HOLDING
Lucas
FOOTBALL SPEAK WAS a language.
Any player not fluent in it would be lost, both on and off the field. Luckily for me, our offense at Notre Dame used the same terminology as the Bears.
But after-sex speak was not a language I was well-versed in, or fluent in, and I hated to admit I felt out of my element.
I stared at her as I stroked my hand down her back, but when she tried to lay her head on my chest, I didn’t know what to do, so I kissed her and covered her body with mine. I didn’t want to upset her, but the bottom line was I was not a cuddler.
Never had been.
In fact, the only time I ever actually slept in the same bed with anyone was during my high school years, and that night was not on purpose.
Sometime during the summer following my sophomore year, I got involved with this group of guys who liked to indulge. Drugs and alcohol had started to become my focus, and football had taken a back seat. Partying was at an all-time high.
My behavior was out of control, and I was headed down a road that would lead me nowhere good.
It was three weeks before my junior year was about to begin that my brother scared me straight.
The guys and I were cruising around town when we got pulled over. Turned out the car we were in didn’t belong to any of them. It was stolen. The cops hauled us all down to the station. When I called my brother, he told me he wasn’t going to bail me out unless I promised to get my shit back on track.
At first, I hung up on him. Who the hell was he to tell me what to do? But as the hours passed between those four walls with the smell of puke and piss all around me, I started to think about what he’d said.
When my bed creaked and one of the guys laid down at the other end because there wasn’t enough room for all of us to sleep, I knew I never wanted to end up in a place like this ever again.
In the morning, after I shoved out of the small bed and climbed over the dude who was dead to the world, I was called into holding, where my brother was waiting for me, and as soon as I saw him, I agreed to his terms.
Shortly after that incident, Nick moved the two of us out of the house we had both lived in since birth, the one in the ghetto. The new place was small, but in a much better school district. By then he had graduated college and started to invest in real estate. He was doing pretty good. Good enough that we didn’t have to worry about if we were going to have enough money to eat that week and pay rent, at least.
It was the first time in our lives money wasn’t our primary concern.
Ever since that summer I hadn’t drank or done drugs or slept in the same bed with anyone.
With my brother beside me, I found my focus, and knew what I wanted. Together, we went after it.
It was after I’d had Gillian for the third time that she tried to lay on top of me and nestle against me.
To cuddle.
Again, I didn’t say anything, but when I went to get up, she pulled me back to the bed. “Where are you going?” she asked.
I was uncomfortable.
I must have looked pathetic.
And she saw it.
Always thinking everything I did, felt, or said had a reason, she prodded me for information. Although I couldn’t believe it, I found myself not only telling her about the sleepover, but about my no cuddling thing.
“You’re afraid of intimacy.” She said it so matter-of-factly she could have been telling me I was next in line.
“You’re crazy,” I told her. “Stop overthinking everything.”
It might have turned into an argument, but she diffused it quickly. “Then prove it to me.”
When the gauntlet was thrown down, there was no backing away. And before I knew it, I ended up lying beside her—cuddling.
Cuddling.
Even the word bothered me.
So why did I do it?
Because she just had this way about her.
With her head on my chest, I was stroking her hair and listening to her tell me about what it was like to grow up the daughter of one of the most famous quarterbacks in NFL history.
Whenever Gillian told a story, she had my attention. Tonight though, I listened to every word, to every detail with astute awareness. So much so, that she rose up on her elbows to make sure I was paying attention.
Didn’t she know she didn’t have to?
Didn’t she know she captivated me?
Once satisfied that I was all in, she fell back down and continued to trace my body with her fingers.
She had a thing about that.
And I kind of liked it.
In fact, I kind of liked all of this. The sparkling juice we’d drank together and toasted to the upcoming season, the exploration she’d taken over my entire body, the way she looked at me when she did, and how I felt with her in my arms.
Like a million dollars.
Damn it. I could not let this thing between Gillian and me get complicated. Get away from me.
Shit, my brother used to be a lot like me when it came to women . . . until one day he just wasn’t. It happened that fast. One minute he was single, the next he was married and becoming a father.
It was crazy.
This thing between Gillian and me, though, was complicated and short-term. It would end when she went to college to finish her doctorate and I started the regular season, both of which would happen at the end of training camp.
That was one thing we had both agreed upon.
Abruptly she sat up and her expression looked troubled.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, frowning.
“You never answered that guy’s question earlier.”
Drawing a blank, I asked, “What guy and which question?”
“The player from the practice squad. He asked you if you preferred to use Tinder or Match.com?”
I shook my head and pulled her down onto the bed where I let my hand travel up her thigh, over her hip, and to her breast. “That’s because I didn’t have to.”
She started to push herself up. “Why not?”
