Carlene

The drive to Las Vegas the next day is long, and I’m more than familiar with excruciatingly long drives. Where I’m originally from, a drive to town is measured in hours, not minutes. A mere eight or ten hour drive is nothing.

Rome is also unusually quiet, which is making the trip seem almost unbearably long. Normally, our car trips are filled with chatter and laughter. Today, it’s more like stilted conversation filled with long periods of desolate silence. Very much like the barren landscape we’re driving through.

I know the uncomfortable silence is a direct result of what transpired last night. I figured he’d be either one of two things, overly talkative trying to compensate or quiet.

He’s gone with quiet, and I actually respect this more. To me, it means he’s hurting as much as I am. As much as neither of us are happy with the decision last night, surely we both know it’s right for us. How long would a relationship between us realistically last anyway?

A month, three, a year maybe?

I’m a lifetime kind of woman.

This is an interlude—fun.

An escape from the real life I’ll get back to when I head home in a few days.

The Mustang eats up the miles as we drive on and on. Neither of us has spoken for what seems like hours. The only connection between us is my left hand on his thigh, and his hand snugly holding it in place.

This is another thing I’ve missed. The casual contact, the intimacy of having someone to share my life with. Even if I now realize how cold my relationship with Phillip truly was, at least I wasn’t alone. One thing I’ve learned over the last eighteen months is life can get very lonely, even if you don’t realize it so much.

The property made me strong and resilient. It also made me comfortable in spending vast amounts of time in my own company. Doesn’t mean I prefer to be by myself.

Rome isn’t the answer to my loneliness. But my problems are more than just loneliness. I have to go home and figure out my next move. I need to find myself and start again. Figure out what is important to me and do it. Right now isn’t the time to make life-changing decision based on feelings that are likely not real beyond the time and the place.

“You’re thinking too much over there.”

“Habit, I guess. I just wish I had more answers.”

“Maybe you’re not asking the right questions?”

“Maybe.”

I’m not going to tell him, I didn’t trust my own feelings at the moment. He’s the sort of man who could easily cloud a woman’s judgement. It’s his trade, and I’d be a fool to forget this. I won’t let myself; forgetting would just open me up to a world of hurt and self-deprecation when it all ended.

“Have you thought any further on what you want to do when you go back?”

“Not really, I’m just more confident now. I know I’ll make the right decision when the time comes. I guess what I’ve realized is, fate has handed me a gift of financial freedom. I don’t have to do anything. I’m going to think long and hard about what I actually want to do, and if it takes a bit more time to decide, then so be it.”

He glances at me from across in his seat before returning his eyes to the long straight road. The reds and browns of the desert are our ever-constant companions, ironically just like when I lived in the outback.

“I’m pleased for you, Carlene. You and I both know, there’s not a lot of things worse than worrying about how you’re going to pay your bills.”

It’s a life experience we both have in spades. We’ve both been to Hell and back over finances.

“Is it why you keep doing what you do?” I didn’t mean to ask this particular question. It just kind of flopped out, and now I’ve asked it, I can’t take it back and I’m not unhappy about it.

Rome looks uncomfortable. “I don’t talk about this, Carlene.”

I feel a little chastised. “You don’t have to answer, Rome. You said yourself you had told me stuff you’d never told another client, and I guess I was curious.”

I watch him visibly flinch at the word “client.”

“You’re more than a client, Carlene. It may have started like out that way, but we both know we’re now friends.”

Friends who fuck…

And I almost wish we’re just client and service provider once again. Somehow, being friends blurs the lines into uncomfortable territory.

I wonder what friends really means.

Silence settles between us for another few minutes.

“Are you planning any more trips?”

Am I? I’ve thought about it, but thinking is as far as I’ve gotten. This is my maiden voyage. This trip has been about popping my travel cherry.

“I’d like to travel through Europe. Have you ever been?”

He nods. “Yeah, I’ve seen a lot of it. You’d love Scotland and Wales. Of course, Paris is something to be experienced. There’s so many things over there you’d love and it’s very different from here. Scenery is different, people are different, food is different.”

“Sounds like something I need to look more into. There’s also a lot of other places here I’d like to see. Plus, I’d love to go to Canada.”

He takes a long sideways look at me. The road is straight and all but deserted. “Why don’t you think about staying on, if you’ve got nothing pressing to go back to?”

For a few brief seconds, I entertain the idea. I could. There is really no reason I have to head home. But if I stay, what does that mean? Will Rome accompany me? I’m sure he would, particularly if I paid him to.

Foolish.

I’d just be prolonging the agony more. No, I’m going to stick to my plans.

“I’ve got a few appointments and things I need to take care of. This trip was only ever about two weeks and seeing how I felt about the whole travel thing. If I want to come back, I can. It’s not as if there is anything stopping me at home.”

“I’d love to show you around some more.” He doesn’t hesitate, and I’d swear, I heard hope in his voice.

“Maybe,” I whisper.

And I know it’s a lie, even as it leaves my lips.

I’d love it too, but I can’t lead him on. It’s not who I am. There’s no way I could spend another trip with him like this. If I can’t have him fully then I’m better not being around him at all. It hurts too much.

