Even in the darkness, I could see the stick in my hand. I choked back the tears. Pregnant. My stomach lurched and I leaned over the toilet again, puking as quietly as possible. Waking Zeke up would make my bad situation worse. Once my stomach was empty, I sat down on the floor of the nasty bathroom and covered my mouth to stop the sob. How the hell had I ended up with this life? No wonder I was peeing a million times a day and had the horrible headaches. I hadn’t kept a meal down in two weeks, maybe more. Even Zeke noticed me getting sick when I had to stop serving dinner to his ‘associate’ to throw up. When I disappeared at the party, Zeke noticed enough to have Kim suck him off. He wasn’t happy about me throwing up. Not at all. He had the nerve to tell me it was what I got for being a whore. I picked the worst possible person to knock me up. How did this happen?

I slid my phone from my pocket and read the last text from my sister. She sent me a text every week, but I always deleted it and never answered. It made me feel so much better to read her words, but I could never respond and risk a rescue mission. The bruise on my thin wrist caught my eye, and I pulled my sleeve down to cover it. Zeke didn’t like me talking to my ‘worthless family’ so I programmed her number in as Sonya from Biology. I was failing the class, of course, and for the second time. When you aren’t allowed to go to class, you can’t really pass, but it worked as a cover for Cori’s texts. Something about the recent text made me risk not deleting it.

I could hear her voice, the strain to keep tears back as she typed. It had been two years and three months since I left. I screamed at all of them for trying to get me and Zeke to break up. I said the most horrible things. Things so horrible there was no way for them to forgive me, but staring at the pregnancy test meant I had to do something, suck up my pride and get out. Whether Zeke would take the news well or not wasn’t the point. The point was that I couldn’t make a decision about the pregnancy while in his house, under his thumb, under his control. It was time for me to go home, to stop living in the mess Zeke created. I could hear his voice in my ear telling me he didn’t want another fucking mouth to feed, so be sure to take my pill. And I did, religiously. With that scene replaying in my mind, I made my choice, one I should have made a long time ago.

After the bender he went on the night before at the party, I knew Zeke would sleep for ages. It wasn’t even dawn anyway. I unplugged the phone charger from the wall, picked up my only pair of shoes, and eased down the stairs. My wallet was by the table, so I grabbed it and my car keys. I had a car, but doubted it would make it from Colorado to Tennessee After I slipped my shoes on, I walked right past the car in the driveway and kept going. At the dumpster near the gas station a block away, I tossed the pregnancy test in and threw the car keys in behind it. The sun was just rising, so I had plenty of time to start toward home. Home. I didn’t even know if I still had a home. Cori text me two days before, so maybe she would welcome me back. I didn’t really have a choice. I had no job, no skills, and was flunking out of classes, again. I couldn’t even think about being pregnant. My pride and shame kept me from going back sooner, but it wasn’t about me anymore. I was in no place to care for a child, emotionally or physically, but something about the word ‘pregnant’ made me walk my ass out the door and down the street to the bus station. I didn’t need to look back, I knew what I was leaving behind. A two-story house that I came to with the promise of it being a home, cars and trash littering the yard, and once the sun went down, strange men and prostitutes going in and out. I lived in a drug den, but the further away I got, the lighter I felt.

I found a Mega-Bus going my way and found a seat in the corner to take inventory of what I had in my wallet while I waited the whole hour for the bus. There was two-hundred in cash, a credit card near its limit, and my ID. I had my phone, paid for by Zeke, and the clothes I was wearing. I wanted to text or call Cori, but what happened if she rejected me? Maybe if she saw me in person, my sister would have to take me back, she’d have to let me stay. My all-time low was about to play the pity card. I knew Arianna would never forgive me, but Cori could. I hope.

My plan was a bad one to say the least. Step one: Leave abusive baby daddy. Step two: Show up at sister’s work and beg for forgiveness. Step three: Find a doctor and decide what to do about being pregnant. If any of those three things didn’t happen, I was screwed. At least I’d be away from Zeke.

I waited impatiently for the bus, half expecting Zeke and Travis to show up and drag me back kicking and screaming. Every person who walked past me, made me more paranoid. When the bus showed up, I climbed on and left Boulder, Colorado behind. Hindsight was very clear in that moment. I left things in a terrible state with my family, but I couldn’t change the past, so I could only move forward. Instead of texting Cori, I googled the place she was working. Needles Tattoo Parlor was an impressive place with awards and tons of great reviews. I didn’t care about that. I cared about the address and hours of operation. I did some quick math based on the estimated drive time to Tennessee, and figured their ‘limited Sunday hours’ would be perfect for me to show up. After I knew where I was going, I could settle back in my seat and watch the scenery. Hours dragged and my nerves got worse. Every stop we made, and the closer we got to home, the sicker I felt. I made three mad dashes to the bathroom in an hour despite not eating for hours before. Every trip back to my seat terrified me. I kept thinking Zeke would jump out from between the seats and my running would be for nothing. The splitting headache and dizzy spells weren’t doing me any favors either. I staggered back to my seat every time, worried I might collapse. I wasn’t sure how much was fear versus being sick.

