Chapter Eight
~Chance~
It rankled a lot that I was about to defend myself to a virtual stranger, but I detested his opinion of me and didn’t need the extra drama, sideways glances or saliva in my food when I came to town to visit my family. Visit my family, three words that should never be put together when one member was your child. But visiting was my fucking future and I was going to have to deal with it along with Mahogany’s boss who had been filling in my spot as the man in Majestic’s life. I hated that too.
Tommy slipped into a cream-painted hallway with just a dark wood staircase. We ascended the steps quickly, turning left on the second floor with an exit door at the end of it, then passed two closed doors before he turned the knob on a third one. The second he flipped the light switch inside the room, I noticed the playpen beside his desk with paperwork scattered over every inch that his electronics hadn’t sequestered for themselves. In one of two soft cushioned chairs, I sat down, normally waiting to be invited to sit, but I wanted to get to the point of this ‘short chat.’ That was exactly what it would be if my luck was running good. His behind hadn’t even made an impression in his office chair before I kicked off the conversation.
“Listen, I could see the close relationship between you and Mahogany when she was on the phone with you earlier. Since you mean enough to her to open up to you about our past, your opinion means a lot to me, so—”
“And you don’t like people thinking the worst of you without them at least getting all three sides of the story first,” he interrupted with a little hostility in his voice.
I decided to look over his attitude that he had every right to once he was dragged into my mess with Mahogany. “That’s right, Tommy, but there’s only two sides here.”
He flopped back in his seat. “No, there’s three: your side, her side, and the truth.”
Immediately, I understood what he was trying to get across. “Our perceptions color and distort what happens, giving us our own versions of the story.”
He nodded. “Right. She believes you abandoned her before you even knew why she needed you. You think she lied to you by omission by not telling you she was pregnant before she left. If you’re in here willing to explain your side, you can’t be all bad. But the truth of the matter is both of you were too pigheaded to open up to the other when it mattered the most. I can see you’re stubborn from that thick ass forehead you got, Chance, but I know your girl who you’re still in love with by the way is a mule because she ignores me when I tell her to be at work. She comes when she wants to. Leaves when she wants to. If that’s not the definition of a mule…”
Tommy trailed off and pointed at his chest. “You know I have to see about Majestic sometimes because I have no choice if I want my business to stay running in an orderly fashion, which it is not. You can just look at my desk and tell that, and I’m sorry about my attitude that’s probably only to get worse because I get a little aggressive and scatterbrained when my desk is messy because my accountant, prep cook, and fake secretary can’t come to work. All of this paperwork distracts the hell out of me when I’m in here, but I’m too stubborn to deal with it. Now, where was I? Oh, you both made up your minds about kids, you long before her, I assume, since you’re older, but you both stuck to your guns when shit happened that no one planned for. Majestic is paying the price by not having everyone that should be in her life and that is what’s pissing me off about the situation. What also makes me mad is that Majestic runs all over me along with her mother. I blame you for that.”
Why am I not surprised I’m being held accountable and suspect Tommy isn’t as pissed as he liked to portray?
“I’m not the blame for Majestic running over you, Tommy.” Not completely anyway.
If I had been in Mahogany’s life during Majestic’s birth, Mahogany and I would’ve made a proper family for Majestic. The love was there before she was born. Hell, it still was there on my end. I can’t say the same for Mahogany because truth be told, I had abandoned her before I knew she needed me because I didn’t know she did. I would’ve been there for her and Majestic if I had known, so Mahogany abandoned me first, believing I couldn’t be the man she and my firstborn needed. I wasn’t given a chance to be that and that hurts the most. Pain was leaking from my damn ears because of Mahogany.
“Listen, Tommy—”
He held his hands up, cutting me off again. “Sorry, I don’t have time to listen, Chance, just talk… oh and ask a question. I don’t need your side of the story, just what are you going to do for Mahogany and Majestic now because I gotta tell you they’re heavy ass burdens to me and my business needs its fake ass secretary to have less burdens, so I can deal with my other burden, my fiancée. Kat would take over Mahogany’s positions if I needed her to, but she doesn’t want to. I don’t want her to either. Mahogany can’t take care of Majestic without her job. I want my fiancée in my bed, not at my desk. The edges of it hurt my legs. Don’t ask me what that means, I might just tell you. My main problem is, eventually, Kat’s gonna want a paycheck for all she does around here and that’s too much of a good thing when she’s already entitled to half of whatever I have. In other words, I need some help with your family so mine doesn’t get greedy.”
