The country club in Helensville was vast and impressive, to say the least. The rolling grass of the golf course—scattered with men and women in white outfits laughing, as they sipped margaritas in the sun—spoke volumes. I’d been there a thousand times, yet every time I stepped onto the ground, it never failed to make me feel inferior and out of place.

Licking my dry lips, I adjusted my outfit—a soft pastel pink silk shirt and a pair of black straight leg business pants, ones that I’d designed and made myself. I wore a pair of black stiletto heels, knowing that my normal daily flip flops or street shoes would have me turned away at the door instantly, no matter whose name I dropped.

The loud hum of a Harley pulling into the parking space beside me wasn’t surprising, and I looked over to see who had the joy of following me around today.

Leo took off his helmet and smiled as he switched off the engine. “You need me to come inside?” he asked as he scrutinized the large building behind me with his eyes.

“I’m pretty sure they don’t let in riff-raff like you.” I grinned.

Leo smirked. “That’s a shame. Maybe some of those old ladies could do with a little spice in their lives.”

I laughed and turned to head for the front doors, calling over my shoulder, “I’ll let them know you’re out here just in case they decide to take a ride on the wild side.”

His deep laughter filled me with courage as I pushed open the doors and stepped inside. The boys from the club had been amazing since we’d arrived, never once complaining about having to follow us around, and always willing to humor Harlyn as she endeavored to find out everything she could about the brotherhood.

The lady behind the front desk made sure to give me an obvious once over before turning back to her computer. “How may I help you?” she asked with a slight sneer.

The notion that she’d already dismissed me, even though I’d put in an effort to make myself presentable, was almost enough to have me abandoning my mission. I bit my tongue, fighting against the urge to tell the older woman how out of date her fashion sense was, and how I knew the shirt she was wearing was out of a Walmart catalog.

Instead, I pinched my palm and inhaled deeply before answering her, “My name is Su… I mean, Anna Sulivan. I’m here to see my parents, Judy and Martin Sulivan.”

This had her ears perking up and her back straightening as she turned back toward me and once again looked me up and down. “The only daughter they ever have visit them is Eva. I can’t seem to remember meeting you…” She let the words hang in the air like she’d caught me in some terrible lie.

“Then you must be new here, sweetheart.” I laughed, hoping those words would somewhat piss her off.

Success!

She narrowed her eyes which were magnified by thick glass lenses and stood from her chair, stepping around the desk. “They’re in the dining room. I will walk you to them.”

Grinning, I held out my hand, gesturing for her to lead the way. “Oh, that would be lovely, thank you.”

She didn’t trust me, and I found it comical as she stomped down the hallway with me trailing behind her like she was some kind of jailer ready to lock me up and throw away the key. We weaved through the restaurant until I finally spotted my parents at their favorite booth in the corner of the room. Judy and Martin Sulivan were people watchers. Well, no, they were more than that. They didn’t like to just watch, they liked to judge.

Growing up, my sister and I had thought of it as some kind of game. While my parents would laugh about who was with who, and whether someone was eating a burger instead of a salad or chewing with their mouth open, Eva and I would pick out people’s outfits and discuss what was in and what was out, and who won the best-dressed prizes.

It wasn’t until I was older that I realized just how judgmental my parents were and how that one disgusting act had rubbed off on us. I trembled as we pulled up in front of my parents’ table. My mother’s signature white-blonde permed hair caused my heart to stop as I waited for them to acknowledge our presence.

“Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Sulivan, but it seems you have a visitor,” the old wench said begrudgingly, as she stepped aside to evaluate how my parents would receive me.

I caught my father’s eyes first, and for a brief second, a flurry of different emotions proceeded to cross his face. They ranged from surprise to relief, to just holy mother of Christ. But they were soon gone.

My mother coughed as she tried to swallow back a mouthful of expensive wine, her hand going to her throat. “Anna?”

With the obvious recognition, my jailer gave a harsh huff and spun on her heel, stomping from the dining room. Good riddance.

Shuffling from foot to foot, I stood awkwardly at the edge of the table, not knowing what to do or say.

“Um… would you like to sit?” my father finally recommended, and a relieved breath left my lungs as I scooted into the booth beside him. A part of me wanted to reach out to them, to hug them and allow their warmth to wrap around me. But that wasn’t the aura they were portraying. It wasn’t the same as when I was young, and my dad would pull me in under his arm and tell me stories about his day in court. Or when my mother would lift me onto the kitchen counter, both watching in awe as our private chef mixed and stirred the most magnificent desserts and pastries.

