Chapter One
Julia
Ten Years Later
“Are you almost ready, Julia?”
I hobble out of my bathroom, sliding one sandal on my foot. “Almost. I just need to put on some gloss.”
Erika rolls her eyes and leans against my doorframe. “You take forever to get ready.”
“Perfection takes time.” I wink and run my fingers through my hair as I stand upright again. “I’m literally minutes away from doneness.”
“Drink specials will be nothing but a distant memory by the time we get there.”
“Whatever. It’s nine o’clock. We’ll be fine.” I enter my bathroom and finish my makeup, fluff my hair one last time before smiling at my reflection and joining Erika. “Ready.” I grab my clutch from the bed. “Let’s do this.”
Erika grins and loops her arm through mine. “This is so exciting. New city, our own apartment, and cute boys to meet.”
“Let’s hope. This was a tough move. I pray it works out.”
“It will. Those years of working hard paid off.” Erika laughs, tossing her currently pink bob as she does. “Now we’re in the best possible place we could be to start our career. Seriously. We’re in freaking Italy. It’s an art history paradise.”
“Yeah, I know.” I smile. “I’m glad you’re with me.”
“Me too. Now let’s go slay.”
We walk down the street to the piazza where the nightlife this little town has exists. The town is quaint and idyllic, exactly how a small Tuscan town in Italy looks in my mind.
“What are you thinking?”
I glance at Erika. “Just that I can’t believe I’m here. All those years of studying and tests and theory. Now we get to actually apply what we learned. It’s exciting.”
Erika grins. “It is. Monday’s the big day.”
“Yeah. Are you nervous?”
“Sure, a little. You?”
“Yep. It’s one thing to read it and another to do it.”
“Right.” We stop walking and Erika takes my hands in hers. “But we got this. Our professor believed we could do it. We know our shit.”
I laugh, nodding. “We do. You’re right.”
“I know. Now let’s go turn up.”
“Let’s go.”
We finish our short walk and slip inside the club with the loudest music. The bass is so loud my heart feels like it’s shaking in my chest. I can barely see Erika through all the flashing lights. It’s crowded with young people, and I take a deep breath realizing I can finally let loose. My dad isn’t here to ruin the fun for once. I don’t have anything to study for. No papers to write, no tests to take. No expectations.
“Ciao, Bella.”
I twist toward the male voice to see a handsome young man standing next to me. “Ciao.”
“Come stai?”
“Bene. Tu?”
“Si, sto bene. You speak English?”
I laugh softly. “I do.”
“Me too.” He moves closer so I can actually hear him. “Do you want a drink?”
“Yeah.”
“Come with me.”
He grips my wrist and pulls me toward the bar. I search the crowd for Erika and find her talking to a group of people. She smiles and waves, but continues her chat. She was always more outgoing than me. We reach the bar and the guy with me asks me what I want.
“I don’t care. Surprise me.”
He nods and leans in to tell the bartender my drink order. When he’s done, he turns around and hands me something pink and fruity looking. I sip it and smile. It’s perfect for a summer night.
“Thank you.”
“What’s your name?”
“Julia. You?”
“Lorenzo.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“Let’s dance, yes?”
“Sure.”
We move to the dance floor and Lorenzo wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me close to him. I’m not sure about this, but I do my best to dance and be polite while sipping my drink. Before I know it, my straw is sucking air, and Lorenzo quickly gets me a refill. Erika’s doing shots and laughing with her new friends.
Lorenzo grins, leaning close enough so I can hear him. “Where are you from?”
“America. New Jersey.”
“Ooh, university student? I like those.”
I tilt my head. “You like those? What does that mean?”
“University girls are fun.” He grins. “You want to have some fun?”
I get the idea from his tone what fun means. “I am having fun. Right now. Here.”
“Different fun. Just you and me.”
I pat his chest, slightly moving away, but he pulls me close and goes straight for the kiss. I’m so startled it takes me a second to react, but I do, right about the time he presses his dick into my leg.
“Ew!” I shove him away. “Stop it. I just met you.”
“And? You don’t want to have fun?”
“If your idea of fun is me leaving this club to go have sex with you, then no, I don’t want to have fun.”
His eyebrow rises. “Hmm, university girls always want to have fun.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not a university girl. Thanks for the drinks.” I walk off and look for Erika. She’s dancing with a cute boy throwing her head back in laughter. I find a seat at the bar and sip my drink, then order another one when I’m done. It isn’t long before another guy approaches me and asks me to dance. I shrug, sliding off the seat and deciding to give it another try. We dance through a few songs and then he wanders off. I twist around when I feel hands on my waist to find Erika.
“Are you having fun?”
“It’s okay. You?”
“Yeah. I was gonna go hang out some more with Rinaldo.”
“Okay.”
She wraps her arms around me. “He has a cute friend. His name is Luca.” She points to a guy that’s pretty decent looking. “Why don’t you come hang out too?”
“Where?”
“The beach and then their place.”
“You’re gonna hook up, aren’t you?”
“Yes, ma’am and it wouldn’t kill you to do the same. How long has been since your last boyfriend?”
“I’m not into casual hookups. You know that. I need a connection.”
She rolls her eyes. “How do you know there isn’t one if you don’t talk to him?”
“Okay, you have a point, but I’m not feeling it I guess.”
“Fine, more for me. Are you cool if I go with Rinaldo?”
I peer over her shoulder. “Do you think it’s safe?”
“He’s safe. I won’t be gone long.”
“Okay. I’m just gonna head home.”
“Cool. If I’m not back in an hour, send help.” She winks and saunters off with her man.
Sighing, I head for the door and start my walk home. I miss being in a relationship. I miss kissing, and I definitely miss sex, but I just can’t bring myself to pick a stranger and hook up . I wish I was as carefree as Erika is sometimes.
On my way, I pass the church where we’ll start working on Monday. I stand in front of it for a moment, studying the Renaissance era architecture. It’s so beautiful and majestic. It’s pretty small, but fitting for this town and the piazza it dominates. After a moment, I finish my walk home. Once inside, I kick off my sandals and plop on the couch. Picking up my book I left on the coffee table earlier, I flip it open and decide to read a bit. It’s just another lonely Saturday night.
∞∞∞
In the morning, I shuffle out to the kitchen to make coffee and find Erika passed out asleep on the couch with her clothes from last night still on. I pull open the curtains, flooding the apartment with sunlight.
Erika groans as she puts her arm over her eyes. “What the hell, Julia?”
“It’s almost ten in the morning. You need to get up and get ready for tomorrow.”
“Get ready?” She peeks at me through squinted eyes.
“You need to do laundry still, remember? And we wanted to go to the market and get some healthy food.”
She groans. “I feel like shit.”
“You look like shit too. Was Rinaldo worth it?”
She finally sits up and runs her fingers through her tangled hair. “No. It was terrible. He drank too much and couldn’t get it up. I tried everything.”
I hold back laughter. “Sorry to hear.”
“No, you’re not. Do you have coffee yet?”
“I’ll start it now.” I walk into the kitchen as she follows me.
“I don’t regret it though. Life is about experiences.”
“So you say.”
“Don’t you miss being with a man sometimes?”
“Yes.”
“When’s the last time you had sex?”
I shrug. “I guess when I was with Ryan.”
“That was like a year ago?”
“Ten months.” I smile. “But who’s counting?”
“Girl, you need to get you some dick. Some big beautiful Italian dick.”
I laugh. “You’re crazy. You tried to get some dick last night. How’d that go?”
“Amateur move. I should’ve known he was drinking too much.”
I shake my head and fill two mugs with coffee before handing her one. She sips it and sighs. “So good.”
“Take a shower and then we’ll go out.”