“Honey?” I jumped and yelped when a woman touched my arm and took the empty seat next to me, “I didn’t mean to startle you. Car sick?” She looked nice enough, but instead of answering, I only nodded, “I have some crackers.” She handed me a small pack of oyster crackers and looked down at the bruise on my arm. I quickly covered it with my sleeve, “Well, you have a nice rest of your trip. If you need someone to talk to, I’m just up there.” With that, she walked back down to her seat and sat next to her husband. He took her hand and kissed the back of it. My stomach fell, but I nibbled on the crackers anyway. The couple had to be my parents’ age, and looked so sweet and in love. I thought I had that with Zeke, but I was so wrong. With a baby on the way, I’d never have anything like it. Cori got a second chance at love, but her man had to be one of a kind. Happily ever after doesn’t happen for girls like me. I’d done too many terrible things for a man to love me like that.

An eternity later, we pulled into the station in Tennessee. I had finally dozed off. A hand on my shoulder woke me up, startling me. The same lady from before was standing over me, and I blinked through the ache behind my eyes. When I stood up, making sure I had my wallet, the woman hugged me. No words, just a big, warm hug. I stiffened instantly, waiting for her next move, but her hand made soothing circles on my back and it all came undone. I let the tears go and hugged her back. I had no idea who she was, but she was giving me the first hug I had received in a really long time.

When I pulled away, she was crying too, and handed me a folded piece of paper, “If you don’t have anywhere else to go. Please call me, I’ll help you.” I took the paper and watched in shock as her husband took her hand and led her from the bus. I waited until I was the last to get off, watching each person carefully as they left, making sure Zeke hadn’t followed me. Once they were all out of the bus, I stumbled down the steps and looked around my hometown for the first time in two years. I called a taxi and waited in the busy station for my ride to take me back to face my very ugly demons.

In the back of the yellow car, I watched all the familiar sights take me down Broadway and through downtown. I finally smiled. I made it home and even if my family wasn’t ready to forgive me, I had the number from the kind lady on the bus. Even if my family wouldn’t speak to me, I’d be okay because I wasn’t near Zeke or any of his lifestyle. My optimism would somehow carry me through. I got out of the taxi less than half a block up from Needles and took the paper from my back pocket. When I opened it, several hundred dollar bills were wrapped in the paper with her name and number. Connie Shields. Take care.

I wiped my eyes and took deep breaths to settle my stomach before walking past three buildings to Needles. The brick building had neon signs and a pirate flag with a giant metal rooster by the front door. Typical tattoo place. I made it up the three stairs to the glass door and tugged the handle. Locked. It didn’t make sense. I looked around for the business hours, then checked my phone. I had two hours to wait for them to open because I forgot all about time zones. Shit. I spun toward the road, angry with myself, and got dizzy. My stomach tightened suddenly, and I barely made it to the rail of the stoop before I threw up. Again. I tripped into the wrought iron bars and heaved again, my vision blurred. Hopefully Cori and her man wouldn’t get mad about the puddle of puke.

“Hey, you okay?” I heard the voice and turned toward it, but the vision walking toward me didn’t make sense. It was a man. A tall, gorgeous man in gym shorts, with blond hair and worried eyes, “You need some help, Doll?” I shook my head and held my hands out to get him to stop walking toward me, shaking my head made it hurt even more. I didn’t trust any men, and strange men near a tattoo shop on Broadway were even lower on the list. I heaved again, falling into the rail, and a hand steadied me.

I flinched, bracing for the pain, “Don’t touch me!”

“Whoa, sorry. I’m not gonna hurt you.” The deep voice had me looking around and I settled on his face. His light brown eyes looked at me like I was causing him pain. At least the guy was handsome and not trying to take advantage of my dizziness. Not yet.

“I’m fine,” I lied.

“Doll, don’t take this wrong, but you don’t look fine. You look sick as hell.” He stepped closer and I gripped the rail harder, “You need me to call someone for you?” I shook my head and felt myself sway, “Look, I’m not the most upstanding guy, but I can’t leave you like this. You mean to be at Needles? Seems like you need a cheeseburger more than a tattoo.” I swallowed, lowering myself to sit on the steps. Mystery man sat next to me, close enough to prop me on his shoulder, “Is your eye bruised?” I touched the yellow bruise on my face and made sure my arms were covered.

“I’m looking for my sister,” The guy probably thought I was homeless, “She works here. I’m not a vagrant.”

