Chapter Fifteen
AS SOON AS they were in the car, Sarah texted Dixie to check on the kids, and then she took one of the notebooks Bones had given her out of her purse and began writing, leaving him to wonder what she wanted to talk about. Had the shelter been too difficult for her after all?
“You’re writing again,” he said.
“Mm-hm. The women I met inspired me.”
“In a good way?”
“Mm-hm.”
She was quiet the rest of the way home as she wrote. Every once in a while she’d close her eyes for a moment, then put pen to paper again. Bones stole glances, enjoying the determined set of her brow, the way she wrinkled her nose, pressing harder with the pen and then smiling and writing with faster, lighter strokes. Whatever had happened in there had definitely struck a chord—or several. They stopped by the restaurant to pick up dinner, and only then did he realize that maybe she said she wanted to talk because it was easier to say that than to say she wanted to jump his bones.
Now, there’s a thought.
When he returned to the car with their dinner, she looked up with a troubled expression and said, “I just realized I probably sounded ungrateful about dinner, and it was rude of me to write instead of paying more attention to you. I’m so nervous. I’m sorry if you preferred to eat at the restaurant.”
He reached across the console for her hand and kissed the back of it. “Don’t be sorry for wanting time alone with me.”
He drove through town as she wrote, and as he turned down the narrow lane toward his house, Sarah tucked the notebook back into her purse and looked around as if she’d been too lost in her writing to recognize where they were. He took the left at the fork in the road that led toward his house, where they’d turned right to go to the marina the other night. A few minutes later, the woods gave way to his long driveway and a view of his house, sitting high up on a bluff.
Sarah gazed silently out the window as he drove up the driveway, and when the edge of the bluff came into focus, the endless sea spilled out before them. Moonlight danced on the rippling water, and Sarah said, “I didn’t know you lived on the water. This is gorgeous, and so private. If I lived here, I’d spend all my time staring and daydreaming.”
He’d known the minute he’d seen the spacious home with the wide wraparound porch and stone front that it was where he was meant to live.
The motion-sensor lights came on outside the multicar garage where he kept his bike and truck, and the third bay door opened. Bones let the car idle in the driveway for a moment, not wanting to deprive Sarah of the view. He parked the car, and as he helped her out, he realized he’d been sure of three things in his life—that this house was meant for him, that he was meant to be a doctor, and that he and Sarah belonged together.
He grabbed the bags from the restaurant and then they headed inside. “What do you daydream about?” he asked.
“I don’t know. When I was younger I dreamed about finding a better life. But now…” She shrugged and took her shoes off by the door. She slid her socked toes along the dark hardwood that ran throughout the first floor and said, “I like your house. Bradley would probably make this into a sock-skating rink.”
He winced as he set the bags on the counter, remembering her boy’s stair rides. “I am sorry for letting him slide down the stairs.” The main living space had vaulted ceilings, with the living room, dining room, and kitchen bleeding into one another. It would make an awesome sock-skating ring. But as much as he loved his home and it had always felt right being there, ever since he’d met Sarah and her children, it had felt like something was missing.
“That’s okay. Nobody got hurt, and I’m probably too overprotective sometimes. I want to be the best mother I can, and while I trust you to catch him at the bottom of the stairs, I don’t really trust myself to catch him in my current condition.”
“Then it’s best that he not do it at all,” he said as she walked into the dining room.
She ran her fingers over the edge of the dining room table. “Are you sure you live alone? It looks like you’re going to host all of Peaceful Harbor or feed an army.” She began counting the chairs around the table. “But maybe you’re just ready for Thanksgiving?”
“There are twelve chairs, and the table extends to seat twenty,” he explained. “My parents have always hosted holidays at their house because they have the room. When I furnished the house, I realized our family has grown to include Tru and Gemma and their kids; Quincy; Crystal and her brother, Jed; Finlay, and her sister, Penny; and of course Izzy is Finlay’s best friend and has become like a sister to us, so we can’t leave her out.” He smiled and said, “It’s a good thing I went big, because now we have the lovely Beckleys joining us for Thanksgiving, too.”
“You’re amazing. You’re one guy and you plan for everyone else.”
“Family, darlin’.” They walked into the living room, and he said, “At the end of the day, family is what it’s all about.”
“That’s what I want to instill in my children. Kindness, love, and the importance of being there for one another.” Her gaze trailed up the stairs to the loft that ran the length of the house. “Your house belongs in a magazine.”
“It’s nice, but the only thing that makes it magazine worthy is seeing you in it.”
She wandered through the living room, checking out the fireplace and bookshelves. “Smooth, Dr. Whiskey. What’s upstairs?”
“Three more bedrooms, and I speak the truth, Ms. Beckley.”
“Ms. Beckley makes me feel old, whereas Dr. Whiskey is sexy. So, tell me, Dr. Whiskey, are there bedrooms down here, too?”
Damn, he loved the way she snuck sexiness into the conversation. He wondered if she even realized she was doing it. “A guest bedroom and my office are back there.” He pointed to the hallway adjacent to the sofa.
She ran her fingers along the back of the couch, walking slowly from one end to the other. “You like leather.”
“I do.” He wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her neck. “After you have the baby, I’ll buy you a leather jacket and leather pants so you can ride my bike with me.”
She craned her neck to the side, giving him better access. “You think you’ll still like me after I pop out this little one? Fair warning, that means more puke, dirty diapers, and for me, sleepless nights and probably even more stretch marks.”
He nibbled on her ear. “Mm. Sounds perfect.”
“You’re a sick man,” she said with a sweet laugh. “I’ve never ridden a motorcycle. You’ll have to teach me.”