She sticks her tongue out at me. “You’re so responsible.”
“We’re adulting now, Erika. We have things to do besides boys and booze.”
“But I like boys and booze.”
I laugh, sipping my coffee. “Do I need to remind you we’re going to be working in a church? We need to behave.”
“Only during working hours.” She winks. “I’ll shower and we’ll go out if you promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“If you get the opportunity for some beautiful Italian dick, you will at least consider taking it? I can’t be the only one of us whoring around Italy.”
I laugh. “Okay, I’ll consider it.”
“Fair.” She slams the rest of her coffee down even though it’s gotta be hot. “Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll be ready.”
∞∞∞
On Monday morning, I stand in the living room waiting for Erika, whose eyes open wide when she sees me. “You’re ready?”
Smiling, I nod. “Turning over a new leaf. First day. I can’t be late.”
“I’m impressed.” She grabs her sweater off the back of the chair. “Nervous?”
“Not anymore. I’m brimming with excitement.”
“It’s cool. I can’t wait to see the scope of the project.”
“Yeah, so let’s go. We’ll grab some espresso on the way.”
“Let’s go.”
After coffee and a short walk, Erika and I enter the small church where we’ll spend the summer at least working on restoring the frescoes. An older woman wearing a nun’s habit stands near the front waving her hands gesturing at the wall ahead. A man dressed in slacks and a dress shirt stands next to her, nodding as she speaks. Other people join us and we gather quietly behind the two people. It’s so dim in here, it’s a little difficult to see, but as we get closer, sunlight streams in through the windows helping to illuminate our surroundings. The man turns in our direction, and I’m immediately struck by the familiarity of his face. Have I met him before? How could I all the way in Italy? He studies a book he holds, keeping his face slightly lowered. I can’t stop staring at him. He looks up slowly, and when his eyes meet mine my mouth falls open as does his.
I grab Erika’s hand and squeeze it. “Oh my god.”
“What?”
“I know him.”
Erika’s eyes shift to the front. “You know that smoking guy staring at us right now?”
“I do. His name is Diego.”
“Are you sure?”
“Completely. I met him when I was fifteen. I would never forget those eyes. It’s him. It has to be.”
“Based on how he’s looking at you, I’d say you’re right and he remembers you too.”
“This is unbelievable.”
The woman twists around and begins addressing us in Italian, explaining how we’ll all be assigned a small section so our work can be assessed before we get in too deeply. Anyone that doesn’t meet her standards will be cut immediately. I swallow hard, half listening to her and half staring at Diego who hasn’t taken his eyes off of me yet. The woman, Sister Louisa, points and directs all of us to different areas. Erika is sent to a space toward the entrance while I’m closer to the altar. I walk to my area, still absorbing that after all these years, in this place, Diego is here. When I look back, he’s already standing behind me.
“Hi.”
“Diego? It’s really you?”
He smiles. “It’s really me. I can’t believe you’re here. It’s been ten years.”
“You remember me?”
“Remember you?” He steps closer. “How could I forget that day under the big oak tree with the prettiest girl I’d ever seen? Still have ever seen.”
I throw my arms around his neck. “I can’t believe it.” When I step back I grip his hands. “I’m so sorry. My dad was so strict. I never got to say goodbye or get your number or anything.”
He shakes his head. “History. Will you have dinner with me? I’d love to catch up.”
“Of course. I’d love to.”
Diego smiles. “Great.”
“I still can’t believe this. I thought I would never see you again.”
“But here we are.” Diego looks over his shoulder. “I have to get back to work. Where are you staying?”
“An apartment on Via Giulia. Number 23.”
He smiles. “Fitting. I can pick you up around eight, and we can finish the walk we started ten years ago. How’s that sound?”
“Good. Really good.”
Diego leans in and kisses my cheek. “See you soon.”
“Bye.” I turn back to my section, trying to focus after that interaction, but I’m in a daze.
Erika sidles up next to me. “What happened?”
“It’s really him. I can’t believe I’m all the way in Italy and run into the guy I met randomly ten years ago at a family reunion.”
She crinkles her nose. “You’re related to him?”
“No. We went for a walk, and he was my first kiss.”
“No way. Seriously?”
“Yeah, but my dad caught us and dragged me off. Said I could never see him or talk to him. I was so scared of my dad I didn’t even try. Besides I was just a kid.”
“You said your dad was strict.”
“The worst. He’s mellowed a little but not much. The only reason I’m here is because I’m old enough to make my own decisions. Otherwise, he’d keep me locked in the attic until I was forty.”
“Is he like that with your sister?”
“Used to be until she took off. She’s always had a much stronger backbone than me. When she turned 18, she was out of there. I was mad for a while because she left me alone with them, but then I realized I would’ve done the same thing if I could.”
“Strict parents are tough.”
“Yeah.” I lean against the wall. “He told me I had to forget Diego, but I never did.” I look at my friend. “I never did. I drew sketches from that day, trying to ingrain that moment in my mind. I’ve wondered a thousand times what he was doing, where he was, if he had a girlfriend. I tried to find him on social media a few years ago but came up with nothing. Today, he was standing right in front me.”
“Amazing. I guess you two were just meant to cross paths again.”
“I guess so.” We start to sort our supplies. “It’s been a decade, but as soon as I saw his eyes, I was transported to that moment.”
“Maybe you guys will fall in love or something amazing like that.”
I laugh softly. “Maybe. Right now I just need to talk to him.”
“This is so exciting. We’ve been in Italy for a week and you’ve already got a date.”
“Yeah. It’s cool.”
“So cool.” She hands me a chisel. “So I traded spots with your neighbor. Sister Louisa said it was fine. We’ll work next to each other.”
“Perfect.”
We kneel down and get to work. We’ve got to impress Sister Louisa if we want to stay, and I definitely want to stay. I peek over my shoulder at Diego speaking with a group of people. He must be the head of this restoration or something. So odd we’re in the same line of work even.
After carefully brushing my square of the wall, I study what remains of the fresco. This section is supposed to be a grassy field, and I can just make out some yellow wildflowers. The entire scene is of the Virgin Mary with baby Jesus on her lap in a field of flowers. It’s over five hundred years old. Amazing. I feel a presence behind me and look up to see Sister Louisa standing over me. I hop up to my feet.
Her critical eyes study my spot. “Work. Let me see you.”
“Si, signora.” I go back to work as if she’s not there, hoping I’m doing things the way she likes.
“What will you do when you get past the dust?” Her voice is heavily accented and deep, almost like a man. She must be seventy at least.
“I will study the photo and begin to carefully strip the older layers back.”
“Using?”
“Water and sealant.”
She crosses her arms, peering over the top of her narrow black framed glasses. “Okay.” She nods. “Keep working.”
She moves over to Erika, and I try to listen while focusing on my work. After a moment, she nods and commands Erika to keep working. I exhale once she moves on, happy we both made the cut. At least for now.
After six hours of solid work with only a brief lunch break, Sister Louisa releases us for the day. We all made it except for two. My eyes search the small church hoping to see Diego, but he’s not around. At least I know I’ll see him tonight. Erika and I slip outside and walk down the cobbled path back to our apartment. This morning I was in awe of the historic surroundings, but now I’m in awe that Diego is back in my life.
“Whatcha thinking?”
I glance up at Erika. “About Diego.”
“Yeah, small world. You never saw him again after the kiss?”
“Never. It was so weird because leading up to that day for weeks I was having this recurring dream where this guy was running through the dark, chasing something or someone. I could never see his face.”
“Was it a nightmare? Like he was chasing you?”
“No.” I shake my head. “It was more like I was watching him, but I felt like I needed to help. Anyway, after that day under the tree, I never had the dream again.”
“Never?”
