Four
Lena’s cheeks heated with embarrassment when she saw Alex in the solar. She’d made a fool of herself earlier, fleeing as she had after he’d grabbed her elbow. She’d hoped that enough time would have passed before she encountered him again that he would have forgotten just how peculiarly she’d behaved. It shouldn’t matter to her what he thought, but for some reason, it did. It was irrational, of course, but when he’d revealed that he was drawn to her and then told her he’d only wanted one dance before departing, she’d allowed her mind to drift and dream while dancing with him. She’d found herself wondering what she’d do if he wished to court her. Could she allow such a thing?
It was shocking to even entertain the notion. Her thoughts had frightened her, and then he’d gripped her elbow and she’d had the irrefutable answer to her unasked question: she could not tolerate a man’s touch, not even that of a man she trusted as much as she did Alex.
Despair swirled within Lena as she entered the solar. She could think of no reason except another marriage edict from the king that would send Iain to fetch her from the wedding festivities. Moreover, her brother had been accompanied by one of the king’s guards, and the man, Darius, had stayed close to Iain’s side, making it impossible for him to tell her what was occurring. But based on his dour expression, she did not think it could be good.
Though she was embarrassed to see Alex again, his presence gave her hope that mayhap this audience with King David was not about an impending marriage. Perchance she, Alex, and her brothers were going to be punished for disobeying the king’s orders when he’d previously demanded she be returned to Findlay. Her entire body tensed at just the thought of her dead husband, and that fact quickly flooded her with anger. Even dead he had power over her. When would it end? Would it ever?
She stole a glance at Alex from under her lashes, and when her eyes met his, she inhaled a sharp breath. The intense expression on his face as his gaze locked with hers sent her pulse skittering in a way she had never experienced before.
“Lena,” King David boomed, capturing her full attention. She drew her eyes to the king as he motioned her closer. He held out his hands, palms up, expecting her to place her hands in his, and waves of apprehension roiled through her. She could not. She simply could not bring herself to do as he bid. Her gaze darted wildly around the room, noting her brother’s puzzled frown and then Alex’s look of understanding. She was too fearful to be shamed.
Alex strode to the king and whispered in his ear. David immediately lowered his hands as a pitying expression flitted across his face. Heat singed Lena’s cheeks that the king should now know of her difficulties, but then again, mayhap he’d not force her to marry now, knowing that he’d be sentencing her and her future husband to an unhappy union.
“I’m nae a cruel man, Lena,” the king said slowly.
The little bit of hope she’d held that sympathy for her may stay his plans for her disappeared. She could hear the unspoken but in his sentence. “Of course nae, Yer Grace,” she murmured dutifully.
“I ken what ye suffered and yer plight now.”
“What plight?” Iain demanded.
“’Tis my own affair,” Lena answered, hoping it wouldn’t anger the king. But honestly, it was bad enough that Alex—and now the king—knew her fear; she did not want her brothers all knowing she could not tolerate a man’s touch, as well. They would worry, and they’d done quite enough of that.
“We shall let the lady share her secrets only with those she chooses,” the king pronounced, glancing between her and Alex with a contemplative look, as if there was more to why Alex knew of her dislike of a man’s touch besides his accidentally figuring it out. She wanted to correct any assumptions the king may have had, but she doubted it would make matters any better. “As I was saying,” King David continued, “I’m nae cruel, and I have sympathy. Because of this, I am giving ye a choice in who ye will marry, but ye must marry.”
The pronouncement left her speechless, in spite of the fact that she had suspected it would be forthcoming. She swallowed repeatedly, trying to find words, but they would not come. Instead, it felt as if a hand gripped her throat and was squeezing. Her heart raced, and sweat trickled down her back. Iain came to her side and squeezed her arm. “I vow it will all be fine.”
