CHAPTER TEN
“It’s nice to finally meet the woman who’s not only fascinated a good part of Chicago with her sultry talk show, but has also captured Ian’s attention, as well.”
Ian had known this conversation was coming from the moment he and Kerri had arrived at the Winslows’ more than an hour ago, and he’d seen Gayle’s eyes light up with interest and curiosity. He was more surprised that Gayle had held off as long as she had in directly mentioning his relationship with Kerri when he knew how straightforward the other woman could be.
“I do have to say the feeling is mutual,” Kerri replied smoothly, sincerely, then took a sip of her raspberry iced tea. They were all relaxing out on the terrace after a light lunch of croissant sandwiches and fresh fruit. “Now I see why Ian thinks of all of you as family.”
“We can’t imagine our lives without Ian in it.” Eve Winslow beamed with pride, as if Ian was truly a blood relation. “Both Ian and Adam are like sons to us,” she said of Gayle’s husband, too. “Once you’re a part of the Winslow family, there’s no getting rid of us.”
David echoed his wife’s sentiment. “Besides, I need someone to golf with on Sundays, and these boys keep me young on the golf course,” he joked.
“Don’t let the old guy fool you, Kerri,” Ian added wryly. “David takes great pleasure in beating the pants off me and Adam.”
Kerri laughed, seemingly enjoying the easy camaraderie within the family.
David winked at her. “Like I said, it keeps me young.”
Gayle’s five-year-old daughter, Shelly, came up to Ian and without preamble climbed up onto his lap and settled in to feed a bottle to her doll. The little girl was shy and quiet and a treasure. Ian cuddled her close, inhaling her soft, powdery scent, enjoying his role as uncle. He caught Kerri watching him, and smiled at her.
“You seem to have a way with little girls,” she commented.
He knew she was referring to Janet, and the way the two of them had bonded so easily. “I have a soft spot for kids in general.” And he couldn’t wait to have a family of his own one day. While it was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that, he caught himself, knowing it was an insinuation Kerri didn’t need on top of everything else that had transpired between them in the past twenty-four hours.
After his spontaneous “I love you” last night she’d been more quiet than usual, but she hadn’t withdrawn, and he took that as a positive sign. Today their time with the Winslows was going well, despite how nervous she’d been about meeting everyone. Seeing her interact with them and witnessing the undeniable approval from his surrogate family merely confirmed what he already knew…Kerri was a perfect fit for him. Like him, she needed a family in her life, and he was more than willing to share his.
“So, what’s next for you and Ian after this sexy city nights campaign the two of you are doing?” Gayle asked, her eyes bright and eager for more details.
“I don’t think Ian and I have thought that far ahead,” Kerri replied, choosing her explanation carefully. She was keeping the sale of the station in mind, which could mean the end to their on-the-air association if WTLK was bought out by the new heavy-metal group.
They spent the next hour talking about Heat Waves and the success of their campaign, and how amused family and friends were to see Ian’s picture on billboard ads. Kerri never mentioned the fate of WTLK, but Ian knew it was a constant concern for her, as it was for him, especially since the possibility existed that she could leave Chicago to find another job that suited her goals and purpose.
Gayle cast a quick glance at her watch, then looked back at Kerri. “The guys are going to head out for their golf game pretty soon. Would you like to join my mom and me for our Sunday afternoon ritual of shopping?”
Kerri’s gaze automatically sought his, and Ian gave her a smile that conveyed the choice was hers. If the idea appealed and she was comfortable with Eve and Gayle, then go. If she’d rather not, he’d take her back home.
He saw the uncertainties in her eyes turn to longing, and then Kerri smiled at the two women who were waiting anxiously for her response. “Sure, I’d love to go.”
Eve stood, warmth and caring etching her features. “I was hoping you’d say yes. We’ll have such fun. It’ll be just like when Gayle and Audrey and I used to go shopping and talk girl stuff.”