“I’ll teach you how to ride.” He turned her in his arms, sliding his hand down her back to her ass. She had a great ass, a delicious neck, and an enchanting mind that blew him away. “But maybe we should start with something simpler.”
“Like…?” Her eyes darkened as he held her tighter against him.
He’d been careful with Sarah, taking things slow, but lately when they kissed, when they touched, she was as aggressive as he was. Tonight he wasn’t going to hold back. He hadn’t been with another woman since they met, and he was wound as tight as a rocket ready for takeoff. He dipped his head beside her ear and whispered, “Like riding your man.”
She stilled, staring wordlessly into his eyes. Silence stretched between them for so long, he wondered if he’d completely misread her. He opened his mouth to apologize, and she put her finger over his lips, shushing him.
“I think we should eat and talk and then see if you still feel the same way afterward.”
He slipped her finger into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it, loving the way her eyes darkened and her lips parted. He pulled her finger from his mouth and pressed a kiss to her palm. “Anything you want, darlin’. But nothing will change how much I want you.”
“Can you give me that in writing?” she asked as they made their way into the kitchen. “In blood, please?”
“I don’t sign in blood. But my word is worth its weight in orgasms.” He tugged her back into his arms, earning a smile.
“Be serious.”
“I am serious.” He kissed her then, slowly and longingly, until she went soft in his arms. “Let’s eat and talk. After you’re done stripping for me as an apology for not believing my feelings are real, I can devour you for dessert.”
She froze, eyes wide, mouth closed.
He brushed his lips over her cheek and said, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. You don’t owe me anything.” When the tension in her body didn’t ease, he said more seriously, “I was kidding. I want to hear what you have to say, but the desire to love every inch of your gorgeous body, to cherish you the way you deserve to be worshipped, will still be there after we talk even if we don’t act on it.”
She pressed her hand over her heart and said, “Now that there’s zero chance of me thinking straight…”
“Come on, let’s get dinner. Maybe if you’re well fed you’ll find your rational brain.” He reached into the bag and then realized what he’d said. “Actually, you finding your rational brain won’t work in my favor, will it?”
“If you keep looking at me like I’m Little Red Pregnant Sexpot and you’re the Big Bad Wily Wolf, we’ll skip talking, go straight to naughty stuff, and then we’ll have to start all over on our next date.”
He waggled his brows.
“No,” she said adamantly. “We have to talk.”
“That sounds ominous,” he said as they dished their dinner onto plates—roasted vegetables, salmon, rice, and whipped sweet potatoes.
“Just…let’s eat. This smells amazing,” she said appreciatively, but it was shadowed by the weight of whatever she wanted to talk about.
“So do you.” He winked and pulled a bottle of iced tea out of his fridge. “Gluten free. Okay?”
“Sounds great, thank you.”
He patted her ass and kissed her again, before pouring them each a glass of tea. “Do you want to eat at the table or out on the veranda? I’ve got a fireplace, blankets, and—”
He reached for her, but she slipped away, carrying the plates and walking quickly toward the back door. “Outside. Forget the fire. I need air. Cold, cold air.”
Bones followed her out. He lowered the bamboo blinds on the sides of the veranda, leaving the view of the water unimpeded while blocking the wind. He dimmed the recessed lights and said, “Sure you don’t want a fire? It’ll only take a few minutes.”
“First, I’m certain, because every time you look at me I get hot all over. And second, you’re making me feel spoiled, going to all this trouble.”
He draped a blanket over the extra chair and sat beside her at the table. “It might feel like being spoiled because you’ve never been adored. It’ll be my pleasure to teach you the difference.”
“I’ve never been taken care of like this,” she said a little uncomfortably.
She pushed her food around on the plate, which made him wonder if he’d totally misread her. He took her fork and set it beside her plate, then scooted his chair closer and took her hands in his, gaining her full attention. “Sarah, I’m sorry if I misread you earlier. I thought talk was code for fool around.”
“I do want to fool around,” she said a little too quickly.
He cocked a brow, knowing there was more. “Maybe so, but did something happen at the shelter that you want to talk about?”
“Not really at the shelter.” Her face became inescapably troubled. “At first,” she said softly, “I had a bit of a panic attack when I tried to talk to Tracey. But I got over that pretty quickly.” She curled her fingers around his.
“You should have asked Sunny to get me. I hate that you went through that alone. What brought it on, being at the shelter?”
“I think so, just bad memories. I wasn’t expecting it, so my reaction surprised me, but then I realized I wasn’t around people who wouldn’t understand what I’d gone through. And I wasn’t alone in that shelter, facing my own awful life, like I was all those years ago. That made it easier to get out from under the panic. Tracey and the other women had gone through just as much as I had, and talking with them helped me to be able to talk to you about what I need to.”
Her beautiful eyes took a slow stroll over his face. “A few months ago, I didn’t know people like you and your family and friends existed. I knew there were good people in the world, like Susan, Reagan, and a few more, but they’re not like you. Trusting is hard for me, as you know, so I hope you will forgive me for not telling you everything the other night.”
“Sarah, you don’t know everything about me and my family yet. It could take years to get there, and that’s okay. We have plenty of time.”
“But what I have to say might not be okay. And I can’t take years to tell you because the guilt of not telling you is eating away at me.”
“You can tell me anything,” he reassured her.
“I want to believe you. I’m just not sure where to start—at the things I’m most ashamed of, or the parts that led me here, which I’m also ashamed of.”
He had no words to soothe the pain in her voice, so he did the one thing he knew he needed and hoped it would help her, too. He wrapped his arm around her and held her, breathing her in as she clung to him.