He’s given me so many amazing experiences, and in return, he’s taken my heart, whether I’ve let him know it or not.

Rome

Vegas is a welcome sight. The crazy vibe of Sin City immediately helps replace the awkwardness with something to talk about, explore, and enjoy.

I’ve been to Vegas more times than I can remember, and each time, it’s the same. A complete assault on the senses. Vegas is unique. It’s layer upon layer of every type of sensory stimulation, visual, audio, taste, smell.

Vegas, she can be seductive, trashy, bold, crazy, and about every emotion rolled into one.

And Carlene’s reaction is right about as I would have predicted—a reserved curiosity.

“Wow, it’s insane,” is what she says as we drive down the strip to reach our hotel.

“It’s certainly is,” I agree.

We settle into yet another luxury suite. Only this one is decidedly bolder than the rest we’ve shared. And that is Vegas. Bigger, brighter, bolder than anywhere or anything else.

I race through showering and dressing while Carlene relaxes with a glass of wine and unpacks whatever she wants to. As she gets ready, I check my emails and voicemail.

A message from Patrick says everything is fine legally with Jayden. The news from Roxie is not so good. She’s had him come around drunk and making a dick of himself.

I move through into the sitting room and place a call to Roxie.

“Hey, Rome.”

“Hey Rox. What happened?”

I hear her let out a pissed off sigh. “Jayden showed up here a few hours ago, high as a kite and full of bad manners.”

“Fuck,” I snarl. “Little shit.”

A light chuckle comes through the phone. “I said much worse. He needs an attitude readjustment. Ungrateful, motherfucking…” Yep, he’s pissed Roxie off—a lot. If I let her get on a roll, she’ll bawl him out for days. She’s never been a fan, and on reflection, I have to agree with her. Certainly, in this case, she’s a better judge of character than me.

“I get the picture.”

“I just don’t get what you saw in him?”

I’d seen many things. I’d seen desperation, potential, an engaging warmth. Unfortunately for all his positive traits, there has turned out to be as many unsavory ones. Greed, disrespect, arrogance, are just a few which immediately spring to mind, particularly under the influence.

“Do I really need to answer that question, Rox?”

“Nope, I already know the answer. You saw a bit of you in him. But, let me tell you, Rome, he’s nothing like you.”

She’s right and wrong. Yes, I do see some similarities between us, for sure. I’ve also wanted to do something positive for Jayden. I figured it was my turn to return the favor and give a guy in a jam a leg up. Pay it forward or however it goes. Only now I fear, I’ve created a monster and taken his life down a path he’ll never recover from.

“No, he’s not.” My voice is quiet and tarnished with the guilt I feel.

“Anton was here, and he got rid of him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he comes back, though. He was looking for you. Said he wanted to talk about things.”

I wonder to his state of mind. I don’t think I could have been clearer as to how I felt in our last conversation.

“I’ll be home soon, and I’ll meet with him then, if he wants.”

“Why would you bother? You don’t owe him anything?” The tone of her voice says it all. She thinks I’m an idiot for even trying.

“You’re right. I don’t owe him anything, but I still feel responsible. I introduced him to the path he’s on.”

“Yeah, and he was too fucking greedy and stupid to make it work…” she says it more to herself than me.

“That’s probably true but still...”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. But he doesn’t deserve you, Rome. No one else would give a flying fuck about him.”

“That maybe so, but it doesn’t make it right.”

“Whatever, as long as you can sleep at night.”

“Exactly.”

“Speaking of sleeping at night, how are things going with your Aussie?”

“Fine.” My voice sounds stiff and sharp even to me.

“That good? What happened? I thought she was the dream client from what you’d said.”

“She is…” I’d just gone and broken all the rules.

Roxie is silent for a moment. Then I hear her sharp intake of breath.

“Ahh fuck, you’ve gone and fallen in love with her, haven’t you?” Her whispered voice echoes around me with shock.

God, the woman knows me too well.

“Don’t be stupid. I know the rules.” My answer is automatic and one I’ve given and received thousands of times.

“It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“I’m not in love with Carlene. We’re friends, nothing more.”

She lets out a cynical laugh. “Just admit the truth, Rome. Friends in this game might as well have the same distinction as a long-term relationship in any other life. We don’t do friends.”

“None of it matters. I’ll be dropping her at the airport in a few days, and she’ll be heading back home to Australia.”

“If you say so.”

I can imagine the skeptical, smug look on her face as she said that. Fantastic, I now have Roxie up in my business to look forward to when my time with Oz is up.

I hear the hairdryer switch off in the bathroom. Carlene is almost finished getting ready, and I’m done with Roxie picking apart my fragile sanity.

“I do say so. Look, I’ve got to go. We’re heading out in a few moments, and I’ve a couple of things to do.”

“Okay, I’ll let you go.”

“Thanks, Rox. I’ll talk to you soon.”

I’m about to remove the phone from my ear when I hear her.

“Sooner or later, it happens to us all, Rome.”

I swipe the call away. I don’t want to know or hear more, least of all acknowledge her words.

In just a moment, I have to step back into character and play the perfect gentleman. Why does a persona I previously wore like a cloak, suddenly feel like a leaden weight around my shoulders?