Chapter 26
Brynn
I can hear it in his voice. He's lying.
That was the first thing that crossed my mind when I asked Shea if he knew where my thong was, and he stammered and told me to check under the bed.
The second thing that crossed my mind was, Ew! If he's lying, what could he possibly have done with my panties?
I probably didn't even want to know the answer to that question. Men sure are weird, disgusting animals sometimes.
Shea's guilty status was further confirmed over the following days, when he didn't even bother to call in and check on me. I figured it was also my punishment for refusing to stay up chatting on the phone with him for hours, giggling at all his stories, like we were a high school couple.
Fine. Act like a childish dick, Shea. You're only proving my point.
At least he still called Chloe every night to stay in touch. If he hadn't done that, I would've been forced to drastically rethink my opinion of him as a generally decent person.
Chloe and I had a fine few days to ourselves with none of the boys around. She got to spend plenty of time with her friends on the weekend. And when it was just us, I took her out to the city and we pampered ourselves with some girly things—we went shopping for new clothes, got our nails done, had a fancy brunch, and went to the movies, too.
For the first playoff game, we made a big bowl of popcorn and goofed around in the den. We didn't pay too much attention to the game, but every time we did look at the TV, things seemed to be going worse for Boston.
As the broadcast announcers put it, the Brawlers were getting 'stomped.'
“Oh wow,” Chloe said, looking up at the TV. “Tampa scored again since the last time I looked.”
“Yikes. Six to one.”
The camera zoomed in on a surly Shea, who angrily shoved a Tampa player to the ice and looked for someone to fight with. The ref blew his whistle, grabbed Shea by the arm, and skated him over to the penalty box.
“Yikes. Dad doesn't look very happy.”
“No, he certainly doesn't.”
***
Hours after Game 1, late at night, my phone rang. It was Shea. I shut my bedroom door and answered.
“Hi.”
“Brynn,” he said, sounding somewhat strained. “How are things at the house?”
“Everything's going fine. Chloe and I had the game on TV earlier.”
“Awful,” he said. “I don't want to talk about it.”
It wasn't unusual for Shea to be impatient after a bad loss—but now he seemed even more testy, because the team had blown an important game.
“Okay. Is there something you do want to talk about?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“And what's that?”
“I don't like the way things are between us right now.”
I guess he had to get that off his chest after the Brawlers' loss.
Still, I didn't know what to say. “Oh … okay?”
“See? That, right there. Stop it. You're being short with me, and it's fucking my head up.”
I thought, I guess that makes three of us.
I sighed. “We've talked about this.”
“You're doing it to punish me.”
I chuffed. “No, actually, I'm not. And I resent you saying that, honestly.”
“Then why are you doing it?”
“To protect your daughter.”
“What does Chloe have to do with this?”
“The other night, she told me about Buddy and Carly Parker.”
“Oh.” I could hear Shea recoil over the phone. “She told you about the affair, then?”
“Yes. And she told me that she was the first person to find out about it.”
“Eh.” Shea grumbled. “Yes and no.”
“Wait—are you saying that you knew your wife was having an affair?”
“Why do you care? I thought you didn't want to be my phone pal.”
I rolled my eyes. I was starting to see where Chloe had gotten some of her flair for the dramatic.
“Stop it. You can either tell me or not, but don't act like a vengeful dick.”
Shea huffed. “I just don't know why you'd care.”
“I care because whatever happened obviously affected you and Chloe both. And I'm just trying to understand.”
Shea's end went silent.
I spoke into the void. “Hello? You there?”
“I didn't know about her thing with Buddy until Chloe told me,” he said at last. “But it wasn't her first affair, so it didn't exactly come as a surprise.”
“I'm sorry,” I said. “Why'd you stay with her?”
“Our baby daughter was just born. And we were just married. Everything happened so fast—we met, she got pregnant, we had a shotgun marriage, then Chloe was born, and then my teammate came clean to me.”
“Wait, you mean she cheated on you with another teammate? Before Buddy?”
“Yup. When I met Cynthia, she told me she was my biggest fan. Thing she never told me was what a big fan of all my teammates she was, too.”
“Wow. I don't know what to say—that's just awful.”
“Cynthia begged me to stay. She said it'd never happen again. And she swore she only cheated because she was lonely with how much time I spent on the road—but that didn't really explain why she'd cheat on me with my D partner. It's not like he was around anymore than I was, after all.”
“What a bitch. I think I hate her.”
“I wasn't exactly a perfect husband myself. I wasn't around as much as I should've been. Even when the team was in Boston, I'd rather hang out and party with the boys. It's why I always pushed Lance and Radar so hard to grow up the past couple years. It's why I want them to be good men, good fathers.”
“Does Chloe know there was another affair?”
“No.”
“Maybe she should. It might make her feel a lot less guilty.”
“No way.” He thought it over, then sighed. “I don't know. Maybe you're right. I always worried it could cause more problems, though.”
“For who?”
“Chloe and her mom.” He lowered his sad voice. “Or the twins.”
“Wait, what do the twins have to do with this?”
Shea threw up a wall. “Doesn't matter. Why do you keep asking me all these questions, anyway? Haven't I told you enough?”
“Don't act like that, Shea. I want to talk to you, okay? But I can't right now. I can't do it without conflicting feelings getting in the way. I'm so confused. On one hand, I like you. On the other hand, I love working for you, I love your kids, I love the way I fit in so perfectly in this household and feel so needed and respected. I love everything about being here.”
“And we love having you,” he said, vulnerably.
“And you know what makes that even worse? I feel the same way. Because that just makes me like you more. Which is a problem,” I said, lowering my voice to a whisper, “because Chloe can sense that. For two months, I did a pretty damn good job of lying to myself about it. But now, things are different, because we've fooled around. We can't continue on in blissful ignorance anymore. And I'm telling you, Chloe can tell that we're lying to her. And you know what? She's right to be mad. I'd be mad about it, too. I'm starting to feel like we're gaslighting her.”
Shea let out a long, tired sigh. “I know. It's fucked up. There's no easy way out.”
“There is an easy way out, actually,” I said.
“What's that?”
“I quit, Shea.”
His end went silent.
“What?” he finally blurted out. “You're not serious, are you?”
“I'll start interviewing my replacement immediately. I can't do this anymore. Between our tension, and Chloe's guilt, and the fact that we've now done things? It's too much to continue. Things are too complicated, too fragile, too weird.”
“Brynn. No. C'mon. I'll give you a raise. How much am I paying you right now? Two grand a week? Make it three.”
“You don't get it. It's not about money.”
“C'mon, Brynn. What's it going to take? Four grand?”
I huffed. “Go ahead. Keep throwing more money at me. You're only making me more mad and certain that leaving is the right thing.”
“But Brynn, I don't want another nanny. You said it yourself, you fit in with us so perfectly. You can't go. I want you—”
“Yeah, you want me. But do you want me as your nanny or something else? I can't be both. I can't do my job if this thing is always lingering between us. And I can't keep having this same conversation, either.” I sighed. “I'm hanging up now, Shea. Goodbye.”
“Wait—Brynn! Wait!”
I hung up and powered my phone off.