Wrench wanted to know everything. Every small detail—about Peter, our relationship, about the connection to Optimus.

I could feel my heart racing as I cuddled up next to him and forced the words from my mouth, but as I spoke, I found my body felt a little lighter with each word. I was sharing this with someone, it wasn’t just my secret anymore, something that I’d only talked to doctors and therapists about.

“At one point he took me off the pills. Getting past the come down was one of the worst moments in my life,” I explained, laying my head against Wrench’s chest. “I guess it was all part of this game he was playing… see how I would cope without them in my system.”

Wrench’s heartbeat pressing against my ear gave my courage. He was here with me, listening, breathing in my words. He wasn’t running away from me, he wasn’t looking at me as though I was a monster or as if I disgusted him.

“He had to go away for work for a while, and didn’t want to take me with him, so I moved back in with my parents. That was when I met Optimus. My parents had to make an appearance at the town fair, the club was there, and Op talked to me… well… he hit on me.” I smiled at the memory, but when Wrench’s body tensed up, I quickly moved on. “It made me feel good at a time where I was so low. So when he invited me to hang out with them, I grabbed onto it with both hands.”

“It was that easy?” Wrench asked, with a tightness in his voice.

I pulled back and looked up at him. “No. It wasn’t. But because I wasn’t on any medication, I was back to thinking irrationally and making choices on a whim. Hanging out with the club… the fun, the freedom they had… it was the start of a new high. One that I never thought I could come down from.”

He looked into my eyes, I could tell it was hard for him to hear these things but that he knew he needed to. He wanted to understand me, he wanted to hear my pain and what I’d gone through, even if it might hurt him.

“I got to know the club, and Op and his dad… then suddenly everything hit the fan,” I said sadly.

Wrench inhaled slowly. “The war got serious, and Dealer was killed.”

I cuddled in closer to him, and he pulled his arms tightly around me. I knew how much these boys cared for Op’s dad, he was their leader and their friend. He was family to them and losing him had been a shock to everyone.

I cleared my throat, it was clogged with emotion. “I felt responsible,” I whispered. “Op left him there in the bar to come and be with me. I tried to be there for Optimus, but it weighed me down and with nothing to balance my emotions, I broke down.”

His hand stroked up and down my arm, it comforted me but I could still feel that guilt sitting in my stomach. Had I not been so needy, I wouldn’t have pleaded with Op to come to me that night, to be with me instead of protecting his dad.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Wrench told me softly. “If Op had been there, we could have lost them both.”

I took a deep breath, it was something Optimus himself had told me time and time again, but it never took the pain away. Dealer had treated me like one of his own even for those short few weeks I was with them.

“My parents called Peter and he came home, and when he did, he offered me the one thing I didn’t want but that I knew would numb the pain I was feeling,” I explained, barely able to force the words out, ashamed of my actions. “I don’t remember a lot, but at some point while I was high, I fell down the stairs at Peter’s house and he took me to the hospital. They did tests, and nothing was broken… but they said I was pregnant.”

My hand unconsciously went to my slightly rounded stomach where I’d carried my baby girl. She’d become my everything, and I only hoped that one day she’d understand what I was doing was to protect her.

“Peter assumed it was his and dragged me to the courthouse that afternoon to get us married. God forbid he’d have an illegitimate child. What that would do to his reputation and my family’s would have been catastrophic.” I couldn’t hold the edge from my voice. “I went along with it, but I knew in my heart that it wasn’t his… so as soon as he left the house, I started to pack my shit.”

“Jesus Christ,” Wrench cursed, lifting his hat off his head and scrubbing at his hair. “This is a fucking mess.”

“Eric came around to see Peter and caught me packing. Peter had given me another pill, so I was so high I could barely move, but I was determined to get the hell out of there, knowing that he would find out one way or another that the baby wasn’t his and all hell would rain down.”

Wrench lifted his lip. “I still don’t like that asshole.”

I nodded. “I know, but he helped me. He put me in a taxi and sent me to the clubhouse. When Op decided to send me away, that saved my life and Harlyn’s.”