I can’t help chuckling at the man. He wanted to make it seem like he was in dire straits and dying to be relieved of the weight I should’ve been carrying since the beginning, but he mostly wanted the best for my family.
“I’m going to take my burdens off your hand, Tommy. First by moving them to a bigger place. I nearly took my own head off in Mahogany’s apartment. Next, I’ll find suitable day care for Majestic… which will probably be me for a while. Right now, I’m not as trusting with her health in others’ hands as I should be, not even in her doctor’s care.”
“It’s good to know you love Majestic already. That attests to the good man you are, even if Mahogany may feel differently. So, here’s your warning concerning Majestic: she’s already spoiled and too cute to say no to, but she just mainly wants food.”
I snickered. “Yeah, I’ve learned those lessons the hard way.”
Then he frowned. “What about the mixed feelings rolling off you for Mahogany? Trust me, I was intimate friends with those emotions for a long time. Still can recognize them in someone else, and I know when a man can’t decide whether he wants to be near the woman who’s causing him pain or keep his distance from her, so he does both. You’re going to tear both of you apart if you keep straddling the fence. Love her or leave her alone, Chance.”
My humor vaporized. We were supposed to be changing his mind about considering me a deadbeat, not working on making up my mind about how I feel about Mahogany. That’s probably not possible. I scratched my head, considering my next answer.
“Honestly, I’m dealing with the mixed feelings the best I can. I’m still pissed with her.”
He cocked his head to the side. “I suspect she’s still pissed with you too.”
His statement took me aback. I hadn’t occurred to me that Mahogany may be feeling hurt because I wasn’t able to give her the answer she needed when she tried to tell me about the baby. My feelings on the subject was my main concern, as was my own needs three years ago: to not be a killer. I had been selfish when I wouldn’t make room for the unexpected turns life took instead of following my schedule and my demands. Because of that, I lost… no, Mahogany took away the best things that could’ve happened to me, which just served to make me even angrier with her. And myself. I should’ve found her and made her open up to me.
I should’ve opened up to her. Tommy was right. I was just as wrong as Mahogany was when I held back my reason for choosing to be childless, but I didn’t know if I could ever get over her decisions that brought us to the slippery slope where Majestic was skating downhill with no brakes because of her present and future health problems. Although I won’t ever regret Majestic, I still had to face the same facts that brought me to my decision to not have kids: I could lose them one day. What parent could prepare to be bury their children? That was the one thing I couldn’t face, prepare for, maybe not even survive. Mahogany made sure that I was about to find out what I really was made of when I never wanted to know.
“Tommy, I’ll make you this promise. I’ll be good to both of them to the best of my abilities, but there is no future for me and Mahogany, and I won’t play with her emotions.” I couldn’t trust her to trust me and that was the heart of the matter.
He stood, extending his hand to me with a huge smile on his face. “My man, that’s all I needed to hear. Nice to meet you too.”
I don’t know what I expected when I got here, maybe a dressing down from Tommy for being absent in Majestic and Mahogany’s life, even his harsh judgement, but never him accepting my word and having a handle on what truly conspired between Mahogany and I before we split. On top of that, he was understanding and generous. I understood why he meant so much to Mahogany. I, myself, liked him, and took his hand in mine as I stood up. He pumped it twice in a strong grip then reversed from his desk to knock invisible wrinkles out of his chef’s coat.
“Alright, Chance. Let’s go. My staff is in every position, but the one they were hired for and I don’t trust them there either. I’m going to give you my number in case Mahogany and Majestic need anything and you’re out of town. Mahogany won’t ask for anything but time off. You’re welcomed to send me a text if you can’t get here fast enough to give them what they need.”
Somehow, he knew I didn’t trust Mahogany as far as I could see her with my eyes closed, and I’d bet he had experience in that area as well.
I trailed him out of the office, while logging his number into my phone. Downstairs, he pushed the door open quietly. When we stepped onto the main floor, Mahogany was gripping the thick, muscular arm of a man my size, height, and race, as she doubled over with laughter and palmed the marble top that held a hefty bagged-up order and a drink tray with two extremely large Styrofoam cups beside her and him. Foreign and Nevaeh had vanished to parts unknown in the restaurant. I hated the guy that Mahogany seemed so familiar with instantly. Hated everything at this point, inky black jealousy was eating me. She hasn’t laughed like that for me in years and I wanted her to, only for me.