“Do you want me to wait with you? Or we can go get you something to settle your stomach. The deli down here is good. You could at least get a drink or something.” I shook my head, not willing to go anywhere with a strange man, but the guy wasn’t giving up, “Fine, but I don’t really feel comfortable leaving you here sick.”

“Really, finish whatever you were doing. I’m fine. I’m not crazy or a robber. I am just sick and two hours too early.” I leaned my head against the cool metal rail and closed my eyes. He moved in closer and I could smell him. Cologne and the hint of sweat, but not in a gross way, in a masculine way.

“I don’t think you’re a thief or a vagrant. I was just out for a run. It can wait until your sister gets here. I didn’t know Hattie had a sister,” His words made me pry my eyes open. I didn’t realize I closed them, but the pain in my head had gone from aching to searing.

“Who’s Hattie?”

“Hattie is the only girl who works here,” I shook my head again, ready to correct him when another dizzy wave fell over me, “Doll, you okay?” The sidewalk in front of us tilted and I took a deep breath.

“Cori, my sister’s Cori.” I couldn’t hear my own words, and the traffic on Broadway suddenly muted. I tried to fight the hand on my shoulder, but my arms were heavy, sluggish, and my vision flashed. The man talked, but the words slurred and I swayed again before falling into blackness.

“Fuck,” I jerked my phone out, dialing 911 and waiting for an operator to answer. The girl, Cori’s sister, fainted in my lap. Passed out cold. I shook her and talked to her, but nothing. Not even a blink. The operator answered and I told her where I was and what had happened, realizing I didn’t know the girl’s name, age, nothing. Once that was done, I hung up and checked the girl’s pulse again. Everything seemed fine, except the whole unconscious thing. I flipped through my phone frantically, and called Griffin. I didn’t even let him finish his ‘hello’ “What’s Cori’s sister’s name?”

“Beck?” Griffin either didn’t check the call, or didn’t have my number.

“Yeah. Now what is her name?” I tried not to sound like a dick, but I wasn’t in the best situation for him to question me.

“Arianna, why?” He sounded really busy, kids screaming, the dogs barking, Cori talking. I knew Arianna, and this girl wasn’t her. Arianna was a high-class bitch, blonde, and about 10 years older.

“Not that one. The other one. Is there another one?” I pushed a strand of dyed black hair from her face and checked her pulse again. Sirens were closing in. I could definitely see a resemblance to Cori, but the girl in my lap looked like she had been through some shit. Her cheeks were sunken, dark circles rimmed her eyes, and she was sickly thin. Even with bags under her eyes and bruises, the girl was beautiful. Before she passed out, her olive green eyes had me captivated enough to try to help her. Cori was pretty, so it made sense that her sister was too, but the girl in my lap was on a whole other level.

“Meredith?” Griffin asked. The phone got quiet on his end, then I heard Cori in the background going crazy at the mention of her sister. The demand for Griff to hand her the phone was loud and clear and I knew I had to get off the phone. Sirens made me look to see the ambulance coming up the hill.

“Maybe, sure. I found her, I think and the ambulance just pulled up at your shop. Bring your woman and meet me at St. Mary’s,” I hung up, knowing Griff would put Cori on the phone and I would never get off. It rang again immediately, but I silenced it. I had more important things to do. The paramedics rushed at me, asking questions that I couldn’t answer, and put her on a stretcher with an oxygen mask and some monitors. I watched stupidly while they loaded her in the back, jostling her unconscious body on the stretcher. Then I did something really out of character. Stopping to help the girl wasn’t weird enough for me, so I scrambled after the paramedic. I climbed in the ambulance, pushing a paramedic in the process, “Her sister’s on the way, I don’t want to leave her alone.”

“You just told me you don’t know her,” The guy slipped a blood pressure cuff on her arm, looking like he was ready to kick me out.

“I don’t, but her sister’s a friend. Her name is Meredith… Meredith Wallace, that’s all I know. I was running and-” I stopped short when he rolled her sleeve up to reveal bruises all up her arms. Huge hand prints and bruises in various stages of healing lined up to her elbow, “I saw her throwing up and stopped to help. She told me who her sister was and then passed out. She gonna be okay?”

The EMT looked at me and huffed, “I can’t tell you anything.” My out of character behavior got worse when I reached out and took her hand, holding it the rest of the ride to the hospital. Needles and the hospital were less than a mile apart, but we hit every red light and traffic sucked. It took too long to get there, and neither man in the ambulance would tell me what the hell was wrong with her. When we pulled into the emergency bay, I tried to follow them in, but they drew the line there. I was stashed in a waiting room to wait while they rolled Meredith and all the monitors down a hall, vanishing through some doors. I stared until they clicked closed. I couldn’t sit, so I paced, trying to figure out whether or not I should stay. I finally just sat and drummed my fingers on the arm of the chair. I would need to fill in Cori and Griffin, so I couldn’t leave, no matter how bad I wanted a drink.

