Lara

Capitol Hill reminds me of uptown New Orleans at night.

Molly walks beside me on Pine Street, dressed in opaque black tights and a bright, royal-blue mini-dress. Her long hair, normally bleached white these days, is dyed silver, and she’s wearing a black cardigan zipped closed.

By contrast, I’m in dark jeans, a black tee, and a modified khaki trench coat. True to its reputation, Seattle started out sunny and warm when we arrived this morning at noon. Now it’s chilly and drizzling.

“He’ll recognize me right away,” I say under my breath as we approach the bar on Thomas Street.

“I told you to cut your hair. Or at least change the color.” She’s impatient. She’s always impatient now, and it’s gotten worse since Jilly was born.

“I want him to recognize me.” I want him to know it’s me confronting him.

We weave through the young people dressed in ripped tights or bold, black and white striped blazers. A fellow in a maroon jacket with black lapels coasts up beside Molly.

“You’re new around here,” he says, and I press my lips together, waiting for the backlash.

Molly stops walking at once and turns to him. “What makes you say that?”

The fellow grins, and his eyes roam up and down her slender frame. I give him credit—he only hesitates a moment on her full bosom.

“I know all the beautiful girls in Cap Hill,” he continues. “I’ve never seen you before.”

“Maybe you have, and you don’t remember.” She’s flirting, which puts me on guard.

Normally she shuts men down immediately with a biting insult. The fact she’s toying with him makes me wonder what she’s up to.

“I’d remember.”

We continue walking. His hands are shoved in the front pockets of his tight black jeans, and he scuffs beside her in a pair of enormous combat boots.

She pushes a long silver curl behind her ear and blinks at him. “What’s your name?”

“Joshua.”

Hearts are in his eyes, and I pull out my phone. I pretend to check my messages, but the truth is, I only message Roland and Evie. I had to block Mark’s number, which broke my heart, but not nearly as much as the texts he kept sending.

Don’t do this…

Come back to me…

I love you…

My eyes squeeze shut against the pain.

“Joshua.” Molly says his name as if testing it on her tongue. “I’m Maggie and this is my cousin Lucy.”

“Maggie May,” he spreads his arms wide.

“Umm, sure.” Molly’s brow lowers, and I know she doesn’t get the reference. “So you’ve always lived in Cap Hill?”

He nods his bright orange head. “Born and raised.”

“Do you know the guy who owns the bar Montage?”

“Brisbee?” Josh scrubs long fingers through his sparse beard.

“I-I’m not sure…” Molly and I exchange a glance. “Is he a big guy with sort of reddish hair?”

“That’s him.” Joshua brightens with recognition. “He moved here about eight years ago? Dates Kevin—”

“Wait,” I cut him off. “You said he dates Kevin. Is Kevin a guy?”

“That’s right, beautiful.” Joshua turns his charm on me. “I can take you to meet him if you want.”

We both stop, and the young man stops with us. “We’re just looking for the owner of Montage,” Molly says. “I thought he was named something different. Do you know where he moved here from?”

“New Orleans. It’s the theme of the bar. Everybody knows Brisbee.”

“Why is that?” she asks.

Josh shrugs. “He takes in runaways, helps them find jobs.”

Molly and I exchange a look. I’m not sure what to make of this new information. “Is he there every night?” I ask.

Joshua frowns at me, and I can tell our questions are making him suspicious.

“What are you? Bill collectors?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“Long lost wife?”

Another no.

“Long lost kid?”

Negative.

“Undercover cops?”

“We’re just old friends,” Molly interrupts us. “We’re from New Orleans, and we need to tell him… his brother died.”

We’re walking, and I frown at her behind our jovial guide’s back. Gavin already knows that. She dismisses me.

Joshua’s voice turns solemn. “That’s too bad. I’m not close friends with the guy, but nobody needs to hear that. I’ll introduce you if he’s there.”

We follow Joshua up the semi-crowded street, past brightly lit cafes where hipsters are eating corn dogs.

“I want a corn dog,” Molly says almost if from a dream.

“Unicorn has the best corn dogs,” Joshua says. “I recommend the poutine dog.”

She blinks up at him and smiles. “You’re nice.”

“Don’t fall for it, kid.” He elbows her arm. “I’m just trying to get in your pants.”

I’m surprised when she bursts out laughing. Molly’s smiles have all but disappeared since we left the theater, her laughter is even more scarce. Whoever this guy is, he’s doing something right.

“Here we are!” We stop in front of a storefront painted like a carnival.

The exterior is a mixture of Pepto-Bismol pink, turquoise blue, and gold metallic fleur de lis, and the sign is a literal montage of bottle caps spelling out the name. It’s jam-packed with patrons, and Molly’s all set to charge inside.

“Wait.” I grab her arm. My insides recoil, and I’m not sure I’m ready to confront Gavin this way. All the memories of being in that theater, being one step above a prisoner, doing what he said, being trapped…

“What?” Molly frowns at me, and Joshua steps up beside her.

