave. The logs in the fireplace crackled before a flurry of sparks exploded.
Exactly what had happened to her heart when he exited the room. It shattered into a million pieces, and she had no idea how to put it together again.