Chapter Eight
Vala hadn’t known what to expect from Thorin, but him all but saying she was irresistible made her heart pound harder.
As much as she had made plans in recent weeks to become a pilot and a part of society in the colony, she had never imagined a male would find her addictive or irresistible. Not because she was unattractive, but rather most males wanted a female who could eventually continue their line and ensure their slice of immortality through bearing offspring.
Yet Thorin had stayed away because he wanted her too much, infertility and all.
Any residual anger melted away and she smiled. “I like this version of Thorin Jarrell much better than the jerk of our first few encounters.”
He cleared his throat. “I had no choice. Your beauty threw me off guard and I needed to drive you away. I couldn’t risk you seeing my eyes glow with desire or even my body glow in orgasm.”
“That assumes I would’ve accepted you in the first place.”
He bowed his head. “My apologies. I should not be so presumptuous.”
She frowned. “Don’t do that, Thorin.”
“Do what?”
“Put distance between us. My whole life I haven’t been able to speak my mind freely, and I suspect it’s been the same for you. Let’s both be honest and open.”
Fear flashed in his eyes. Vala’s heart ached for the male so afraid of himself. He murmured, “I’m not sure that’s wise.”
She moved closer and leaned forward in her chair. There were many reasons she shouldn’t, but Vala reached out to touch Thorin’s warm chest. When he didn’t step back, she ran a hand down his hard, defined muscles.
He sucked in a breath, and she met his gaze again. His irises glowed light blue. “Your eyes.”
He closed them and tried to step away, but Vala reached out to hook her arms around his neck. “Don’t hide from me. If you promise to be forthright and honest about yourself, I will do the same.”
Keeping his eyes closed, Thorin gently laid a hand on her upper back. Even though it had to be her imagination, a tingle shot down her legs to her toes. After a few more beats, he opened his eyelids. She was disappointed that they were merely blue again, with no glowing in sight.
He replied, “I want to be open and honest with you, Vala. But I can’t risk the people aboard this ship.”
She tilted her head. “I’m not sure I follow. Tell me what you mean, Thorin.”
At his name, Thorin rubbed her back in slow circles. All she wanted to do was curl against his chest and revel in the warmth of the male who wanted her.
His voice was gravelly as he answered, “I want you more than any female before, that’s the truth. However, once I start to claim you, I won’t be able to stop if you later have hesitations.”
“I don’t believe it. You have an enormous amount of self-control. I don’t think you’d hurt me.”
“Believing something doesn’t make it true.”
She lightly caressed the back of his neck. “I agree, but I think there’s more to it than that. What haven’t you told me? Has something happened to the ship I should know about?”
He smiled. “You are intelligent.”
Vala resisted sitting up tall at the compliment. She wouldn’t allow Thorin to distract her. “So something did happen. Tell me.”
He explained about the strange asteroid field and the disappearing pieces before adding, “So while everything is peaceful for now, there’s always the possibility of an attack. On top of that, all of my free time must be spent on a special assignment.”
“What assignment?”
The markings on his chest flashed from dark blue to white and back again. Since white signaled worry or indecision, she had a feeling his assignment was classified.
And while Thorin may not be quite as open with words as she wanted, the flashing of his markings spoke volumes. As a highly trained warrior, he would only allow it to happen in front of those he felt comfortable with. After all, to a warrior, displaying emotion exposed a weakness to pounce upon.
His eyes widened before his deep voice finally filled the room again. “You might be able to help me. But in order to do so, you need to be able to walk again.”
She brushed the back of his neck with her nails. She swore he let out a barely audible moan, but she focused on the situation at hand. “Stop talking in vague statements and maybe I can help. As you already acknowledged, I’m clever. I also can walk in the shadows with few people paying attention to my movements. That’s a valuable asset to have.”
He growled. “You shouldn’t be ignored so completely.”
“Focus, Thorin. Tell me your mission and allow me to help, if I’m able to. I might even bend over the bed and allow you to claim me quickly so that I can walk again.”
His voice was strangled as he replied, “You shouldn’t tempt me.”
She dug her nails into his skin. “Just tell me the facts, and then we can decide what to do.”
“Fine.” He leaned over and whispered into her ear. “I’m looking for antimonarchy troublemakers aboard the ship. Intelligence suggests some are among us.”
Vala may have been sheltered in the citadels, but everyone on Keldera knew of the increasing tension and confrontations between the various political factions. Some wanted a government ruled solely by the people, whereas others believed the royal family’s guidance was necessary to help keep everything under control and to help maintain peace.
