Chapter 10
Shea
Until Brynn, I never realized how empty this house has felt since the divorce. Really, since a few years before the divorce—but whatever. The point is, I'd forgotten what it was like to come home from a game and have someone to talk to.
Sure, I could talk to my kids, and I could talk to the other nannies. But that's not really the same thing. What I mean is, it's been a while since I've had someone to truly talk to. Someone to laugh with. Someone to tell jokes with. Someone who could make me laugh. Someone I can't help but look at—
Jesus, I thought, are the boys right? Do I seriously have a little thing for the nanny?
Maybe. Maybe not. It was hard to tell. I hadn't felt anything for a woman in a long time—not since my heart was broken. Truth be told, I didn't think I was capable of feeling anything for a woman anymore. I thought once you had your heart broken badly enough the first time around, you'd never let yourself be vulnerable like that again.
What the hell are you talking about? I thought to myself. You don't know anything about her. All you know is that she seems like a real good fit for the kids.
Still, I couldn't deny it—when Brynn checked her watch and frowned, I knew it was time for her to go, but I wished she could stay.
“Oh, yikes. It's getting late. I should go,” she said.
“If it's too late, you're more than welcome to stay in the guest room.”
“Thanks, but I can't. I need to feed Pickles.”
“Right. The cat.” I bobbed my head. “Let me walk you to your car.”
“Walk me to my car?” She laughed, eyeing me strangely. “I'm parked right there in the driveway.”
“I know, but it's your first night and it's dark outside. And I want you to feel safe.”
Okay, yeah, there wasn't much of a threat in our gated Brookline community. But I couldn't help but offer it anyway.
Maybe part of me wanted to wring every last second out of our time together, too.
“Knock yourself out, then,” she said with a laugh.
She gathered up her things. I walked her outside—slowly, side by side, letting my forearm sometimes brush against hers. Even a small touch like that felt so nice. God, it'd been so long.
It was unseasonably warm for a late winter night in Boston. Spring was on the way, and a damp, earthy aroma filled the air as the warming soil woke from its winter freeze. Every breath filled the lungs, replenished the heart and soul.
Brynn's shoes clicked on the pavement, a tiny but purposeful rhythm, until we reached her car. I watched as she unlocked it. She opened the door, but turned to me before she climbed in.
“Well, thanks again, Shea. I had a great night with the kids. And I had fun talking with you, too.”
“So I'll see you back here again tomorrow?”
Looking up at me, she nodded. “Tomorrow.”
“Good,” I said. “Good.”
Our eyes locked. Time slowed to a crawl. A charge in the air made the tiny hairs on my neck and arm stand straight up.
The moment was calling for something.
And I didn't know what to do.
But was the moment calling for something, really? Or was this just the perfect storm of coincidences?
A cute, young nanny. Great with kids. Perfect in every way for my kids.
The first woman I've enjoyed talking to in ages.
And of course, a bunch of teammates trying to convince me that I had a thing for her.
(Just thinking of them made their words of wisdom echoed through my head: “Just make a move on her, Shea!” “Yeah, she'll go for you!”)
She looked up at me, her eyes sparkling in the dark, still waiting to see what I'd do.
I looked at her rose red lips.
I wanted to taste them.
I wanted her mouth against mine.
I wanted her silky hair running through my fingers.
I wanted my rough, battered knuckles to glide across her soft, supple cheeks.
I wanted her slender body against mine.
So I inched closer to her.
But as I reached out for her—something stopped me.
The hell are you doing? Don't fuck this up! The kids need her more than you do!
I stopped myself at the last moment. Instead of cupping her face, I grabbed the car door instead.
An eternal pause ensued before I could manage to speak.
“Well, drive safe, Brynn.”
“Um.” She looked anxious, surprised. Her eyes darted and flitted from side to side. Hurriedly, she lowered herself into her car. “Yeah. Thanks. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” I shut the door for her.
I waited and watched until she backed out of the driveway and sped off.
I made my way back inside, telling myself that I did the right thing.
But all I could think, deep down?
Well, you really blew that one, Shea.