“You look like you’re going to be sick,” he says.

I turn away from them, going to the corner of the building, then I lean against the brick wall. I’m having a hard time catching my breath, and I recognize this panic. It’s happening too fast, I’m not prepared. Maybe I do need Mark here. Maybe I need him to hold my hand and tell me to breathe.

Molly grabs our guide’s arm, pushing him toward the entrance to the club. “Josh, can you give us a second?”

“Sure thing.” He trots to the door, and she storms to where I’m breaking down.

“What are we doing here?” I whisper half to myself, half to her.

“What are you doing?” she snaps. “I’m here to confront the asshole who turned me over to his fucking gang of rapists.”

My insides cringe, and I can’t stop shaking. She’s right. She has every reason to be the sword of vengeance. My situation isn’t as simple.

Gavin gave me a place to live. He knew my mother. He paid so I could stay on at the Catholic boarding school after she died. He tried to protect me from the monster.

The night he sent Roland in to save me drifts through my mind…

“Have you forgotten what he is?” I meet the cold blue eyes of the girl I thought I rescued.

Maybe I’m the monster… maybe we’re all monsters.

“Josh said he’s helping girls now. Maybe he’s changed?”

“A snake can change its skin, but it’s still a snake,” she hisses. “Now get it together.”

She’s right. Maybe I only want him to have changed so we can walk away before this goes too far. If only…

I think about everything I said to Roland, why we’re here and what I want. I want answers. We might all be monsters, but we don’t all give little girls away like they’re meaningless commodities.

Nodding, I push off the wall and do my best to calm my racing nerves. “It’s different for me.”

“No, it’s not.” She’s walking ahead of me. “He gave you to Guy the same as he did me.”

Not exactly the same… I went after him. I rolled those dice and lost.

Joshua is leaning against the glass window when we reappear, and he perks up when he sees us. “Right this way, ladies!”

Molly skips up to him and takes his arm, and I follow them through the narrow entrance. Her ability to play the part of the innocent amazes me. Once we’re inside, I see what the place lacks in width is made up for in height.

A balcony overlooks the main floor, and along the back wall a staircase leads down to what I assume is a basement bar. A steady stream of patrons goes up and down the stairs carrying fluorescent red, blue, and yellow-colored drinks.

The inside of the bar is as brightly painted as the exterior, and rainbow Christmas lights are twined around all the banisters and skinny columns. The music blasting is early-1980s art rock.

We stand in a small circle on the black and white tiled floor. “They didn’t card us,” Molly shouts in the middle of our group.

“I’m friends with Jake,” Joshua shouts back.

“Friends?” Molly looks from the stocky guy at the door to the skinny kid leading us around.

“Okay, he’s my uncle.”

“Where’s Gavin?” I ask, but Joshua frowns at me. “I mean…” Shit.

“Brisbee,” Molly shouts.

Joshua shakes his head. “Jake said he hasn’t been in tonight. Probably doing something with Kevin. He might not come in after all.”

“No…” The whisper is out before I can stop it, and Molly cuts her eyes to me.

“I’m getting a drink,” I say, not really wanting one.

We’re only supposed to be here two days. Losing tonight is a setback, and I don’t want to extend this errand any longer than we have to. Molly is determined to confront Gavin. I have my own questions, but otherwise, this isn’t the same as the other men. He never touched her. He never touched me. It’s possible he’s trying to make up for the sins of his past…

Molly appears at my arm. “You’re doing it again.”

Tilting my head to the side, I lean against the bar. Joshua is talking to a group sitting at one of the high tables.

“What do you want to do?” I ask. “Call it a night?”

“Nobody said we have to do this at night. Joshua can get us his address. We can go to his home tomorrow.”

“Ambush him? Do you think that’s smart?”

I lift the fluorescent blue drink in front of me and take a sip. It tastes like Malibu rum and pineapple juice. Too sweet.

“How would you suggest we do it?”

“You’re actually asking for my input?” That’s a first. She doesn’t answer, only glares at me impatiently. “I think we should call and arrange a meeting at a public place. Some place he can’t do anything.”

“Where we can’t do anything.”

“What do you want to do, Molly?”

Her features are stony, and I know she’s pulling away, going wherever she goes in her mind that allows her to do what she does.

“I want to do what I always do. Make him pay for what he did to me.”

I shake my head. “It made sense to make the others pay, but Gavin never touched you.”

“What do you want from him?”

My fingers are on the frosty glass, and I trace them up and down the sides. “I want to ask him why. I want him to tell me there’s more to the story I don’t know. I want him to give me a good reason for what he did.”

Blue eyes flash. “You’re saying there’s a good reason for what he did?”

“No.” My voice is barely above a whisper.

“Then how will you ever get what you want?”

“Maybe I won’t,” I say with a shrug. “See if Joshua knows how to reach him. I’ll make the call.”

