“You sure that thing is right?” Janice asked while peering over my shoulder at the white porcelain sink. No use denying it. I was pregnant.

I was happy. I honestly was, but I also hadn't quite gotten over the incident with Drake.

“He treating you alright?” Janice asked, sensing my turmoil.

“It’s okay,” I sighed, “He still can't help it with his jealousy. But he seems like he’s more aware of it, and he’s trying to stifle it before he gets out of control.”

“Girl, when he gets mad...”

“I know,” I cut her off.

“You’re having a baby,” she smiled, reminding me I had a reason to be happy. I stared at Janice in the mirror. In some ways, we were complete opposites. Her skin was fair like mine, but lacked the freckles. Her hair was platinum blonde and cut short reminding me of the famous Annie Lennox. She had dated a few of the guys in the club. I didn’t think she’d ever be in for the long haul with one of these guys, but we were friends, and I hoped she’d stick around.

“Where’s Drake at, now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, because he usually wasn't gone that long. Maybe a week, tops. Two days later, Drake returned. Something seemed different about him. I wasn’t sure what it was. He was quiet, and I feared that we'd argue.

“I have something important to tell you.” I kissed him on his neck after whispering in his ear. He softened just a tad.

“Yeah? What’s that, Marie?”

“Can we maybe get some privacy?” We were in the clubhouse and the guys were all around. When I looked around, I noticed that no one seemed to be in a good mood.

“Not now,” he clipped.

I was hurt. I’d waited days to tell Drake the news. I thought he would be happy. I tried again. “Really? Because I know you’re going to want to hear what I have to tell you.”

“Marie, now’s not the fucking time.” I felt like he’d slapped me. Sometimes, his words cut. I moved away from the guys at the bar, and walked to our room. I laid down exhausted and fell asleep.

It was dark, when I heard the door open and close. Drake shuffled about the room. His chain on his wallet hit the ground. He climbed into bed next to me, and pulled me close. I pretended to be asleep.

In the morning, I woke up, and immediately ran to the bathroom to throw-up. I’d had a few bouts of nausea, but today was worse than any other day. I heaved, until there was nothing left. When I finished, I crawled back into bed, where Drake was fast asleep.

Hours must’ve passed because when I woke up again, I realized I was all alone. My head hurt. Even though I just slept, I still felt exhausted. I decided to just stay in bed for a while. Drake came back near noon. He did a double take, when he saw me still in bed.

“What are you doing? I’m sure there’s shit you could be up to instead of lying there.”

I closed my eyes, not wanting to react. “I’m not feeling well.” I wasn’t one to complain often, so for me to be in bed should’ve meant something to him.

He sat down beside me on the bed and placed his hand on my forehead. “You don't feel warm.”

“It’s not that kind of sickness.” He squinted his eyes at me. “I’m pregnant, Drake.”

“Holy shit. You sure about that?”

“Morning sickness, exhaustion, double lines on a pregnancy stick. Pretty sure.” I rolled on my side towards him, looking at his face to see his reaction.

“I’m going to be a dad! Holy-fucking-shit. I’m going to be a dad!” He kissed me on my forehead, then peppered kisses along my jaw. Finally, he found my lips. He was slow and gentle as he made love to me, his pregnant wife. And for the next nine months, everything seemed damn near perfect.

***

WE NO LONGER LIVED in the clubhouse, but had our own place. It wasn’t far from the clubhouse, but it was nice; nicer than any place I’d ever lived in, that was for sure. It was a two bedroom ranch. It wasn’t big, but it was clean, and had nice floors and two bathrooms. I’d never had two bathrooms.

One bedroom was ours, and the other was Talon’s nursery. Drake painted it a soft yellow and added a pink fairy border around the top of the wall. I loved it. I also adored the matching crib bedding, and it even had a matching valance. Who knew they coordinated an entire nursery? Talon was six months old, and Nic, one of Drake’s sisters, was babysitting tonight.

Drake had told me we needed a night out – this was true. We’d barely been out since Talon was born. At first, I was anxious to spend time with him.

Things had been good. I'd forgotten how nasty his words could be.

We were in a bar with all of Drake’s friends. It was always his friends. I hadn’t seen Janice in a long time. I don’t even remember how it happened, or when it happened, but I no longer had girlfriends. A welcome gust of air whooshed in as the door opened, and an old friend of Drake’s walked in. He greeted several of Drake’s brothers, before he made it to us.