“Never. I used to journal about it, but it just stopped.”
Erika watches me as we walk. “How could you dream about Diego before you met him?”
“Exactly, but in some way it felt connected.”
“Maybe it was the kiss. The guy in the dream was chasing you for a kiss, and you got one so he went away.”
I laugh softly. “Yeah, maybe that was it.”
“But you’re excited about tonight, right?”
“Oh god yes. I just want to know everything about him. What he’s been doing, how he ended up in this field. All of it.”
“I get that. He’s certainly hot.”
“Yeah. I can’t wait to tell Katie I saw him. She felt so bad because she couldn’t keep my parents from finding us.”
“Aw, that sucks.” She nudges my arm. “Think you’ll get on that tonight?”
I just laugh. “I have no idea. I would think we might just talk and get to know each other a bit.”
“Yeah, but he kissed you five minutes after meeting you. He’s got that smolder in his eyes. I bet if he kisses you again, you’ll get on that.”
I shake my head, even though I’m laughing. “Probably.”
“You deserve it, girl. He’s good looking. Clearly has an interesting job. Lives in freaking Italy. What’s not to like? Maybe he has a friend for me.”
“I’ll get all the details.”
“I’d expect nothing less.”
Back in our apartment, I dig in my keepsake box for the journal I’ve kept since I met Diego the first time. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I flip the pages reading the words from my fifteen year old self. I can’t believe Diego is in my life again.
“Whatcha looking at?”
I look up at Erika standing in my doorway. “My sketches of Diego.”
“Ooh, can I see?”
“Of course.”
She plops on the bed beside, peering over my shoulder. “Those are nice. They look just like him.”
“Thanks.” I drag my finger over one. “The details are so clear. I never had a boy react to me the way he did.”
“What did you like about him, besides his obvious face?”
“He seemed sensitive.” I think back for a moment. “Serious, like one of those deep thinkers. He was sad about his own family, and in that moment, I just wanted to be the one that made him feel better. He was too beautiful to be sad.”
Erika smiles. “Aww, puppy love. It’s so cute.”
“Yeah. It lasted, I don’t know, maybe forty minutes, but the memory of it never left me.”
“And now you get to make new memories with him.”
I close the book. “On that note, I should take a shower and start getting ready.”
“I’m so excited.” She jumps up and bounces on her toes. “Beautiful Italian dick on its way.”
All I can do is laugh.
∞∞∞
“Do I look alright?” I run my hands down the front of the cream summer dress I picked out. I feel like it’s sexy without being too much.
“I think you look amazing. He’s gonna be all over you.”
The knock on the door makes me jump. “Oh god, I’m so nervous.”
Erika laughs. “Understandable, but just be yourself. Get to know him. A decade is a long time.”
“It is. I’m not even kind of the same person I was at fifteen.” I exhale slowly. “Okay. I’m ready.” I walk across the small apartment and open the door.
Diego smiles. “Hi.”
“Hi, Diego.” He looks amazing in jeans and a simple black t-shirt. I turn and look at my friend watching us. “This is Erika. We went to school together. Erika, this is Diego.”
They shake hands. “Nice to meet you, Erika.”
“You too.”
Diego turns back to me. “Are you ready?”
“I am.” I grab my handbag and wave at Erika as we leave. Walking down the street, I glance at the man beside me. “I can’t believe it’s you.”
He smiles, but doesn’t comment. “I know a great place not far from here. Hope you like Italian food.”
I tilt my head and he starts to laugh. “Ah, got it. All the food here is Italian.”
“It is.”
“Good one.” I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. “How long have you been in Italy?”
“Many years now.” He pauses. “Seven, I think.”
“Seven. Wow. That is a long time.”
“Yes. Here we are.”
I look up at the quaint little restaurant before me. It’s cool inside, and looks like a cave, as though it was carved out of stone to exist. Diego and the man at the front have a brief chat I can’t hear, and then we’re led to a table near the back. I’m so nervous I’m not sure I can eat. I stare at the menu not comprehending any of it. I can’t focus.
“You speak Italian?”
I gaze up at Diego. “Yeah. Fluently. I assume you do after seven years here.”
“Yes.” His eyes search mine, just like they did all those years ago. “I saw your name on the list of restorers.” He smiles. “I read it three times. Julia Caputo. I wondered if it could really be you, and if you would actually show up here. I read your bio and saw the town you grew up in. The town where I met you and kissed you under a tree.”
“That was a nice day until my dad ruined it.”
“It was a great day.” He sips some water. “I never forgot it. Or you.”
“Neither did I. I tried to find you on social years later. I was too afraid to try when I was younger.”
“I wanted to find you a thousand times, but I didn’t want you to get in trouble over me.”
“Yeah.”
“But that connection that day, it was overwhelming.”
“It was.”
“It still is.”
My eyes open wide. “It is?”
“For me. You were pretty then, but, Julia, what a woman you’ve become.”
“Thank you, Diego.”
“It’s not just your face. Just like it wasn’t all those years ago. In your eyes…”
“What?”
“They are so beautiful. Soulful. When I look at them, when you look at me, it’s like the most comforting feeling in the world. It’s hard to describe, but it’s the same as it was.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. Just keep your eyes on me.”
I try to sort my thoughts, pausing to order a pasta dish, and then returning my attention to the man across the table. “So, you’re not married or dating anybody?”
“No.” He twists his hands. “My work…”
“What? It keeps you busy? I mean, don’t you think it’s incredible that we went into the same line of work?”
He shakes his head. “About that.”
“Yes?” We’re interrupted by wine and bread being delivered to the table. I notice how Diego averts his gaze. “Diego?”
“We’re not in the same line of work. Not at all.”
“You don’t work at the church?”
“I do, but not restoring frescoes.”
“Oh. What do you do there?”
“Julia.” He pauses, then shifts his eyes up to meet mine. “I’m the priest.”
My brow furrows as I’m certain I heard him wrong. “What?”
“I’m a priest, Julia. It’s my church.”
“Priest? I don’t understand.”
“You don’t understand what a priest is?”
“No, of course I do. I don’t understand how you’re a priest. A Catholic priest?”
“Yes.”
“A priest?”
“Yes, Julia. A priest.”
“But…” I shake my head. “You’re dressed normal, and we’re on a date.” I avert my eyes as my heart sinks. “It’s not a date, is it?”
“Not exactly.”
“You can’t date. You can’t marry or kiss girls under trees or anything.”
“No.”
I stare down at my hands, processing this information. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Did you become a priest?”
“I just wanted to. I felt called. I came to Rome right after high school. I wanted to get in touch with my Italian roots, and I met a man here that became a friend. He was teaching in seminary and the more he talked it about, the more I wanted to feel connected to something that important. So I joined. Now I dedicate my life to the church.”
“I see.”
“Look at me, Julia.” I shift my eyes up. “I want us to be friends.”
“Friends.” I nod. “Okay. Of course.”
“You’re disappointed.”
“You said I was beautiful. You said we have a connection. You just said it.”
“It’s true. If my vocation was different…”
“What?”
“This would be a date. You know that, right?”
I nod. “It’s just that, god, Diego, I’ve spent ten years thinking about you. Wondering how your life turned out. Wishing I could be kissed the way you kissed me. But I can’t. I found you, but…”
Diego grabs my hand, squeezing it gently. “I’m sorry, Julia. I’ve thought of you too. Often. Please believe me.”
“I believe you.” I smile. “A priest wouldn’t lie, right?”
He smiles back. “Right. How long will you be in Italy?”
“As long as I can be. I don’t want to go back.”
“Neither do I. Did you ever ask your dad why he was so angry that day?”
“He was always angry.”
“Did he hurt you?”