I wait at the bar, watching as she goes to where he stands. If I didn’t know her, she’d seem like any other Seattle kid, pretty, edgy, a touch of darkness. Joshua is clearly smitten. He takes out a pen and writes what she tells him on a napkin.

I take another sip of the blue beverage, and wince again at the intense sweetness. My eyes are heavy from jet lag, and the drink is making me feel buzzed. I can’t remember the last time I had a cocktail—it was before Jillian was born.

Molly kisses her new friend on the cheek and walks back to where I’m standing.

“He gave me his number.” She looks at the bar, her expression blank.

“Just like that?” I’m a little uncomfortable being acquainted with someone so ready to hand out other people’s personal information. “I’m glad you didn’t tell him our real names.”

“Oh, I meant Joshua gave me his number—his own number. He’s going to ask if it’s okay for us to call. He’ll let me know one way or the other.”

“Tomorrow,” I say under my breath. “We’ll either be back here or somewhere else.”

“And if we’re back here, I’ll be ready.”

Leaning my head on my hand, the noise, the loud music, the crowd, and the flashing lights are starting to wear me down. “I’m ready to go back to the hotel.”

Her full pink lips twist into a frown. “It’s barely midnight.”

“Midnight here is two a.m. in New Orleans, and I just got over Nice.”

She shrugs. “I’ve never been a night owl. We can call it quits.”

Outside, the clouds have moved away, and the dark sky is littered with stars. Our hotel is ten blocks away, so we walk. Molly is beside me, but we don’t touch. I remember a time when she hung on my arm constantly.

“What will you do after this?” I’m not sure what to call what we’ve been doing. “Where will you go?”

“Maybe I’ll stay here.”

My eyebrows rise. “Because of Joshua?”

“No.” Her tone is impatient. “I like the vibe here. It’s mysterious but not sinister.”

“Even with Gavin?”

Her eyes flicker to mine. “He might not be staying for long.”

We walk several blocks in silence, only the noises of our shoes on the pavement and the passing cars surround us.

“I guess you’ll go to Juneau,” she finally says.

“I don’t know. I might’ve damaged that bridge beyond repair.”

“Doubtful. You have his child.”

Jillian. An ache moves through my stomach, and I don’t feel like arguing anymore. The hotel rises before us, and I follow Molly through the revolving door. A stone table holds an enormous dispenser of iced cucumber water, and she stops to pour a glass.

She’s taking a sip when her phone lights up, and we both jump. “It’s Joshua,” she hisses, slamming the glass on the counter.

Turning the face so I can see it, his text reads, Brisbee said he’ll see you. Be at Café Solstice tomorrow noon.

Again, I feel sick and anxious. Molly is excited. We go to the elevator, and she paces the small box as I watch the numbers count up to five. The door bings, and we get out, going quickly down the short maze to our rooms.

I stand at my door, waiting as she opens hers across the hall. “Want to meet for breakfast?”

“I’ll probably sleep in,” she says.

I have no idea if I’ll sleep at all. “I’ll call you when it’s time to go.”

“I’ll meet you in the lobby at eleven-thirty.”

She goes into her room, and the door slams shut. I slide the card and enter mine. A large bed fills most of the space. No sheet, only a thick, white comforter is on top of a covered mattress. My mind swirls as I stand in the doorway trying to plan what could happen tomorrow. I have no idea what to expect from this meeting.

I’m startled when Molly’s door across the hall slams again, and I dash to mine, only to see her disappearing through the stairwell exit at the end of the hall. She’s practically sprinting, and by the time I get there, she’s gone. I hurry back to my room and go to the window, straining my head to try and see the street below.

I don’t see anything.

I don’t know where she went or why.

Grabbing my phone, I text with trembling fingers. What are you doing?

Two seconds pass…

Five…

No reply.

I feel sick. Did she hear from Joshua? Is she going to confront Gavin alone? I’m nervous and anxious and worried, which is ridiculous at this late date. She’s demonstrated over and over her ability to survive, to exact her justice and get away with it.

Still…

Gavin is a different matter altogether. He’s as much of a survivor as she is, and while her previous victims were clueless and easily duped, Gavin is smart. He knows us, and he’ll know why we’re coming. He’ll know what he has to lose.

Coming here, waking these demons has never been my plan.

Since I had Jillian, I’ve realized the choices that had to be made for our lives to turn out as they did, and I want to distance us from these nightmares. I thought getting out of there would set me free, but instead, I’m chained by this never-ending quest.

It might be freeing her, but Molly’s relentless pursuit hasn’t given me satisfaction. It has left me hollow and alone. I walk through the silent room to the window and look out into the night wondering what she’s doing right now and why she feels like she needs me here.

Maybe Roland is right, and I’ve done enough. I’ve sacrificed more than I ever imagined for her. I have my own daughter now, my own family. Perhaps it’s time to cut Molly loose and let her follow her dark path without me.

I prepare for bed with concrete in my stomach.

Before I shut off the light, I text her one more time. Tell me what’s happening.

The only response is silence.