Cori ran in a few minutes later, looking panicked as all hell and shoved people to get to the desk, ignoring me completely. Griffin spotted me and came toward me, letting Cori freak out on some poor nurse. I was barely on my feet when he grabbed my shirt and I hit the wall, “What the fuck did you do, Beck? The fuck did you do?”

I shoved him back, hard, but he didn’t get far. “I fucking helped, asshole! Jesus!” Griffin took another step forward, balling his fist, but I didn’t back down. Griffin had a good forty pounds of solid muscle on me, but I was too stupid to be scared. Anytime he and I went toe-to-toe, I was too dumb to back off, but the guy never beat my ass. At least not yet, “She was at Needles puking her guts up, and I stopped my run to check on her. She told me Cori was her sister before she passed out in my fucking lap. I didn’t do a damn thing. Fuck.” The people near us murmured for us to keep it down, but neither of us blinked.

Griffin took a sobered step back, “Sorry,” He grumbled, “No one has seen Meredith in two years. I just thought…”

“Thought wrong. She’s sick. Like can’t even weigh a hundred pounds and looks like someone kicked the shit out of her, but I didn’t fucking touch her.” I glared at Griffin until he threw his hands up. Cori sniffled and threw herself at me. I hugged her back awkwardly, not wanting anymore of Griffin’s anger. He wasn’t fond of men touching, or even looking at his woman. Last thing we need is to get arrested for a brawl in a hospital.

“Fucking Zeke. Right out of high school, Meredith followed Zeke to Boulder. We told her he was an ass, cheating on her, he’d already hit her once that we knew about, and we begged her not to go. Mere left and we haven’t heard from her since. I still text her once a week, so I guess she got the texts.” Cori burrowed into Griffin, tears falling down her face.

“Thanks,” Griffin petted Cori’s hair.

I nodded, pushing up from the chair, and clapped his shoulder, “Let me know how she is.” I glanced back, trying to figure out what the fuck I’d done, and headed for the revolving door. I didn’t give a shit about people, ever. Even my family wasn’t high on my priority list, but I stopped for some girl I didn’t know. Not that I didn’t love my family, but I’ll be the first to admit my selfishness. I looked out for Beck and only Beck.

I was almost home free, but I kept pushing the door to circle back in. I planted my ass next to Griffin, “You not leaving?” With Cori curled in his lap, he had to crane his neck to see me shake my head. He grunted and went back to petting a crying Cori. The longer I waited, the worse it got. When I couldn’t take the happily ever after next to me anymore, I started pacing.

I should have gone home, should have not given a shit, but I paced until I heard Griffin say my name and turned to see a heavy-set nurse coming toward me, “Did you call the ambulance for Miss Wallace?” I nodded, “Come with me, please.” I sighed and went after her. Just the night before I had been wrapped up in some nameless women, high as fuck and doing God knows what, but it was fun. It was fun. I left the hotel that morning, chugged some water and went for a run. I had passed plenty of derelicts on my runs, people passed out, on sidewalks, but I stopped for her. I’ve lost my fucking mind. I followed the nurse to the back, expecting to be questioned by the doctors or the police. Instead, I was pushed into a room and the door closed behind me.

“Hi,” Meredith wassitting in a bed, hooked to a ton of wires, and looking much better than she had on the steps of Needles. Her hair was a mess, and she had a hospital gown hanging from her shoulders, but the color was back in her face. Her cheeks were pink, and her eyes were brighter. Meredith Wallace was fucking beautiful.

“Hey, Doll,” I tucked my hands awkwardly in my pockets, “You look better. Gonna be fine then?”

“I have diabetes, but had no idea. My blood sugar was all crazy, like coma levels. Thank you,” I waited for more, not sure about what I should say, “You know my sister?” I nodded once, “Is Cori pissed? Cori’s probably pissed,” She laughed and wiped a tear. I took a stupid step forward.

“No, Cori is worried sick, but not pissed. I’m Beck by the way.” The words just fell out of my damn mouth, like this girl cared who the hell I was. She was sick and had way too much going on to give a crap about my name.

“Meredith. Anyway, I just wanted to thank my knight in shining armor,” I nodded, desperate to get out of the room. Seeing her like that killed me, causing this weird ache deep down in my gut. Shit. “Why did you say you aren’t an upstanding guy?”

My turn to laugh, “I’m just not. Your sister and Griff can tell you about it, and I’m sure they will. I’m just not a good guy. You feel better, Meredith.” I turned to leave, trying not to run from the room.

“You saved my life. Two lives. You’re a great guy, Beck. I won’t believe otherwise.” I stared at her for a little too long, wishing I could see what she saw.

“I wish I was, Doll, but I’m not.” I pushed through the door to get home and shower the day off before I started thinking too much more about Meredith and my fucked up day.