SIXTEEN

 

When Jamie’s phone beeped at him when he turned it on, telling him that he had missed a call, he somehow stupidly thought that it might be Lance, asking him to come back. If only Lance would tell Jamie that he wanted him, was that too much to ask for, that Jamie didn’t have to play second fiddle anymore, and that they wouldn’t have to hide.

But that was impossible. So damn impossible. And deep down, he knew that Lance wasn’t going to be the one who had called. He saw that he had a text from Aaron, but nothing from Lance.

Why would he? Jamie had ended things, and they both knew that Lance wasn’t going to do what it took to make Jamie willing to stay. Besides, with what Lance had said, the accusations that he’d hurled, Jamie didn’t see how Lance could even want him around.

Because Lance was right, Jamie had left Dom. He had just walked out, with never a word, no note, nothing. He had simply left, and maybe, though it was hard to imagine, Dom had thought that Jamie was dead, too, just like Lance had with Amy. Maybe Dom had even mourned.

They just weren’t a match, neither of them was good for the other. Not Dom and Jamie, and not Lance and Jamie, either. The baggage which they both carried made it impossible. If only they had met before life had gotten in the way, but that was useless speculation, completely impossible.

He had a missed call, but it wasn’t from Lance. Lance wouldn’t care enough to call. If anything, it was probably a relief to Lance that he could go back to kissing other people without any guilt. It was from a number that he didn’t realize, and the person had, of all things, left a message. Who even did that anymore?

As eager as he was for a distraction, though, he took it. He barely even remembered how to get into his voice mail, but he struggled through it, sitting in the common area of their hotel suite and, if he had to admit it, sort of hoping that someone, Lance or even Aaron, would come find him.

Finally, he got through to the electronic answering service, and while he was still raising the phone back to his ear, the door to the suite did swing open, just as he’d been waiting for without entirely telling himself so.

It wasn’t Lance or Aaron. No, it was the other Lost Boy, the one who had disliked Jamie from the beginning, though Jamie had never been told why. He’d never even asked, he realized, but when he saw Ken glowering at him, he knew more than ever that he’d been right about the guy.

Even before Jamie had been interested in Lance in more than a sort of instinctive, knee-jerk kind of way, Ken had disliked Jamie. Why? Jamie might have asked, if not for the phone pressed to his ear. But when he heard a smooth, deep, familiar voice coming through his phone, he stopped thinking about Ken entirely, focused purely on the man who was talking to him.

The words weren’t important. They were innocuous enough. But it was the tone of voice, confident and assured, and the way shame and guilt went through Jamie as he heard it. Dom had always made him feel that way. It was part of why Jamie had eventually just walked out.

Closing his eyes, Jamie blindly pressed the screen until the call mercifully ended. It was Dom. Dom had found him. How? Jamie had changed his number back when he’d left, and again when he’d joined the band. It wasn’t listed anywhere. So it was more than a little creepy that Dom had it.

For a moment, Jamie seriously considered just ignoring the call, but the look on Lance’s face when he accused Jamie of leaving, just like Amy had, stuck with him. He could be brave enough to say goodbye in person, couldn’t he?

The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like the right thing to do. However Dom had found him, the man obviously needed closure, and maybe so did Jamie. Not that he was ever going to be content with Dom again. But moving on could be a good thing.

So he listened to the message again, a sight frown lingering on his lips, and when he got to the part where Dom left his number, he tapped it into his phone quickly. Ending the call with his voice mail once more, he took a deep breath, trying to fight back the nerves but it felt a little bit like beating back the tide with a stick.

“Jamie. I knew you’d call,” Dom answered on the second ring, and Jamie felt his muscles all go slack, his eyes closing as he listened to the voice of the man who had once meant so much to him. Now, there was nothing there, other than annoyance and guilt and maybe some regret that it couldn’t have been healthier for both of them.

“I’m just calling to say …” Jamie started. He’d intended to do this in person, but what was the point? He’d already made up his mind. People grew up, people changed, and while Dom had once been Jamie’s sun and moon, while he’d once been Jamie’s everything, Jamie had grown past that.

Now there was someone else who was taking on that role, and maybe Jamie couldn’t have him, either, but that didn’t mean he would be content with anyone else.