The hell she was going anywhere, and I used a little force to keep her in place, not enough to hurt her, of course. “Because it was a stupid question.”
Her frown deepened. “Stupid because it should be obvious or stupid because you—”
I should have let her go on, dig herself into that grave she was carving out so nicely, but time was short and I didn’t want to waste it. “Gillian, come on, you have to know I’ve never been on any dating sites.”
She gave me a doubtful look.
I loosened my hold on her. “I swear. In fact, until tonight, I’ve never even been on a real date.”
“You’ve never picked a girl up and taken her out?”
I shook my head. “Never.”
“What about prom?”
“Didn’t go. Anything else you have to know right now?”
She stayed where she was, but did turn to glance at the clock. When she did, she sighed. “No. Well . . . yes. When do you think we’ll see each other again?”
Taking the chance to be a smart-ass, I answered with, “Tomorrow on the field.”
Then she did try to shove me back. “You know what I mean,” she said, sounding a little wistful.
“We don’t have time off for twelve more days,” I sighed, not moving an inch, “but it’s an overnight,” I added, a little more upbeat, pulling her closer.
Her expression lightened. “Something to look forward to.” She didn’t sound convincing.
Not that we had the time, but I sat up and spread her gorgeous thighs to bare that pretty pussy of hers. “I want to make you come again.”
Her smile turned heated, but she shook her head no. “We really should get going. You can’t miss the bus back to campus or my father will serve your ass on a dinner platter tomorrow night.”
Seriously, she was right. “It would be worth tasting you one more time.”
Her chest rose with the forceful inhalation of her breath, as if she was waging a war to decide, but then she sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed. “Tempting, but we really should get going.”
I got up too, and like her, started to dress.
As she pulled her panties up, I stared at her, watched her, and memorized everything I could about her.
“Will you touch yourself this week and think of me?” she asked bluntly.
Most of the time she amused me and I found myself wanting to laugh at the things she simply blurted out.
I liked that about her.
A lot.
But this time I didn’t laugh at her straightforwardness. This time I answered seriously. “Every night,” I admitted.
Her eyebrows went up and there was a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “You could call me.”
The thought was like receiving an electrical charge. “How about as soon as we get back?”
She was tying her dress when she looked up with a flush that made me realize just how sweet she really was. “Ummm . . . sure.”
I pulled my shirt over my head. “Why do you sound uncertain?”
While she slipped her sandals on, she said, “I’ve never had phone sex.”
How could I not chuckle? “Me either, but how hard can it be? No pun intended.”
At that she laughed. “Call me, and let’s find out.”
The statement was simple, but it made my body roar with the need to have her. Our time was up though, so I settled on crossing the room and kissing her for the few minutes we had left.
This kiss turned soft and tender. It was a direct contradiction to the raging out-of-control kisses we had shared up until now.
When she pulled back, she said a little breathlessly, “I had a really good time on our date.”
I waggled my brows. “Girl, if I knew dating was this much fun, I would have done it a lot sooner.”
She fixed me with a stare that was a lot like her father’s when he was pissed.
I raised my palms. “Kidding, just kidding.”
“It wasn’t funny.”
“No, it wasn’t,” I confessed.
She grinned at me. “Come on, smart-ass, we have to go.”
With a shake of my head I took her hand and headed for the door. In a hurry, I never slowed until we reached the lobby. Once there, I disentangled our hands just in case anyone knew us, which I was certain no one would, or else I would have been worried.
Neither of us said a word, but we both felt the implication of what we were embarking on.
This private affair.
It was not without consequences.
It was off-limits.
Forbidden.
Outside the hotel, I bent down so that I could see inside the back of the Uber car. With my hand grasping the door, I said, “Later, Strawberry Fields.”
She gave me a wave, and then I closed the door.
I didn’t like ending the night this way. It felt wrong, but all I could do was stand on the curb and watch the car pull away.
“Hey, Carrington.”
I turned to see Thor with his arm around a girl and his mouth hanging open. I knew he would be at the hotel, but never thought I’d run into him. I mean come on, the chances of coming and going at the same time were small, and yet they were still there.
I should have been smarter.
“Was that Coach’s daughter you were with?” he asked, a shocked expression on his face.
Unnerved, I ran a hand through my hair. “Thor, this stays between us.”
“Coach’s daughter,” he said again, as if he still couldn’t believe it.
“Thor,” I hissed.
He patted his girl on the ass and kissed her. “Bye, baby,” he said, and then set his attention on me. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem. Now, come on, roommate, we need to hustle if want to catch that bus.”
He knew about Gillian and me, but at least I knew he’d keep quiet.
What I didn’t know then was that was only the start of the dominos I couldn’t stop from falling.