Royal was hot and sweaty from his ride, so he returned to his apartment and cleaned up. As he stood in the shower, the warm water pouring over his head, he tried to decide how to proceed. He could do what he’d done in Charleston and fuck any and every woman he could talk into opening her legs while drowning himself in booze. He shook his head, knowing he couldn’t go back to that. He’d finally gotten his shit together and he was no longer the lost kid looking for something, anything, to validate him. He’d found pride, something he didn’t have then. He knew chasing pussy and being hungover all the time wouldn’t solve anything.
The only way forward was to clear the air between them. He needed to speak his peace to get the poison out of his system, to say the words he should have said four years ago. Then he could move forward with his life as she had moved forward with hers. He hadn’t realized until he saw her again he was still haunted by how he left her. He’d been unable to let go of the guilt, to find someone new he could love. Every sexual encounter since her had been just like the one Friday night with Circe. Empty fucking. He was tired of that life. He wanted to find an old lady, someone he could care about and someone to care about him, but he couldn’t until he let go of the guilt.
It didn’t matter to him if she forgave him or not as much as it did that she simply knew why he’d done it, and he found out she was happy and okay. The corner of his lips quirked up. He didn’t know why this had become such an obsession for him. Until now he didn’t give much of a shit what a woman thought about him so long as she let him fuck her. Maybe that’s the difference between someone you were using and someone you love. Or loved once.
He banged the shower off. He had his plan. He would grind her down. All he wanted was to talk, and eventually she would have to talk to him, if only just to get him to go away. The easiest way was to eat dinner at the diner every night. He had to eat anyway; it might as well be there.
***
“One?” the hostess at Carolina Diner asked as Gabriel stepped into the diner.
“Yes. Stella’s section, please.”
The hostess consulted a table map. “Right this way.”
He followed her into a small side room and placed his menu on the table. “Stella will be right with you.”
He picked up the menu and was looking at it when Stella arrived. “You’re persistent, I’ll give you that.”
He smiled at her. “I have to eat somewhere. Might as well be here. The food’s good and so is the service.”
“That’s the only reason you’re here?”
“You know it’s not.”
“Why’s it so important to you that we talk?”
“Honestly?”
“Sure.”
“Because seeing you made me feel guilty about how we ended.”
“You’ll have to excuse me if I don’t worry much about your guilt.”
“Didn’t think you would. But you asked for an honest answer, and I gave it to you. That’s all I want: to be honest with you one last time.”
She looked at him a moment. He had certainly changed in the four years he’d been gone. Not only had gotten better looking, but he’d come into his own as a man. He had a confidence about him he never had before and, goddamnit all, he was hotter than shit because of it. “What can I get you to drink?”
He smiled. “Sweet tea, no lemon.”
“You ready to order or do you need a minute?”
“Give me a minute, please.”
She moved off and he returned his attention to the menu. When she returned with his drink, the menu was lying on the table.
“What can I get you?”
“Country fried steak with mashed potatoes, pinto beans and mac and cheese.”
“Cornbread or roll?”
“Cornbread, you know that.”
She smiled because she did know, just like she knew about the sweet tea with no lemon, but she said nothing. “It’ll be right out.”
“He’s back again?” Tara asked as she stepped behind the counter.
“Yeah. He simply won’t let it drop. He said he wanted to be honest with me one last time.”
Tara smirked. “I’d let him be honest with me. I’d let him fuck me until I honestly couldn’t walk.”
Stella snickered and stuck the ticket on the kitchen wheel. “Why don’t you go talk to him, then?”
“Why don’t you? Maybe he still has the hots for you.”
“Because I don’t want to go there again. I’m so over him.”
“Uh-huh,” Tara grunted. “Look, far be it for the divorcée to tell you how to handle your relationships, but the reason I’m divorced is we never talked. We let resentments build up between us until they exploded. If we’d been honest with each other instead of playing stupid games, Hick and I might still be married. If he wants to talk to you, I think you should let him. What’s the worst that will happen? He’ll piss you off again? But maybe you can find some actual closure over this and you can get on with your life.”
“I’ve gotten on with my life!”
Tara nodded knowingly. “In the year you’ve been working here, you’ve never gone on a date that I know of.”
“Tony and I date!”
“Oh really? When was the last time you two did anything other than fuck?”
The question annoyed her for reasons she couldn’t explain. “I don’t have time! I work two jobs and have a little girl, you know.”
“I work two jobs, but I still have time to occasionally go out and do something fun that doesn’t involve getting the sheets all sweaty. If that’s all you want from life, go for it, but is seems to me you are missing out on a lot.”
Stella sighed as she propped against the wall. “It’s hard, Tara. I never seem to have enough time. If I go out, I feel guilty for leaving Katrina with her grandmother. It’s not fair to Connie or Katrina. Besides, it seems like all the nice one’s are already taken. Anyone who is interested in a twenty-six year old single mother seems to be interested in only one thing.”