With Eve’s comment, Ian realized that the Winslows had wholeheartedly embraced Kerri into the family. And by them accepting her so openly, he felt a sense of peace settle within him. The Winslows had always been genuine in their approval of him, but a part of him had wondered if that approval had hinged on his relationship with their daughter, who was now gone. As if his presence was their way of holding tight to Audrey’s memory.
But those doubts and insecurities fled, as did the restlessness that had taken residence within him when Audrey had died. Audrey might have been the catalyst that had brought the Winslows into his life, but Kerri was the woman who completed him.
And in that moment, he knew he’d do whatever it took to keep Kerri in his life permanently.
* * *
Kerri arrived at Ghirardelli’s ice cream shop off of Michigan Avenue ten minutes before she was supposed to meet with Carly, who’d called Kerri early that afternoon at home and invited her out for a “celebratory” hot fudge sundae. The excitement in Carly’s voice had been unmistakable, and she’d refused to give Kerri so much as a hint of what they might be celebrating. If it involved chocolate, Kerri figured it was big news. Her first guess was that her friend had finally gotten laid by Dan. And if that was the case, chocolate was definitely the way to honor the occasion.
Kerri grinned privately to herself as she stepped inside the cool ice cream shop to wait for Carly, thinking of her own torrid affair with Ian, which was gradually taking on subtle but undeniable nuances of a real relationship. A frightening prospect when she took into account Ian’s declaration of love, and how he was slowly integrating her into his life, including making her a part of his relationship with the Winslows. She was surprised to find herself doing the same by openly sharing private bits and pieces of herself. Now there was the future to consider, and that’s where her feelings and emotions became divided.
She sighed and absently perused the shelves stocked with tempting assortments of chocolate confections and gifts, her mind tumbling with the same doubts and concerns that had plagued her for the past few days. There was a part of her that craved what Ian offered since they were so well matched, while another small voice in her head reminded her how hard she’d worked to claim back her independence after Paul. Was she ready to give up her freedom for a man, especially one with traditional values who was searching for a life mate more than a playmate? Could she risk falling into that dependent cycle her mother was in? Her answer was a resounding, firm no, but she did give serious thought to the possibility of meeting Ian halfway somehow. Of saying yes to something beyond a temporary affair, a promise to date him exclusively, but without pressure or expectations of anything more.
“I’m glad to see you didn’t start without me.”
The chipper sound of Carly’s voice pulled Kerri from her thoughts, and she whirled around to find her friend grinning like a Cheshire cat, and her skin literally glowing. “Believe me, I was tempted.” Kerri inhaled deeply. “I think I’ve gained five pounds just by breathing in the rich smell of chocolate in this place.”
Carly laughed, her eyes sparkling merrily. “And I’m about to add another five with the real thing. Come on, order whatever you’d like. My treat.”
“Your treat, huh?” Smiling at her friend’s upbeat, buoyant mood, Kerri followed her over to the soda fountain counter. “Wow, whatever news you’ve got to share must be huge.”
“Oh, it most definitely is.” Carly tossed the words saucily over her shoulder, causing her chin-length bob to brush her chin. “Big enough to order extra hot fudge on my sundae.”
The young woman behind the counter took their orders and minutes later delivered their double-thick sundaes. The two of them carried their bowls to a vacant table, and as soon as they sat down Kerri found she couldn’t stand the suspense a moment longer.
“Okay, you have to know that I’m dying here,” she said anxiously. “Tell me what we’re celebrating already!”
Carly thrust out her left hand, which flashed a gorgeous, glittering diamond solitaire on her ring finger. “I’m officially engaged,” she announced giddily.
“Ohmigod!” Kerri gaped, her eyes widening in shock and disbelief. “Are you serious?”