“Can I just stay right here and never tell you the truth?” she whispered.
“Sure, darlin’.” He held her for a long time before drawing back and gazing deeply into her eyes. “You need to do what feels right to you, because your babies need your attention, and there’s no room for guilt or shame when raising children.”
“‘As long as we’re honest with ourselves, shame has no place in our lives,’” she said, eyes trained on her lap as if she’d said it to herself.
“Sunny shared my thoughts?”
“She did, and she was so nice and easy to talk to. I really like her.” Her gaze flicked out at the water, around the room, to the table, looking everywhere except at him.
He placed his hand over hers and said, “There’s no pressure to tell me anything. Being honest with yourself doesn’t mean exposing your secrets to others.”
“But…” She finally looked at him. “If you met a guy who was reminding you of all the hopes and dreams you had as a young girl and made them seem possible, the dreams that helped you survive a horrible time, wouldn’t you want to be honest with him?”
Bones got a little choked up knowing he did that for her and tried to lighten her worries. “If I met a guy who did those things, I’d have to rethink my entire world. But the fact is, I met a woman who is doing that to me on a daily basis. A woman whose children feel like an extension of myself. So yes, I’m trying to work up the courage to be completely honest with you, too.”
“You haven’t been honest with me?” she asked carefully.
“I haven’t lied, but we all have things that have been buried deep for so long, it’s difficult to separate the decayed memories from the truth.”
“I WISH MY memories would decay until they disappeared completely,” Sarah said, trying to ignore the mounting apprehension making her hands sweat. It was unfair that she’d had awful parents, that her brother had had to leave, and that she and Josie had lost touch. So much of her life felt unfair, and she finally had a chance at something real and wonderful, but she had to spill her shitty life on this, too. How much ugliness must she wade through to prove herself worthy of happiness?
“People shouldn’t grow up with only bad memories,” she finally said, frustrated with everything—the oppression of her secrets, the unfairness of life, and the reality that Bones might walk away from her, ending the only good relationship she’d ever had. “The truth is…” Her tone was a little too angry, and she forced herself to rein it in. “Until we moved here, most of my memories were pretty awful. I told you about working in a salon and eventually meeting Lewis, but what I didn’t tell you was that living on a shampoo girl’s salary was impossible or that Reagan had worked as a dancer at a nightclub and she suggested I join her.” Shame formed a cold knot in her stomach.
“A dancer…” he repeated, jaw tight. He sat up a little straighter, putting a fraction of space between them.
Although she tried not to react, her heart sank, but she forced herself to go on. “I fought it at first, but after almost two years of eating only one or two meals a day because I had no money for groceries, I gave it a try. It seemed like an easy gig, you know? A few hours a night, however often I wanted to work. I earned more in one night than I did all week as a shampoo girl. Although I kept that job too, because when I started dancing, I realized I needed to save every penny to pay for cosmetology school so one day I wouldn’t have to keep dancing. And honestly, it made me feel like I wasn’t such a loser to have something normal and acceptable in my life. I could pretend during the day that I wasn’t”—stripping sounded too awful to say out loud—“taking off my clothes at night.”
Her voice wavered, but she needed to go on or she’d never get it all out. “I’m so ashamed of what I did, Bones. My parents called me all sorts of things growing up—slut, whore, worthless tramp—and what did I do?” Tears spilled from her eyes. “I went out and proved them right. I took off my clothes for money because I had no idea what else to do to keep a roof over my head—”
Sobs stole her voice, and she turned away, curling into herself as shame and sadness racked her body. She heard him moving and opened her eyes. He was kneeling in front of her. Through the blur of tears, she saw anguish in his eyes. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the crest of her belly before cradling her face and touching his warm lips to hers.
“It’s okay, darlin’.”
“I’m sorry,” she cried, tears tumbling down her cheeks.
“No, sweetheart. Don’t apologize for doing what was necessary to survive.” He brushed her tears away with his thumbs. “You were so young, you should have been fragile, but you went into this big world alone and kicked its ass.”
“But I’m so ashamed,” she said between sobs. “I didn’t even know how to dance, much less strip. I had never even kissed a boy, and trying to act sexy did not come easily for me. I’m not sure I ever got it right. If it weren’t for Reagan I probably would have been fired. And not that it makes a difference but, although I was topless, I wore a G-string. And those awful high heels? I had blisters that didn’t heal for weeks, and at first I even stumbled onstage. I must have looked ridiculous.”
He brushed away more tears. “I bet that innocence earned you even bigger tips.”
Taken off guard by his levity, she smiled.
“Seriously, though,” he said steadily. “Did anyone hurt you? That can be a rough crowd.”
She shook her head. She’d been hurt plenty, but not while stripping. “They were strict about the no-touching policy. Apparently touching can be considered prostitution, or at least that’s what they said. I never slept around or anything like that, in case you’re wondering.”
“I’m not wondering.”
She looked at him disbelievingly.
“If this was what you were worried about, don’t be. If anything, it makes me realize you’re even stronger than I imagined.”
“I’m not strong, Bones, and there’s more.” More tears came as she thought about how weak she’d been. She hated feeling like every step forward brought her two steps back.
“Lay it on me,” he said with a hint of irritation in his voice, “because I think you’re wrong. Nothing you could ever say would make me believe you were weak.”
“Trust me, I’m not wrong. When you hear about my life with Lewis, you’ll understand how weak I really was.” Panic swept through her as it had earlier. She inhaled several deep breaths, blowing them out slowly, reminding herself that talking about Lewis wasn’t going to draw Lewis to her.