“Hey, Marie,” Johnny greeted. “How’s the baby?” I smiled brightly. I loved talking about Talon.

“She’s great. She’s crawling everywhere, already. I swear she is too curious for her own good.”

“That’s great,” he replied, “Drake? Marie? You want a beer?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Yeah, get me a tall one,” Drake answered his voice sounding off. Johnny walked away to get us drinks, and Drake grabbed my thigh, squeezing it with such force I knew it would bruise.

“Do you like that attention? You like being a whore?”

“Stop it, Drake,” I hissed, loud enough that a few of his friends sitting around the table heard. They ignored us, averting their eyes.

“You want Johnny to fuck you? Is that it? You been fucking him behind my back?”

“No, Drake. Please stop. You’re hurting me.” I hadn't seen this side of Drake in so long; I’d forgotten what it looked like.

“Let’s go,” he clipped, forgetting about his beer, or maybe just not giving a fuck. I followed him out the back door of the bar. It was hot outside. The air was sticky, and the dumpster wreaked as flies swirled overhead. There was a thickness to the air. I thought about the heat and the possessiveness from Drake that curled around my belly. I wasn't prepared for the sharp smack across my face.

“You don't fucking flirt with my brothers. I was sitting right fucking there, Marie. Right there.”

I fell to the pavement. Small pebbles tore into my leg. Drake had never really struck me before, not with an open hand, not like this. Sure, there was the time he choked me, but I'd somehow convinced myself that he was fucking me and choking me as a way to get off. This was different.

We fought, but never once was it quite like this. Never once was it so out in the open. Tears filled my eyes, and a metallic taste coated my tongue. My lip was split. That strike didn’t just hurt because it broke my skin, that was the first real strike that completely broke us. After a man hits you, and I mean truly hits you, there is no coming back. He could promise he’d change a million times, but that strike makes everything he says or does a lie. A man’s word was nothing if he uses his fist on you. Marriage vows of promising to honor and respect – obliterated.

I should’ve known when he struck me with words, or when he choke-fucked me against the wall, to leave and never look back. Now, we had a daughter, and I had to think of her first. Maybe somewhere deep down, I knew it would come to this. I'd been raised with this. I should have seen the signs, but perhaps it was the familiarity that unknowingly drew me in.

I knew I’d married a monster, and I’d enjoyed playing his game at the time. I suppose I just didn't want to see that the game would turn on me.

I raised myself from the ground, attempting to look at Drake head on. I wasn’t going to be his punching bag. “I can’t believe you hit me. I mean, I thought you had it in you after that one time, but not like this. Not after how good it has been. Not after Talon. You’re a real piece of shit. Who the hell do you think you are?” I screamed. I was so angry that he hit me. Again, I foolishly didn't expect the next strike. His fist came down hard and fast. So quick, I didn't even expect it. One minute I was yelling, and the next minute everything was dark.

I awoke at home. Drake was nowhere to be found, and neither was Talon. I called his sister’s, and she told me Drake had dropped me off and picked Talon up. I cried to his sister, and explained what happened. She cut me off mid-sentence, “He’s my brother. He’s an ass, but he’s my brother. I can’t get in the middle here. Sorry, he hit you, but it isn't my place. Don't come to me about this again,” Nic said practically hanging up as soon as she heard what her brother did.

I wondered why she wasn't surprised? I wondered why she didn't have my back? Maybe she thought this was how it’d been all along? '

I felt alone and angry. What made me angrier than anything else was the fact that he’d taken Talon. I packed my bag and a bag for Talon, determined to leave when Drake returned.

It was four, excruciatingly, long days before he brought Talon home. Four days for my bruises to fade enough for makeup to cover them. Four long days of silence from Drake. Enough time for me to wonder if he was going to bring her back.

I began replaying my conversation with Johnny. Could I have done something to deserve this? What if Drake didn't return my daughter? His absence was more of a punishment because the lesson he was teaching me was that he could and would take Talon from me.

When he came home, I expected an apology. I expected him to be remorseful. As soon as he saw the packed bags, he said, “You can leave, but only with the clothes on your back. Our daughter will stay with me. You try to take her; I’ll bury you.”

I knew he meant it. I unpacked her bag, then sadly did the same with mine. I felt hopeless. I couldn't leave my daughter. I wouldn’t. I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t let him hurt her. He could do whatever to me. I didn’t matter. If I was honest, I was not sure I ever had. But Talon mattered. I vowed to myself, right then and there, that one day I would get her away from here. I would give her a good life.