Well shit, Chance! Possessive much? In my defense, it was hard not to be possessive when Mahogany had so much of me wrapped up in strings that refused to come undone. My stupid heart wasn’t backing off but moving full steam ahead towards her even while I was confused about my own feelings for her and torn up inside because of that. This guy wasn’t ugly or old and I wanted her for myself, so he was competition. Since she was mine no longer, I had a feeling I was going to see every man under eighty-five as a competitor.
Why the hell am I feeling this way when I want to hate her too? I asked myself, as if questioning my own emotions would make the undesirable ones go away. They didn’t.
The man stared down at her bent head, smiling, not noticing Tommy and me yet. “How many names do you think Mr. Tommy has called your baby daddy by now, Mahogany?” Then he glanced up, seeing me, which wiped the smile some women would find appealing right off his face.
“I don’t know, Jerry,” she responded breathlessly, still unaware of me and her boss in the vicinity behind her. “Thirty? Forty? I do know Chance is memorizing each one for a later date to return the favor. His memory is as long as an elephant’s and his grudges span lifetimes.”
And I had one hell of a bone to pick with her.
“I didn’t call him any names, Jerry,” Tommy answered as I stopped right behind Mahogany.
She popped upright suddenly, then leapt back from me and Jerry as if the gates to hell were opening up in the floor beneath us.
He threw up both hands. “I’m on break, Mr. Tommy.”
Tommy propped one elbow on the countertop before crossing his feet. “I figured as much, Jerry. Why else would you be out here talking to Mahogany?”
“We’re friends?” Jerry offered.
“Are you asking me or telling me?” Tommy inquired dryly.
Jerry side-eyed Mahogany, who was waiting for his response too. “Telling, Mr. Tommy.”
Mahogany, wide-eyed and surrounded by us, crisscrossed her arms in front of her, unknowingly pushing her breasts up for better viewing. “Hey, you guys good now?”
I simply stared at her chest, barely able to peel my eyes away just like in the car. Those nipples were mine and I still hadn’t tasted them yet. Her full, blush-colored lips. Mine. Smooth, blemish-free skin. Also mine. Not anyone else’s, and Jerry had better get out of touching range like right now.
“We’re fine, Mahogany,” Tommy took the liberty to reply. “Jerry Toller, meet Chance Middleton, and I advise you to back up, Jerry. Chance is feeling all kinds of territorial right now.”
Jerry sidestepped with a ‘I didn’t do anything, but I’m going to move anyway’ look on his face. I cut my eyes at Tommy next to me. How the hell did he… never mind, I knew how he knew what I was feeling: he had to have walked in my shoes before with Kat. Mahogany wore the same dumbfounded expression as Jerry, which she laid on me, totally hoping I’d be the one to give her an idea of what Tommy was talking about. I grinned evilly instead. She frowned, so clueless it was ridiculous. It should be a crime how much I enjoyed her confusion, but I’d been the same way once upon a time concerning her. Now, it was her turn to feel the burn.
“I… ah,” Jerry stammered. “I think I’ll go back to work now.”
“Sounds like a plan, Jerry,” Tommy endorsed. “Let’s let these folks get back to their baby girl.”
“Kiss Majestic for me, Mahogany,” the giant, in too pale skin and blonde crewcut, requested before slightly limping away.
“I will, Jerry,” she conceded with a nervous tremor in her voice.
If I had to guess, I’d say he had a bum knee from trying out for some sport, maybe professional football that ruined his dreams of anything more than getting a degree and opening his own business one day. I don’t much care what he did with his life as long as he wasn’t trying to tie it to Mahogany’s.
Twisting to slip my palm in the center of her spine, I urged her forward. “Let’s go. We got about fifteen minutes to get back to the hospital. See you later, Tommy.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “If all goes as you’re secretly hoping it does, Chance, you will see me… often.” A cryptic statement if I ever heard one, which caused me to jack up one of my own eyebrows.
“I’m not secretly hoping for anything, Tommy.”
With her head swishing back and forth between Tommy and me, Mahogany stepped toward the bag on the counter near Tommy, who grabbed the bag up first, plopped it down on top of the drinks, then handed it all to her before replying, “Yeah, I thought I wasn’t secretly hoping for something too. Turns out, I was so wrong.”
