Chapter Ten
Xia
The knock on the door makes my stomach ache. Ellis and Casp are throwing a party in my honor at their house. The contest officially starts tomorrow, and everyone wants to send me off well. The problem is no one knows what’s happened between Shayne and I, so we have to fake normalcy. I place a hand on my queasy stomach. The information he’s given me has weighed heavily on my mind and heart. Logically I understand the man he was then and the one he’s become are two different people. It’s a testament to his strength that he could go against his upbringing.
I can admire him for that. What I can’t do is stop thinking of him hating me for the melanin in my skin that makes me a rich brown. How can I reconcile that? What would it say about me? How can I kiss him and not wonder if I’m some sort of rebellion against his father? Am I an easy way to show how far he’s come since those days?
I’m torn in two. I want to leave his past in the years before he knew me. It’s easier said than done. I drive myself insane with thoughts of him during that time. No wonder the members of his club were shocked when I showed up. Irritated and confused, I open the door and freeze. He’s shaved off the opposite side of his head to match the right where the stitches are nearly healed. The thick center strip of his hair is pulled back into a ponytail.
He’s my equal in a pair of well-fitted black slacks and a black button down short sleeved T-shirt. I bite the inside of my cheek and rock back on my heels, unsure what to say.
“You look beautiful today.”
I peer down at the black skirt jumper. “Thank you. You clean up well.”
“Can’t embarrass my woman on her special day. I know your dad doesn’t think much of me.”
“Don’t worry, he feels the same way about me too right now. I doubt he’ll be there.” I try to sound flippant, but his silence and lack of participation hurt. Especially when I’m connected with my mother and brothers again. This entire thing opened our eyes and gave us the chance to fix things before they were damaged beyond repair.
“I think he’ll be there. Even if he doesn’t say anything. When people have the need to be in control, they can’t stay away. They have to be there to see the situation happen and speak on it.”
“I guess we’ll see.”
“I’m driving,” I say.
“I figured. Pretty sure you’ll be leaving with all kinds of gifts.” He presents me with a bag from behind his back.
“You didn’t have to do—”
His look stops me. “Just open it.”
“I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“Let me show you how much you mean to me, Xia. I know things are still in a bad place. It doesn’t mean I can’t do nice things for my woman.”
His words penetrate the hardened shell that’s gone up between us.
I focus my mind on the black bag. The Wonder Woman tissue paper makes me laugh. Unwrapping it, I find a blush pink glass macaroon jewelry case. My heart picks up a notch. I’ve never had a man give me jewelry before. I open the case and gasp as a silver Wonder Woman cuff style bracelet is revealed. I peer up.
“Shayne?”
“Because like Wonder Woman, there’s nothing you can’t do once you put your mind to it. I want you to remember that every time you look down at your wrist.”
“This is beautiful, Shayne, thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Xi. Put it on and wear it for me?”
I hesitate. “I won’t read more into it. This isn’t a gift with strings attached.”
“Okay.”
I hand him the bag and slip it on my wrist as I admire the play of light.
“You like it?”
“Oh yeah. You did good.” But I’m not for sale.
“Let me put this on my vanity, and we’ll leave. I don’t want to be late to my own party.”
“Well, it’s not like they can start without you,” he calls after me as he steps inside. It’s easy to forget the lies he told. We fit well. No man I’ve ever dated has treated me this good. I have no problem admitting that. He’s such a good liar, how can I trust this is truly him? I’m not stupid. I know the kind of things outlaw bikers get into. It’s not all working on cars and having a familial bond with your brothers. Depending on the type of club they could be neck deep in all kinds of illegal things.
The businesses they’re starting might be to launder money. Could I live with that kind of knowledge or stand by the don’t ask, don’t tell policy? I don’t have an answer for that. Every ounce of brain power I have is being funneled into Truck Wars.
Let it rest for now. Enjoy the time you have together, because it may be coming to an end. My brain might be wary, but my body continues to respond the same way.
I’ve missed him. I can’t keep my eyes off him when I return, and we walk to the car. Can I hold him accountable for his past? How many mistakes have I made during my life? Plenty, but none so heinous. I need more information before I judge. I study him, searching for a glimpse of an evil entity lurking underneath. Do those beliefs and feelings linger? When we fight will they resurface?
