Three hours. That’s how long it takes to get my head screwed on straight and come to terms with the bomb Ella dropped in my lap.

Three hours of walking an endless circle around and around a small park that I found about a quarter mile from Ella’s apartment. I’m surprised no one called the cops because of my suspicious behavior. Maybe the reason they didn’t was because I wasn’t paying attention to any of the kids, or maybe it’s because life in this neighborhood is already hard and no one has the energy to pay much attention to people who are behaving strangely.

I ponder this as I knock on Ella’s door for the second time today. It doesn’t matter what the answer is, I realize. The fact that no one cared what I was doing is all the proof I need to know that I don’t want my daughter to be raised in this particular environment. I haven’t even met her yet, I know next to nothing about her, but I do know that I want her to be raised in a safe environment, somewhere she’ll flourish.

In addition to making me question the current state of humanity, the past three hours helped me decide that I want Ella and her…no our, daughter to be in my life. Forever.

The door swings open and Ella stares up at me. A sense of déjà vu slams into me. Except for pulling her hair into a low ponytail and balancing a pair of wire rimmed glasses on her cute little nose, she looks the same as when I left. She even has the same damn cat balanced on her hip.

Ella blinks red rimmed eyes at me. The cat stares with thoughtful yellow ones. I get the uncomfortable sense that it’s judging me to see if I’m someone it wants associating with its women. I shudder to think what it will do if it decides I’m not worthy.

I redirect my attention from the cat to Ella. Nervous energy batters the interior of my stomach lining. It’s one thing to know I want Ella and Kelsey to be in my life; telling Ella is an entirely different matter. I don’t know what to say.

“What’s its name?” I stuff my hands into my pockets.

Ella’s eyes narrow. “What?”

“Your cat. What’s its name?”

She looks down at the cat, who is slowly rubbing its head back and forth against her rib cage. Her eyes widen, like she’s forgotten she’s holding it.

“It’s Kelsey’s cat,” she says, her voice low and thick, like her throat is sore and swollen. “She found him taped in a box and rescued him. They’ve been inseparable ever since. She named him Mal, after this sci-fi show she’s obsessed with.”

“Firefly,” I say with a smile. “It’s my favorite show.” I wait a beat before hesitantly asking. “Does Kelsey like sci-fi?”

Ella rolls her eyes and some of the tension drains from her shoulders. “She can’t get enough of it. If it takes place sometimes in the future, she’ll spend a whole weekend watching it. She sure doesn’t get it from me.”

No, she got it from me. Sci-fi has always been my favorite genre. I’d never considered the possibility of it being something I’d pass on to my child. Then again, until three hours ago I never considered I was ever going to have a child!

“I have an entire library of sci-fi DVDs. You name it, I’ve got it. Everything from every Star Trek episode, the Alien movies, Buffy, Doctor Who, The Twilight Zone. Seriously, my DVD collection is a geek’s treasure trove. She’ll love it.”

Ella clings to the edge of the door. “So, you want—” She sucks in a mouthful of air and tries again. “You’re going to be a part of her life?”

This isn’t a conversation I want to have while I’m standing in the hallway. I step into the kitchen, gently tug the door out of her grasp and push it closed before gesturing towards the living room. “Can we go in there and relax?”

Ella catches her lower lip between her teeth. Her eyes flick back and forth from me to the living room. “I guess that’s okay.”

She proceeds me into the room and sits down on a pretty yellow and blue checked couch. The cat jumps down and settles in a dusty patch of sunlight, throwing a yowl in our direction.

I nod at the place on the couch beside her. She hesitates a moment before sliding sideways in silent assent.

Reaching over, I take one of her hands, cupping it between both of my own. It trembles, the light fluttering reminding me of a baby bird I found and returned to a nest last spring.

I choose my words carefully; after all, my entire future depends on them. “I’ve been thinking about our daughter.”

Ella stares at me with saucer-shaped eyes but doesn’t say a word.