“Why didn’t you just tell us? Why have you kept this shit hidden for so long?” he asked, and I couldn’t really blame him.

“I thought I had it under control, while I was away. For years, I was on medication and it worked well. I found a doctor, and we worked together to find what was right for me. There was no stress, but if I felt myself sinking, I had alternative pills I could take that would help,” I explained, hoping he would understand. “The shit I did while I was with Peter… the things I did in order to get that magic little pill, they…” I shook my head, I couldn’t force the words out because that would bring back memories, the ones that I’d managed to squash into the back of my brain for years.

Wrench’s hand rubbed up and down my back. “Why would you think it would change things? Why would you think that we wouldn’t be there for you? Op is losing his damn mind because of this shit.”

“I’m not ready to tell him,” I whispered.

I knew what Wrench was saying was true, but the fear of judgment and self-loathing that I had inside me wasn’t ready to deal with the ramifications. Now with Peter planning something. I knew he wanted to hurt me, I’d seen it in his eyes. I needed to figure out a way to stop him and I needed to do it so that if things went wrong, the club wouldn’t be pulled down too.

I knew how irrational I sounded, but with Harlyn now in their care, I was more determined than ever to protect them. I knew Optimus was going to lose his mind when he found out what I’d done, but that’s what I wanted. I needed the connection severed so they couldn’t be dragged under with me.

My phone dinged, and I pried myself away from Wrench as I reached for my handbag. Pulling out my phone, I read a text from Optimus.

 

OP: you need to get here now

 

“Shit,” I cursed, tossing my phone back in my bag. “I promised Harlyn I’d have dinner with her.” It was five-thirty, and I didn’t want to let her down. Not tonight, not when I knew tomorrow Op would get those papers and whether he would let me see my daughter afterward, that was another issue.

Wrench stood up, his body was tired and limp, I could tell that I’d laid a lot of shit on him today and he was feeling it. So was I.

“I’ll follow you there, say I caught up with you in town,” he said as he came forward and pressed his lips to mine before heading to the door.

I took a deep breath and gathered my things, following him out.

 

 

The club was quiet when we walked through the main door. The bar was empty and the room desolate. Unusual for this time of the night when the boys were normally busy feeding their faces and drinking after a long day or preparing for a long night.

I looked at Wrench who was obviously thinking the same thing.

As I took a step toward the dining room door, Optimus, Chelsea, and Blizzard came out of the hallway that leads to his office and the meeting room. I opened my mouth to ask where everyone was, but before I could, he held up a handful of papers—ones that I recognized instantly, ones I’d signed just today. My gut sank.

“What the fuck are these?” he demanded, his eyes full of chagrin and anger.

Chelsea pulled on his hand, her eyes looking up at him as if pleading for him to calm down. But he wasn’t going to, he was going to tear me to shreds.

And I didn’t blame him one fucking bit.

Wrench stood at my side as they moved toward us. I wanted to run, my breathing becoming heavier.

This wasn’t meant to happen.

He wasn’t meant to get them until tomorrow.

I wasn’t ready.

“Answer me!” he yelled, his voice booming in the room. My body jolted in fright.

Now I knew why the clubhouse was empty.

“They’re custody papers,” I answered quietly.

“I fucking know that. According to these… you’re giving her up.” I could see the pain flash through his eyes as he said those words that I couldn’t bear to hear. I blinked, tears dropping down onto my cheeks as I stared into his eyes. “Why? I want to know why?”

“I… I just…” I couldn’t find the words I needed, my throat closing up each time I tried to speak.

“Are you trying to destroy her?” he threw at me and my eyes widened.

“No!” I protested, my heart aching at his cruel words. “What kind of mother do you think I am?”

His lip curled up. “The words pathetic, selfish and neglecting come to mind.”

“Hey! That’s enough,” Wrench growled stepping in. “You have no fucking idea what’s going on. So don’t throw shit around you’re gonna regret saying later.”

“Wrench, stop!” I warned, grabbing hold of his arm, not wanting him to get involved. This wasn’t his problem, it was mine.

Optimus narrowed his eyes and Blizzard cursed softly under his breath. Chelsea looked between us, and even I could see the realization beginning to dawn on her.