But Dom interrupted him, something that had always deeply irritated Jamie, but which Dom did all the time. It made him feel like his comments, his ideas and options, weren’t even worth considering. And he really thought that Dom felt the same way.

“You’re calling to say goodbye,” Dom told him smoothly, and Jamie’s eyes opened. Dom could be quite perceptive, when he wanted to be, and while it was strange to hear it put out so boldly, he couldn’t deny that was the case.

“Yeah,” he agreed, very softly, but he knew that Dom could hear.

“You should hear me out. I’m in town,” Dom said like it was no big deal, but Dom lived in Los Angeles, and they were in Ohio at the moment. Even for someone like Dom, who had access to all sorts of things with his money that Jamie could only dream off, that was hardly the same as just running out to the store to get some milk or bread or something.

“What?” Jamie asked stupidly, and as he spoke, his eyes fell on Ken, who was watching him with an avid, suspicious expression on his handsome face. Jamie turned away from the guy. He was very quickly getting to the point where he no longer cared. Ken was just never going to like him, and no one in the band, other than, oddly, maybe Aaron, could even count as Jamie’s friend anymore.

So let Ken watch. Let Ken judge. He wasn’t even worth Jamie’s notice. It was really none of Ken’s business what Jamie did unless Jamie wanted to tell him, and Jamie wasn’t really feeling all that charitable at the moment. He’d tried with Ken, he really had, but he’d been shut down at every turn.

“I’m in town,” Dom said again, with a sort of strained patience which was far too familiar to Jamie. “So come out to meet me. Just for coffee. You don’t like what I have to say, and I walk away forever. But I think you will.”

Jamie let his eyelids fall shut, mercifully cutting off the sight of Ken gazing at him, the contempt in those teal eyes of his. Just coffee, in a public place? And the chance to say goodbye?

“Okay. Sure. Why not,” Jamie let the words slip from his mouth, acting on nothing but pure impulse, and felt strange the moment that he had. Like he’d made a mistake. But Dom was already speaking again, arranging things, as he had always liked to do.

So let him. This was his last chance. Jamie organized his own life now, and Jamie, all on his own, had gotten himself into this band.

“Tomorrow morning, ten,” Dom informed him, and Jamie gritted his teeth. He was not a morning person, and Dom knew that very well. Especially with how late it was now, after two in the morning, being anywhere by ten was going to be a challenge.

“I’ll meet you at noon,” Jamie told the other man firmly. Dom didn’t get to dictate his life anymore. Jamie could decide things, too, and he heard a brief silence on the phone and couldn’t help but smirk.

Dom had really expected for Jamie simply to sit around and be told what to do, hadn’t he? Like Jamie would have been spending the last eight months just simply pining over Dom, ready for him to take up the reins again?

Breathless at his own audacious daring, Jamie ended the call before Dom could comment. He let his eyelids part and saw that Ken was gone, which was probably for the best. Still, it sort of sucked to be alone, and Jamie made his way to bed, his cold, solitary bed because there was really nothing better to do.

 

* * *

 

Noon at the cafe in the hotel and Jamie was waiting. He hadn’t really been early, but he hadn’t been late, either. A desire had taken hold of him to just get this over with. To close off this last part of his life so that maybe someday, with some luck, he could open himself up to someone else.

Someone else. The only person he was interested in was Lance, but that ship had sailed. Still, someday wasn’t it possible that Jamie would meet someone else who interested him? Either that or he would just be single forever. Regardless, he didn’t need even a thin thread of a connection to Dom anymore, that he knew.

As he sat, a cup of coffee in his hands, Jamie found himself fidgeting with it. His fingers ran over the smooth, glossy, hot surface of the mug, plucking at it, and he felt like there were eyes on him. Not just the security that was around him pretty much all the time now, either, and not the normally friendly gaze of the public.

Jamie lifted his head suddenly and looked right into sardonic, amused brown eyes, eyes that he had once spent hours lost in. Dom was there, sitting at a table nearby, just watching Jamie. It was creepy. How long had the guy been there?

Dom beckoned when he noticed Jamie noticing him, and Jamie half rose to his feet before shaking his head slightly and sinking back into his chair. He wasn’t the same person who would have tripped over his own feet getting to Dom. Things had changed.