“As serious as this one carat diamond ring Dan slipped on my finger,” she bragged. “He asked me to marry him last night, I said yes, then of course I ripped his clothes off and forced him to finally consummate our relationship.” She dipped her spoon into her ice cream, a soft, dreamy expression flitting across her face. “I have to say, the man is going to keep me plenty satisfied, in bed and out. He was so worth waiting for.”
Kerri laughed, and was startled by the stab of envy she experienced.
Reaching across the small table, she gathered her friend into a brief, congratulatory hug. “Oh, Carly, I’m so thrilled for you.” And she truly was.
“Of course I want you to be my maid of honor when we get married,” Carly said.
Misty-eyed, Kerri pressed a hand to her chest, overwhelmed with Carly’s special request. “I would love to be your maid of honor.”
Carly ate another scoop of ice cream heaped with fudge, whipped cream and nuts, and smiled knowingly. “I’m hoping you’ll be next to get engaged…to Ian.”
A startling, inexplicable warmth filled Kerri at the thought. Mouth full of decadent chocolate, Kerri shook her head and swallowed. “I’m not looking to get married, Carly.”
“And you think I was?” She followed that question with amused laughter. “You know how many guys I dated before I finally hooked up with Dan. I was looking for a good time, even with him, but instead I discovered that finding the right person and falling in love can happen when you least expect it.”
Kerri bit her lower lip, then asked a question that had been hiding somewhere in the back of her mind. “And what do you do when love happens when you least expect it?”
She shrugged. “You adjust your life accordingly and make it work,” she replied simply.
That easy. That difficult. Kerri frowned and shoveled another spoonful of the icy treat into her mouth, wondering if she could adjust her life accordingly and make it work with Ian.
Carly regarded her with concern, seemingly picking up on her shift in mood. “Things are good with Ian, right?”
Kerri nodded. She wasn’t ready to share the fact that Ian loved her. She was still getting used to that revelation herself. “Yeah, we’re great…”
A grin quirked the corner of her friend’s mouth. “Why do I hear a ‘but’ in the tone of your voice?”
Kerri dragged her fingers through her loose hair, suddenly feeling very weary. “Maybe because I’m trying to take things one day at a time with Ian. Maybe because I’m torn and confused.”
“About?”
“I care about Ian,” she said, wanting to make that clear so Carly would hopefully understand where she was coming from. “But with the fate of the station so up in the air and all of us on the verge of unemployment, I’ve been thinking about sending résumés out to stations here in Chicago. Possibly to some high-profile stations in Indianapolis, too, just in case I can’t find anything here in the city. I feel like I can’t commit to anything right now.”
“Indianapolis?” Carly echoed, a genuinely perplexed look transforming her features. “Ian didn’t tell you he—” She cut off the rest of her comment, her eyes widening in sudden realization. Uncharacteristic to Carly’s outspoken nature, she ducked her head, concentrated on her sundae and filled her mouth with more ice cream.
An odd sensation pricked the back of Kerri’s neck, and she didn’t like the feeling one bit. “Tell me what, Carly?”
“Um, if you don’t know, I’m not sure it’s my place to tell you.” Carly absently twisted her new engagement ring on her finger. “Dan mentioned something to me, and I guess I should have kept my big mouth shut until he called a staff meeting,” she said dismissively.
Kerri pushed her half-eaten sundae aside and pinned her friend with a direct look, determined to get the goods. “If it involves me somehow, or even Ian, then as my friend you should tell me.”
“It does involve you, and Ian…oh, damn.” She grimaced. “I wish I’d never said anything at all.”
But she had, and whatever Carly was keeping a secret, it was big and important and Kerri wanted details. “Out with it, Carly,” she demanded.
“I guess you’re going to find out sooner or later,” she rationalized. “And it is good news.”
Kerri clenched her jaw with impatience. “Find out what?”
“Ian bought the station,” she blurted, then grinned as if she’d just bestowed a huge gift upon Kerri. “He contacted Virginia on Monday, offered her exactly what she wanted with a huge cash down payment that she obviously couldn’t resist, and now it’s just a matter of him signing the paperwork and it’s a done deal.”