“Jesus Christ,” Op said finally, the pieces finally clicking into place. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Did you not hear me when I told you all to stay the hell away from her?”

Wrench pulled his shoulders back. “Shit happens, Op. Can’t help who you fall for. You fucking know that.”

“Fall for!” Optimus launched forward, but Blizzard caught him around the shoulders, holding him back. “I fucking warned you! You’re willing to lose your patch over some bitch who won’t even take responsibility for her own daughter?”

“Optimus!” Chelsea gasped in shock.

His words hit me right in the chest and I struggled to breathe. I kept reminding myself, this was for the best. He needed to pull away, he needed to hate me. I was protecting them.

Wrench took a step forward. “Don’t fucking talk about her like that.” I tried to reach for him but he snatched his hand away. “You have no fucking idea what’s going on.”

“I’m your fucking president, if something is going on then I need to damn well know about it,” Optimus snapped, continuing to fight against Blizzard’s hold on him. “Although, I’m starting to wonder if I want someone in my club who can’t follow a simple order. Someone who fucking lies to my face.”

“Stop!” I cried, tears streaming down my cheeks. “Why the hell do you think I didn’t want to tell you? Because of this…”

In that moment Optimus broke free and flew forward. His fist pulled back, and with power that I’d never seen before, he hit Wrench in the jaw. Wrench flew to the floor but Op was on him within a second, Wrench’s cut fisted in his hand as he plowed punch after punch into his face. Wrench didn’t even try to fight back, taking the punishment that he knew was coming for a long time.

“Stop it!” I cried out.

“Optimus!” Chelsea screamed as she rushed forward.

Blizzard moved in a flash, using his body weight to throw Optimus off Wrench’s body and send him sprawling across the floor. I dropped to my knees beside Wrench, he was dazed, but I could see the fire in his eyes. He wanted to protect himself, but he refused to hit Optimus back. Wrench sat up, breathing heavily, staring over at his president who was looking at him like he wanted to kill him. Blizzard played referee, standing between them.

“Fucking cut it out,” Blizzard snapped, looking down at Op. “I get you’re pissed, and you have the right to be, but you’re gonna fucking kill him.”

Wrench’s eyebrow was split open and his eye already beginning to swell. Blood streamed down his face from the cut and from his nose.

“Beat the shit out of me all you like, it ain’t gonna change the way I feel about her,” Wrench spat, blood and saliva flying from his mouth. “But don’t you dare fucking say shit about her when you have no goddamn idea what she’s been through. Last thing she needs is the people she loves and is trying to protect, breaking her fucking down.”

I hung my head, shame and regret filling me.

I should have let Wrench talk to Op a long time ago.

I should have known that him finding out this way would tear them apart.

“Why are you walking away from Harlyn? Why’d you give me custody?” Optimus demanded, his tone lower, but still as stern as ever. “And what the hell is he talking about protecting us?”

I looked at Wrench who watched me carefully as he used his T-shirt to wipe some of the blood from his face. I knew he wanted me to tell them, that it would be better to just get it out in the open. But I knew Optimus would try and get involved, he’d try and help, and in turn, it would put a target on the club’s back.

Until I knew what Peter was up to, I had to keep his anger and hatred directed just at me. It was becoming clear now, though, that there was one more person I had to protect.

I pushed off the floor and stood up. “I just need you to keep Harlyn safe and happy, something I couldn’t guarantee. Which means you were right, I’m a useless mother.”

Optimus watched me carefully as Blizzard helped him to stand.

“I love Wrench…” The words fell from my lips so easily, so fluidly. They didn’t scare me, somehow making me almost feel stronger. “But if the ultimatum you’re giving is the club or us, then I will make sure the club comes first.”

“Sugar,” Wrench growled as he struggled to get to his feet.

I ignored him, turning and heading for the door even as my brain told me to go to him. He was hurting, he’d just had the shit beaten out of him and now where was I when he needed me.

But he also needed to talk with Optimus, brother to brother.

Their relationship was at stake, and I was giving him that time. Whether it be a few minutes or forever.