Bones leaned closer, but she held out her hand, stopping him. “I’m okay. It’s just bad memories. Let me get it out.”
He took her hand, watching her intently. “I’m not letting go. In fact…” He rose to his feet, bringing her up beside him, and strode to the couch. Then he sat down, plunked her onto his lap, and wrapped his arms around her. “Okay, darlin’. Whenever you’re ready. Tell me about life with the asshole who I already want to slaughter.”
Another wave of emotions flooded her. She was used to scaling rocky uphill roads, but Bones brought an onslaught of positive emotions even more powerful than the roughness she’d lived with for so long.
“I met him at the club,” she said shakily. “He was a regular customer. He’d show up a few times a week, then disappear for a week or two, then come in again. He was nice to me, and he tipped well, flirted all the time. He used to hang around and talk with me after work. I was young. I had no real experience with guys, and I made the mistake of telling him that, which I know now he used to his advantage.”
He held her tighter, eyes narrowing.
“I’m not a victim, Bones. I was just stupid, and he was—”
“Preying on a young, frightened girl,” he ground out between clenched teeth.
She sighed. “Okay, that’s fair.” And true, even if she didn’t want to come across as a victim. She knew what victims looked like, and later in their relationship, she became much more of a victim. “But it didn’t feel that way at the time. It felt like he was paying attention to me, not the stripping, not anything other than me.”
Her throat thickened, and he pressed a kiss to her arm. “I was looking at him through rose-colored glasses, seeing only what I wanted to see. He was a good-looking guy, and he wasn’t gawking at all the other girls—he looked at me. That felt huge back then, even though I realize how pathetic it sounds now. I was only twenty, but in the world of dating, I was probably more like seventeen. The flirting went on for a few weeks. One night he asked me to go back to his place, and he said all the right things to make me feel special. Now I know they were stupid lines, but not as stupid as the ones I usually heard at work, which were poorly veiled offers of cash for sex. He was smarter than that. He played on my emotions, telling me he wanted to show me what it was like to be with a man who knew how to treat a woman.” She shifted on his lap. “You’re holding me too tight.”
“Sorry,” he said sharply, visibly trying to regain control. “I’m sorry, Sarah,” he said in a gentler tone. “This is hard to listen to. But I need to know what you’ve gone through.”
“So you know how badly to pummel him?” She arched a brow, needing a break in the tension.
He threaded his fingers into her hair and drew her in for a tender kiss. Then he brushed his lips along her cheek and said, “So I know how passionately I need to love you to wash away the memories of him.”
Lord. How would she survive this man’s goodness?
“And how hard to pound his ass,” he ground out. “Go on, darlin’. I need to hear this.”
She leaned into him, borrowing his strength. “Anyway, he wasn’t too rough that night, and the next time it was better, and things kind of went on like that for a while. He’d come to the club, give me all of his attention, and sometimes we’d go to his place after my shift. He told me he’d grown up with just his father, and he’d inherited his house when his father died. And his father had been an alcoholic and mean when he was drunk. Lewis said he never wanted to be like him, so I thought we had something in common. It didn’t matter that my parents weren’t drinkers; abuse was abuse, right?”
He nodded, teeth clenched.
“He was a pharmaceutical sales rep. I had no idea what that was when I met him. It seemed like a whole different glamorous world. He traveled a lot, which explained the weeks away. And the way he threw money around at the club, it seemed like he was doing well. I told him I’d saved money for cosmetology school, and he suggested that I move in with him. He said he didn’t want me to strip anymore and that I could go to school. I had saved a lot of money, but you know what the funny thing was? No matter how much money was in the bank—and I had more than I could dream of—I never felt like I was on solid ground. I always felt like I needed to save more, just in case.”
“That’s understandable after all you’d gone through.”
“I guess,” she said. “I thought his invitation meant that he cared about me, but not long after I moved in I realized that wasn’t the case. Or maybe he did at first on some level, but he never treated me like you do, or even like you treated me before we started going out. Until the night on your boat, I’d never been on a real date.”
He cleared his throat, and she knew he was trying to push past his anger, because every muscle in his body was taut. “What was your life like with him?”
She thought about that for a moment before answering. “It was so many things, it’s hard to describe. At first it was all so new, his attention, having a real house to live in instead of a rundown room. I enrolled in school the next semester, and it was exciting. I had this new life, and we weren’t in love, but he made me feel worth spending time with. I was so enamored with it all, I didn’t see the signs that were right in front of me. Maybe I didn’t care because what I had was so much more than I had ever had before. I had no basis of comparison for our relationship, and suddenly a guy didn’t want me to strip, he was supportive of my going to school, and he even helped me buy a used car. I had enough money to buy it outright, but he pitched in a few hundred dollars.”
“Big spender,” Bones said sarcastically.
“When you’re used to fighting for every penny, a five-dollar bill feels bigger than life.”
“I know,” he relented. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I thought he wanted more with me. A life. He traveled a lot, so I got busy building a life. I went through school, and then I got pregnant with Bradley, and that’s when I started noticing just how often he came home late or didn’t come home at all. We lived in his childhood home, which he’d inherited when his father died. At first I thought it was great living so far outside the city. A fresh start and all that. But then I became lonely, which wasn’t something I’d experienced before. I’d never known what it was like to live with a man or have a man trying to win me over, and once I did, and I was out of school, working and playing house, I missed it. He said I was just being needy and I had no frame of reference, so…” She shrugged.
“That’s not needy, Sarah,” he said adamantly. “I hope you know that now. When you’re in a relationship with someone, you should be able to take certain things for granted, like the fact that they’ll put you before everything else. That they’ll come home at night. Family first. Always.”