She kept her voice low. “I could be your eyes and ears, Thorin. There are many places where my presence won’t cause a stir. Not to mention many speak their minds with little heed to any Barren listening.”
When he didn’t reply, a sense of doubt came over her. Thorin may be telling the truth about desiring her, but most Kelderan males rarely viewed females as worthy allies. Even though she and Princess Kalahn had helped Thorin succeed in identifying traitors and rescuing Prince Kason recently, it may not have been enough to sway Thorin’s long-held beliefs on gender roles.
Thorin moved his hand around to her front, to where her hip met her ribcage, and it took everything she had to listen to his words instead of lean into his touch. “I see the merit of your suggestion, but I worry you’ll become a target. The jealousy among Barren on a starship is legendary.”
She leaned back and raised an eyebrow. “And who says those things?”
“Other warriors, but—”
“Exactly. Usually it’s the warriors who injure or poison the Barren out of jealousy and then say it was one of us who did it. As the law stands, any Barren who speaks up against an officer is automatically assumed a criminal until proven otherwise. You can imagine how often that happens.”
Thorin’s markings flashed black, signaling anger. “It’s dishonorable to take advantage of a female in such a way, let alone harm her.”
“I don’t disagree. However, we have two vastly different views on society. Honor is conveniently forgotten when a male’s genitals are involved, especially when it comes to dealing with females considered expendable by most of the planet.”
As Thorin searched her eyes, Vala wondered if she’d voiced too much of her opinion too soon. Thorin saying he wanted the truth from her and accepting it without anger were two different things.
When he finally ran his hand up her side and brushed her long, white hair over her shoulder, she relaxed a fraction. She murmured, “You did say you wanted honesty.”
The corner of his mouth twitched, but he didn’t smile. “I didn’t think you’d be speaking of male cocks so soon.”
Heat flushed her cheeks, but Vala refused to look away. She changed the subject back on topic. “So, as you can see, I have nothing to worry about from the other Barren. And if you disavow me as your mistress, then males will try to woo me into bed instead of poisoning me. After all, they’ll want to prove they’re better than the general.”
He growled. “That might be worse.”
For the first time in her life, Vala was tempted to roll her eyes in the presence of a warrior. “While I may have to act coy around them to prevent rumors, I have no wish to bed any of them.”
“I need to hear why, Vala.”
His eyes glowed blue, and her face burned because of the desire in his eyes. She may be innocent in the way of males, but she had seen that look on many a warrior right before they disappeared with one of her Barren sisters.
She cleared her throat and drew on her recent experiences of showing a backbone. “I have no interest in them. That’s all I’ll say for the time being.”
She waited for Thorin’s eyes to narrow or for him to order her to tell him the truth.
But all he did was nod. “I respect your right to silence.”
She blinked. “Truly?”
“Yes. It only encourages me to try harder so that I can earn your full trust.”
As they stared into one another’s eyes, Vala wanted nothing more than a chance to unpack all Thorin’s secrets and share her own. She’d seen firsthand how arrogant Prince Kason had transformed into a more easygoing and teasing version of himself simply because of his love for his bride.
No. She wouldn’t hope or dream for anything more than a few days of closeness and losing her virginity to Thorin. She would join the colony and he would return to Keldera.
And as much as she wanted the closeness of a lord and for him to call her his bride, Vala wanted freedom more.
She finally made her mouth work again. “So, will you allow me to assist you in your mission? I proved your fears about the other Barren and warriors unfounded. Besides, my help will most likely increase your chances of success.”
He opened his mouth to reply, but the communicator on his belt beeped three times, signaling a call.
After staring into her eyes for one last second, he moved away and said to the room, “Computer, accept call and patch through.”
A male’s voice she recognized as Ryven Xanna, the ship’s head trainer, came onto the line. “The men are assembled. Do you still wish to join us and lead the meditation?”
“I will be there shortly. We can use the waiting time to test their patience,” Thorin answered.
“Aye, aye sir. They will be ready for you,” Ryven replied.
Thorin said, “End call,” and turned back toward her. “I’ll consider your offer. Once I’m done with the warriors, I’ll return and provide my answer. Although I must be very clear that if I accept your help, I will need to claim you quickly in order to correct your condition.”
Afraid her voice would crack, she merely nodded. Thorin frowned and closed the space between them. “Don’t take my response as a slight. Every general must weigh the pros and cons of a situation. It’ll also give you time to think about what I must do to you, because no matter what it takes, I won’t force you to accept me. My Brevkan half will also probably take over, meaning the coupling will be rough and fast. With all the facts presented, the decision must be yours and yours alone whether you will accept the claim or not.”
