Chapter Eleven
Xia
Everything aches and my eyes are itchy from the lack of sleep, but my day is only beginning. We’re in the middle of week two, our money is lagging, and I’m not sure where we stand in the race. I rub my forehead where the pressure is threatening to turn into a full-blown headache.
“Sit, have a cup of coffee, and let me and Jas get things ready,” Shayne says.
I tip my head back. “No. I’m not going to let you do all the work.”
Placing his hand on my shoulder, he bends down over me. “You can’t win it all by yourself. Now sit for a minute and get something in your belly.”
I clench my jaw. “Damn you.”
He brushes his lips with mine. My eyes drift close, and I take a moment to settle myself. He’s there at every turn, lending a hand, picking up the slack, or offering support. It’s making it nearly impossible to hold onto my reservations.
“Love you, too.” He kisses my forehead and steps away as Jas appears with a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.
“How can we help?” he asks.
I take a long draw from the coffee. “We need a big win today.”
“I think it’s time to pull out the secret weapon.”
“You think? I don’t want to play our hand too soon.”
“Are you two done speaking in code?” Shayne asks.
I snicker.
“To unveil the mascot. Let’s make the final decision on the name and tell them they can come meet him in person and get swag,” Jas says.
“Let’s get online and start hyping them up.” People think cooking well is enough to make a food truck successful, but it’s so much more―marketing, hustle, and a bit of luck are all involved in making it work. There’s a lot of waiting involved in filming. After you get things together, you’re waiting for the camera crew to film and set up the stage. I hadn’t thought about staging since I did a semester in the drama club in high school. There were no challenges so far, just a matter of who made more money. For the past couple of days, Saucer Sandwiches has been in a firm lead with Sunny Side Eggery not far behind. We’re running on fumes as far as money goes, and my pride is taking a beating. I think all three of us need a victory.
“You think this will turn a tide?” Shayne questions.
“What can it hurt?” I ask, irritated by his tone.
“Nothing. Touchy.”
I snap my teeth. My anger is more at myself. How easily I’m swayed by his kindness and attention. I can feel Jas staring at me. I can’t meet her gaze. She has questions I won’t answer. Let her think it’s the usual lover’s quarrel.
The morning rush hits, and I throw myself into my work. We’re nearing lunch when the rumble of motorcycles makes me tense. My jaw drops when a group of bikers come toward us in black vests. Cuts. The K.O.C. patch makes my jaw drop.
I turn to face him. “Did you invite them here?”
“We need sales, right?” he asks with a shrug.
“From them?” I jerk my head toward the window.
“Are we picky about who’s money we take now? I didn’t think you’d be a snob.”
“I’m not,” I say, flabbergasted.
“Then what’s the problem?”
You are killing any chance I have of remaining objective about our relationship. “They are a part of your old life.”
“And my current.”
I clench my jaw, unable to articulate why the sight of them is sending me into a slow panic. Am I an oddity? A show to watch and be amused by? I want to ask Shayne, but Jas is there listening to every word.
“What’s going on?”
“My family makes her nervous.”
Jas glances out the window and back at him. “This is your family?”
“A chunk of them. You know it takes more than blood to make a family, right?” he asks.
“Oh, I get it. You just … never struck me as the biker type.” She squints, and I know she’s putting two and two together. We haven’t been ourselves recently.
“Yeah, me either,” I say.
“Are you going to let this stand in the way of the contest? You needed help, and they’re here to provide it,” he continues like I’m not throwing him shade.
“Oh, lucky me.”
“Xia.” His voice is terse, and his eyes burn into mine.
“Shayne ... or should I say Charm?”
“Now isn’t the time.”
“I thought I made that clear, but here we are.”
He grips my forearms. “I’m doing this for you. Don’t throw away the advantage because it came from me.”
He’s right. I’d be cutting off my nose to spite my own face. Drawing a shaky breath, I take a proverbial bite of the crow sandwich.
“Fine.” The four-letter word feels like a swear as I pry it free.
“What the hell did I miss?” Jas whispers.
“I told you. She’s not a huge fan of my family,” Shayne says.
“Oh yeah. It’s that simple,” I mumble. Shayne clears his throat, and I realize the cameras could be picking this up. The network would give their right hand for something like this. I won’t be reduced to a soap opera. Gathering myself, I straighten my spine. They’re just customers. Their money spends as well as anyone else’s, and if it gets me where I need to be, I’ll take it.
The men are a finely tuned machine as they line the streets, parking their bikes and walking toward us a sea of leather and denim. A blond man with an easy smile steps in front of the window.
“I heard this was the food truck to try while in L.A.” His voice sounds familiar. I study him and feign pleasantness.