“Like abuse?” Diego nods. “No. He was just oppressive. I was never allowed to have a boyfriend. I went on my first date in college.”
“I’m sure he just wanted to protect you.”
“Control. Not protect.” I sip my water. “But now I’m here. Thousands of miles away, and he can’t do anything about it.”
“Good for you.”
“Are you happy? Do you like being a priest?”
“I am and I do. It’s fulfilling work. Lonely sometimes, but what I do is important.”
“Yes.”
“You too. You’re honoring these wonderful artists and reviving their work for new generations to see and appreciate.”
“All the churches in all of Italy and I end up in yours.”
“Life is funny sometimes.”
“It is.”
After dinner we walk slowly though the town square until we end up back at my place. “Am I allowed to talk to you at the church?”
“Yes, of course. Any time you want to.”
“Are you allowed to see me? Like we did tonight. As friends of course.”
“I am allowed social calls, yes.”
“Do you want to?”
“Yes, Julia, I do.”
“Me too. So they call you Father Diego?”
“Father Montesanto, but you can still call me Diego. Privately.”
“Okay.”
He takes my hands in his. “I had a wonderful time. Seeing you again is amazing.”
“Same.”
Diego searches my eyes, moving closer as if he’s going to kiss me. My breath catches when his lips brush my cheek. “See you tomorrow, Julia.”
I nod. “Okay. Bye, Diego.”
He smiles, pinching my chin, just like he did all those years ago, before walking away. I watch him until he turns the corner, gracing me with one more smile. I enter the apartment to find Erika sleeping on the couch. I try to sneak by her, but she pops up.
“Uh huh, sister. I need to know what happened. I’m surprised you’re home and not back at his place.”
“His place is a church, Erika.”
“Huh? He lives in a church?”
“That’s where priests live.”
She tilts her head. “Come again?”
“He’s a priest.” I slump on the couch next to her. “He’s a freaking priest.”
Erika’s eyes open wide as she sits up straight. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Do I look like I’m kidding?” I rub my forehead. “This is awful.”
“Um, yeah it is. That means hands off, right?”
“Right. He said we can be friends.”
“Friends.” She nods slowly. “Awesome.”
“Right after he told me the connection was just as strong as it was ten years ago.”
“Was it?”
“Absolutely. One hundred percent.”
“Well this sucks.”
“Immensely.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Nothing. Go to work. Restore art. Stay the hell away from the hottest man on the planet Father Diego Montesanto.”
“Damn. Even his name is fire.”
“I know.”
“And his eyes are amazing.”
“Yeah.”
“And his face. Whoa.”
“I know.”
Erika puts her arm around my shoulder. “Sorry, girl. On the plus side, we’re in Italy. There’s hot guys everywhere. Tomorrow night we’ll go out and find some. How’s that sound?”
I laugh softly. “Good.”
“Good.”
“I’m going to bed.”
“Okay. See you in the morning.”
“Yeah. Night.”
Inside my room, I kick off my sandals and flop myself into bed. The moment I dreamt of for a decade came true and I can’t do a damn thing about it. I check my watch, but it’s too late to call Katie in New York. All I can do at this point is try to sleep so I can focus on my work and not a sexy priest.
∞∞∞
“How’d you sleep?”
I pour myself coffee and sit down across from Erika. “Not good. Tossed and turned all night. Too much pent up energy I guess.”
“Which is why you need a vibrator.”
I laugh before sipping the hot liquid. “Maybe you’re right.” I twist my lips for a second. “Remember what I told you about the dreams I used to have?”
“The guy chasing someone or something.”
“Yeah. I had it last night.”
Her eyes open wide. “No way. Julia! No fucking way.”
“I did. It was slightly different. He was really blurry and walking slowly at first, but then he started running. He was calling out something, but it’s always muffled.”
“Dude. Diego’s back and so is the dream. What is that?”
“It’s beyond strange.”
“Way beyond.” She takes a bite of her biscotti. “Do you think it’s him somehow?”
“Diego?”
“Yeah.”
“Remember what you said before? How could I dream about him before I met him?”
“Yeah, but they went away when he kissed you and came back when he reentered your life.”
“Yeah, I know. I was here for it all.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m just saying. It’s connected.”
“Obviously. I just don’t know how or why.”
“It’s cool though. Isn’t it?”
“I guess. I don’t know how it’s going to feel seeing him today. All I wanted to do last night was kiss him, run my fingers through his hair, feel his beard on my face.”
“And between your legs.”
I nearly choke on my coffee. “Oh god.”
“Am I right?”
I nod, laughing. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“I know. Damn shame a man that looks like that ain’t giving it to anybody.”
“Ugh.”
She looks at her watch. “Time to pull it together. We have 40 minutes before we report.”
I set my mug down. “I’ll be ready in twenty.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
I laugh. “Challenge accepted.”
Back in my bedroom, I quickly brush my teeth and wrap my hair in a messy bun on top of my head. It helps to have it out of my face. I apply light makeup then throw on my leggings and tunic before sliding my feet in my sandals. Gazing at my reflection, I think I look grown up and pretty. I shouldn’t want to appeal to him. He can’t do anything about it, but I do. I want his attention even if nothing will come of it.
I head out to the living room and grab Erika by the shoulders. “Eighteen minutes.”
She high fives me. “Nice. Let’s go.”
We make the short walk to the church receiving catcalls from a small gang of Italian men. We smile but keep walking. If a girl needs some attention, there’s plenty of men around to give it to her. We turn the corner to the church and slip inside. I glance around but move to my section when I don’t see him. A moment later I hear shoes clicking. They sound strong and male, and I just know it’s him. I twist my head to see him walking toward me. Before I can stand, he kneels down to me.
“Buon giorno, Julia.”
“Morning, Diego, uh, Father Montesanto.”
“I told you that you could use my name.”
“You said in private. We’re in public.”
He smiles. “Yes, that is true. Did you sleep well?”
Do I tell him the truth? Can I lie to a priest? “Not really. I was restless.”
“I understand.”
“Do you?”
“More than you know.”
“Well I hope it gets better.”
Diego doesn’t respond, but continues to hold my gaze. His lips part and I yearn for words to come, but they don’t. I start to say something, but Sister Louisa enters the room and starts directing people.
“We’ll speak later,” is all he says as he stands and leaves me.
I shift my attention back to my work. At least I have something else to focus on besides the man I can’t touch. I take my tiny brush and lamp working in a small section to uncover the layers of dirt and grime that cover the original artwork. This church doesn’t claim any famous works, but it’s heavily studied by art history students around the world for its abundance of 16th century frescoes. I just can’t believe I was lucky enough to be invited to work here. Lucky for more reasons than one.
By the time lunch rolls around, my neck is stiff. I stand and stretch, twisting around when I feel his presence behind me. I offer a big smile. “Father.”
“Julia.” A smile dances in his eyes. “Are you religious?”
“No. I was raised with it, of course. Good Catholic family and all.”
“But you don’t subscribe to it. Why?”
“It’s not that I don’t believe. I just don’t like all the rules. I’m really sick of rules.”
“It must be liberating to be on your own.”
“It is.” My eyes shift to the group of people around us, clearly noticing my interaction with Diego. “Will you get in trouble or anything talking to me?”
“I shared with Sister Louisa that we were childhood friends. That’s why I’m offering to take you to lunch. You and Erika, of course.”
“That’s great. I’ll ask her.”
“I’ll wait.”
I walk over to where Erika sits pretending to clean her brushes even though I know she’s low key watching me and Diego. “He wants to take us to lunch.”
“Both of us?”
“That’s what he said. I’m sure it looks better than if he just asked me alone.”
“Oh right. For sure. Yeah, why not. Let’s eat lunch with the priest.”