Tears burned in her eyes again. “I think that’s the Whiskey way, but in my world, you guys are unique.”
“You’re in my world now, and you can take me for granted.” He embraced her and said, “What happened after Bradley was born?”
“Lewis didn’t want me to work, so I stayed home, which was what I’d wanted, too. I wanted to be with my baby. But then things changed. I was exhausted, and Lewis hated dirty diapers, the messes babies made, the crying. Most of the time I slept on a cot in Bradley’s room because he was colicky and Lewis would get upset if he was woken up. When Bradley started sleeping through the night, things seemed okay again. And then I got pregnant with Lila, and he came home even less. After Lila was born, I was busy with two babies, and I knew our relationship wasn’t good, but I had a roof over my head and children to care for. I thought I had my priorities straight. Keep them healthy, safe, and loved. If I was unhappy with Lewis, it didn’t matter. I’d chosen my lot in life, but they were dealt it.”
Bones caressed her hand and said, “Please don’t ever doubt that you’re an amazing mother.”
“I don’t know about amazing, but I know I’m a good mother. My children are my heart and soul, and there is nothing—nothing—I won’t do for them.” Images of the nights leading up to her leaving rushed back to her, and she struggled to push them away.
“That was when the real nightmare started. Lewis and his friend got into a car accident. They were both drunk. Lewis wasn’t driving, but he’d gotten banged up pretty badly, broken ribs, a crushed cheekbone, and a fractured foot. He got hooked on pain meds and lost his job. Things escalated from there. I’d never taken drugs, or even drank, so I had no idea he was using. I thought he was angry all the time because of his injuries and the babies, but it went on for months. I was sleeping in the kids’ room again, because he got so upset when Lila woke up. I found out too late that he’d blown through every penny of his savings and then taken my debit card and cleaned out my account, too. One day he said a friend was picking up my car because it was making a noise and he was going to fix it. Well, it turned out he sold my car for drug money. I was stuck with no money, no car, two babies, and a drug-addicted boyfriend.”
“Jesus, Sarah,” he said through gritted teeth. “Is that when you left?”
“How could I? We lived forty miles outside town, I had no friends to come get me, no money for a cab, and there were no buses. But it got worse. One day this woman showed up at the house with a suitcase full of his clothes. She called me all sorts of names, and that’s when I realized he’d been spending time with other women. Duh, right? It should have dawned on me sooner, but I don’t think I wanted to see it. After he came home from wherever he got his drugs, I waited until the kids were in bed, and I confronted him about her. We fought, and he swore he hadn’t seen her since Bradley was born. I didn’t believe him, and things escalated. He threw me against a wall, and forced himself on me, supposedly showing me he wasn’t lying.” She put her hand over her belly.
Bones made a sound somewhere between a growl and a groan. He put both hands on her belly and then he kissed it. When his eyes met hers, his restraint was evident. “I’m going to kill him.”
She shook her head, tears sliding down her cheeks. “He’s not worth it.”
“He’s not getting anywhere near your children, Sarah. Not ever. Please tell me that’s when you left.”
She shook her head, remembering the weeks in between. “I couldn’t. I didn’t have a penny. It was eight weeks later when I was finally able to leave. He’d had a party, and when everyone passed out, I took their drug money, the keys from one of the guy’s cars, and I left with nothing more than the clothes on my back, my babies, and a handful of diapers.”
She swiped at her tears, but they just kept coming. “It was, like, three in the morning. I drove to the salon where Reagan had worked and waited until they opened. She was gone, so I went to the place where we danced, but it had been so many years, she was gone from there, too. The manager took pity on me and made some calls. He found out she was dancing at another club about an hour away. I found her and she let me stay with her and her brother. I didn’t even know she had a brother. He helped me ditch the car, and as I told you, he connected me with Reggie Steele, the PI who tracked down Scott and then figured out where Josie was working. I didn’t know I was pregnant until three weeks after I left. I was spotting but never really got my period, so I went to a clinic.”
“Jesus, fuck.” His fists clenched and his chest puffed out. “Baby, your life is never going to be like that again. Not ever. That’s a promise. Whether you stay with me or not, I’ll never allow anyone to hurt you again.”
“You make me want to believe in us, but you’re not thinking this through. Or you’ve forgotten the first part that I told you about. The stripping.” She looked down at his strong hands wrapped tightly around her, and it broke her heart to say, “You’re a highly respected doctor, someone the whole community looks up to. What will they think if they find out you’re dating a girl who used to be a stripper? It wasn’t just for a month or two. I did it for a few years. It wasn’t a blip on my radar, or an accident I didn’t see coming, and I was in Baltimore. That’s not that far from here, and our clientele was pretty upscale, so you never know…”
“I should give a damn what someone else thinks why, exactly?” he said in a low voice taut with anger.
“Because it could affect your job, your relationships.”
He drew in a deep breath, as if he were trying to tamp down the anger revealed in his flaring nostrils. “People come to me for my expertise as a physician. If they’re asinine enough to forgo the best damn oncologist in the area because you did what you had to in order to survive, fuck them. There’s not a person on this earth I’d allow to talk shit about you. You never have to worry about that.”
“Bones—”
“No, Sarah. I’m not adamant about many things, but this isn’t something you should spend another second worrying about. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. I care about you and the kids. In all my years, I’ve never felt what I feel for you. From the first time we met, I’ve been drawn to everything about you, and in the weeks since, those feelings have deepened tenfold. I’m done trying to hide my feelings. I don’t care if you stood naked on a street corner. The person you are is the woman I’m falling for, and whatever it took for you to get here is ours to accept. Not yours, not the kids. Ours.”