She bobbed her head again. “I understand.”
“Good. Then I shall return within the next few hours. Until then, will you stay in this room?”
“Thank you for asking and not ordering.”
He raised an eyebrow. “So is that a yes?”
“Yes, I’ll remain here for now on one condition—allow me access again.”
Thorin hesitated, and she wondered if he’d say no.
Then he gave a curt nod. “I’ll reprogram the room’s permissions as I leave.”
She smiled. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” He moved to the door. “Think carefully about helping me, Vala. If I do accept your offer of help, you’ll need to do more than accept me into your body. You’ll also put your life in danger and possibly become a target if the troublemakers discover your intentions.”
With that, Thorin exited the room and the door locked behind him.
Vala sighed and placed her hands on her hot cheeks. She already knew what her answer would be if Thorin decided to accept her help. The threat of being discovered by an enemy didn’t faze her because rooting out troublemakers would help protect her friend Kalahn and most likely everyone on Jasvar as well.
However, when it came to rectifying her paralysis, Vala wanted more than a quick encounter with her facedown on the mattress and Thorin touching her as little as possible.
Not just to fulfill her own wishes, either. She had a feeling Thorin had never taken a female face-to-face, afraid of what would happen when his body glowed. Even if the fact wasn’t widely known that the glowing was a Brevkan trait, it wasn’t a Kelderan one.
And for some reason, she wanted him to embrace his difference. Maybe then she would have an easier time doing the same for herself as a member of the colony.
Of course, the hard part would be gathering the courage to ask Thorin for what she wanted. No doubt the distance apart would calm her mind and erase the previous easiness they’d shared. She only hoped he wouldn’t become the unfeeling, disrespectful male from a few weeks ago.
Closing her eyes, Vala hummed one of the Barren meditation practices. She had time to prepare for Thorin’s return and was going to do everything she could to ready herself in both mind and body.
~~~
As Thorin walked among the warriors currently sparring with one another, he tried to focus on his target, a male named Beltor. From the male’s movements and flawless execution, Thorin deemed him a warrior with potential. The difficult part was determining if Beltor did so to curb suspicion and to advance to become a high-ranking spy, or because he wished to one day become a general who could protect his people.
Thorin wouldn’t be able to make a decision until after practice when he would take the male aside and talk with him in private. While uncommon for a general to single out one warrior, it wasn’t unheard of. Regardless, he needed to get the male alone. Thorin had perfected deceit to conceal his heritage, and one benefit was that he had become good at reading people. Very few could lie to him undetected.
Although he should amend his thought to be only good at reading other males. He still didn’t know what Vala’s closed expression had meant right before he’d left her room.
Two hours had passed and their entire encounter felt more like a dream than reality. Between Vala’s revelation surrounding other half-Brevkan children and her not showing disgust at his glowing eyes, it was too much good news for him to avoid being skeptical. Something would go wrong, if his past experience was anything to go by.
Time apart would allow him to see if she would still accept the truth of his heritage, let alone if she would want the same closeness with him once more. He didn’t dare hope she would allow him to claim her.
As much as her help would be beneficial to his cause, Vala needed to make the decision on her own about losing her virginity to him. With her being his possession, it wouldn’t be gentle or drawn out. And bastard that he was, a part of him was eager to experience it with her.
The golden-skinned, silver-haired form of Ryven Xanna walked up to him, and Thorin quickly tucked away all thoughts unrelated to the training session. The trainer had earned a reputation as the best for many reasons, ferreting out secrets was one of them.
Ryven stopped next to him, a faint smile on his lips. “While I’m honored by your visit to one of my training sessions, are you sure you don’t wish to challenge a few of the warriors to a battle session?”
While Ryven smiled more than any warrior Thorin had worked with in the past, he was aware that the male had been suspicious of him until recently. After all, Ryven had been childhood friends with the former general Prince Kason, who had only warmed up to Thorin after he rescued Kason and his bride. “Given recent events, I think it’s unwise for me to possibly incapacitate any warrior and decrease our numbers.”
“I would say you’re cocky, but I have yet to see anyone but Kason defeat you in a battle session.” As an afterthought, Ryven added, “Sir.”
“Do not take it as an insult to your training abilities. I continue to spend many hours perfecting my skills. Maybe one day another will show the same dedication.”
Ryven merely smiled and remained quiet. No doubt the trainer took offense at Thorin’s words, but it was the truth. After all, Thorin’s dedication was more than wanting to be the best—he didn’t want to lose control and harm his colleagues.