Kerri sat back in her chair, stunned to the very tips of her toes and unable to believe it could be true. “Tell me you’re kidding.”
“Why would I joke about something so important to all of us?” Carly looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Kerri, I thought you’d be excited. Thrilled, actually. Especially considering the success of your show.”
A phenomenal success she owed in part to Ian and his nightly calls and their sexy city nights campaign. And now he was ensuring she didn’t go anywhere by purchasing WTLK. The solution had been that simple for him. Kerri pressed a hand to her belly, feeling as though she’d been delivered a physical blow to her midsection.
“This means we all get to keep our jobs,” Carly continued, oblivious to Kerri’s emotional upheaval, too caught up in the fact that Kerri’s prince had been the station’s knight in shining armor in saving them all from unemployment. “We can continue promoting Heat Waves, and for sure you won’t be looking for another job elsewhere…”
Carly went on exalting Ian’s generosity, but Kerri no longer followed the conversation. The only thought filling her head was that Ian hadn’t said a word to her about buying the station. He hadn’t told her that he was even considering the investment, or asked her opinion on the matter. Nothing. He’d contacted Virginia on Monday, and here it was Wednesday and she’d had no clue.
Feeling devastated and blindsided, Kerri felt her mind spin. Every fear and insecurity she’d battled to keep out of her relationship with Ian rose to the surface and nearly strangled her. She was so close to repeating the same pattern with Ian as she had with Paul. Her mother and sister’s pattern. Allowing a man to take control. Getting completely lost in the relationship and letting emotions cloud her better judgment so that she hadn’t even seen this issue with Ian coming. A decision that put her in the position of relying on him when it came to her job. It afforded him far too much power and influence over her life.
She should have seen the signs, considering her own past lessons learned. She knew better than to become complacent, to let down her guard. But she’d fallen so hard and fast for Ian, trusting him like no other man with her soul, and she’d believed that he’d never betray that trust.
She’d obviously been wrong.
While she struggled for her identity and independence and tried to make the best choices for her future even when faced with the most unexpected, conflicting circumstances, the solution was so simple for Ian. Buy the station to keep her in his life, and take all decisions about her career, her future, out of her hands and put it directly in his, without so much as a discussion of what she wanted.
Icy panic twisted around her heart, nearly suffocating her. If she stayed in Chicago, if she agreed to continue working at WTLK with him as the new owner, she’d all but admit she needed him to take care of her, to secure her job, to be a part of her success. She would be admitting she couldn’t do it on her own. He owned the station. Would he own her, as well? Would she be indebted to him for his supposed generosity? And where would that neediness end?
She shuddered, knowing it had to end now or it never would.
Abruptly, Kerri stood and gathered up her purse, startling Carly with her brusque movement.
“Kerri…where are you going?”
She jutted her chin out determinedly, defiantly. “To talk to Ian.”
As she left Ghirardelli’s and headed over to Ian’s office building, Kerri couldn’t decide which betrayal hurt the most…that the man she’d fallen so hard for couldn’t be honest with his intentions, or that her own heart had led her astray.
* * *
“Mr. Carlisle, Kerri McCree is here to see you.”
The voice of Ian’s personal secretary drifted through the intercom on his desk, pulling him from the stock reports he was reviewing on the Internet. He was completely taken aback by Kerri’s spontaneous visit, pleasantly so, especially since she’d never been to his office before today. He’d given her a standing, open invitation to stop by anytime, and he was glad she felt comfortable enough to take him up on his offer.
He hadn’t seen her since Sunday when they’d spent the afternoon at the Winslows, and he welcomed the rush of enthusiasm and desire that lifted his spirits and quickened his pulse. “Go ahead and show her to my office, Penny,” he told his secretary.