She could not even nod. She jerked as the king started speaking again, telling her of the Campbell’s petition to have her marry his nephew, Daro. The thought of being returned to the Campbell clan made her feel dizzy with anxiety. Then David spoke of his great respect for Iain, which she understood was the main reason the king was giving her a choice of husband at all and why he was willing to arrange such plans and then tell the Campbell laird his petition had come too late. It was her chance to save herself from going back to a clan that was twisted and cruel. She knew she should feel relief, but she only felt ill. How could she marry again? She could not. Yet, she had to.
“What say ye?” the king boomed, breaking through the panic rioting in her mind. “Which man will ye take as yer husband?”
Her throat was dry. Too dry so speak. Her breath and her words seemed to have solidified within her. She clenched her hands into fists until her nails sliced through the skin of her palms. She hissed in surprise, glancing down to see the deep, ruby marks on her pale skin. She looked up to find the king, Iain, and Alex staring at her. But it was Alex from whom she could not look away. His eyes burned with pain. She recognized it because she’d seen it in her own eyes.
The need to rescue Lena from such a choice almost drove Alex to his knees, yet he forced himself to remain silent. He could do nothing for her. She needed a husband to save her from the Campbells, and while she clearly abhorred the idea of marriage, David had presented good men.
He drank her in—wide cool-blue eyes, white-as-snow skin, a fearful expression yet proud stance and defiantly tilted chin. She did stir emotions in him, protective ones along with ones of gentleness, that no other woman had ever awakened. He felt the heat of a gaze on him, and he drew his focus away from Lena to find the king staring at him with a distinct smile of triumph.
What in God’s name…?
“I have thought of one more potential husband,” the king stated.
“Who would that be, Yer Grace?” Iain asked.
“Alex,” the king promptly answered.
Shock flew through Alex followed by the need to voice his disagreement, but when he caught Lena’s unguarded gaze, fragility flickered in her eyes. He could not offer himself. To do so would be saving her from one devil and giving her to another. He was not the man for her. He was not the tender man she needed. Those emotions, that part of him, was simply dead. And yet… How could he say no? He could not explain, and he feared she would think it was her he was rejecting.
“Unless, of course,” the king said, interrupting Alex’s thoughts, “marriage to Lena dunnae please ye, Alex.”
His chest tightened as he studied her. Her gaze was down toward her slippers, but with her hair pushed back over her shoulder, the flush covering her chest and neck was easily visible. Damn the king. His comments made it seem exactly as Alex feared—that he was rejecting Lena. His thoughts tumbled over one another, but there was no response that would not hurt Lena. If he said marriage to Lena would not please him, he’d hurt her and earn Iain’s ire. But if he married her, he had no doubt he’d hurt her in a different way and disappoint her.
Her small hands curled into fists once more, whether from embarrassment or fear of marrying him—or simply remarrying—he did not know for certain.
“Let me remind ye, Alex, yer land is mine to take away if I feel ye are nae faithful to me any longer.”
Seeing Lena flinch at the king’s words and what they suggested, Alex bit out, “Ye dunnae need to force my hand.” He didn’t give a damn about the land the king threatened to take, but he would rather die than make Lena believe she was not wanted, somehow sullied because of her past. He had to offer for her hand, but if she said yes, what then? He could not sleep in the same bed as Lena ever and risk one of his violent nightmares occurring.
“Alex!” the king boomed.
“Please, Sire,” Lena suddenly said, looking up. “He dunnae wish to be considered for marriage to one such as me.”
Alex cringed at her words. Such as her? The hurt in her voice cut him like a thousand daggers. “I’d be honored to have ye as my wife.” He prayed she did not think the words were spoken only out of fear of losing his land.
The wariness in her blue eyes made him twitch with anger at the king and Findlay Campbell. The woman had no notion how desirable she was. If Alex were a normal man, he’d have pursued her the day she had been returned to her family, but he was not like other men, at least not the ones he imagined were good husbands. But as he stared at her, he vowed to be the best man he could for her, and he prayed it would be enough. He took a breath and tried to settle the storm raging within him.
“If ye will have me, that is,” he said.
By the way Lena bit her lower lip, he supposed he had not succeeded in sounding pleased with the prospect of marriage. Damn his violent nightmares from his time with Gillis. And damn the way those memories had twisted him.