“I do have a request of you, Ryven.”
“Yes, sir?” Ryven asked without taking his eyes off his students.
Thorin lowered his voice. “I want you to start training the female colonists who wish to learn self-defense.”
Ryven blinked and met his gaze. “Pardon?”
“We don’t know how things will turn out on Jasvar. Our colonists could shed discipline, or the Jasvarians may try to take something they shouldn’t. A female should be able to protect herself.”
It was something Thorin wished his mother had been offered.
Ryven’s expression remained neutral. “I believe we’re not supposed to start changing Kelderan traditions or laws until we reach Jasvar, sir.”
“I’m the ranking officer aboard this vessel. The females will be trained, and I do mean all females, Xanna. The Barren will be included.”
The trainer searched his gaze a second before shrugging a shoulder. “I spent several weeks as a prisoner on Jasvar with female guards for the most part. I no longer hold illusions that females are weak and can’t protect themselves. So, I’ll do it. I’d rather they learn from me than from the Jasvarians. Otherwise, the humans will lure away our females into their own cities. That is a situation I want to avoid.”
“Deserting the Kelderan colony within the first year defies the agreement signed by both sides.”
“If I may speak freely, sir?” Ryven asked.
Thorin wanted to drawl that Ryven already had, but merely murmured, “Proceed.”
“The colonists making this journey are open to changing Kelderan ways—that’s part of the reason they were selected—however, too much too soon will cause strife. I suggest training the Barren separately from the other females. Otherwise, even if they convince their lords to allow them to attend at all, they may negotiate that the females can only go if they stay clear of the Barren. However unfounded, the Barren’s promiscuous reputations are notorious.”
The notorious reputation referenced their freedom to sleep with many males, as opposed to one and only for fertile Kelderan females.
Vala’s words from earlier, about them having two different views on society, came back to him.
He was beginning to see her point. They may both risk discrimination, but at least Thorin had the ability to hide his shortcoming. Vala, on the other hand, was branded with a tattoo for all to see.
He clenched the fingers of one hand into a fist. He wished he had the power to erase her tattoo and allow her true freedom. Too bad it was irreversible, unless she had a skin graft.
Which would never be granted to a Barren under Kelderan law, except for life-threatening circumstances. And even then, it depended upon demand and resources.
Before Thorin could think of how to reply to Ryven’s request without showing his anger at circumstances beyond his control, Ryven motioned to the far side of the room and Thorin followed. Once they were far enough away that the others couldn’t hear, Ryven whispered, “I know that after all these years, you’ve finally taken a Barren mistress and no doubt wish to earn her good graces and please her. However, while I may have suffered weeks of first Jasvarian imprisonment and then Princess Kalahn’s enthusiastic views of the future, most Kelderans have not. We must move slowly, sir. I have faith in Princess Kalahn being able to achieve equality for all females on Jasvar, even for the Barren. But a millennia of expectations takes time to shift. I advise against causing unnecessary discord.”
Thorin noted Ryven mentioning Princess Kalahn several times. He had no idea the two had been friends growing up; he couldn’t imagine any other reason for him speaking of the princess so casually.
Still, despite Thorin’s desire to change views and show Vala it was possible, Ryven spoke reason. Thorin nodded. “Very well, but then you must offer one class for the fertile females and another for the Barren. I want the self-defense lessons to begin as soon as possible. Update me on the progress and any outrage you detect.”
It was illegal for a Kelderan male to harm a female, but it still happened occasionally. Thorin suspected some of the males on the ship might try to persuade their females to stay away through violence.
He resisted a frown. Maybe there was more credibility to Vala’s earlier words about warriors poisoning Barren out of jealousy than he had thought originally.
“Yes, sir,” Ryven answered, garnering his attention. “Now if you would excuse me, the session is about to wrap up. You can take aside the warrior you wish to interview soon after that.”
Thorin grunted his assent. Ryven returned to his students, but Thorin remained where he stood and studied Beltor. Instead of his upcoming talk with the warrior, Thorin’s mind only wanted to think about sharing the news of the self-defense classes with Vala.
But she wasn’t his female and he needed to remember that fact. Thorin’s duty lay in honoring the king’s request and rooting out the traitors.
No matter what he wanted for himself, Thorin always fulfilled his duty. That was the way of any Kelderan warrior.
However, for the first time in his life, he sensed honoring that tenet wasn’t going to be as easy as it had been in the past. Especially if he claimed Vala and grew even closer with her.