“You heard right,” I say forcing a smile.
“You know who I am yet?” There’s a resemblance to Shayne in his face and the way he carries himself.
“Shayne’s brother?”
He laughs. “One in the same.” Shayne walks up behind me.
“Thanks for coming out, bro.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t miss this for the world. I love the T-shirt by the way.”
“Yeah, the unicorn rocks hardcore. His name is Twilight. He’ll be stopping by soon. You should hang out.”
“Are you serious?” Joel asks.
“As a heart attack.”
“A biker, a unicorn, and a food truck. Sounds like the start of an epic story.”
“Stop running your mouth and order, Echo. We’re starving.” Murmurs of agreement rise up around him.
“All right, keep your cuts on,” he barks. Turning, he offers up a bright smile. “Why don’t you recommend something?”
Seems like charm runs in the family. I have a line full of bikers. The other trucks are dead in the water for publicity. I see others coming to get in line to get a better look on the sly. The smile on my face is anything but fake as I return my attention to him. I’ve got a contest to win.
I’m neck deep in bikers pinning with thoughtful once overs as they order when I hear a buzz of noise generating through the cloud. “Is that a unicorn?”
I laugh. “Twilight is here. You want to go and greet him?” I ask Jas.
“Can you spare me?”
I glance at Shayne who’s busting his hump at the grill.
“Yes, but hurry back?”
She grabs a small megaphone, and I continue to take orders. The rest of lunch and into dinner is a blur. Sweat beads downs my back and I’m thankful for the hat that keeps it from running in my face. We’re nearly out of T-shirts, magnets, and buttons. The unicorn was a huge hit. As business peters off the final hour is called, and we begin the breakdown process.
“I didn’t expect that,” Jas mutters wearily, leaning against the counter.
“Yeah, me either. Holy crap. I feel like I’ve been running laps all day.”
“You ask, and I deliver,” Shayne says with a cocky smile.
“I think the best part is that she didn’t have to ask. You saw her need, and you fulfilled it. I say boyfriend gets all the gold stars today.”
He wiggles his eyebrows, and I give a shaky smile. Would she still believe that if she knew the truth? I’m being pulled in opposite directions, and the anxiety is wearing me thin. Is our past an irrelevant thing that shouldn’t be held against us or a preview of what we’re capable of? Seeing the men he grew up with was an eye opener. There’s a side to him I’ve never seen. A wildness that’s been contained here in L.A.
I study him from beneath lowered lids wondering if I can ever truly know him under these circumstances. My stomach clenches. I’m in love with the idea of him. Who he’s appeared to be. But the secrets he carried were dark, and the issues are still being worked through. Hell, I’ve got enough issues to fill a suitcase. How can we do anything other than fail if we try to make a go of this right now?
“And that’s time!” I’ve never loved the host, Josh, so much in my life.
“The moment of truth,” I whisper.
“Please, unless one of them is a wizard, we got this. I saw the lines at the other trucks. It’s no contest,” Jas says.
“Let’s hope.”
As we leave the truck, Shayne wraps an arm around my shoulders. Despite his calm demeanor, his hold is stiff. I’m not the only one unsure where we stand. I relax into him, soaking up his presence while I can. There are some things we have to do alone. I’m beginning to understand that now. As much as I love the man he’s becoming, it’ll take space to allow us to see things clearly. The thought resonates as truth, even as it makes me sick to my stomach. He’s become a safety blanket. A constant I can turn to for comfort and support. But is that love? There’s a thin line between dependency and deep connection.
I need to be able to distinguish between the two. Wether or not he agrees with me, he does, too.
I hold my breath as Josh counts our till. When he passes two thousand, my eyes glaze over.
“Magical Munchies is the winner by one thousand and five-hundred dollars. It looks like the unicorn was magical for you today.”
“I think it was, Josh. Thank you, Munchies! We’re nothing without you.” I wink. By now how to play to the crowd
***
“Are you still pissed at me?” Shayne asks.
“No. I’m grateful that you called them in. What upset me was seeing a new side to you.”
“But you know—”
“Knowing and experiencing are two different things. It made me realize how alien your real life is, and the version of you I’ve yet to really see might be along the same lines.”
“I’m not pretended to be anyone.”
“No, but you’re in a different environment away from everything and everyone you know. What happens when you go back? I’m talking about more than distance. How will your attitude and lifestyle change? What effects will it have on you and your personality? You can’t answer those questions.”
“So what? We let fear win?”
“I didn’t say that. We’ve been living in a bubble on borrowed time. The clock has wound down, and the bubble’s been popped.”
The wounded expression on his face guts me.
