PASS PROTECTION
Gillian
ONE OF THE reasons I loved this room was the view of the planes.
Feeling nervous, I looked out the window at the lights on the runway that seemed to jut out for miles. One jet landed, taxiing toward the terminal, while another took off, slowly disappearing in the distance.
The sun was setting and the colors in the sky were mesmerizing. When I was a kid and we stayed here, I stared out this window for hours and thought of nothing.
It didn’t work anymore.
My thoughts were still there.
Alone at the Chicago O’Hare Airport hotel, I was feeling uneasy. Lucas had yet to respond to a single one of my text messages and my father refused to talk to me about anything that happened. All he did was look at me like I’d disappointed him.
Like I’d disappointed him!
Well, he’d disappointed me.
It wasn’t the most mature thing I’d ever done, but I stormed out on him and after saying goodbye to Dallas and Aiden, I’d left. We both needed time to cool off or we’d say things to each other we shouldn’t.
This wasn’t anything new. We’d battled before, but never over a guy, never over one of his players, never over someone I loved.
I swiped my tears away. I was crying over a guy. I never cried over a guy. I hated that I didn’t know what happened.
And now I was here alone, so I cried.
What had happened to me? Just six weeks ago I felt like my life was perfect, and now it couldn’t have felt further from perfect.
I walked out onto the field, I think, and he was there, that’s what happened.
I checked my phone.
He’d be here.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Another hour ticked by, and still nothing. I tried to call him and it went straight to voicemail.
Two hours passed and I was no longer crying. I did however feel like I’d been stabbed in the heart, and I hated that feeling even more.
Back to staring out the window, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I was that freshman roommate again.
I got that he might not show up, that his position on the team came first, I did. But I wanted what I couldn’t get, what I would never get, was how he could let me just wait for him without even a call.
The light rapping on the door startled me. It was almost ten and I’d been standing at this window for hours.
Maybe things would work out after all.
The steps I took were hesitant and then when I got to the door, I even opened it slowly. As soon as I saw his face, I knew we were over, but then I knew that hours ago.
Didn’t I?
Every part of me tensed.
It was in the way he stood, the way his shoulders weren’t as square as they usually were. It was in his eyes. And as he stepped inside the room, he knew I knew.
“Gillian,” he said, closing the door behind him. The act itself was so familiar, but that was the only thing that was right now.
I drew in a breath. Then another. I wanted to kiss him, but even though he was only a few steps away there was so much distance between us. He stepped forward as if realizing this and pulled me into his arms. I tucked myself against him, my hand covering his heart.
“I wasn’t sure you were going to come.”
He covered my hand with his, curling his fingers tight around mine. When he looked down at me, the darkness in his pupils had nearly swallowed up his blue eyes. “I know I should have called, but I had a lot to take care of before exit interviews and then well, shit, Gillian—”
I shook my head. “You don’t have to say it. I already know.” My voice cracked and I had to look away. “At least tell me you still have a position on the team. Tell me you’re still the quarterback for the Bears.”
Gently, Lucas lifted my chin. “Your father didn’t threaten to take my position from me.”
“Then what did he do?”
Lucas stepped back. “Gillian, we said from the start this would be over when you left for school, but then we allowed ourselves to get carried away. We shouldn’t have. You have college and a new job to worry about, and I have the team. We’ll both be so busy we won’t have time for anything else, especially not each other.”
My knees felt weak, so I went over to the bed and sat down. “You know as well as I do that isn’t true. You can pretend you believe it, but I know you don’t, Lucas. I know!”
He came over to me and knelt down, placing his palms on my knees. “You’re wrong. I do believe that. Just like I believe you will be okay, and so will I.”
“What did he say to you?” I screamed.
Lucas pushed my hair from my eyes. “Like I said, he didn’t threaten my position, and that’s all you need to know.”
I shook my head. “Don’t do this!”
“Close your eyes, Strawberry Fields,” he said, his voice hoarse.
I did. And when I did, I waited for him to kiss me. I waited for his touch. I waited for him to throw me down on the bed and take me, even if it was for the last time.
But then I heard the soft click of the door, and when I opened my eyes . . . he was gone.
And I was not okay.
I would never be okay.