“Yeah.”
She stands and pulls my arm. “Any topics off limits?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
We join Diego and walk outside together. The three of us are silent, until Erika thankfully breaks the silence.
“So, Dieg—” She laughs. “Father Montesanto, I hear you and my girl here knew each other as kids?”
“We did.” He smiles. “For about an hour, but that hour changed me.”
I glance up at him. “That’s dramatic.”
“It may be, but it’s true. In my duties, I counsel many young people on love and relationships. I have always been able to confidently assure them that love at first sight does indeed happen.”
“Or another L word.”
“I know the difference, Julia. Don’t you? Certainly it isn’t purely lust that has kept you in my thoughts for a decade.”
Erika looks at me wide-eyed. “Um, if you want to talk to her alone, I don’t mind. I can grab lunch on my own.”
Diego smiles. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. We should talk about other things anyway. You can both tell me what led you to becoming art historians.”
I stare at the ground as we walk still absorbing his earlier words. Erika’s chatting away, explaining how she chose art history as a major, but all I can think about is his declaration of love at first sight. Did he love me then?
“Julia?” I glance up at the sound of Diego speaking my name. “What about you?”
“Oh, um, I just always liked history and art and antiques. I spoke to a school counselor and she suggested art history. My first professor told us about restoring art in churches and how it was so important to never let it die or fade away. It made me smile to think about something created five or six hundred years ago and a little child could see it as fresh as the day it was made. I wanted to be part of that. I may not be saving the world, but I’m helping to make it more beautiful.”
Diego’s eyes seems to sear through me with intensity. “The world needs more beauty. It needs more people who care about preserving the past.”
“I agree.”
Erika nods. “Me too.” She glances at me for a second before gazing up at Diego. “What’s your life like? I’ve never met a priest before.”
He smiles. “Hold that thought. Here’s the place. If you’re okay with it, I thought we could get a few things and eat in the park picnic style.”
“I like it. You, Julia?”
“I think that sounds nice.”
“Great.”
We walk inside the small deli-like shop. It’s busy, but we shuffle to the front counter and pick our meat, bread, cheese, some olives and finally wine. Erika throws in a few pieces of chocolate. We offer to pay, but Diego won’t have it. After paying for our things, we walk across the piazza to the green space where it seems everyone in town is gathered. Young couples lounge in the sun, bodies tangled as they hold hands or kiss. Older couples sit on blankets getting a bit of sun and sipping wine. A few people read alone or listen to music.
We find a spot near a tree and sit down in the cool grass. I glance up at the tree, it’s branches hanging low enough to almost touch from where I sit.
“Are you remembering that day?”
My eyes meet Diego’s. “How could I not? A big old tree next to a church.”
Erika smiles, popping an olive in her mouth. “It sounds so magical.”
Diego nods. “It was.” We both watch him as he uncorks the wine. “I was at the most boring event of my young life, walking around hoping to find someone my age to hang out with. I went to the yard to get some lemonade and sitting on a bench, was Julia. Her eyes were closed and her head leaned back allowing her chestnut hair to cascade down the bench. She looked like a mirage, a dream. I immediately went to her and couldn’t wait to get her alone.”
Erika nudges my arm, grinning as he speaks.
“In the few minutes we spoke, I felt like she actually cared about me. She let me kiss her and my whole world shifted. In my head I was thinking she’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen and she likes me. I was planning crazy things. Maybe we could run away and elope and travel the world holding hands and kissing under trees.”
My mouth drops open. I can’t believe he’s so romantic.
“I thought about jobs I could get to take care of us. I thought about the future we might have.” He gazes up at me. “And then she was gone. Ripped away like a dream.”
“Diego…”
He grins as he passes me a plastic cup of wine. “But now she’s back. I’m so happy.”
“Except that you’re a priest.” Erika covers her mouth. “Sorry.”
I just shake my head. “No filter on this girl.”
Diego laughs. “It’s a fair statement.”
“You were going to tell us what your life is like.”
I shoot Erika a look. “Only if you want to, Diego.”
“It’s quiet.” He eats an olive. “I spend a lot of time alone in my thoughts. I have to prepare each week for mass, so there is reading and studying I must do. I try to find a way to make the message relevant to today’s challenges. The rest of the time I—” He sips his wine.
I touch his arm. “What?”
He shakes his head. “I do community work. I counsel people. I tend to the church. I keep busy.”
Erika tears off a piece of bread. “Do you like it?”
“It’s very fulfilling work. People have come to me broken. At the end of their limit. They have wanted to end their lives or been faced with a cheating spouse or a troubled home life and after spending time with me, they’ve been renewed. They’ve felt like they could go on. And I see them again weeks later sitting in the pew, and I know that I somehow made a difference for that person. I helped. That’s a very good feeling.”
She nods her head. “Yeah, I get that. But—” She stops abruptly. “Nothing.”
“You can ask me anything, Erika. I’m an open book.”
“I guess I don’t get the whole celibacy thing. You’re so young and don’t you want that?”
“That?”
“A woman. Love. Sex. Don’t you?”
Her eyes shift to mine, but mine shift to him. I want to know the answer too.
“I am a man. A mortal one with all the same feelings and desires of any man. I have learned to turn that part of myself off. I compartmentalize it. It gets easier in time. I don’t even think about it much, but…” He faces me. “But seeing Julia again reminds me that I am indeed a man.”
I swallow hard, unsure of how to react to this. I quickly shove a piece of cheese in my mouth just to have an activity.
“Is this awkward for you?” he asks.
“No. It’s just…the things you’re saying are hard to process. You can feel however you want, but you can’t act on it so why say it?”
Diego sips his wine, averting his eyes. The three of us sit quietly eating for a few minutes. Erika and I exchange glances a few times, but I have no idea what to say. Finally, Erika stands up.
“If you two don’t mind, I want to run back to our apartment and freshen up. I’ll catch up with you at the church, Julia?”
“Sure. Okay. See you later.”
“Thanks so much for lunch, Father.”
“Anytime.”
Erika hurries away and I’m left with Diego.
“Julia?”
I gaze up to meet his eyes. “Yes?”
“I meant the things I said. How I felt then. How I feel now.”
“I know.”
“Last night I asked if we could be friends.”
“I remember.”
“Friends spend time together, right?”
“Right.”
“Will you have dinner with me again?”
“Yes. I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you. I want us to be close.”
“So do I. I’ll be honest. It’s probably not the best decision. You do remind me of my desire. Your voice is…” He smiles. “So sweet. So comforting. The way you say my name makes me feel whole.”
“Whole?”
“We’ll talk more tonight. I can show you where I live.”
“I’m coming to your place?”
“If that’s okay. I’d rather not be too visible even though we have nothing to be ashamed of or hide.”
“Right. Okay, that’s fine.”
Diego reaches for my hand and squeezes it. “I can’t tell you what it means to me that you’re here.”
“You’re very sweet, Diego. You make me feel special.”
“You should. To me, you are.”
“Thank you.”
“Come to the church at seven. I’ll meet you there.”
“Okay.”
“I should get back.”
“I think I’ll just sit here a little longer and enjoy the weather.”
“Good idea. See you in a bit.”
“Bye.”
I watch him walk away then pull my phone out of my bag to call Katie. It rings a few times until her voice comes through.
“Julia!”
“Hi, sis! How are you?”
“Great. It’s so good to hear your voice. How are you?”
“Good. Really good. Just started working, and so far it’s everything I hoped it would be.”
“Aw, that’s awesome.”
“Yeah.” I exhale. “So, listen to this.”
“What?”
“Remember the family reunion ten years ago and the boy I was kissing?”
“Remember? You talked about Diego so much how could I forget?”
I laugh softly. “Yeah, well he’s here.”