So, Tommy and Kat had spent time apart, huh? His story was unfolding bit by bit and beginning to look a lot like mine but not mine.
“We’re not the same person, Tommy.”
“We don’t have to be to want the same things, Chance. You just have to start being honest with yourself. I had to do the same and it worked out for me. I get the strangest feeling that it will for you too… or it will if you’re truthful with more than just yourself, and not just openly honest about the things you think will hurt someone but about the things that hurt you. Don’t repeat history and close yourself off. Otherwise, you’ll keep sailing the same sinking ship that brought you to this point. Eventually, it’s going to sink with your ass on it, if you don’t get off it.”
It wasn’t hard to catch his point: tell Mahogany that she still owned me and it was devastating when she wasn’t with me. Ha! Not in this lifetime.
“Ever heard of the saying that a captain goes down with his ship, Tommy?” But was I really ready to drown if Mahogany was willing to save me… from myself? Did I want her to?
Of course, you do, stupid. That’s what a third of your problem with her is.
“Ever heard of a watery grave, Chance? That could be avoided if you just docked the damn ship and saved yourself and everyone else that you’re going to pull down to the bottom with you. You don’t have the right to do that no matter how angry and wronged you feel. It’s not just about you anymore, despite what all those feelings bottled up inside you are telling you. Just cuss somebody out already.” He pointed at Mahogany. “Preferably her. Release the storm gathering inside you because if you take your frustrations out on me, I will spit in your food. It’s the only way I can retaliate, since I’ve gotten enough of swinging on people and almost going to jail for it. Hadn’t been for Kat’s scuffle with some fake hair that she refused to give back to the owner until the cops intervened, which happened to be my niece Sheriff Astrid by the way, jail is where I’d be. I’m glad as hell to know people in high places. Seriously though, clear your chest. Makes for a good clearing of the air, paving the way for moving on, and putting a lid on that bottomless pit of anger you’re working on filling up. That requires a lot of energy that no one has naturally and could lead to a killer stroke by the way. That would be sad when you’re no more than what? Thirty?”
Tommy seemed to be more intuitive than I gave him credit for. Somehow, he knew exactly what was going on inside me.
“Thirty-one,” I supplied my correct age through gritted teeth, tired of being called out, and not sure whether to believe him about the ‘saved by the fake hair’ incident or question him about it until I did believe it.
This man’s life was becoming interesting enough for me to want to be nosy in it. Tommy was quite the character. Mahogany had taken the sack and walked away. Immediately missing her nearness, I observed the sensual sway of her hips until titanium-constructed wood pressed against my jeans before I snatched my gaze away from her.
“What do I owe you, Tommy?”
He smiled. “Do you see Mahogany offering up any money? That’s because family doesn’t pay me for what I do from the heart. Offend me again by talking about money and I will punch you, Chance… or send you a bill for everything Mahogany and Majestic have eaten here for the last three years. It’ll be so big it won’t fit in your mailbox. Then you’ll punch me. I’ll have the right to defend myself and beat your ass to a bloody pulp for old and new. Astrid won’t have the right to arrest anyone but you, and I’ll be all for it.”
I laughed out loud. Tommy wasn’t as forgiving as I thought he was, but he was feeding me for free, calling me family, or at least I think he was, and giving me advice, so he liked something about me. Weirdly, I wanted the respect of the good guy behind the one-liners and rude ass comments who was there for my girls when I wasn’t.
I extended my hand to him. “No more money talk.”
He came in for a bro hug and whispered, “She did what she thought was best for everyone, Chance. You should tell her about why it wasn’t best for you, then forgive her. Do it for you if you have to. Freeing yourself is the only time it’s okay to be selfish. She could’ve saved herself from doing the hardest job in the world alone and from this situation with you that she had to know was coming one day if she had Majestic. She womaned-up and took charge of both of your mistakes by herself and left you to lead a normal life until she couldn’t anymore.”
“That’s what hurts, Tommy,” I croaked, stupid damn emotions choking me suddenly.
My life was only normal when she was in it. Tommy was dragging out the honesty in me and that was painful too. Less hurtful to just be mad.
