Chapter Four
Imagine my surprise when two older warriors teleported into the room wearing nothing but smug smiles. Their honed physiques were covered in battle scars.
My gaze wandered down very fine chests to their abdomens. Huh? Did Coletti warriors shave their public hair? I blinked and looked again. “Holy fuck! Where’s their peckers and balls?”
“Coletti warriors don’t have balls,” Aunt Tess responded.
“Are you shittin’ me?”
“Hell no. Believe it or not, Detja had the birds and the bees talk with me. You know, what parts go where?”
I started laughing. “C’mon, you’re not serious?”
Aunt Tess smirked. “Dead serious. Seems Coletti parts are different from our men’s. See that funky-looking slit in their stomach?”
My gaze fastened on it. “Yeah.”
“That’s where they hide their male parts.”
“That’s why kicking Rho in the groin didn’t work.”
“Yep.” Aunt Tess gave me a wicked grin. “Their penis is snakelike and comes equipped with tentacles.”
Right on cue, several tentacles poked out of their abdominal slits. The warriors’ smiles got bigger.
I could feel my eyes bugging. “It’s like they’re trying to flirt with us.”
“Detja said they’re better than sex toys.”
If one of their snake thingies came anywhere near me, I was whacking it off. “Does Detja know about the warriors dropping by for a chance to get their own hot-to-trot Jones female?”
Aunt Tess rolled her eyes. “Hell no. It helps breaks the monotony. They’re more fun than those Aussie studs in Vegas.”
She had a point. There was nothing wrong with looking. “Do they dance?”
“With a little help from my insect friends,” Aunt Tess said gleefully.
“That I would pay to see.” I noticed the two warriors hadn’t moved a muscle. They simply gawked at us. “Cat got their tongue, or are they overwhelmed by our beauty?”
“Couldn’t say. They’re not real chatty,” Aunt Tess answered.
“Do they always stare like that? It’s kinda creepy.”
“Yep. I feel like a prized heifer being auctioned off. Watch this.” Aunt Tess gave them the one finger salute.
The warriors immediately started flexing their biceps and the muscled expanses of their chests.
“Holy cow.”
“Happens every time. Go figure.”
A giggle escaped me. They were preening like those competitive body builders. Shaking my head in disbelief, I asked psychically, “Can I help you boys?”
“I am called Azeus,” the older one stated.
“I am Wapi. We wish to mate with a Jones female,” the other warrior announced.
I nodded politely. “Oh. How nice.”
Wapi leered. “They say Jones females are quite skilled at bed sport.”
“We are.” I strolled over to them. “But, the question is: can you handle us?”
The warriors’ faces paled dramatically.
“Ahhh. No one told you human females have a unique smell.”
Azeus gagged, then coughed like he was trying to bring up a hairball.
“You smell worse than a Valgum dung beetle,” Wapi said, backing away from me.
“I do, don’t I?” I followed him. “Is that a deal breaker?”
Poof! Wapi vanished.
I guess it was. I turned my attention to Azeus. “How about you? You up for a little bed sport with a Jones female?”
The warrior vomited.
“I’d say that’s a no,” Aunt Tess said.
My stomach roiled. “Oh ick. He’s worse than Oydle.”
“The Battle Commander never mentioned your stench,” Azeus gasped in revulsion.
“That’s ’cause it’s a secret,” I whispered.
Aunt Tess nodded. “Zarek knows none of you want a stinky mate. Isn’t it a bit suspicious that the Battle Commander didn’t claim one of us for himself?”
“He said he was tracking his one true mate.”
I threw up my hands in disgust. “And you believed him?”
“Voss has never lied to us.”
“Until now,” I scoffed.
“Bet Voss said we were powerful psychics,” Aunt Tess inserted.
“Yes.” Azeus’s back hit the wall. “Do not come any closer.”
I gave him a disappointed pout. “I thought you were interested in some bed sport?”
“With you? Never.”
“There’s no need to be rude.”
Swinging her hips like a streetwalker, Aunt Tess sauntered up to the nauseated warrior. “How do you feel about a twofer?”
A look of utter horror on his face, Azeus teleported away.
I burst out laughing. “I thought warlords never ran.”
“Rho seems to be the only Coletti who can tolerate the smell.”
“And Voss. Two very formidable warriors who will be difficult to defeat,” I added.
“Even if we kicked their butts, where would be go? The surface is still radioactive, and stealing a warbird is out. We would never get past the million death satellites surrounding Tanith,” Aunt Tess stated.
“Death satellites?”
“Yep, Voss made a point of showing them to me. Any ship without the proper codes gets blown to smithereens.”
“We’ll figure something out. We always do,” I said.