Those are the things I remember about my parents. While our home life wasn’t what you’d call normal. There were still intimate moments, pieces of my past that I remembered which reminded me that once they had actually cared.

They may have still been stuck up snobs who threw money around like it was confetti, but they loved my sister and me and wanted us to grow up to be successful members of society—only not just any society, but theirs.

Unfortunately, I’d failed, destroyed their dreams for me and essentially stomped all over them. The warmth of those memories was gone, and now in its place were two people who looked like they were almost ashamed to have me sitting at the same table as them.

I was the daughter they never spoke of, the daughter who was handed off to someone else in hopes that I would become someone else. Their dirty little secret, that’s what I’d become.

Sitting beside them was almost painful. It was like a chill had settled over me, and it was in that moment, that I knew that the outcome of this would not be the one I so desperately wanted.

“When… did you um… get back?” my mother asked politely as she pushed her food around her plate. It was a salad, of course. A lady dare not eat anything in public that might see her looked at as vulgar or messy.

“A few days ago,” I answered, fiddling with my hands beneath the table.

“Oh,” she said, nodding as she placed a small lettuce leaf in her mouth.

My father cleared his throat as he placed his knife and fork on the table. “Does Peter know you’re home?”

My gut twisted, I’d hoped for at least a few moments with them before that name reared its ugly head. “No, and he does not need to know.”

My mother’s face twisted unpleasantly. “He is your husband, Anna. You’ve hidden yourself away from him for almost six years. He deserves to know if you’re back, so the two of you can sit down and—”

“We will not be sitting down to do anything,” I whispered sharply, needing them to hear me, but at the same time in the back of my mind not wanting to disrespect them. I pulled back my shoulders again as they both stared at my outburst in shock. “Peter and I have nothing to discuss. We don’t work. We shouldn’t be together. That is that.”

“Oh, Anna. Stop being dramatic and remind yourself of what that man did for you,” my mother scolded while my father continued to enjoy his thick bleeding steak. “So there were problems before, you’ve both grown up now, and the mature thing to do would be to sit down and discuss your relationship like civilized adults.”

They were oblivious, completely ignorant to Peter and the man that he was behind the mask. I wasn’t angry at them for not knowing. I guess that fell on my shoulders for never telling them, assuming that they would opt to take his side over mine.

The more I thought about him, the sicker I felt. I needed to get this over and done with and get the answer I needed so I could walk away with my head held high, and never again question what if?

“I was wondering if you’d like to meet my little girl, Harlyn?” I finally managed to spit out. As the words spilled, I felt like I was releasing some kind of heavy weight from my shoulders.

I saw the look they shared, one that spoke volumes over any words they could ever say.

No, they didn’t want to meet her.

No, they didn’t want her to be a part of their lives.

No, she wasn’t good enough.

It angered me, filled me with disgust that they could so easily throw away this small child. A gorgeous little girl who they’d never had any contact with or even seen pictures of, but that was essentially a part of them.

My father swallowed, picking up his napkin and wiping at his mouth before setting it back down on his lap. “A daughter?” He was trying to swallow back his shock, I could tell.

“How old is she?” My mother’s eyes watched me suspiciously, her body still and frozen.

I took a deep breath. “She’s almost six.”

Her eyes shot open, obviously not having to take time to do the math.

“Anna! You took Peter’s child away from him? I thought I’d raised you better,” she hissed under her breath as her eyes scanned the room to make sure no one was within listening distance.

I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin. “You did, and that’s why she’s not his.”

My mother’s hand flew to her chest, gripping her delicate black chiffon shirt in her hand as though her heart might stop at any second.

My father’s mouth dropped open, but he didn’t speak a word.

“How… how could you be so disgraceful!” she gasped. But it wasn’t disappointment in her eyes. No. Disappointment I could handle. At some stage, during our childhood, we’d all made bad decisions that disappointed our parents, but those were quickly resolved or forgotten. This wasn’t one of those times. No. The look in my mother’s eyes was one of complete shame and embarrassment.

“Think about that child. How are you going to support it by yourself and give it everything it needs? How incredibly selfish of you. What if she has—”

“She will get everything she needs because she has a loving father and an amazing family,” I argued, clenching my fists below the table.

“Who?” she demanded.

I didn’t answer, staring directly into her eyes, mine slightly narrowed, daring her to piece together the thoughts in her head and come to a conclusion.