Tears spilled down her cheeks, and he framed her face with his big, warm, safe hands and brushed them away. Everything he did was as fiercely protective as it was tender. She didn’t want to push away her feelings or be careful with him, even though her past dictated otherwise. She finally felt like her heart and her head were walking hand in hand, and God, she wanted to follow them.
“My children are getting attached to you, and I…” Fear tried to wrap its greedy claws around her neck, choking her voice, but she pried them off and kicked those suckers to the side. “I am, too, Bones. So, are you sure you want this—me, my baggage—in your life?”
“More than you could ever imagine, and your past is not baggage. It’s part of you, and even if some of it isn’t pretty, I accept it, Sarah. So please don’t ever ask me that again. But accepting me means accepting the Dark Knights. Do you have any idea what it means to be with a Dark Knight? To eventually ride on my bike with me? If you remain my girl, Sarah, no one will want to face my wrath or the power of the brotherhood. You and your children will be treated with utmost respect and protected, but it comes at a cost. I have to attend club meetings. They’re family, which means if one of them needs something, or if there’s a problem and we’re called in, I’ll drop everything and do whatever is necessary. I’ve told you about that.”
“Bones…” was all she could manage.
He brushed her hair away from her face and said, “I want you, darlin’. The question is, do you want me in your life?”
“Yes,” came out vehemently.
His entire body seemed to exhale and pull her closer at once as he drew her mouth to his. Weeks of wondering, dreaming, wanting finally came together, sending a shock wave from her head all the way to the ends of her toes. She could barely think, but as his mouth devoured hers, she felt infused with vitality. His hands pushed into her hair, angling and holding her exactly where he wanted her. Her entire being tingled and hummed. His arms were strong and safe. His big hands moved possessively over her body, pushing into her, slowing to caress and squeeze—her thigh, her hip, her ribs, as if he needed to claim all of her. Lost in the heady anticipation of where they both knew they were headed, she realized she was moaning, groping his arms and chest like a hungry tigress. She wasn’t even the least bit embarrassed. She finally felt free in a way she never had, and she wanted to explore all of him. His mouth, his body, and even more of his heart.
“Sarah—”
His rough whisper washed over her, the need in it making her crave him even more. How was that possible? His hot, demanding lips moved over her cheek and jaw, to her ear, where he licked and kissed until every inch of her was on fire.
“I want you in my bed, where I can love all of you, but if you’re not ready—”
She couldn’t crawl off his lap fast enough. They groped and kissed, stumbling through the house and up to his bedroom, which was dark, save for moonlight spilling in through the windows. His mouth blazed down her neck. As her eyes fluttered open and closed, she took in flashes of steel-gray walls, a bank of floor-to-ceiling windows, dark, manly furniture, and an enormous bed. Her nerves sprang to the surface as he lifted the edge of her sweater, his dark eyes catching on hers seconds before he lifted it off and tossed it to a chair.
“I got checked for diseases three times and I’m clean,” came out fast. She was too nervous to slow down, and the words kept tumbling out. “The doctor said it was ninety-nine percent accurate three months after exposure. Not that I was exposed to anything that I know of, in case you’re wondering. And Lewis is the only man I’ve had unprotected sex with.”
He slid his arm around her waist, pulling her closer and holding her gaze. “I’m clean too, Sarah. I know how much your children mean to you, and I knew you’d get yourself checked out, for the sake of your unborn baby and to be sure you’d be around for Bradley and Lila. And, Sarah, he might have been your first, but I hope to be your last.”
Her heart swelled to near bursting at what he’d said, but maybe even more so at what he knew. How could he possibly know she’d been terrified to get the tests done and that her children had been the driving force for her to face even the scariest of outcomes?
He reclaimed her mouth, kissing her deeply and slowly and so incredibly passionately, he righted all the upended pieces of her. When he drew back, gazed into her eyes, and ran his fingers through her hair, the whole world seemed to disappear, until there was only the two of them.
“I don’t want to rush.” He kissed the edge of her mouth. “I want you to feel how special you are to me.”
He rained kisses down her neck, slowing to love the spots he knew drove her crazy. Then that wicked mouth moved across her shoulder, kissing and nipping, whispering sweet things as he went. Anticipation mounted inside her, pulsing like thunder as his mouth moved lower, along the crest of her breast. He dragged his tongue above the edge of her bra. Her eyes closed and her legs weakened. Just when she was ready to beg for more, he unhooked the clasp and dropped her bra to the floor.
“So fucking beautiful,” he said huskily as he lowered his mouth to her breast.
Her mind was ten steps ahead of his mouth. Knowing he could send her over the edge with just this made every tantalizing suck that much more excruciating. She buried her hands in his hair, holding tight as he tweaked and licked, kissed and sucked, sending her right up to the edge of oblivion.
“Bones, Bones, Bones—” she pleaded.
He rose and captured her mouth with his, kissing her devouringly until she could barely breathe again. He guided her hands to his shoulders, and then he dropped lower and slipped off her shoes and socks. She was so nervous, so aroused, she shook as he kissed her belly. He curled his fingers around the soft waist of her jeans and hooked them into her panties. His thick knuckles pressed against her as he pulled them down and helped her step out of them. He ran his hands up her legs, kissing as he went, loving her from ankle to the crest of her thighs, making her wet and even needier. His mouth moved over her inner thighs, then crawled up her belly. As he loved his way up her body, sensations came from everywhere—his hot lips, his wet mouth, and his strong hands. He slowed to tease and taste all of the places that made her sex swell and clench and her insides twist into hot, greedy knots of desire.