I feel like a traitor being here with him. Should I have sent him packing on principal alone? I’m torn between listening to my knee-jerk reaction and the belief that everyone deserves a second chance. ‘I never hurt anyone because of it.’ His words circle in my head. Does that really matter, though? I have too many questions, not enough answers, and too much on my plate in the foreseeable future. Regardless of my feelings, I need him.
We’ve trained all month to be ready for this contest. Eye on the prize, Foley. I’ve risked too much to fail.
“Are we going to keep playing the silence game? ’Cause I think they’ll notice something’s wrong if we don’t loosen up.”
“I’m not used to pretending.” Like you are goes unsaid, but exists as if I’d spoken the words aloud.
“You’re not the only one who’s new to all this, Xi. If I could take back how long I waited to tell you … no. You know what? I wouldn’t because then you’d never give me the time of day. I couldn’t risk that, not with you.” His voice is full of reverence and emotion. I want to cover my ears and keep the softening going on inside me at bay.
“Why?”
“I have never loved a woman before. Xi. You’re it for me. Right now things are muddied and damaged, so it feels broken. Trust me it’s not. I am the only man for you.”
“Perhaps you think too highly of yourself.”
“I’m going to let you keep spewing venom for now. I deserve your anger, but it’s not going to be infinite. You underestimate me. When I said you were mine I wasn’t throwing around words to get you wet.”
I glance over at him. It’s the calm, even tone that sends shivers down my spine. He means every word. A quick glance finds his hazel eyes burning into mine. Returning my attention to the window, I ball my fists until my knuckles protest. “You’re stubborn, and I’m not about to let you get in the way of you own happiness. So when we get to this party, you’re going to curb your tongue, check your emotions, and let yourself enjoy it. I’m not going to have you looking back and regretting it. You said this is your time, so live it.”
“Because it’s that easy?”
“You know why you’re so mad? It’s not because I lied or that my past is fucked.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. None of it matters, and that terrifies you, doesn’t it? What we have transcends that.”
“You think it’s so profound after six months full of lies?”
“I lied about one major thing and omitted another. It changes nothing about what we’ve developed. We can rebuild that trust. The love we share is a once in a lifetime thing. Even I know that, and I can be emotionally impaired at the best of times.”
His words are a sledge hammer breaking apart the walls I’ve raised around myself.
“What do you want from me?”
“Give me your anger. Tell me I fucked up and you’re having a hard time. I can take it. Just don’t freeze me out and pretend what we’ve built is a lie. It’s not. Pretending otherwise isn’t going to help us.”
“And what will. huh? Since you’ve got all the answers, please enlighten me.”
“By doing this, talking, working through our shit.”
“Maybe I don’t want to,” I snap.
“Too bad.”
“What?” I yell.
“For the first time in my life, I want to do the tough work.”
“Maybe your epiphany came too late.”
I regret the words the minute they leave my mouth. The quiet that settles over the car is eerie and unnerving.
“Too late?” He skims his fingers over my leg. Tiny sparks of electricity flow through me. I gasp. “So you feel nothing when I do this?” He inches up to my thighs. I shiver. “Feels like something.”
“Shay―” My reply is lost in the strangled breath I release when he cups me through my panties.
“Hmmm. Hot.” He massages me. “Wet. Definitely not nothing. And if you say it’s biological,” he runs a finger over the edge of my underwear, “I’ll have to prove you wrong. You feel with your heart first.” His hand slips into my panties and strokes down my cleft. “I.” Circle. “Know.” Stroke. “You.” Pinch.
I jerk. Precariously balanced on the edge, I’m panting. I grit my teeth. He can’t win.
He removes his finger. The greedy sucking nearly does me in. I push my thighs closer together as best as I can. “You still taste as sweet as the candy you like to eat. We have issues. But we can work them out. Now, are you going to let me help you come so you can get all that restless energy out and remind you of how good we are together?”
I want to say yes.
“The exit is getting closer. Going once. Twice. Even when you’re too bullheaded to ask, I’ll give you what you need. Open up.”
