The summer was extremely long. I was going to be advancing to store manager by the end of the year, so I had a lot of things to keep me busy at work but the evenings weren’t very much fun.

I wasn’t hanging out with Kim and Curtis all that much anymore. It was weird to be over there and not say anything to Kim about Nick. She’d ask all the time, but I never wanted to talk about it. Eventually, I found it best to keep my distance.

Once the summer was coming to an end, and my work schedule was beginning to get back to normal, Nick started to pop up again. Nearly every afternoon when I returned home from work, Nick would be sitting on a bench between my apartment and the apartment next door.

There was no way to miss him.

I walked by him as I made my way to the door.

At first, his mere presence scared the shit out of me. I had no idea what he was truly capable of.

I didn’t think he wanted to hurt me. He’d had plenty of chances to do that if that’s what he wanted to do. Still, I watched plenty of crime shows on television, and that alone was enough to make me wonder whether or not I was safe.

For the first couple of weeks, I told him to leave me alone and to just go home. He would get up and leave, only to be sitting in the same place the next day. I threatened to call the cops and have a restraining order placed against him if he came back.

Even that didn’t stop him.

Of course, I never called the police or applied for a restraining order. As upset as he had made me, I didn’t want him to have any trouble with the law, especially because he was out on parole. I didn’t want to be the reason he ended up back in prison.

Being too nice to people has always been one of my most significant problems, and there I was, being a lot nicer to Nick than I probably should have been. I couldn’t help it, though. That’s just the kind of person I am. It was true that when Nick lied to me, he’d hurt me badly.

There was a time when I never wanted to see him again. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. Over time, however, I started to rethink things. I began to evaluate what my feelings were.

The thoughts that Nick had only gotten with me so he could use me and manipulate me were beginning to slowly fade away. I started coming to the realization that his feelings for me were real, even though he went about everything in the worst possible way. The only thing I wasn’t sure about was what those true feelings were precisely.

Did he love me or was he obsessed with me?

I had no clue. The only thing I knew was that he told me he wasn’t going to let me go without a fight, and he was proving that to me.

Nick told me every day that he loved me and begged for me to sit down and talk to him. He told me that all he wanted was to have me back in his life. I wasn’t ready to talk to him. Not yet anyway.

Instead, I ignored him, walking into my apartment without even looking in his direction. I hoped that if I ignored him, it might make it easier for him to let me go.

Maybe he would realize that I’d meant what I said, and he’d be able to move on with his life. I didn’t want him to spend every day outside of my apartment just to try to talk to me. I didn’t want that for either one of us.

More importantly, however, I didn’t want him to realize how hard it was for me to walk right by him on a daily basis and not talk to him.

There was a giant pat of me that was still very much pissed off about the lies he’d told me. I was petrified that I’d been with an ex-convict and didn’t have a clue. It wasn’t like he was arrested for some kind of non-violent crime.

He’d been in prison for attempted murder.

That was one thing I never understood. I’d never so much as seen him lose his temper so how he ended up in a bar fight was beyond me.

I had a battle going on inside my heart. The part of me that was still mad at him was fighting with the part of me that still loved him. The fact that he was obviously such a hardened man but still let me in was not lost on me. It probably took him a lot to let his guard down, especially after what he’d been through.

I’m sure it was difficult for him to show any emotions, especially after the childhood he was brought up in. For someone who had been so broken to be able to love me so openly and genuinely was something truly unique. He treated me far better than any man had in the past.

The two of us also had an incredible sexual pull to one another. There had been many nights when I sat at home by myself and thoughts of our time together would creep into my mind.

I would remember lying there wrapped up in his strong arms, reminiscing about how safe and protected he always made me feel. When I was with him, I felt like there was nobody who could touch me.

Nobody would be able to hurt me. Never in a million years would I have thought that he’d be the person that would hurt me the most.

As summer ended, the season gave way to fall, my favorite time of the year. I loved watching the leaves on the trees turn into beautiful shades of autumn colors. I enjoyed the feeling of the brisk wind hitting me in the face while the sounds of the drying leaves crunching beneath my feet surrounded me. There was something calming about the season. I don’t know what it was exactly, but it seemed to relax my soul.

I’d had to stay late after work one night and got home quite a bit later than usual. The temperature had dropped, and we were getting ready for our first significant snow of the year. Even though the temperature outside was barely above freezing, Nick was still sitting there when I got there.

“Hey,” he said, smiling through teeth that looked like they were about to start chattering.

He had excitement in his eyes like he was happy to finally be seeing me for the day. I don’t know what it was, but I shot him a smile.

“Hi Nick,” I said in response.

Nick cocked his head and looked at me. He reminded me of an excited puppy who is trying to figure out what you’re doing. He had a look of surprise on his face, not quite believing that I had spoken to him after ignoring him for so long.

“You need some help?” he asked, referring to the large number of bags I’d been carrying.

I wasn’t sure what to do. I began fighting with myself in my head and questioning whether or not I was making a mistake in even speaking to him.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” I told him. “I’ve got a few bags left in the car if you want to grab them for me.”