Tara nodded. “I know it’s tough, but it’ll get easier as Katrina grows up. But you can’t live like an old maid except when you can’t take it anymore. You’re beautiful, smart and too nice for your own good. I can’t believe nobody wants you. Tony is just using you.”
“I think it’s the other way around. I think he wants more, but I can’t give it to him.”
“Why not? Is it because he’s older?”
“No, that’s not it. I just don’t feel anything for him. I want to, I’ve tried to, but I just don’t. It’s why we don’t date. I feel guilty enough as it is, using him like I do.”
“Trust me, Stella, he doesn’t mind. But you can’t go on like this forever. You need to find someone who you can feel something for.”
She was saved from having to answer by Gabriel’s meal being served up. Tara’s right, she thought as she carried Gabriel’s plate to his table. All Tony and I do is fuck. I haven’t cared about anyone since Gabriel. Could she be right? I don’t love, or hate, him anymore, but could it be that I’m still not over him? Maybe I should talk to him and find out what he wants. It won’t change anything, but maybe that’s what I need.
She slid the plate in front of him then topped off his drink. “Anything else?”
“An hour of your time to talk.”
She rolled her eyes and moved away without responding.
He smiled at his food, idly wondering if she spat in it, then dug in. He didn’t expect her to roll over and beg him to take her out, but she hadn’t said no this time, so maybe he was making progress.
She stopped by twice more to fill his glass, dropping the ticket the second time, but he didn’t mention talking again. She knew and he wasn’t going to press her anymore tonight.
His meal was about twelve dollars, so he left twenty-five as a tip. He knew it was ridiculous leaving a two hundred percent tip, but for some reason it felt like the right thing to do.
“Nuh-uh. No way,” Stella said as she walked up and slapped the two bills into his hand. “You can’t bribe me.”
He took the two bills, then handed the five back to her. “I’m not trying to bribe you.”
She glared at him a moment then took the bill. “It sure feels like it to me.”
“Fine,” he said as he pocketed the twenty. “Have it your way.”
He accepted his change, then as Stella moved off, he handed the twenty to the cashier. “See she gets this after I’m out the door, okay?”
The cashier took the bill and smiled. “I’ll give it to her.”
“Thanks.” He glanced at Stella picking up the dishes and wiping down the table then stepped outside.
She carried his plate and glass to the kitchen and dumped them into the wash basin. As she stepped out of the kitchen, Eve waved her over and handed her the twenty. “He said to give this to you after he left.”
If she didn’t accept the tip it would end up in somebody else’s pocket, so she took it. “Thanks,” she said as she turned away. She wanted to be mad at Gabriel about leaving the money, but she couldn’t. The seventy-five dollars in tips helped pay off her car that much quicker.
The diner was empty again, and Eve and Alicia would be leaving in about fifteen minutes, at ten, leaving just her, Tara, and one cook for the final two hours.
“You okay?” Tara asked when it was just the two of them.
“Yeah.”
“You don’t look okay.”
Stella grimaced at the older woman. “I don’t know what to make of him. He’s so different than he was.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know, exactly. More confident, for one. Less defensive, for another. It’s almost like he’s become comfortable with who he is. He was never like that before.”
“Those are bad things?”
“No, I’m not saying that,” Stella said with a shake of her head. “I don’t know what he wants, or why he wants to talk to me.”
“So why don’t you find out?”
“To what end? What can possibly change by my talking to him?”
Tara shrugged. “Maybe nothing, but you won’t know until you talk to him, now will you?”
Stella stared at the older woman a moment. “No, I suppose not. I just don’t want him to hurt me again.”
“He can’t hurt you if you don’t care for him. Do you care for him?”
“I don’t know! I thought I was past him, but, damnit, now I’m not so sure. Why couldn’t he have stayed in Charleston?” she snapped.
“Fate?”
Stella spluttered. “I don’t believe in that stuff.”
Tara shrugged again. “Call it whatever you want. If you want him out of your life, my advice is to give him what he wants and talk to him. Listen to what he has to say. If it makes you feel better, great. If not, at least you can tell him you did what he wanted and now you want him to stay away from you. Either way, you win, right?”
Stella nodded slowly. “I suppose that’s true. What have I got to lose, right?”
Tara grinned. “That’s the spirit. Who knows, maybe all you two need is a good grudge fuck to finish cutting the ties.”
She stared at her a moment then burst into giggles. “I can’t believe you just said that!”
Tara grinned. “Just go see what happens.” Her grin grew wider and more mischievous. “Later, after you break his heart, let him know I’m available to make him feel better.”
“You’re horrible!” Stella cried, but her smile took the sting out of her words.
“I am, I really am,” she agreed in exaggerated sadness as she slowly nodded her head. “Horny, too.”
Stella pushed her on the shoulder with a laugh then turned away. “I’m going to close off ‘A’ and ‘B.’”
Tara twittered as she moved to the closet for the vacuum to help Stella get the two smaller rooms cleaned up and ready for tomorrow’s breakfast rush.