“Who?”
“Diego.” She’s silent for a moment. “Katie?”
“Diego is there? The boy you kissed ten years ago?”
“That’s the one. He’s here.”
“You’re lying.”
“Nope.”
“Well, damn. Did you talk to him?”
“Oh yeah. Had dinner with him last night and lunch today. Meeting him again for dinner tonight.”
“Oh my god. So it’s a love match?”
“Not exactly. There’s a little complication.”
“Oh shit. He has a girl or something?”
“Worse. He’s a priest.”
“What?”
“A priest. He’s a fucking priest, Katie.” She bursts into laughter, causing me to shake my head. “Oh sure. Laugh at my expense.”
“I’m sorry.” She’s still laughing. “I mean, of all the things to be. A priest.”
“Yeah.”
“So why is he dating you? Isn’t that against the rules?”
“We’re not dating. We’re just spending time together.”
“Interesting.”
“But he told me it was love at first sight for him ten years ago and he never forgot me. He said the connection is just as strong and that he thinks I’m beautiful.”
“What the actual fuck?”
“I know. But then he says oh by the way I’m priest so we can only be friends.”
“Friends who hang out?”
“Right.”
“How do you feel about all of this?”
“I don’t know. Katie, you should see him. He’s unbelievable. He’s just…he’s perfect.”
“He’s not perfect. He’s a priest.”
“Yeah. There’s that.”
“That is kind of a big deal.”
“I know.”
“You still like him, don’t you?”
“Oh yeah. It’s like being fifteen again, except now I know what to do about it.”
“And you can’t do anything. That sucks.”
“Big time. Guess what else?”
“What could top this?”
“The dream came back.”
“The dream? The guy running?”
“Yeah. I saw Diego and the dream came back. How fucking weird is that?”
“That’s insane. What is it about him?”
“I wish I knew.” I lie back in the grass and stare up at the cloudless blue sky. “I don’t know what to do. Do I just hang out with him and try to act like he’s not driving me crazy with lust? Or do I like, tell him we shouldn’t?”
“What do you want to do?”
“Hang out. Kiss him. Hold hands. All that shit.”
“Shit.” She exhales loudly. “Well, maybe this is just one of those situations where you follow your heart and see where it leads you. Hopefully Diego follows his. You might just meet in the middle.”
“He’s a priest, Katie.”
“I know, Julia. That’s all I got.”
I run my fingers through my hair as I sit up. “I know. Thanks for listening. I better get back to work.”
“Okay. Keep me posted.”
“I will. Talk to you soon. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I hang up and pull myself up from the grass. Wandering back to the church, I take in the beauty of my surroundings. Maybe all of this is just some detailed dream, and I’m not really here. I’m sitting in class back in New Jersey daydreaming about things that aren’t real. Diego’s not real. He’s just a dream. Like he has been for the last ten years.
Inside the church, I kneel down and get back to work, stopping only for a moment when Erika comes in.
“How did it go when I left?”
“Fine. We’re having dinner again.”
“You don’t sound happy?”
“I’m just confused by it all. You were there.”
“Yeah. He’s totally still hot for you. He just can’t do anything about it.”
“So what should I do?”
Erika shrugs. “Go with it I guess. See what happens.”
“That’s what Katie said. Follow my heart. I’m just afraid it’s going to get shattered. Again.”
“You have to decide if it’s worth the risk. Is hanging out with him and learning to be friends enough? Would you rather let the friendship go? You have to decide.”
I nod, focusing on my fresco section. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess I’ll just see how dinner goes tonight and make a decision from there.”
“Good call. You got this.”
“I do.” I smile and return to my work pretty sure that I don’t have this at all.
∞∞∞
Later that evening, I say goodbye to Erika and make my way to the church. My nerves are a mess right now. When I turn the corner, Diego is already standing out front, and a flutter of butterflies fill my tummy. He twists around at the sound of my footsteps and a gorgeous smile spreads across his lips.
“Julia. You look amazing.”
“Thanks, Diego.” It’s hard to remember he’s a priest when he wears these t-shirts that show off the muscles in his arms and the jeans that make his butt looks delicious. “Do you ever wear traditional priest garments?”
“Yes. On Sunday and during confessions. Why?”
“I just thought priests always wore that stuff. Not normal clothes.”
He laughs softly. “I thought the same thing before I went to seminary, but it’s really the priest’s choice. I feel more comfortable like this. I like dressing up for mass and other services. It puts my head in a different place when I’m wearing my garments.”
“That makes sense.”
Diego searches my eyes for a moment. “Ready?”
“Yeah.”
“Come on.” He grabs my hand and leads me around the back of the church to a door. “My apartment is above the church. This is my private entrance.”
“Is it strange living above a church?”
“No. It’s comforting.” He grins. “And a very easy commute.”
We both laugh as he opens the door and steps to the side for me to enter. There’s a staircase directly in front, so I walk up slowly, feeling his presence behind me. At the top is another door.
“It’s open. You can just go in.”
I nod, opening the door and stepping inside. It’s a small space, but very tidy and minimal. Except for books everywhere, there’s almost nothing else. I turn and look at Diego who’s watching me. “It smells great in here.”
“Good. I made dinner. A simple pasta dish.”
“Your place is nice.” I look around. “Sparse but nice.”
“I don’t have much, but I don’t need much.”
“We have that in common.”
“We have a lot in common.”
“Do we? How do you know?”
“Just a feeling.” He smiles. “Would you like some wine?”
“Sure.”
“Make yourself comfortable.”
“Thanks.” I walk over and sit down on the sofa, sinking into the soft cushions. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this. The space is very warm and cozy although it’s hardly furnished. There’s just something nice about it. Maybe because it’s his place.
Diego returns with two glasses of red wine. “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”
“Great.” I sip my wine glancing at him. He watches me with those sexy blue eyes that make me want to climb him and ride him like a horse.
“The way you look at me,” he starts. “There’s so much your eyes say.”
“What do you hear, Diego?”
“I hear affection, concern, curiosity.”
“Anything else?”
“Attraction. Unless I’m mistaken.”
“No. I guess I’m not hiding it very well.”
“Am I?”
My nose crinkles. “If you’re saying you’re attracted to me, then yes, you’re hiding it well.”
“Hmm.” He sips his wine. “Maybe because I’ve had ten years of practice.”
“Has there been anyone special in your life?”
“No. I dated like all guys my age, but I never wanted to stay in one place for too long. After I graduated high school, I just took off and started traveling. I’ve always had this sense that I was searching for something, but I’ve never figured out what.”
“Even now? You found your calling.”
He nods slowly. “I did. Sometimes though…” He pauses, shifting his eyes up to me. “Today Erika asked me what my life was like and if I was happy.”
“Yeah.”
“What I said was partially true. Sometimes at night, I lie awake and I question if I made the right decision. I love helping people and serving the church, but I miss things from the secular world.”
“Like what?”
“Romance. I miss looking into a woman’s eyes and leaning close and smelling her perfume.” He scoots a little closer to me. “Like right now.”
“What else do you miss?”
“Kissing. Touching. Waking up in someone’s arms.”
“Sex?”
“Definitely sex. I block it out most of the time. I focus on my duties and my devotion to my vows. I have times of weakness when I must relieve myself.”
“Relieve? You get yourself off?”
Diego smiles, nodding. “Sometimes. I don’t believe it’s a sin as it’s been taught. I don’t think we were given sexual pleasure if we weren’t meant to feel it.”
“I don’t believe in priest celibacy. I don’t understand why you can’t be in a loving committed relationship and marry and have children like everyone else.”
“Not everyone wants that. Physical desire is very different from what you’re describing.”
“So you just miss getting laid?”