“I …” I swallow, unable to protests as I part my legs. He let me save face and have this victory. Not asking changes everything.
The light taps he delivers to my pussy send me spiraling over the edge.
***
Shayne
“Smile, we’re about to be put on display.” Wrapping my arm around her waist, I pull her to me as the front door opens. She relaxes against me, and I cherish the feel of her soft and pliant. It’d been a hellacious week. Xia’s words are short and terse, and my days after work are empty.
How one person can fill up so much space in my life is a mystery. She’s as mystical as the unicorn that acts as the mascot for Mystical Munchies. A temptress able to break through the stone I encased myself in. She reminds me that my heart is still functional. I’m not fully convinced it’s a good thing.
“Hey, guys! The party girl is here,” Casp yells. We step inside, and I know the water works are about to be turned on. A banner has been made with her logo on the ends and the word congratulations in pink in the middle. Black and pink balloons and streamers have been hung.
A quick glance around the room shows all the usual players, and a surprise visitor, her father. Looking completely uncomfortable, he’s a fish out of water with a stiff posture and dark scowl.
Looks like Mrs. Foley won the battle. Xi’s step falters, and I squeeze her side. She leans against me minutely before she steps away to receive the hugs. I fall back, mingling and making small talk. I don’t mind her friends and family barring her father. After so many hours working together, I’m used to them.
I study her as the hours pass. She’s in her element―animated, sure, and filled with an inner life that had been dulled the first day I met her.
“You really like my daughter, don’t you?”
I turn to peer at her father who’s joined me out back where I’m working on my beer.
“No, I love her.”
He snorts. “Love? What do you know of it six months in?”
“Seven months, and more than you do apparently.” It’ll take a lot more than an overbearing father routine to spook me.
“Excuse me?” He cocks his head and stands to his full height.
Trust me, old man, you don’t want me to throw down the gauntlet. “Love doesn’t depend on if you approve of the person’s choices or not. Even when they’re bad, which hers aren’t.”
“And you know what’s best for her?” he asks. His hackles rise. Everyone is in the house ignoring him and his piss poor behavior, so he’s spoiling for a fight. I know the drill.
I shake my head. “No. Only she knows that, but she has to be able to try to really figure it out. People are who they’re going to be. We don’t get to pick and choose the traits, and desires we like in them.”
“Do you have children?”
“No.”
“Then you have no business trying to tell me how to deal with mine. I’ve been with her every step of the way, and it’s my job to speak up when she starts to veer off the right path.”
“You say this, and yet you bail at a time when she needs you most? The path you mentioned is hers to pave. Do you honestly believe you know better than her what she wants? That’s mighty presumptuous. Is that a word you can identify with?” I say, disgusted.
He gives a bitter laugh. “I’m the bad guy, am I? You all want to blow smoke up her ass. To let her believe in unicorns and magic. I know the harsh reality. What happens when it all crashes down? Who picks up the pieces and puts her back together?”
“So does she. She’s going into this with eyes wide open, but her heart full of hope. Where’s the harm in that?” I don’t want to see the sunlight set in her eyes. Regardless of if she wins this, she needs the opportunity to try. To be denied that very basic right is a completely screwed way of thinking.
“Xia doesn’t have the guts for this. She’s too soft and passive with too many stars in her eyes. It’s not a place for most women, and especially not her. It’ll eat her alive, and when it does, the blood will be on your hands.” He walks off with his hands shoved in his pocket. A dark omen delivering a message of peril.
She’s hidden herself away for so long, her own father doesn’t know who she really is. What is it about our fathers that make them want to mold us into who they think we ought to be, instead of letting us figure it out for ourselves?
I drain the rest of my drink as I watch the moon. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure Xia succeeds. I want to invest in her dream and prove to myself I have the ability to be better. To create and assist in something more than gun runs, money collection, and strong-armed tactics. I can ride, shoot, and fuck with the best of them. I need to be more than the man he created. If he remains hidden inside of me, I’m not fit to touch Xia.
Her words flung in anger hit their target. What if I reverted? Were the lies buried deep down inside of me, etched on my marrow, a filth I could never truly cleanse myself free of? I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants. It’s my biggest fear that my father lurks inside of me waiting to get out. Once you sell your soul to the devil, you can’t take it back so easily. It doesn’t matter if it is your parent who did the bargaining, the contract holds.