He stepped back. “You’re old enough to know life isn’t pain-free, shit happens, and you should grab the happy moments while they’re waiting around for you. They do leave, you know? The opportunity to have what you truly want will be gone for good. Then you’ll really be pissy and mad. Use your energy wisely. It runs out after thirty-five. Trust me. Plus, I don’t want you bringing all that bad energy up in here. Fucks with the feng shui of the place. Actually, there isn’t any feng shui in here, but if there was, you’d kill it dead with all that bitterness and hard feelings you got. Go. I’ll check on y’all at the hospital in a little bit. Maybe even relieve you two of sitting with Majestic for the night. Maybe. Depends on what Kat says. We haven’t spent much time with Majestic lately. I’m shocked I miss the little monster.”
I wasn’t shocked about it or that he dragged another grin from me either. This was what he did best and was liked the most for uplifting the people around him after he weighed them down with cold, hard facts. I wasn’t quite ready for those, or to be lifted out of the space where I resided miserably with my anger, but I sure as hell wasn’t telling Tommy that. I could do with a night of Mahogany to myself though, only way to get rid of the bitterness and hard feelings… I think.
As I walked away, I called over my shoulder, “Thanks, Tommy… for everything.”
“Don’t thank me too soon. I haven’t said I’d babysit; I said maybe and it depends on Kat. She could have something for me that I don’t want to receive here… anymore, that is.”
Laughing my ass off, I exited the building, finding Mahogany standing on her side of my car. Just looking at her, I was angry and wanted to be inside her simultaneously.
She squared her shoulders, as if sensing the chaos in me. “Chance, I have to ask. Were you jealous of me talking to Jerry?”
“Yes!” I sniped, cringing as the truth burst out of me.
Fucking Tommy had implanted the idea in my head to be honest. Now, it was coming out of my mouth!
“Well, you shouldn’t be. Jerry’s just a good friend who saw me looking worried, so he cracked a stupid joke on his break instead of eating his food. That’s what we do here: try to hold each other up, even while we’re all pretty much drowning.”
At the front of the BMW, I glanced over my shoulder at her. “You don’t look as if you’re drowning to me, Mahogany.” But that’s what I wanted her to be doing since I was drowning without her, except I wanted to be the one she drowned in until she had to come up for air, begging for a break from the climaxes I was punishing her with.
Punish her with climaxes? Chance, you have lost your damn mind. Mahogany liked to come just as much as the next woman, dummy.
“But I am drowning, Chance, because you hate me.”
I didn’t miss the sadness in her tone. If only I could hate her, and yeah, I was furious because I couldn’t. I needed to release on someone my frustrations that were steadily growing. That someone was her, if I heeded Tommy’s advice. Oh, how I was going to heed his advice.
First, I circled the car again, coming to her side in an instant, just to smash my lips down on hers and bring her body flush with mine in a true collision that forced a groan from her. I wanted her to feel what I really felt for her, a lust so sharp it was cutting me in the deepest of places while making other parts protrude through my clothes. Mahogany latched onto my shoulders with both hands, parted her lips, and let me have my way with her mouth. When she got in her first swipe of her tongue across mine, I heard, “Go get a room goddamnit!”
I turned my head to Tommy, who was shouting and leaning out the opened door of his building, “My parking lot isn’t a hotel either by the way! Jesus, I didn’t need to see that while at work! Now, I need to call Kat because I got something for her! Thank you so not much, Chance!”
I chuckled. Tommy disappeared into the building. Mahogany was staring at me like I had two heads.
“What did I do to deserve that?” she gasped out finally.
“Being you.” The bane of my existence. Deceiving love of my life. Chosen but shouldn’t have been mother of my child who held all the special places of my heart that I couldn’t free of her no matter how hard I tried.
“Is that a good or bad thing, Chance?”
Needing distance, or I’d kiss her ruthlessly again, I abandoned her to open her own door while I crossed to mine, just to stand in between it and the car’s body. Resting both forearms on the roof, I was ready to be honest with her suddenly and I thanked Tommy for that.
“Both, Mahogany.”
She removed the food from the roof and muttered under her breath, “I figured that.”
“Did you figure that I’m angry with you because it feels impossible for me to let go like you did, too? And you know what else? I’m angry with me for the same damn reason.”
She opened her door. “I figured that too.”
“You did?”
She took one last look at me. “Yeah, and I’m going to help you with that.”
While I pondered if anyone could help me with that because I really wanted someone to, she got in the car and slammed the door shut. I hadn’t thought of one person who might could help me besides Mahogany by the time we arrived back at the hospital.