Chapter Thirteen: Sara
If Tom saw her naked right now, he'd know she was pregnant. She had always carried a little extra weight around her middle despite her athletic, muscular build, but the baby bump was clearly there. Her uniform helped to hide the gentle swell of her belly, for now. It wouldn't be long until it was obvious to anybody who looked at her, though. What would she do if Tom found out?
Maybe this was what he really wanted from her.
Sara sighed as she pulled her uniform back on. The baby would be T'shav. She wasn't a genetics expert, but from what she knew, when a human woman gave birth to a baby sired by another species, it took on that species' traits and inherited very little of the mother. So chances were that her child would look exactly like Tom. If it was a boy, he would go through musth.
No matter the gender, though, the child would be treated like any other T'shav. He or she would be considered the scum of the galaxy, looked down on, spat at, less likely to find a job and more likely to be arrested for inconsequential things. Unless she fled to the human sanctuary Zon apparently had set up. There, with their benefactor being a T'shav, she could be with humans who might not look at her child the way the rest of the galaxy did.
If only she knew more about Zon! She knew that he commanded a huge fleet, knew he was a human-rights activist, but other than that… she thought he might have found the first human, but she really didn't know anything else. For all she knew, this 'sanctuary' was nothing more than a breeding program, or some sort of human farming experiment.
"Whatever," she muttered, leaning her head back against the shower door. "It doesn't matter. None of that matters. I'm a citizen of the United Species and a lieutenant of the Corps. Even if I'm discharged, they can't take away my freedom or pension."
This baby was her baby, and she was going to keep it.
Now the only thing she needed to decide was if she should trust Tom and tell him, or if she should find a way to escape. It would be far easier if her libido wasn't cranked into overdrive! Between his musth and her pregnancy hormones, Sara thought she might lose her mind and jump on him every time the door opened.
Speaking of which. The doors slid open.
Sara felt a jerk in her lower stomach as the bitter scent she had begun to associate with Tom hit her. She scrambled to her feet, only just able to stop herself from launching herself into his arms. Tom stared at her for a long moment before swallowing hard. His black eyes glittered with lust, and she knew it was as hard for him as it was for her to deny her bodily desires.
A rush of respect welled in her, no matter how much she wanted to push it away. If nothing else, he had spoken the truth about not taking a woman who had not previously agreed to go to bed with him while he was in musth. So maybe all of her assumptions were wrong.
"I'm entering the peak of my musth," he said, handing a small, black metallic box to her.
She hadn't even realized that he was holding anything until then. After she took it, the thought occurred to her that it would have been the perfect opportunity to rush him and escape the confines of the bathroom. But no. Where would she go?
"What is this?"
Tom shrugged. "Food. Vitamin supplements, dehydrated staples. I know it's not tasty, but for the next few days it's crucial that I not see you."
Heat swirled in her lower regions at the thought of what he would do if he did. Sara knew it was only the musth–or was it? The reason she wasn't letting herself believe what he was saying was she was afraid that the pregnancy, his musth and her feelings were messing up her head. But if he wasn't in his musth, would she still feel the same way?
"You have more self-control than that," she whispered. "If I told you no, you wouldn't… I know that."
Tom gave her a pained smile. "I'm not worried about losing my self-control if you said no. I'm worried that if you said yes, I'd forget why it doesn't actually mean yes. Not in these circumstances. I want you so bad…"
His gaze trailed down her body, growing more heated. Sara nearly dropped the box she was holding. Her mouth was so dry that she wasn't sure she would be able to speak. Heart hammering, she set the box down on the floor and half-stepped from the bathroom. Maybe there was something to listening to him, believing him when he said he was working with Zon. After all, if she trusted that he wouldn't take advantage of her during his musth, couldn't she believe that he was a good man trying to do the best thing for those humans?
Or was that just her hormones and his pheromones talking?
"I want you, too," she blurted. She pushed herself against him, not caring about musth or missions. Her body was crying out for his, but there was more to it than that, too. Her very soul ached to be near him again. "I want… I want so much from you."
Tom gripped her shoulders and moaned. "Sara, we can't. You don't trust me."
"But we're Starmates, aren't we?"
"You don't believe that." He gently pushed her away, his chest heaving. Sweat beaded his brow, a sign of just how much he was fighting his desires. "My peak will be over in a few days, and by the time we reach the ship with the humans, the musth will be over. We can talk then."
"But what if I believe you now? What if—"
"But you don't."
"Maybe I do."
"I'm sorry. Please, Sara. I know that this isn't what you really want. Please stop trying to… Please stop. We can't talk right now, there's too much messing with our heads." He swallowed hard, his gaze going to her lips. "I have to lock you in now. There's an internal lock in the supplies I gave you, too. Use it. I'll want to see you… but if I do the pheromones might prove too powerful. So you need to lock the door from the inside."
Sara nodded slowly, wanting to cling to him but understanding why she couldn’t. She stepped back into the bathroom, her eyes on his as the doors slid shut, cutting them off from each other.