***
Only love could get me out of my bed at five in the morning in a black T-shirt with a unicorn on the front to deal with annoying people hell-bent on getting the scoop. We’re briefed in a tiny room that goes over television etiquette and rules. I want to come out of my skin by the time we get to head to one of the rented trucks.
“Oh.” Xia covers her mouth as we walk toward the truck decorated to be Magical Munchies.
“It’s beautiful, Xi,” Jasmine whispers. The two hug as they take in the truck. I glance over at Andy, not sure if I should interrupt their moment or not.
“Welcome to my life. Forever waiting on these two.” Andy nod toward the girls.
I snicker. “Worth it though.”
“No doubt.”
“We can hear you,” Jasmine says.
“And so it begins. Vaya con Dios, mi amigo.” Andy pats my shoulders.
I shrug. “It can’t be that bad.”
“Ha. Being in a small space with these two all day competing. You’re going to need God on your side,” he states quietly. I can’t tell if he’s giving me a heads up or seeing what I’m made of.
“Pretty sure I got this one, brother.”
“Mmhmm, I’ll see you later on. Good luck, guys.” He kisses Xia on the forehead and plants one on Jas.
So that’s how he shuts her up.
“I want you to go in and make sure you have everything you need,” our coordinator, Kim, says.
The next fifteen minutes are full of busy work as we go over the truck from top to bottom like it’s a new apartment we’re moving into. It’s incredible how much the viewer doesn’t see. A few hours later we’re all gathered in front of the truck with tapes rolling as they announce our challenge of the day.
“All right, contestants, for our first challenge we’re going to have you all add a breakfast burrito to your menu. Nothing says Southern California like a good breakfast burrito. Each of you will start off with five-hundred dollars to shop. You’ll be stationed in front of Grand Park. The faster you get there and set up, the quicker you can sell. Remember the money you make will be what you can reinvest into your truck. So get on social media, rally your followers, and come up with a game plan.”
We jog back to the truck and board up.
“I’ll navigate, and you drive,” Xia says. She’s in boss lady mode. I’d be hard if I let the blood rush down. Right now, I got to be solid. We can celebrate later. I pull away from the curb, and we integrate into traffic. After my time here in L.A., I won’t be complaining about traffic anymore back home.
“My plan is to shop locally. To keep as much money as possible, we’ll head to the Mexican Market. We’ll be able to get everything we need fresh for less. If we’re going L.A., avocados are essential, and chorizo. We’ll do a nice breakfast hash to go with them and make eggs you-pick style, so the health conscious folks have options. We’ll also keep the coffee flowing. A good cup will make you stand out. It’s why I made sure we could serve a good cup. You know we have to be stimulated and caffeinated all the time here in L.A.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I reply honestly.
“And it’s one of the things I like most about you.”
“Oh, we’re back to liking me?”
She pinches my arm. “Shut up.” The light-hearted tone assures me she’s not pissed.
“Vicious, but I’m kind of into it.” I wink.
“You would be.” Xi rolls her eyes.
We load up at the market with camera crews nipping at our heels like eager children you’re trying not to stumble over. Being recorded makes my skin crawl. It goes against every rule I’ve lived by. Stay under the radar and as invisible as possible until you need to be seen are the rules of the road. When I ran this by Stone, he was excited. He thought the notoriety would help things when we opened shop.
Another contestant who had the same idea as us cuts Xia off with his cart.
“We got a problem?” I ask.
“What?” he turns to me and his eyes widen. Yeah, it’s different when it’s someone your own size. “No, none at all.”
“I think you were about to offer her an apology.”
“Yeah, sorry about that,” he mumbles as he hurries off.
“Punk.”
“I don’t need you to fight my battles,” Xi says tersely.
“Need, no. That insinuates weakness. I do it for respect. This is how I take care of what’s mine.”
“Shayne.” Her voice is full of warning.
“Careful, cameras.” I wink as I walk away knowing I have the upper hand. She’ll make me pay for it later when she’s working me to the bone. Glancing over my shoulder, I catch her small smile. Progress.