“Lord help me! Don’t tell me it’s that biker trash that you were hanging out with? I thought that was just a phase, a stupid rebellion until you settled down.”

“They’re not trash,” I snapped, slamming my palm down on the table.

My father took this moment to interject. His calm tone did nothing to settle the tension between us. “Peter has been very gracious during the last few years, Anna. He’s never expressed anything but heartbreak and sadness toward your decision to walk away from your marriage…” I opened my mouth to speak, but he hushed me, holding up his hand which only made my body burn in frustration. “We can’t be seen to encourage such behavior, until the two of you have discussed your relationship and decided how to move forward.”

“There will be no moving forward,” I grated out in disgust. “You have no idea what that man is truly like, and there’s no way in hell I’m putting my daughter or myself anywhere near him.”

My mother jolted back, horrified at my words.

Ladies never spoke of their husbands in such ways, never in public anyway.

“Anna!” she scolded.

I threw myself out of the booth, the both of them staring at me with wide eyes. “If you’re going to choose his side over mine, fine. But know this, you are missing out on a relationship with the most amazing, intelligent and beautiful little girl.”

I could see people around me at other tables turning and beginning to stare. My mother’s eyes flicked from side to side as she realized they were becoming the center of attention in the vast dining room.

Good.

For once they would be the ones who were judged and looked at like they were unworthy. For once they would know what it felt like to not be on the top of the ladder.

Maybe that’s what they needed.

“My daughter, your grandchild, has an amazing family. One who doesn’t care where she comes from. One who’s full of faults and a little crazy, but that will give their lives to do whatever they must to keep her happy. They aren’t rich, or famous, or upstanding citizens, but they’ve given us more than we need. She will grow up to be something important, without you, without your name, and without your money.” With that I spun around on my heel and began to walk toward the door, eyes followed me, some with sly smirks others in a range of horror.

Holding my head high, forcing my shoulders back even as my body shook, I didn’t stop until I reached my car. I wouldn’t let them affect me or bring me down.

Harlyn didn’t need them. Everything I said was true. She had a clubhouse full of uncles and aunts, and family who saw her as the most precious little girl on earth. She had everything she needed.

So why did it hurt so much?

“You okay?” Leo’s deep rumble came, pulling me from my own mind.

I nodded, kicking off my heels and tossing them in the backseat. “Don’t know why I expected a different outcome. I knew it was going to turn out this way, but I still couldn’t help myself.”

He scrubbed as his beard. “Hope for the best, but expect the worst. Ain’t nothing they got that you or Harlyn need, darlin’.”

I took in a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. “I know…”

“You’re not upset because you or Har is missing out. You’re upset because you know there ain’t no going back now. It’s done. Before you weren’t so sure because you didn’t know for sure what they’d say, and now it’s final. They’re out of your life. It’s all over.”

His words made sense. If they didn’t want to know Harlyn, then there was no reason for them to be in my life any longer. Parents or no parents. I was now one myself, and I was going to protect my daughter from anything that could harm her, including them.

“I just wanna go home.”

Leo grinned. “Home it is.”

 

 

As I drove back to the clubhouse, I couldn’t stop the few stray tears that trickled down my cheeks. I’m not even sure what I’d been expecting when I approached my parents to let them know I was back in town. I guess a part of my heart wondered whether they’d missed me, or if they’d thought about me often. There was a small part inside me that wished they had, despite our past, and our differing opinions on what was important in life.

They’d chosen their reputation over our relationship a long time ago. Money and importance came first. Their daughter who needed them during one of the darkest moments in her life—she was forgotten.

I didn’t hold it against them or resent them for their choices. It was who they were, and who they were had built me into the woman I was today. The way I was raised forced me to make my own decisions about my life.

Was that who I wanted to grow up to be?

Or would I make a conscious decision to change my path?

Although I chose the latter, there was still a twinge in my heart knowing that these people, who I loved and that had raised me, couldn’t accept me as an independent person. Or to separate their disdain for who I was, in order to be a part of their granddaughter’s life.

I thought I’d come to terms with this a long time ago, but no, stupid me had to imagine this world where they’d changed their mind. I took a few deep breaths as I pulled into the Brothers by Blood compound and swiped at the tears. Looking at the building helped me to build strength. There were people inside who loved me and loved Harlyn unconditionally, even though there was no blood relation between us.

They didn’t care. They would still put us first, and love and protect us like we were their own. And that spoke much louder than two people who couldn’t get past their own issues in order to even accept me.

I wouldn’t let it drag me down.

I wouldn’t let it drag us down.