“I haven’t really known anything else. My early years were spent doing whatever. Drinking, partying, girls. The only time I felt love was brief and taken away from me before I could do anything about it.”
I glance at my wine for a moment. “You really think you loved me? Ten minutes under a tree and you fell in love?”
“No, Julia. I fell in the love the minute you looked at me. You were like an angel who appeared just for me. Maybe that’s why I could never find satisfaction anywhere else. No one ever looked at me that way again. Not until yesterday.”
I reach out and cup his face without thinking about it. Diego closes his eyes as he exhales slowly. “Look at me.” He opens his eyes slowly. “That day was special to me too. I didn’t know anything about love then, and I still don’t, but I know that I’ve never felt anything so powerful in my life then when you are near.” I lean in and plant a soft kiss on his mouth. “I know this is dangerous. We’re too close and there’s so much desire between us. Do you feel it too?”
“Of course.”
“Do you want me to leave, Diego?”
“No. Why would you ask that?”
“Because I want you to kiss me. I want it desperately, and I know you can’t or you won’t.”
“Julia…”
“I know. I know. It’s just what I want.”
Diego smiles, moving a lock of hair off my shoulder. “Don’t leave. We can work through this. I need you to stay.”
“Why?”
“Because I feel good and I waited ten years to feel this way again.”
“At lunch you said I made you feel whole.”
He nods. “My entire life I’ve felt like there was hole in me. Something has always been missing. Maybe it was losing my mother or just not ever feeling like I belonged anywhere.” He takes my hand in his. “But with you I feel like the hole is gone. I can’t love you the way most men can, but I can offer you friendship and deep talks and moonlight walks. I just don’t want you to leave. I don’t want the hole to come back.”
I climb across the sofa and into his arms where I lay my head on his chest. Slowly, he wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. We sit like this for several minutes without saying a word. It isn’t necessary. If this is all I can have of him, I’ll take it.
“I should get dinner. Are you hungry?”
“Yes.”
Diego sits back, studying my eyes. “I’ll be right back.”
I watch him stand and walk to the kitchen and then sit back against the sofa. My body is on fire from his touch. I think I might have to invest in that vibrator Erika keeps teasing me about. Diego returns with two bowls of spaghetti.
“Here you go.”
“Thank you.” We eat silently at first until I decide to speak. “How did you get appointed to this church?”
“I was at another parish a few towns over. The priest here died unfortunately of a heart attack. I was asked by the lead priest of my church if I wanted the opportunity. He thought I was ready so I took it. That was two years ago.”
“That’s nice. I don’t know how it works. Do you get a salary or is everything just covered by the church?”
“Basic necessities like room and board are covered, and I receive a small salary. You don’t become a priest for the money for sure.”
We both laugh. “Well you don’t become an art historian for the money either.”
“I bet not.”
“I wouldn’t make it without Erika and saving money while I lived with my parents during school.”
“But you’re doing work you love, and I’ve learned that’s important. Far more than money.”
“Yeah.” I sip my wine. “Do you ever screw up? Like, I don’t know, drop an F bomb or lose your temper or lust after a parishioner?”
Diego laughs softly. “I do screw up. I’m mortal. People think priests somehow take a vow and become superheroes who never sin, but that’s wrong. I deal with the same emotions any other human deals with. I’ve let swear words out. I’ve raised my voice in frustration. I feel lust and desire.” His voice cracks slightly. “More than I wish I did.”
“You’re a young guy. It’s normal.”
“It is. It’s our actions that matter. I don’t act on my desires.”
“I do.”
“Have you had many lovers?”
“No. Just two. You?”
“More than two.” He smiles. “I had a lot of maturing to do.”
“I’ve always been a little shy, especially with men. I was never comfortable just hooking up, you know? I wanted it to mean something.”
“Did it? Did you care for the men you were with?”
“Yeah. Enough.”
“But it wasn’t love?”
“No. I wish it had been. I want to be in love. I want to meet the one and fall hard. I want to talk about weddings and babies and plan a future with someone. I know I’m young and have lots of time, but that’s what I want. Good thing I have no plans to join a convent.”
Diego laughs. “You’re funny.”
“Thanks.” I chew a bite of pasta. “Just so you know, Diego, you’re incredibly good looking. Finding out you’re a priest is almost as bad as finding out you’re gay.”
“I’m sorry. If I ever thought for even a minute you would be back in my life, I don’t think I would’ve become a priest. I would’ve tried to be with you.”
“That’s sweet. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Finished?”
“Yep.” He takes my bowl and goes back to the kitchen while I stand and look out the window. A moment later, I feel him standing behind me so close I can lean into him. I twist around, tilting my face up to meet his eyes. “Do you want to say something?”
“A million things.”
“I’m listening.”
“Another time. Right now, I just want to stare into your eyes.”
“Diego, you’ve got to stop being so romantic and sweet. You’re gonna make this harder than it already is.”
“I can’t help it. I spent a decade dreaming about you, wishing and praying that somehow I could see your face again. I never believed I would, but here you are. I can’t take my eyes off of you.”
“I wish you could kiss me. You have no idea how bad I want to feel your lips.”
“I couldn’t. No way. If I kissed you once, it would never be enough. It would only make the longing worse.”
I shake my head. “We shouldn’t talk like this.”
“No. I shouldn’t be this close.”
“You should move.”
“I can’t.”
I let my hands roam across his chest. When my eyes meet his again, my breath catches from the emotion radiating between us. He lifts my hands and kisses them.
“What should we do about this, Diego?”
“I don’t know yet. I knew it would be difficult to be alone with you, but I had no idea it would make me question everything in my life.”
“Maybe I should just go.”
“I should let you.”
“But?”
“Have another drink. Stay a little longer. Please.”
I shake my head. “If I stay…”
“What?”
“I’ll throw myself on you. Either you’ll reject me or you’ll break your vow. I don’t want that to happen.”
He shakes his head. “Julia, please. Don’t go. We can figure it out.”
“What are we gonna do if I stay? We can’t keep talking about love and desire and sex. You can’t keep telling me how beautiful I am.”
He smiles. “How about some gelato? You’ll tell me about the work you do and what your life’s been like. Please?”
“Are you sure?”
He nods. “100%. I know this is hard. It is for me too, but I need you around. Whatever happens or doesn’t between us needs to be thought out. I don’t want to make a mistake and lose you, but this is all I can offer right now.”
I consider my options for a moment. “I’ll have some gelato, but only if it’s chocolate.”
He smiles. “Of course it’s chocolate.” He grips my hand. “Thank you.”
I sit on the couch and wait for Diego to return. He hands me a small dish of ice cream as he sits next to me. “Tell me the craziest thing you’ve done?”
I think for a moment. “Well, besides sneaking out of a reunion with you, I haven’t done a lot of crazy things. I’ve always been a little risk adverse, but there was one time just recently before we left New Jersey. Erika and I went out and we were drinking. I was super drunk and the DJ announced they were having a wet t-shirt contest and the winner would get a thousand dollars.”
Diego nods, eating his ice cream. “And?”
“And Erika talked me into it because she said I had the best boobs in town.” We both laugh. “I was so drunk and a thousand bucks sounded great so I did it.”
His eyes open wide. “Did you?”
“Yeah.” I slide the spoon from my mouth. “I won.”
Diego throws his head back in laughter. “That’s fantastic.”
“Yeah. It went into my Italy fund. It felt good to do something so out of character, you know? And something my parents would just die if they knew about.”
“So you enjoyed your taste of rebellion?”
“I did.” I nod. “Other than that though, honestly, I’m pretty low key.”
“Tell me about your dating life.”