By the time his lips found hers, her legs felt like jelly. She had a burning need, an aching desire to feel him inside her. He led her to the bed with a smoldering kiss. As he tore the blankets back and propped pillows by the headboard, he watched her intensely, full of not only lust and greed, but something so much deeper she felt it in her bones. For a second she wondered about positions and awkwardness, but as if he’d read her mind, he guided her to the mattress, helping her recline against the pillows. Then he reached behind him and tugged off his sweater, revealing his broad chest, chiseled abs, and the piercings that sent rivers of heat through her veins. He tossed his sweater aside, and as he unbuckled his belt, she drank in his brawn and his beauty. Across the right side of his chest was the Dark Knights emblem, a skull with darkness for eyes, coiled and pointed brows, and fanged teeth. Above the haunting figure was the word family. His shoulders were tantalizing canvases of words and images she didn’t have time to process as he stripped out of his pants, boots, and socks and stood before her in a pair of dark boxer briefs straining over his formidable erection.
Then those hit the floor, too, leaving her salivating at Bones Whiskey and all his naked glory. He crawled onto the mattress with a wolfish grin, and then his mouth hit hers, and that grin turned to tantalizing persuasion. He propped himself up with one hand, his other blazing a path up and down her thigh, each stroke earning a manly, sexy groan. He eased their kisses to a series of torturously soft and teasing touches before his sinful mouth moved lower. With a mouth like his, he’d wear her out before they even got around to intercourse. Every second pulsed with electricity as he kissed his way down the crest of her belly, toward the place she needed him most.
No. The place she needed him second most.
She held her children in her heart, which meant her heart would always need him most.
She closed her eyes, fisting her hands in the sheets as his thick fingers spread her thighs, and she felt his breath between her legs. He pressed featherlight kisses to her inner thighs. She held her breath with every touch, gritting her teeth against the urge to beg as he dragged his tongue so close to her greedy center, she thought she’d lose her mind. His tongue slicked slowly and sensually along her center, and he moaned.
“So sweet, darlin’.”
It was a good thing she was lying down, because the hunger in his voice would have dropped her to her knees. He clutched her thighs, nudging them wider, sending spears of heat racing down her limbs as his mouth came over her center. He didn’t rush, didn’t feast. He savored. Her hips rocked in time to his efforts, soaking in every masterful lick. He quickened his pace, taking her to the brink of madness. She dug her heels into the mattress. Her head fell back and she sucked in air between clenched teeth as savoring went out the window and he full-on feasted. She rocked and moaned. He pushed his hands beneath her ass, lifting her higher, holding her as he did magnificent things with his tongue. Then he dipped his fingers inside her, causing her entire body to clench and quiver.
“Oh God,” she panted out. Sex had always been a little painful and rough. She’d always felt empty before, during, and after. She never knew touch could feel so sensual and loving. So freaking amazing.
Her legs began to tremble, and he moved faster, reading every hitch of her breath, every gasp and shudder, learning—and expertly playing with—all her most sensitive spots. She breathed faster as his fingers moved in and out of her slick heat, and he teased her clit with his tongue. When he added pressure, her eyes slammed shut and a million fireworks exploded behind her closed lids. She cried out his name as rivers of pleasure raged through her. Just when the thrill began to abate, he quickened again. Every slick of his tongue made her legs tense, her breathing faster.
“Theretherethere,” she begged.
Using teeth, tongue, hands, and mouth, he sent her soaring again and loved her through the very last quiver of her climax. Only then did he rise up and ravenously claim her mouth, swallowing her murmurs and moans. His mouth was heaven, his skin hot, his body hard. So very hard. She reached between them and took hold of his erection, earning a wicked growl that spurred her on. Heat rippled beneath her skin, awakening dormant desires she never knew existed. Being with Bones was like crawling beneath a thick blanket in the dead of winter, warm, safe, and so enticing, she wanted to give herself over to him completely.
She tore her mouth away and said, “My turn.”
“Jesus,” he ground out. “How can two words make my head spin?”
She pushed at his chest, feeling bold and insatiable. He lay down on his back, reaching for her. “You don’t have to—”
“Shh.” She filled with a sense of overwhelming rightness as she crawled beside him, and as embarrassing as it should be, she wanted to share it with him. “I have never wanted to do this before. I have never in my life wanted a man the way women want their men in movies, until I met you. It took me all this time to trust my feelings enough to act on them. So please don’t give me an out.” As she lay beside him, her head by his cock, her belly by his chest, she said, “Stop being careful with me tonight and tell me how much you want my mouth on you.”
His eyes glowed with a savage inner fire. “Darlin’, I want your plump, gorgeous lips wrapped around my cock as much as I want to fuck you with my tongue again.”
“Geez.” She sighed. “You’re really good at this. Now I can’t think.”
He chuckled as she wrapped her hand tightly around his cock, pulling another greedy noise from his lungs. Oh, how she loved that! He pressed his lips to her thigh as she lowered her mouth over his shaft, getting it nice and wet. Every slide of her tongue made him kiss her harder and had him emitting more of those sexy noises and growls that made her insides tingle and burn.
So she did it a lot.
She stroked and sucked, lost in his fresh, manly scent, the feel of his hard heat in her mouth and hand, the wetness of his lips as he trailed kisses along the underside of her belly and the crest of her thighs. When he slid his fingers between her legs, she stilled, his cock still deep in her mouth as she enjoyed the pleasures slithering through her core. He clutched her ass, and she began moving in time with his efforts, with long, slow sucks, until it was him who stilled, him who was barely breathing, empowering her to love him as she wanted to.
He pushed his hand along her arm and said, “I need you, baby.”
