Tracey
This may be the first Christmas ever I’m looking forward to getting back to classes. Having nothing to do over the break, I can’t stop thinking about Dak. I miss him so much. Even though he crushed my heart in almost the same way Sean did. I can’t help thinking it must be me. Beyond having the faulty ability to choose the right guy, what’s wrong with me that I’m not enough for the man I love?
Sitting on our front porch in Newport, taking in the view of the churning ocean, the thoughts of Dak swirl through my head like the lacy snowflakes swirling through the air.
Dak would love this. I wonder what Dak’s doing now? I wonder if Dak is with Bri?
It’s crazy how he became such a big part of my life in such a short time. Ugh. How did I let this happen? What happened to my Snow White plans?
“Hey, honey. Sloane and I are headed out to a spinning class. Why don’t you come with us?”
My family has fawned all over me the whole break because after telling them about Dak, they’re certain I’m going to slip back into self-destructive mode. I keep telling them they don’t need to worry, because that’s never going to happen again. I’m a different person than I was a few years ago.
I’m all grown up and realize how valuable my life is with everything going for me and a bright future. I’m my own woman. I don’t need a guy to complete me. Yada, yada, yada. All the right platitudes keep swimming around in my head. I shouldn’t be flippant, because they’re more than platitudes. They’re my truths now. Nevertheless, I’m aching for Dak. I fell in love with him, and even though he crushed me with his dishonesty, I can’t just turn it off. But I know I need to. It’s the reason I deleted all his texts without reading them and haven’t answered any of his calls.
“No thanks, Mom. I promised Dad we could play a one on one on the pond.”
And I do not have the energy to keep up with you and Sloane in your spinning competition.
“Okay, sweetie. See you in a bit. Don’t forget we’re going into town tonight for a nice dinner before you leave for school tomorrow. Make sure you take a shower and comb your hair.” She bends and gives me a kiss on the cheek.
“I will, Mom. Don’t worry.”
Um, I might have let myself go a little since coming home. Everything will be okay, though. I’ll get it together and be fine…eventually.
***
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
When I pull into my driveway on the Saturday before classes start again, I can’t miss the white sheet hanging across Dak’s front porch. The huge black letters on it read, “Sweet babe, in thy face soft desires I can TRACE.”
He’s ridiculous. So why are there butterflies flitting around my insides?
“OMG, girl! He’s quoting William Blake for you! Be still my heart!” Alex squeals when I walk through the door.
“Hmmph. How do you know it’s not there for Bri?”
“Bri? Oh please. Who would woo Bri with poetry when she’d open her legs for a Chai Latte or even a plain old coffee for that matter?”
He’s bad, but I can’t keep from smiling.
“Hey, girl. We missed you,” Nikki calls from the kitchen. “I’m making dinner. You hungry?” She comes in the living room and we say hello with a shared hug.
“Starving, as usual.”
“Hey sorry about that.” She flicks her chin toward Dak’s house. “Dak kept bugging me, asking me if I had talked to you and when you were coming back. I finally caved and told him you would be back today and they hung the sheet thing this morning.”
“They?”
“Yeah. I couple of the other he-men over there helped him,’ Alex chimes in. “It’s not like I was spying on them or anything. I happened to be in the kitchen when they were hanging it. I saw them through the window, stretching up to reach the top of the porch and flashing all those lovely, chiseled abs.” Alex sighs and waves his hand in front of his face.
“Well it’s ridiculous and he needs to take it down,” I say in an annoyed tone.
He’s quoting poetry for me?
The butterflies in my stomach swoon again. No. I’m too easy. He was fucking Bri, or about to!
“I don’t know. The boy has it ba-ad for you. He’s moping all over campus, ambushing Nikki and me every time he sees us to ask about you. He’s a mess.”
“Oh boo fucking hoo,” Nikki grumbles. “He deserves it for what he did. Let’s eat and change the subject.”
“Yeah. Let’s change the subject before I lose my appetite,” I suggest.
“Come on. There’s nothing that could make you lose your appetite,” Nikki teases.
No, only the hollow in my heart from missing Dak so much.