I shrug. “Not much to tell. I told you how strict my dad was so in high school it was just study and get into a good school. I told myself when I got to college I would do whatever I wanted, but it’s hard to break an eighteen year pattern.”
“Yes.”
“But I met Erika freshman year and we just hit it off. She’s the yin of my yang. She’s adventurous and outspoken and free. I needed her in my life to open me up a bit.”
“Opposites can attract.”
“Yes.” I take another bite of ice cream. “She fixed me up with the guy that ended up being my first.”
“Oh, she did?”
“He was in one of her classes and she thought we would hit it off.”
“And you did?”
“Yeah, we went on a date and then a couple more. At that point, I was ready. I just wanted to know about sex, you know? I was nineteen and I had no clue. So I asked him he wanted to be that for me and he said yes.”
“What was it like?”
“He was nice and gentle. He understood what it would mean to me. He made it romantic and special.”
“Did you keep seeing him?”
“Yeah, it lasted like six months until we figured out that it wasn’t going to be love. We stayed friends, but lost touch when we graduated and went different directions.”
“You had another boyfriend after him?”
“I did. Ryan. He wasn’t that long ago. We dated for a year.”
“Why did it end?”
“He partied too much. He wasn’t ready to be with just one person.”
“Did he cheat on you?”
“Not to my knowledge, but there were lots of pics of him hanging on girls at parties and stuff. I was studying my ass off and he was drinking and all kinds of shit. I broke it off so I could focus.”
“Smart.”
“Yeah, so that’s my elaborate dating life. You?”
“I told you before. I partied too. Just did whatever with whomever. I’ve never been serious about anyone.”
“So, I guess like, isn’t sex the hardest thing to give up? You know what it feels like and you can never have it again.”
He nods, slowly eating his ice cream. “At first it was. I would see a pretty woman and my instinct was go get her, but over time, as I devoted myself to my studies, the urge slowly faded away.”
“You’re never tempted by a pretty girl walking by or a sexy woman in your confessional?”
“Rarely. I’ve had a few women come on to me. Subtly, of course, but I knew what they were doing. My body reacted, but my brain never did.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah, it’s good. You’re the first serious temptation since I became a priest.”
“Yeah, well you’re the first man I’ve thrown myself at. Ever.”
“You’re not throwing yourself at me. There’s an attraction that’s definitely hard to resist.” He smiles. “It’s funny, isn’t it? Ten years ago it was instant and nothing changed. You would think all that time something would’ve shifted, but it’s like we were frozen in time and all the things that happened in between don’t exist anymore. Only you and I exist.”
“That’s sweet, but it isn’t true. You and I exist, but so does the church.”
“Right.” He exhales slowly. “We always end up here again don’t we?”
“We do.” I set my dish down, finally able to pull myself away. “I think on that note, I should go. Thank you for dinner. It was really good, and I loved seeing where you live.”
“You being here was everything. I’ll walk you home.”
“No, it’s fine. It’s not that late, and I’d rather say goodbye now.”
“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I’ll be there.”
I walk out and take a deep breath exhaling slowly before starting my walk home. My body is on fire right now, and I have no idea how to handle this with him. The attraction between us is undeniable. I hurry down the street to my apartment. When I enter, Erika is sitting at the dining table eating pasta and watching a movie on her tablet. She looks up and smiles.
“How did it go?”
“Terrible.”
She tilts her head. “Why?”
“He was perfect. Romantic, sweet. He can cook. His place is cozy and nice.”
“Um, all of that sounds good, not terrible.”
“He’s a fucking priest. I can’t do anything about it.”
“Oh. Right.” She nods. “Yeah, that is a problem.”
“A huge one. We were standing so close.” I shake my head. “I put my hands on his chest and for a second, I thought he was gonna kiss me.”
“Holy shit. Really?”
“Really. I wanted him to. I told him I had to go or I was going to throw myself at him, but he talked me into staying for ice cream.” I shake my head. “It was dumb. We talked about school and shit.”
“That wasn’t nice?”
I exhale slowly. “Actually, it was. He’s great, Erika. It was only dumb because we were so obviously avoiding the sexual tension between us. I was staring at his mouth just imagining what it would feel like all over me.”
“Whoa.” She slurps some pasta in her mouth. “That’s major.”
“I know. I was close to just ripping off my clothes.”
“Well he is fire.”
“I know. Even more than you see.” I sit down across from her. “He was wearing this t-shirt that showed off all his muscles. How can a priest look like that?”
“Hardly fair. All the priests I’ve ever seen have been old as fuck.”
“Exactly.”
“So what happens when you guys kiss? Does he get kicked out or something?”
“We’re not going to kiss.”
Erika shrugs. “I wouldn’t be so sure. I was at lunch with you two. You can feel the sexual tension. It’s a matter of time before one of you gives in.”
“He won’t. He made a vow.”
“And? He told you to your face that he’s been in love with you for ten years. Love changes everything, Julia. You know that. He hasn’t had to think about it before because you weren’t here, but now you are. Now he’s probably thinking the fuck did I become a priest?”
We both laugh. “You’re crazy.”
“I’m also honest, and I know what I saw. You two are not going to be friends.”
“Yeah? What are we going to be then?”
“Either lovers or nothing. There’s no in between.”
“You’re wrong. People can be friends.”
“Of course they can as long as neither party has feelings for the other. That’s not the case here, and you know it.”
I exhale slowly before lifting the bottle of wine on the table and drinking straight from it. “Go to Italy they said. It’ll be fun they said.”
Erika laughs. “Oh come on. There’s worse things in life than an insanely gorgeous man being in love with you.”
“You say it like it’s so normal. He’s a priest.”
We both sit quietly for a minute. “What now?”
“I don’t fucking know. Tomorrow I’ll go to work and try to focus and ignore Diego.”
“Excellent plan. Let me know how that works out.”
“Shut up.”
She throws her head back in laughter. “Ignore Father Montesanto? Yeah, that’s gonna happen.”
“Don’t call him that.”
“Why? It’s hot and it’s his name.”
“I don’t like the father part. It reminds me he’s off limits.”
“Hmm, see I see it differently. I think it’s sexy as fuck. Good morning, Father. Bless me, Father. I need my penance, Father. You don’t think that’s hot?”
“I think you’re a kinky bitch.”
“I already know that.”
“Speaking of…” I twist my lips. “Know where I can get a vibrator?”
Erika laughs even harder now. “You’re in luck. I have a spare.”
“Eww.”
“It’s not opened yet, dumbass. I always keep a backup in case I need it. I don’t have time for shipping.”
“You’re hilarious.”
She taps her temple. “Thinking ahead. I’ll bring it to you after I finish eating.”
“Thanks. I guess I need to relieve some tension after an evening with Diego.”
“Say his whole name. Try it.”
I roll my eyes. “With Father Montesanto.”
Erika grins and wiggles her eyebrows. “Tell me that’s not sexy.”
A grin pulls at my lips. “Okay. It’s sexy.”
“That’s my girl.”
A little while later, I lie in bed completely naked studying the large pink rabbit shaped vibrator Erika gave me. I’ve never used one of these things, but I need to get off and get some of this energy off of me before I see him tomorrow. I turn it on, watching it twirl for a moment before sliding it down my body and between my legs. I close my eyes imagining Diego’s gorgeous blue eyes and pouty mouth. I let my hands roam his body, as his lips find my neck.
I slip the vibrator inside and arch my back from the sensation before returning it to my throbbing clit. Every tingle I feel I pretend Diego is causing it. I feel the pressure building so I press it harder, grinding against it. When my orgasm hits, it’s Diego’s name that crawls from my lips as the waves of pleasure crash over me. After a few minutes of recovery, I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. I have no idea how I’m going to deal with this. All I know is Diego Montesanto is under my skin and I like it.