After all, Dom had wanted to see him, not the other way around. So he sat back down, looking at his former lover and shaking his head. And, a little bit to his shock, Dom gave a graceful shrug with his broad, strong shoulders and moved over to sit with Jamie instead.

Still just as handsome as ever. The better part of a year had passed, but Dom was still as gorgeous, with those shoulders, the slender waist, the long legs. His dark hair was artlessly messy, and Jamie had teased him once about how much time the man spent to get it looking like that.

Dom really hadn’t changed, he realized, as the man sank down in the seat opposite Jamie. He was still gorgeous, and he was still, Jamie was pretty sure from the slight smirk on the other man’s full lips, that he was still a bit of a prick.

“Jamie,” Dom commented, looking him over, and there was a bit of heat in his eyes. There was a time when Jamie would have done anything to see that look, to know that Dom wanted him around and wasn’t just tolerating him, but all he felt was a sort of vague wash of pity, maybe mixed with some annoyance.

“Hey, Dom,” Jamie greeted and then just looked at the other man with slightly narrowed eyes. This was his show. He had agreed to come meet Dom, so Dom could have his say and then take off. That was the agreement.

“I think this has gone on quite long enough,” Dom commented, glancing around, probably noticing the fact that Jamie had security guards around him. They tried to be unobtrusive, but Dom was pretty good at noticing things like that. Probably had some guards of his own around, but that didn’t worry Jamie because he didn’t intend to do anything to trigger them.

“Hmm?” Jamie murmured, tilting his head as he looked at Dom and marveled at the simple fact that he really felt almost nothing while looking at him. Nostalgia, that was it. And that was, quite possibly, the biggest relief that he’d ever felt.

“Look, this stunt of yours has proven your point,” Dom commented, and Jamie’s eyes sharpened as he listened to the man with growing disbelief. Stunt? “You showed me that you can be some sort of big deal. So come back, already. You know you belong with me.”

Even two months ago, Jamie thought, he would have been willing to entertain such a comment. Now, it just seemed ridiculous to him. Dom might as well order the moon to come down out of the sky and be with him. Jamie was gone, just plain not interested anymore.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. I walked out on you,” Jamie protested, and Dom shrugged, a magnanimous, infuriating look on his face as he gazed smugly back at Jamie. Like he’d already won.

Won. Because that’s what Jamie was, he was some sort of prize. Dom had enjoyed pursuing him at the beginning and then had started to ignore him more and more. Now Jamie had gotten away, so Dom was interested again. He only wanted Jamie when Jamie didn’t want him.

What a fucked up way to live.

“Yes. I’m prepared to forgive that,” Dom smirked at Jamie in a way that should have made his knees weak, should have made the front of his jeans feel tight, but at the moment all it did was annoy him. Dom thought that he could have anything he wanted, that money and privilege and good looks could get him what he wanted.

Well, Jamie wasn’t something that Dom could buy. He had never been, and Dom didn’t even seem to know that.

“You know what, Dom?” Jamie commented, his tone very casual. He watched the smile on Dom’s face widen, knew that the other man was already celebrating his victory in his head. For just a moment, he studied his face, realizing that he was really saying goodbye. That, if Dom kept his word, Jamie would never see him again, and Dom was a jerk, but he did keep his promises.

A little to his own surprise, he felt nothing but relief at that thought. So he rose to his feet, drinking down the last of his coffee and setting the cup gently on the table.

“I really think you can go fuck yourself. Goodbye.”

With that, Jamie swept out of the cafe, trembling a little with the reaction of what he had just done. He’d freed himself, and it was only when he’d done so that he realized he had still been in a cage the whole time.

He would be okay now. Whatever happened, he would be okay. But as he went up to the hotel room again, he knew that he had to figure things out with Lance, too. Things were finally cleared up for Jamie, except for this one thing, this one, rather enormous, thing.

He loved Lance. He felt it through every muscle of his body, and while he had been sure at the time that he’d loved Dom, he now knew that what he’d called love was really just dependence and physical attraction. But Lance, that was different.

Lance might tell him no, and that it was too late. Jamie had, after all, been the one to break it off. But Jamie had to try.

No more secrets, though. No more lies, no more kissing other people, even for show. Jamie was determined about that. If he was with Lance, he was going to be with Lance, and he was going to expect the same thing from Lance in return.

They’d both screwed up, but maybe there was time to fix it.