“Then where do we stand?” He places an arm on either side of my head. I lean back against my front door. If I let him inside the apartment, I’ll be lost. He’s like catnip―irresistible and mind-altering.
“I don’t know. That’s what we have to figure out.”
“How do you suggest we do that, Xi?”
“I don’t—” I shake my head as water blurs my vision.
“Don’t clam up now. I’m sure you’ve planned this out.” The coldness in his tone cuts my heart open.
“I haven’t.” My voice is shaky, and my heart threatens to leap from my chest as the blood rushes in my ears. I lock my knees to remain standing tall.
“Then why tell me this now?”
“Because I want to explain where my head is. The animosity between us is a hindrance to the truck.”
“Of course, the truck.” He pushes away from the door.
“You said you wanted to help me achieve my dream.”
“And I will. You won’t be able to hide behind this contest forever, and if you think I’m going to sit back and let you decide about our futures you’re mistaken.”
“So you know how to fix this?”
“One thing I do know is running away isn’t going to help.”
“I’m not running.”
“No, you’re directing. Gotta tell you, I was never one for coloring in the lines.” He places a finger under my chin. “So you can throw up as many road blocks as you want, they won’t work.”
My insides quiver and I’m grateful for the door helping me stay upright. He slices through my defenses like a Katana blade. Leaning in, he brushes his lips against mine. I clench my jaw to keep from responding. His eyes sparkle with the weight of knowledge.
“I think you’re hiding from yourself.” He licks my bottom lip. “The more you resist, the more I have to show you what you really want and need. This is how it’s always been between us. You’ve trusted me so far, don’t stop now.” He places light kisses across my cheek to my ear. “I love you, Xia. I’ve never said that to any other woman.” He pulls back. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll stop.”
My lower lip trembles. The lie gets stuck in my throat.
“Four words. I don’t love you. That’s all it’ll take.”
“I can’t.”
“Tell me.” His eyes burn into mine.
“Damn you.”
“Give me the truth then. Going forward, that’s what exists between us.”
“You want me to say I love you. There. I love you. What does it matter if I’m not sure who I fell in love with truly exists?”
“You’re the only person who has seen this deep inside of me.”
“Shayne.”
“Being down here allowed me to strip down to my base without the club and all their rules and expectations, or family who can’t distinguish me now from me in the past. It was my chance at true freedom. I’ve never been more me than I am now. I understand your hesitance. I kept vital information from you, and I can’t take that back. What I want to do is move forward.” He bends down to eye level and cups my face. “Can we do that?”
“I don’t know.” There it is, the ugly truth I didn’t want to admit to myself. The quiet that encompasses us feels like a frozen moment in time. Out of words, he straightens. The sadness in his eyes makes my chest hurt.
“Fair answer.” He seems deflated. “It’d suit me right after everything I’ve done.” He nods his head, backing away from me as if I’m contagious.
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Shayne?” He ignores me as he turns away and walks down the hallway.
My gut rolls. What have I done?
***
Shayne
“Figured you’d be getting a ton of thank you sex about now,” my brother says.
I plop in the seat beside him at the bar. “She can hardly bear to be around me since I told her everything.”
“About the club?”
“And Dad and how I used to be.”
“Why even mention it?”
“She was spilling her guts to me, and I felt like I was lying to her. It didn’t jive. This isn’t some girl I’m banging. I love her.”
“Holy shit. Has Prince Charming found Cinderella?”
“She’s more like Maleficent ... not evil, just misunderstood and not about to take anyone’s shit. She’s a black lipstick and black clothing then flowing gowns and glass slippers.”
“Jeez, look at your face.”
“She showed me the future I could have. I can’t let her go. I knew she was upset.”
“What happened?”
“She said she wasn’t sure we could fix things between us.” I gesture to the curly haired blonde behind the bar.
“What can I get you?” the blonde asks.
“Bring me a bottle of whiskey.”
“I’ve been where you are. You have to give her time to digest. You blindsided her with the life and a misguided youth. It’s a lot to take in. Didn’t you say she was a bit sheltered?”
“Thanks to her control freak father, yeah?” The blonde returns with a bottle and sets it down with a shot glass. “My thanks.” I raise the bottle in salute.
“So give her time.”
“It’s like my arm has been cut off. I sleep for shit, and I can’t help expecting the worse. It’d be poetic justice if she left me.”
“You can’t think like that. It’ll drive you crazy. You want to do this long term?”
“I’d kill any man who tried to take my place.”
He chuckles. “Oh yeah. You got it bad. Hunker down, drink some beer, stay calm, and remind her why she can’t live without you every chance you get. You’ll wear her down, and if it’s not real, you’ll get tired of it.”