Saving the documents on his computer, he stood and reached the door just as Kerri entered his office. Knowing who Kerri was from Heat Waves and her boss’s involvement with her, Penny closed the door after her to afford them privacy, which Ian appreciated, since the first thing he planned to do was pin her against the wall and kiss her senseless.
Except the irritable vibes shimmering off Kerri and the animosity flashing in her eyes wasn’t exactly conducive for a seductive embrace. She was clearly upset, furious if her tense body language was any indication.
Concern immediately edged out more basic, sensual needs. Not knowing the source of her agitation but wanting to soothe her in any way he could, he reached out to gently grasp her arm. “Kerri, honey, is everything okay?”
She stepped away from him, evading his touch, eluding him, and his gut constricted at the personal rejection.
Her chin lifted mutinously. “You bought the station,” she stated bluntly, her voice sharp with righteous anger.
He swore beneath his breath, annoyed that she’d discovered his plans to purchase WTLK when he’d specifically told Dan to keep the sale quiet until everything was signed, sealed and delivered, which wouldn’t be for a few more days. He’d wanted to tell Kerri the news himself, under much different circumstances, in a more romantic setting, with roses and champagne to celebrate the acquisition.
This confrontation and her simmering wrath was far from the happy occasion he’d envisioned. “How did you find out?” he asked, just to be sure where she’d gotten her source of information.
“Dan told Carly, and Carly let it slip.” She moved around him and into the middle of the spacious room, putting even more distance between them. She turned back to face him, her mouth stretched into a grim line. “I would have rather heard the news from you, and I’m feeling like the last one to know. Why didn’t you tell me you were buying the station?”
He exhaled a deep breath. “Because I was waiting for finalization of the paperwork. Quite frankly, Virginia has been a pain in the ass about her terms, which has slowed down the sale on her broker’s end. I wasn’t going to take anything for granted until I had the acquisition papers in hand.” He met her golden-brown gaze, hoping to soften the tension filling his office. “And I wanted the sale to be a surprise.”
Bitter laughter erupted from her throat. “You certainly succeeded there. I’m still stunned.”
He narrowed his gaze, trying to understand Kerri’s attitude. “And obviously very mad.” Feeling provoked and a bit ruffled himself by Kerri’s temperament, he couldn’t stop the sarcasm from creeping into his voice. “And here I thought you might be…oh, I don’t know, happy, maybe? Relieved that the station isn’t going to go bankrupt or be bought out by heavy-metal enthusiasts. Grateful that you don’t have to worry about being unemployed and hitting the pavement for another job. Thrilled that the success of Heat Waves can continue.”
“A success thanks to you.”
He sighed, knowing this was a very sensitive issue for her. He attempted to alleviate her insecurities. “We’ve already had this discussion, Kerri, before we agreed to do the sexy city nights campaign. Any success you’ve achieved is yours and yours alone. Me buying the station won’t change any of that. If anything, it’ll enable you to become a bigger, more recognizable personality in the industry.”
She tossed her head stubbornly, and the sunlight reflecting in from the windows twisted gold through the honey-blond strands tumbling around her face. “Don’t you think it’s more than a little convenient that your buying WTLK keeps me here in Chicago with you?”
“Yeah, I guess it is.” He wouldn’t deny his more self-serving reasons for investing in the station. The mere thought of losing Kerri had made him desperate, and trying to maintain a long-distance relationship with her living in Indianapolis didn’t appeal to him. He didn’t think she’d want that, either, given the choice. Or maybe she did.
The notion that he might have misread their developing relationship, that he might have misunderstood the intimacy and emotion the two of them had shared, made him bring the question out in the open. “And staying here in Chicago with me is a bad thing?”
“Not if it was my choice to make, but you took any decision I might have made away from me.” She crossed her arms over her chest, her gaze obstinate and purposeful. “You never gave me a chance and didn’t even ask what I wanted. You just bought the station and automatically assumed that I’d be so overwhelmed with gratitude that I’d stay here in Chicago and let you take care of me. You know what, Ian, I don’t need you to secure me a job, and the last thing I want is to be indebted to you.”