“What say ye, Lena?” King David asked. “Will ye marry Alex or shall I send a special messenger to bring one of the other warriors to us?”
Her gaze pierced Alex, making his breath catch in his chest. “I will nae make a good wife,” she said bluntly.
He admired her ability to be forthright and envied it. He was chained to his secrets for life, and sometimes the weight felt insufferable. He inhaled a long breath, fighting to calm the storm within him. He wanted more than anything to offer some sort of truth to her. “I’m certain I will nae make an acceptable husband,” he admitted aloud, “so it seems we are matched.”
She gave him a tight smile, though barely. Still, he’d claim it as a victory, knowing the perilous times that they would face because of the torture he suffered from Gillis. Her demons he would slay; his own were the ones he had no notion how to defeat. Yet, now that the path of marriage was set, he was determined to win her trust and ease her worries.
“Iain,” the king said, “Why dunnae ye accompany yer sister to prepare herself for the wedding?”
Lena gasped. “We’re to marry now?”
Alex winced at the trembling in her voice. No matter what desire she inspired in him, he would keep a tight restraint on it.
“Aye,” the king replied gruffly.
Lena clutched at her waist as if she was holding herself together.
“Lena can find her way to her bedchamber on her own,” Iain said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“I’m certain she’d rather have ye with her. Away,” the king said, and when Iain did not move, the king added, “I command it.”
Iain raked a questioning gaze over Alex. It was likely David wished to finish their conversation regarding the Steward, but Alex could offer no indication to Iain that he had any notion what the king might want. To do so would reveal information the king did not want known. So Alex shrugged, feeling much the betrayer to his oldest, most trusted friend.
The moment the door closed behind Iain and Lena, the king said, “I’ll declare at the wedding that I’m taking Cairnburgh Castle from ye for arguing with me over marrying Lena. It will seem ye are vexed with me for forcing ye to wed her.”
“Sire, there must be another way,” Alex ground out, hearing the anger in his own tone but not caring.
“Dunnae fash yerself, Alex. It is nae as if Cairnburgh is where ye live. I’m shocked a secondary estate even gives ye pause.”
“It’s nae the castle, Sire.”
“I’ll return the castle to ye the moment ye have discovered the traitors,” the king continued as if Alex had not spoken.
“I dunnae give a damn about the castle,” Alex growled. No one but his guards occupied it at the moment for training, and they could easily train at Duart, his main holding. “Ye will shame Lena if ye make such a proclamation.”
“I ken,” the king said, “and I’m sorry for it, but I feel certain ye will soothe her feelings and show her she has worth to ye.”
“But, Sire,” Alex began, not above pleading for Lena’s sake.
The king held up a staying hand. “It must be this way. I’ve reason to believe someone in the MacLeod clan is nae trustworthy, and if they believe ye to be unfaithful, as well, perchance they will approach ye. If things go well for us, they will reveal themselves before ye ride away, and then ye can use them, make them believe our deceit, so that they will vouch to my nephew that ye have broken with the MacLeods.”
Alex felt his mouth part. “I kinnae believe Iain and his brothers would nae be faithful to ye.”
“Nae one of the brothers,” the king said dismissively. “I would nae believe it, either, but it is best they dunnae ken the truth so that their real reactions help draw out the traitors. After I make the declaration, ye will storm away, taking Lena with ye. This will be the beginning of what will appear to be a breach between us. Go to Duart and send word to my nephew that ye wish to see him and join his cause.” The king speared him with a narrowed look. “I will have yer pledge on this, and if ye break it, I will have yer head.”
Alex clenched his teeth. “I give ye my pledge freely. Ye dunnae need to threaten to receive it.”
The king clapped Alex on the shoulder. “We are both tense,” David replied, his way of offering an apology without actually uttering the words. “Soon ye will seem a betrayer to all. Ye must remain strong.”
“Aye,” he replied, saying a silent prayer for himself, as well as Lena.