She didn’t hesitate as she crawled over him, aligning his thick shaft to her entrance, and sank down, reveling in every blessed inch as he filled her completely. He reached for her as she leaned down for a kiss, and with one hand around her waist, he shimmied up against the pillows so she didn’t have to bend so far. He was such a thoughtful lover, it heightened her pleasure and her affection. He clutched her hips, thrusting as she rocked, kissing her like he’d never get enough of her. Every slide of their tongues, every inch she took, brought them closer together, but it was his sweet murmurs and whispers of tenderness—You feel so good. We’re made for each other. Are you okay? Let me know if I move too hard or too deep—that nearly brought her to tears.
He swept her carefully beneath him, took a moment to settle a pillow behind her head and shoulders, and then he sank into her. Deep. She gasped as shocks of lightning sparked through her veins.
“Too much?” he said, panic in his voice.
“No. Too good.” It was the single most intense and exquisite feeling she’d ever experienced.
“I want to make love to you until I feel every beat of your heart,” he said in a voice laden with emotion, “and until every breath you take joins with mine.”
“Bones…” No words could describe the immensity of her feelings.
His lips came coaxingly down over hers, and they began to move. His hips rolled and thrust in a careful, mind-numbing rhythm. His kisses were potent and thorough, taking as much as he gave. He was so aware of her belly, lifting and angling himself, mindful of not putting too much pressure there. There was no rushing to the finish line, no grimacing or harsh moments like she’d experienced with Lewis. Bones was all power, but at the same time, every move, every touch, and every kiss was finessed and enjoyed. They made love like that for so long, she felt everything changing, like they were really becoming one being, heart and soul, transporting her to a safer, freer place. The newness of that awakening coalesced with the feel of his thick heat inside her and the love flowing through her, driving her wild. Fire bloomed in her belly and sizzled through her veins. Her nails dug into his back, clawing in pursuit of more. He must have sensed the change, because a husky growl left his lips, and then he took charge, lifting and angling, giving her exactly what she wanted where she needed it. He clutched her ass and sucked the base of her neck, sending waves of ecstasy crashing over her. She bucked and writhed, clawing for purchase, drowning in their magic. Just when she caught her breath, he took her right up to the clouds again, her body shuddering and shaking so hard she panted for air. His mouth swooped down over hers, giving her the air she needed and the love she craved.
As she floated down from the peak, her body limp but still hungry for more, he cradled her beneath him, devouring her mouth, his hips pistoning with laser precision, catapulting her into another intense climax. And then he buried his face in her neck as he surrendered to his own powerful release. Her name sailed from his lips over and over like the sounds of secrets—important and meaningful.
Their secrets.
Sounds she’d never forget.
THEY LAY NOSE to nose as their world came back into focus, and Bones filled with a sense of unexpected completeness. He kissed the tip of Sarah’s nose, her cheek, and finally, as he tried to wrap his head around the emotions swamping him, he kissed her beautiful lips.
She put her hand on his cheek and closed her eyes with a sweet hum.
He knew he’d never get enough of that sound. It was the sound of his girl’s happiness. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, but she was so sleepy and relaxed, he decided they could wait, and he soothed his hand down her back as she drifted off to sleep.
This was where she belonged, with him, safe and loved. Listening to the even cadence of her breathing, he thought about the things Bear had said to him. You give your all to whatever you set your mind to. That’s who you are down to your very soul. When you die, you’re going to have researched and planned it to the very second. His brother was right about how he approached things, but there was no researching or planning for this. No weighing pros and cons, because they didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that whatever obstacles might lay ahead, his heart belonged to Sarah and her children and he would protect them with his life.
After a while, he knew he had to wake her. They couldn’t leave the kids overnight. He kissed her again, and then he whispered, “Sweet darlin’.”
“Mm.” She nuzzled closer.
No part of him wanted to wake her, much less take her home and come back to the bed that would smell like her, the house that would feel too empty without her. But the kids needed her more than he did, so he kissed her again and said, “I need to take you home, sweetheart.”
Her eyes fluttered open, and her beautiful blond brows slanted. “You’re done with me?”
“Hardly.” He planted a kiss between her brows.
“I want more time with you.” She pushed her leg between his, hooking her heel to the back of his calf. “Dixie said she could spend the night…”
Her voice trailed off, as if the meaning of Dixie spending the night, the idea of not being there in the morning with the children, just became clear. He hadn’t realized Dixie had offered to spend the night, and he wondered why Dixie—and Sarah—hadn’t mentioned it to him.
As he opened his mouth to ask, he remembered how nervous Sarah had been about telling him that about her past, giving him his answer. Thinking about that jackass made his blood boil. Bones vowed to make sure that asshole paid for everything he’d done to her—and he’d take such good care of her children, even that fuckhead’s DNA couldn’t ruin them.
But right now Sarah didn’t need an angry boyfriend. She needed to see that he was the opposite of everything she’d known, so he buried those harsh feelings down deep and focused on his sweet love in his arms.
“I know you,” he said. “You need to wake up near your kids, and they need to see you in the morning.”
“You don’t mind?”
“That’s debatable.” He shifted her onto her back and moved over her. “Do you mean do I mind letting you out of my bed?” He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “Because the answer is definitely yes.” He moved lower, teasing her nipple and earning a long, low moan. “But do I mind letting you out so we can both be assured your babies are safe? Not even a little.”
“You say all the right things.” She shifted her hips, aligning his cock to her entrance. “You must have read a book about aphrodisiacs for moms.”
He chuckled. “I’m falling for a mother, and it comes with the territory. And this particular mom needs extra lovin’ before she leaves my bed.”