Growing more piqued with this entire situation, he braced his hands on his hips and let his own annoyance leak into his voice. “You don’t owe me anything, Kerri. I’m first and foremost a businessman, and I wouldn’t have bought the station if it wasn’t a solid investment. The furnishings and equipment might need to be updated, and the offices restored, but with your steadily climbing ratings and the overall appeal of your show and the talk-show format, I didn’t see it as a horrible thing that buying the station served two distinct purposes, as a business investment and to allow you the opportunity to keep the job you enjoy and love and are so good at. And yes, to keep you in my life, too.”
She shook her head in obvious frustration. “And where does it all end, Ian? How am I ever going to know if I’m truly a success, on my own, if you come charging to my rescue every time there’s a bump in the road? I would have survived the sale of the station to someone else just fine, in my own way, making my own decisions about my career and future.”
He moved across the room toward Kerri, closing the space between them, and she stood her ground. “So, it was okay that I offered Tori a job, but I can’t do the same for you?” he asked.
“Tori is a different situation,” she refuted, bristling. “She needed a job.”
“And you don’t?” he countered, and before she could argue he plowed forward. “I enjoy helping people I care about, Kerri. It makes me feel good, like I’m giving to someone else the opportunities the Winslows gave to me. And I’m fortunate that I’m in a position that I can afford to do it. I offered Tori a job because I believe in her and wanted to give her a fresh start. And I believe in you, too, Kerri. There’s not a damn thing wrong with taking advantage of a rare opportunity another person might offer,” he said, speaking from experience. “It won’t make you a needy, overly dependent person like your mother or sister.”
Her spine stiffened. “This has nothing to do with that,” she said too quickly, too defensively.
“I happen to think this conversation and your stubborn ideals have everything to do with your childhood.” Without a doubt, this crisis of hers stemmed from a whole lot of unresolved fears on her part, and he knew she had to come to terms with those insecurities in her own way.
But for now, he tried to bridge the ever-widening gap between them, and subdue the emotional threat she was feeling. “No matter what you might think, I’m not trying to curb your independence or make any decisions for you. That was never my intention. But I can’t deny that I do want to make things easy on you and give you every opportunity to be a huge radio personality in Chicago. You deserve that.”
The fight seemed to drain out of her, and she glanced away, as if it pained her to look at him.
Very gently, he tucked his finger beneath her chin and brought her gaze back to his, and felt her tremble beneath his touch. The resistance was still there, along with a wealth of vulnerabilities that squeezed his heart like a vise. “Call me selfish,” he said softly, “but I love you and I don’t want you looking elsewhere for what’s right in front of you.” Not only a secure, successful job, but him.
Her breath caught, as if she realized what he was asking for. A commitment to more than just her job and Heat Waves. He wanted, needed, her to believe in all that they’d shared the past month. Beyond the seduction, despite her fears, the two of them belonged together.
“I can’t do this again, Ian,” she whispered, her voice choked with the same tears filling her eyes, along with more doubts and uncertainties he couldn’t penetrate or soothe. “This isn’t going to work for me. With you as the new owner, I think it’s best if I hand in my resignation.”
A piercing pain shot through his chest, and it hurt for him to draw air into his lungs. “You’re quitting?” he asked incredulously. More than her job, his words asked if she was giving up and walking away from them.
She took a step back and nodded, her silence speaking volumes and answering the silent question that swirled between them. “I’m sorry,” she said raggedly, then moved around him and headed for the door.
Ian’s hands tightened into fists against the urge to stop Kerri from leaving and try one last time to convince her that she was making the wrong decision. But because he loved Kerri and didn’t want to stifle her or hold her back from what she believed she had to do, he let her go…and hoped he survived the second-most-devastating loss of his life.