“Your news. It was a shock. Literally, the last thing I expected to hear. I spent seven years dreaming of getting you back in my life, imagining what our life would be like once we reconnected.” Ella gasps but otherwise remains silent. “It never once occurred to me that our lovemaking would have created a child.”

My gaze slips from her face, gliding downward until it lands on her stomach, the place where our child spent nine months growing. My mind conjures up an image of how it swelled. I picture how Ella must have cuddled it and stroked it while she whispered secret conversations with our unborn child. This is followed by images of the first time she held Kelsey, how she reacted when she learned the truth about our child’s health, how she must smile and celebrate whenever Kelsey achieves a new milestone.

Grief grips my heart and holds on tightly. I missed so much. I can’t go back in time and get those moments back, but… If Ella’s open to it someday we can make another child and this time I’ll be an active participant throughout the entire experience.

I shake my head, jerking myself out of my thoughts. Talk about foolish. I haven’t even met my current child, much less resolved anything between Ella and myself, and I’m already contemplating having another child. Talk about jumping the gun.

I jerk my thoughts back on track. “What I want you to know is that I love you and I can’t wait to meet Kelsey. I can’t wait to get to know her and learn everything that makes her special.”

Relief spreads slowly across Ella’s face. “Are you certain?”

“One hundred percent.”

“I didn’t tell you about Kelsey so that you’ll feel obligated to take care of her,” Ella says tentatively, like she’s having a difficult time believing anything I’ve said so far. “Kelsey deserves better than simply being someone’s obligation.”

“Ella.” I cup Ella’s jaw in my right hand, forcing her to meet my eyes. “No one forces me to do anything I don’t want to do. I want to be a part of both of your lives. I’m excited about it.”

Unable to resist, I lean forward and brush Ella’s lips with my own in a kiss that’s sweeter than spun sugar. Ella sighs against my mouth and the tension melts from her body.

“Mmm,” she hums, the sound tickling my lips.

“I agree.” Breathing heavily, I pull back and look deep in her eyes. I slip a finger under the collar of her T-shirt, tugging it away from her throat, and kiss the tip of her nose. Ella lifts her arms, winding them around my neck and threading her fingers into my hair. “It seems like this is a great place to start our goal to make love in every room in the city.”

Ella laughs and glances at the cheap black watch strapped to her wrist. “It sounds fun, but we don’t—”

We both hear the kitchen door swing open. Mal the Cat bolts to his feet and races into the kitchen. Childish laughter carries to us.

I push myself away from Ella and sit up. Kelsey. I’m about to meet my six-year-old daughter for the first time. I run my hand through my hair before tugging at my shirt.

“Do I look okay?” I have no idea what I am supposed to say to the little girl I fathered, but who I haven’t yet met. I want to make a good impression, but I don’t have the first clue as to how to go about doing that.

Kissing Ella is wonderful, but now I wish I would have spent that precious bit of time using my phone to google how to handle a first meeting with a little girl.

I’ve never been so terrified in my life.

I start to stand but Ella grabs my sleeve. “Jason, wait.”

The panic in her voice chills my heart. My eyes meet hers and the sheer panic in their depths makes it impossible to breathe.

“What’s wrong?”

Ella shakes her head. Her free hand goes to her throat. I never imagined she’d ever look so vulnerable. Her eyes wheel to the table before returning to me. “Whatever happens, “she hisses between panic clenched teeth, “you need to promise that you’ll do whatever it takes to keep Kelsey safe.”

I assume she’s talking about Kelsey’s health problems. What else could she possibly be worried about? I bend forward and touch my lips to her brow, hoping the touch will calm Ella. “I’ll always take care of you and Ella.”

Ella shakes her head. “No. I’m not important. Kelsey’s all that matters.”

My brow furrows as realization plows into me. Something is wrong. There’s something Ella still hasn’t told me about, something that scares her half to death. Before I can question her, a little girl with wild brown hair bounces into the room, her pretty heart-shaped face creased into a million-watt smile.