“You don’t think this is karma?”
“No, little brother. If anything you’re owed not the other way around. You got failed. I know you don’t feel that way, but it’s true. I can repeat myself like a broken record, and it won’t matter until you decide to make your peace with it.”
“How did you?”
“I knew I was going to let anything get in the way of me and D’Rose. I always knew she was going to be my wife one day. The thing I regret most in my life is leaving her standing at that altar alone. I know it couldn’t be helped, but she went around for years thinking I didn’t want her. I’ll never forgive Dad for that.”
“How did she get over everything?” I ask cautiously. My father had made his wife’s life a living hell going up. The only brown-skinned baby born to a brother, she’d been a target for his racism and spite.
“I don’t think she ever will. What was done was despicable. It’ll never be okay. She moved past letting it affect her life. As a counselor, she’s equipped with a lot of coping mechanisms. You should bring her up and let her meet Dixie. She’ll break her in gently.”
“I think I’ll take you up on that,” I say thoughtfully. D’Rose might be the only person who could answer her questions.
Joel pulls his phone out of his cut and snickers. “Speak of the devil.” He answers the phone. “Hey. … Yeah, my brother is right here. You want to talk to him?”
‘Xia’ he mouths, handing me the phone.
“Hello?”
“I don’t like the way we left things. I do love you, Shayne. That’s never been in question. I’m still trying to deal with everything, and I’m mad as hell at you for lying. I thought you were the one person I could trust to be straight with me. When everything around me was going to hell in a handbasket with my family, you were my rock. Finding out you had a completely different life and a questionable past shook me. I don’t want you to go off pissed and do something stupid.”
My lips twitch. “And you think you don’t know me.”
“Oh, God, am I already too late?”
“No.” I glance down at the bottle of whiskey in front of me. I was close, though. “We’re both willing to work at this until we get it right. There are no time limits.”
“What happens when you go back home?” she asks softly.
“One thing at a time, Xi. Breathe.”
She exhales, and the distance between us shrinks.
***
Xia is exhausted. After three weeks, we’re neck and neck with Sunny Side Eggery. Apparently, bacon and eggs is an irresistible combination. We’ve got one last shot at coming out on top and the week is going to be grueling. We’ve got one day to recoup.
Coming up behind her, I massage her neck. “You trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Come with me tonight.”
“What? No. I have way too much to do. The last thing I need to do right now is slack off. I have to come up with a plan.”
“Xia. You need to step away from this and regroup. Do you know what next week challenges will be?”
“No.”
“So stressing will do what?”
“I-I don’t. Make me feel like I’m doing something?”
“It’ll wear you down. No. You need a break, and I need to show you where I come from.”
She gasps. “San Mateo?”
“If you’ll come with me. I have someone I need you to meet.”
“You want to take me home?” Her countenance softens.
“Of course I do, baby. We’ve been pressed for time, but this feels like the perfect opportunity to get away. You and me on the bike under the moon. I’ll have you back in time for the contest on Monday morning, and you’ll be a hell of a lot more rested than you would be if you remain here.”
“Shayne—”
“No. You need this.” Burying my fingers in her hair, I pull her head back and stare into her pain-filled eyes. “You need me to take control and direct you? You’re burning yourself out. It’s time to take a step back. Do you want to learn about me? I’m giving you a front row seat to my past.” I bend down and nip her bottom lip. “You’re going to go home, pack a bag while I run home to change and fill the tank.”
She nods her head. “Okay.”
I kiss her soundly. “Good girl.” I pull back. “Now into the car you go.” I take the key from hand, unlock the vehicle, and help her inside the passenger seat. As I slip behind the wheel and pull out of the parking lot, I think, This is my shot. I feel like a teenage boy about to ask his crush to the school dance. I want her to see beyond the intimidating persona of bikers in leather breaking the law. We’re a family that always has each other’s back. Seeing them all show up for us last week reminded me of that.
I have been so focused on the negatives I lost sight of the things that more than make up for it. I need to separate my father from K.O.C. They’re working not only to right the wrongs done by their outdated by-laws that prevented other races from joining, but they’ve instated new laws that prevent the bigoted people from continuing with the club. I can take solace in that. I can’t expect to be forgiven if I can’t do the same. Time away was exactly what I needed to screw my head on straight.
She’s quiet during the ride. For the first time since the truth came out its comfortable, the way it used to be when we didn’t second guess what the other was feeling or try to fill up the hush. I can see her weariness as she closes her eyes and rests against the seat. I reach across and twine our fingers. Her acceptance of my help is the sign I’ve been searching for that’s she’s willing to trust me again. I won’t be letting her down a second time.